Baby You Can Stop Running
Chapter Six
EPOV
What exactly defines a tragedy? Is it merely through the works of timeless authors and playwrights such as William Shakespeare and Thomas Hardy? Though Shakespeare often divided his time between the comedies and the tragedies, if I can recall back to my undergrad study of Hardy, an English class I needed to fulfill my graduation requirements, he seemed to devote his life to the writings of the misery of the modern man or, in the case of Tess, woman. Still, I remember seeking some kind of refuge in them, finding them intriguing, worthy of my time, and in so many cases, a reference in plotting my own tragic demise.
Any outsider would have wondered what was so terrible about my life, why I was so miserable. To anyone who merely looked in, my life seemed almost perfect; I had the love of a mother and father who were more than well off, a younger sister who I adored and more importantly, adored me, a solid education and a degree in medicine, and a great job at a hospital that had little more than a few accidents a month which allowed me to continue to study other things that interested me. However, what they didn't know was my past, the past that had been following me for seventeen years, and the one that I wished, more than anything else, that I could forget.
Most people don't remember my parents, but their death was the biggest tragedy of my existence. My dad was one of Chicago's most prominent surgeons, I guess it was one of the reasons that I took to studying medicine myself, I thought that it would bring me closer to him, make me more like him and keep me from forgetting him. My mom on the other hand was a budding politician, something that still wasn't fully appreciated by modern society at the time, but still, she had a bright future ahead of her, and if what Carlisle and Esme had told me was the truth, she eventually would have made it to the White House. Still, someone didn't like her in her position of authority and what I didn't learn until I was old enough to read the papers and process the information was that their car accident on that cold June night, wasn't an accident.
I spent all three years of my undergrad college career (summer school allowed me to shave a whole year off my graduation timeline), at Dartmouth nonetheless, plotting my revenge. The man who hunted down and killed my parents had been found, though the court had considered him weak of mind, criminally insane and had tossed him not into the penitentiary but rather into an asylum where they hoped to treat him. I knew better, the man was faking it, unwilling to spend the rest of his life behind bars, he believed, along with his lawyers that faking insanity would at least provide him some semblance of freedom. Still, it was something that I couldn't buy and when the time came for his release (the asylum claimed that he was cured, no longer a harm to himself or those around him) I pleaded with the court to throw him into the pen, to enforce the maximum punishment; the taking of his life as punishment for taking away the childhood that I was now void of. The court sided with me and he was sentenced to death, my revenge was on the horizon, and at twilight, on June 10, 2004, James Anderson was killed by means of lethal injection.
I thought it would make me feel better; then again, you don't always get what you want. His death brought no closure, and instead, I threw myself into my studies, graduating at the top of my class at Harvard before taking my internship in New York. The more I realized my motivations, the angrier with myself I grew, in my attempts for closure, I had become a monster, unworthy of my life and love that the people in it gave me. I suppose that was the ultimate decision in my becoming a doctor, it was no longer about being close to my father, about remembering my parents, about following in Carlisle's footsteps, it was about my redemption, stopping others from losing their lives to make up for the life that I insisted the criminal system take.
So when my eyes fell upon her, when I caught her in my arms, it took me by surprise that such a small, innocent girl would make me feel things that I had closed myself off to so long ago. Monsters, in my opinion, didn't deserve to be loved, and surely god would never have made anyone for them, they deserved to walk the earth alone before descending into hell. Still, she made my heart flutter like it never had before and it startled me, scared me, and at the same time, intrigued me. Surely though, she would have seen through me, seen the evil that lurked deep within my eyes, deep within my soul.
I lay on my bed trying to find sleep; I had about two hours if I wanted to clean up before heading to the Swan's house in town. Still, each time I closed my eyes she was there, the image of her face, her perfect, heart-shaped face, staring at me in abject horror, a look that seemed to make me recoil and cringe, it was a look that wasn't meant to be seen on the face of an angel. Still, even though I knew I didn't deserve her, maybe I could find salvation in her, maybe she was the one scent to me to fix me, to make me whole again, to absolve me of my sins and make me into the person that I was meant to be. Just looking at her made me want to be a better person, I only hoped that she wouldn't turn me away.
There was a knock on my door and before I had the chance to respond, Alice danced through it, throwing herself on my bed, bumping me in the process causing me to groan with annoyance. "I saw your mystery girl in town today." Not wanting to give anything away I only looked at her curiously, as though I had absolutely no idea what she was getting at, what she was saying. "Bella Swan. Jazz and I ran into her at the coffee shop a few hours ago."
As I pulled myself up so I was no longer laying but rather sitting, I contemplated my options. Keeping things from Alice was something I never did but I also knew that if I told her about the feelings that I was experiencing for the young woman that I had barely even met that the next thing I knew Esme and Carlisle would know and the magic of what I was feeling would now be more of a burden. I knew how desperately Esme was for me to settle down, to find the one person that I could love. Could I love Bella Swan? Yes, without a doubt, but that wasn't the question, the question was whether Bella Swan could love me.
"I have no idea what you're talking about Alice." I grumbled, though I was certain that she did. She knew me better than most, though that was mainly because I had always been her brother, she had only been four when I moved in with the Cullen's and I was always her protector. She knew me as well, if not better, than I knew her.
"Why are you so stubborn? You've practically lived like a monk for the past four years, buck up." She teased, only getting a scowl of a response from me. "Okay, maybe not entirely like a monk, I know you haven't been celibate but it's not like you've really let anyone into your life."
"Alice…" I groaned, pushing her off the bed, an easy feat in and of itself but she was quick and before I knew it she was back on the bed. For someone who was twenty-one, she definitely had her moments when she acted not much older than a twelve year old, usually when she wanted her way, but this was one thing that I was not going to budge on. "Leave me alone, I worked a forty-eight hour shift and I'm exhausted."
"Just admit I'm right."
"I can't do that because there is nothing for you to be right about."
"Then I'm not leaving until you stop lying to yourself."
"I'll pick you up and carry you out of here myself." I warned. "I'll tell Jazz to take you away from here and we both know that a decade of friendship trumps a four year romance."
"That's what you think." She grinned causing me to grimace again, Jazz was totally and completely whipped by my twenty-one year old sister. "Jazz would never cross me like that. He may have been your friend first big brother, but my prowess is what keeps him on my side."
"Ugh…" I groaned. "I don't want to hear the details of my little sister's sex life with my oldest friend."
She just grinned and shrugged her shoulders. "Ready to submit?"
"No. I have nothing to tell you. You are making this all up in your head."
"If you think I'm going to let this go you're wrong. Besides, I like her a lot and I want to be friends with her so when can I start?"
"I wouldn't count on anything Alice, she's only here because of her dad, she'll leave as soon as that situation is settled." I felt my face fall as I spoke that. It had been an epiphany; what merely started out as something to keep Alice from her until I knew what I was going to do, turned out to be a statement of the future. She had been running from Forks and had only returned because of her father, what would stop her from going back to California? She did, after all, have a life there.
"I don't think that she is going to leave this time around." She stated with certainty causing me to shake my head.
"What makes you so certain?"
"Because she will be too much in love with you to leave." I didn't mean to but Alice's words brought a smile to my face, and in that instant I forced a frown but it was too late, Alice had already gotten the answer she had been prying so hard to get. "Ha. I knew I'd get it out of you."
"You didn't get anything out of me." I retorted as she stood up and skipped towards the door.
"You didn't have to SAY anything… I saw it in your face." She laughed, her hand now on the doorknob. "I can't wait to be friends with her." Before I could tell her no, the door was closed and I was too annoyed to chase after her.
I finally must have fallen asleep, though I'm not quite sure how long it too because the next thing I heard was the buzzing of the alarm that sat on the bed side table. Grumbling, and without opening my eyes I reached across and slammed my hand down more forcibly than I had intended and I opened one eye to make sure I hadn't broken it. The bed felt warm and comfortable and after such a long shift, it was what I needed, still, the fact that I would see Bella again tonight; it was more than enough motivation to get up.
By the time I made my way downstairs everyone was gathered in the living room. Carlisle reading a book, presumably medical related, Jazz and Alice were cuddling on the couch and Esme was flipping through a magazine. Of course, none of this stopped them from looking at me as I jogged down the stairs, and as soon as I saw the looks on their faces, I cursed Alice, thinking in my mind different ways I might go about torturing her for gabbing to the entire family.
"Oh Edward, I found a bottle of wine in the cabinet for you to take. I'm sure they will appreciate it, Carlisle and I brought a few of the bottles back from France the last time we were there." She had put down the magazine already and retreated into the kitchen bringing back with her a bottle of red wine. "It will be perfect."
"Thanks mom." I smiled, kissing her cheek as I took the bottle into my left hand. "It's only dinner though, Emmett wanted me to talk to Bella about her father. I don't want you guys getting a different impression." Like the one I'm sure Alice has already vocalized to you all… It's not going to happen, stop pushing. My wants are not necessarily her wants. What was I thinking? How can you like someone this much that you don't even know? It seems impossible.
"Well have a good time anyways." She smiled warmly, knowingly. I tried to brush it off and I grabbed the keys to the Volvo and left them sitting there. Let them stew. I grinned as I put the bottle down on the passenger seat and put the car into drive, but I couldn't contain the rapid thumping of my heart against my chest as I drew nearer to their house.
As I pulled up to the house I took notice of the cars, the old red truck that was beginning to rust, the large Jeep that I always saw Emmett in, and the red BMW that I knew belonged to Rosalie. Charlie's cruiser was nowhere to be found, perhaps the department kept it there for safekeeping? The red truck must have belonged to Bella and I couldn't help but smile as I thought of her driving that monster, how adorable she must have looked, and yet, how surprised I was that Charlie would allow his only daughter to drive something that could probably break down at any minute. Still, I imagined that she loved it, she seemed like the kind of girl who treasured her belongings, regardless of whatever anyone else thought.
My eyes drifted to the house and as I knocked on the front door I heard the distant sound of voices arguing before one sentence rang loud and I couldn't help but chuckle. "God Bells, you're a grown woman, people do have sex, stop being such a prude!"
The door swung open and standing there was my dream girl, the girl that I had waited my entire life to meet, the girl I thought never existed. I met her eyes with my own, my nerves suddenly filling my body. Though she wasn't standing very close, I could smell her, the floral scent of gardenias, maybe freesias and they filled my nose and I felt my knees start to go weak. In a desperate attempt to regain my thoughts I smiled nervously, my left lip curling up just slightly. "Hi. I'm Edward."
She didn't speak for a few minutes, well at least it felt like a few minutes, in actuality it was probably only a few seconds but her voice filled my ears. "Bella." She smiled slightly, the corners of her lips turning up just slightly before she bit her lower lip and I wondered if she knew how much more that made me like her. "Though you probably already knew that didn't you, I mean…" She pointed to her chin. In my trance I had forgotten all about it and as soon as my eyes fell to the white bandage that I had only just applied a few hours prior, that feeling of wanting to protect her seemed to fill my bones again.
"I did but I didn't have time to say anything, you ran out of there so quickly." I smiled politely and walked into the house. As I passed by her I let her scent fill my nose once again and I closed my eyes, trying to memorize it. "I'm sorry about that." I smiled politely at her as she showed me into the house. I knew my way around but I didn't want to rain on her parade. Rosalie and Emmett were tangled in each other's arms on the couch and I smiled at them for a moment before stealing a sideways glance towards Bella who had disappeared into the kitchen.
"Cullen!" Emmett smiled, standing up and slapping me lightly on the back. He was always more comfortable when he wasn't in the hospital and that made sense. I wouldn't have been comfortable there either if one of my family members was being treated there. Besides, I knew that part of his transformation was because of Rosalie, she always seemed to calm him down and I knew how much he missed her. Her last trip to LA had been one of her longest, something to do with fashion week and what not. Usually he would go with her but with Charlie in the hospital it just wasn't an option.
"Hey Emmett, Rosalie." I held up the bottle of wine. "Hope you like red."
"I adore red, thank you Edward." Rosalie smiled and sauntered towards me, taking the bottle from my hand. I was male and I had to admit that Rosalie was attractive, it wasn't exactly something that human eyes couldn't register. I also knew how much she liked attention and it surprised me that Emmett wasn't more protective over her, then again, there were men out there who loved it when people noticed the women they were with, I imagined that I would not be one of them. "I'll go grab some glasses and have Bella come out." She disappeared around the corner and into the kitchen leaving Emmett and I alone.
"How was the rest of your day?" I asked, cautiously. "It must be nice to have both your sister and your girlfriend back in one day."
"I'm always happy when Rosalie comes back but part of me is worried about Bells." I pulled my eyebrows together as he said that, unsure as to what he was getting at.
"What do you mean?"
"I really shouldn't talk about it but Bella has some demons she has to face while she is here and I know that it was easy for her to forget about it when she was in California but I'm worried that…" He paused for a moment, listening to the noise in the kitchen. "I'm just worried that she isn't ready, that I pushed her to come home."
I grimaced for a moment, I knew that there had been problems, reasons why she had run away but I figured that if she hadn't been ready to deal with it then she wouldn't have come home, granted, I still had no idea what it was that drove her from Forks to begin with, Emmett had only mentioned that it was a terrible time in her life. "I'm sure things will be okay."
"I hope so." He whispered, looking down for a moment trying to hide his frown.
"Are you ready for dinner?" Bella asked as I looked over, her eyes met my own and it was like she was talking to me but in an instant she looked away, her cheeks flushing. I felt shameful for a moment, afraid that she could read my mind, that she could see all the things that I had been thinking, about how badly I wanted to kiss her, how badly I wanted to hold her in my arms.
Emmett just stood up and I followed him into the dining room. Dinner passed pleasantly enough, Rosalie and Emmett were so exclusive that I found Bella and I had to carry the conversation. Talk flowed easily enough, much easier than I had imagined. We talked about the simple things, the things that most people talk about when you are only just meeting someone; favorite books, movies, songs, music… I wanted to ask her about her past, to find out what was going on in her head but I knew better, I would have to get to know her better, get her to trust me, and I was oaky with that. I just hoped that she stuck around long enough to let that happen. Though, I could always transfer to San Francisco… Unless that seemed like too much of a stalker…
"How long have you worked at the hospital?" She asked, pouring herself a little more wine.
"I've been here for about two years now."
"Do you miss the city?"
"I don't know. Sometimes I guess, but part of me welcomed the change. Do you miss the city?"
"I thought I did." She said softly, almost a whisper and it took me a few minutes to really hear her words. "I met your sister today though." That was spoken with much more volume.
I groaned. "I hope she didn't scare you off."
"No she is wonderful!" Her words were sincere and it made me proud slightly, glad to know that she liked my family. "Her boyfriend is a little intimidating though."
"That's just Jazz… He was my college roommate at Dartmouth and I thought the same thing at first but he's really a great guy once he gets to know you, once you get to know him."
"Wow, I'm surprised you let your little sister date someone that much older than her."
"Six years isn't that bad." I said honestly, though had it been anyone else I probably would have protested more, I trusted Jazz which made all the difference. "And, I don't really have that much a say in it. Besides, he loves her, a lot and who am I to stand in the way of that. You can't really control who you love after all, if I tried to keep them away they would have found a way around it, or she would have spent the rest of her life hating me and I care about her too much for that."
"Well I hope to run into her again a some point. I don't really know people around here anymore and truth be told I don't have that many friends in the area."
"I could be your friend." I said rather sheepishly, my right lip curling up into a small, nervous half smile.
"I'd like that." She said softly back, and I felt as though my heart was going to fly out my chest. At least I had an opening, a chance to win her over, a chance to have her in my life.
A/N: Wow, once again, thank you to everyone who continues to add this story to their favorites/alerts! I was truly surprised by the amount with the last post! I thought it was important to give some insight into Edward, and I'm not sure why I did it before I explained Bella but her problems are going to be aired soon as well, at least in the next few chapters…
As usual I wanted to extend my thanks to those wrote me a comment about the last chapter:
edwardsbaby4eva
justm
MeghanCullen
rainpuddle13
Tweemad
You guys rock! Thanks so much for taking the time! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter as well! I hope that I can get some more feedback from people! I love hearing how people feel the story is progressing: is it too fast/too slow? Am I doing okay capturing the characters? Do you like the characters?
As I'm new to Twilight, very new in fact, my friends only just introduced the books to me about two and a half weeks ago (I've read all four of them now… I finished them in about two weeks, and it would have been sooner had I not been swamped with work, stupid senior thesis, stupid college) so I'm still not sure I've really got the voices down pat… So any help/suggestions are warmly appreciated!
Hope everyone is having a good week thus far!