Harry paced the room.

'How are we supposed to hunt the Sue?" He asked

"I don't know" Sir Patrick said with a shrug of his transparent shoulders.

"If the…vile perversion of nature can change so drastically Hogwarts Castle, we can assume only that it is beyond us to kill it"

Harry opened the door and pulled in one of the Sues, who was looking considerably worse for wear. He also slammed the door on the other Sue who now went worryingly quiet.

"Potter what are you-"

Snapes query was ended by the Sue glomping him with lightning speed.

Harry pointed his wand at the Sue who was trying to rip Snapes robes off.

"Stupefy!"

The Sue went limp and passed out. Snape promptly shoved her off and hit her with an Immobulus, just in case.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor House"

"Maybe we should try questioning her, y'know see if she has any information on what's happening" Ron offered

"Mr. Weasley this creature is dangerous and should be rid of immediately"

"No Professor the boy has a point" Said Nearly Headless Nick.

"If she could tell us the cause of this perhaps we will be able to eradicate the pest quicker"

Snape glared at Ron, and did so.

"Enverate"

The Sue looked at Snape.

Snape looked at the Sue.

The Sue began to make a strange squealing noise.

The door to the room burst inwards and the second Sue quickly shot something out of a straw at the squealing Sue, who exploded in a shower of pink sparkles.

The Sue looked at the assembled students, Professor and ghosts.

"I guess you wanna know what just happened"

The Sue turned around, checked the hallway and then, satisfied there was no one there handed all assembled humans a piece of pamphlet:

So, your world/ school/ camp or kingdom has been invaded by Sues

Q1: What are Sues?

A: Sue (Or Sues/ Scum) are the physical form of bad writing, clichés, and most of all defilement of canon.

Q2: What do they look like?

A: Depending on where you live they will appear as either:

"Beautiful" Additional illegitimate children/ Heirs to the throne/ Dragon Riders/ Ringbearer's/ Half Bloods/ Witches/Veela/Mermaids/ 'Goffs'/ Elven/ Half- Elven Maids/ Betrothed of Legolas Greenleaf/ Horcruxes/ Love Interests/Jedi/ Seers/ Angels/ Demons/ Half Angels/ Half Demon/ Half Angel- Half Demons/ Clumsy Girls/ Sparkly Vampires/Avatars/ Tenth Walkers etc.

(Tip: For posterity or piece of mind you may wish to circle whichever ones apply)

(Tip: If it is all of the above god have mercy on the writers soul as we shall give none)

Q3: How do we rid ourselves of Sues?

A: A good healthy dose/ thump of Canon

Q4: What is 'Canon'?

A: Canon is, put simply the medium (Mostly books, or in some cases films, it is quite fun to go after a Sue with a sharpened DVD) that your story is presented in. This becomes a problem with lengthier books as going after Sue with all three volumes of Lord of The Rings is difficult, although the movie tie in edition with Fellowship, Two Towers and Return of the King in one was a lifesaver. As such most of the time we use spit balls made of the pages the story was printed on, so longer series do come in useful, although heavy.

Q5: What do we do about it?

A: If you are reading this an Agent has been sent to deal with the problem. You may or may not be forcibly recruited to do so, so watch out as they disguise themselves to blend in.

Q6: What is that squealing noise?

A: That is a Squee, used to call to it's brethren to attack someone. However, this is also their weakest state, and the best time to attack.

The Agent waited for someone to speak.

"So? You gonna help me?"

A/N: This was a long time coming. I honestly have no excuse other than schoolwork and writers block. I Suck, but still I got one done. Don't hate me too much? :3

Thankyou to anybody still reading after the break. You get a delicious virtual pastry of your choosing. Cos I Suck