Baby You Can Stop Running

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight… Or some of the ideas that I took from Midnight Sun in this chapter. All that belongs to Stephanie Meyer and my wish that I had thought of it first.

Chapter Eight

EPOV

Leaving Bella was something I hated doing, and it tore at me from the depths of my stomach. It was painful, but pleasurably so, it was as though my soul was aching to stay with her and in trying to tear it away it was protesting. The feeling was unlike anything I had ever experienced, a perfect blend of longing and happiness and I wondered if she could feel it too, if the current that seemed to shoot through my body shot through hers as well.

Attraction is a funny thing. With its many sides, I had never thought to contemplate it much, always having other things to do. But now, as I sat in the driver's seat of my car, my hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as I tried to push the ache in my stomach away, I began to wonder if this was more than attraction.

I had no idea if Bella was attracted to me, unlike the other people in this tiny town; her face was the one that I had the hardest time reading. It wasn't like Jessica's, her blatant gawking, her mouth slightly agape, Bella had this calm, almost cool look, completely and totally void of expression. Comparing her responses to those of the other people around town seemed pointless, she wasn't like them, she was different and I it infuriated me that I couldn't tell what was going on with her.

Driving down the main street my mind wandered and I pictured her face, then her body. I began to wonder how it would feel to have my arms wrapped around her fragile self, pulling her tight against me as I brushed my hand down her pale, blushing cheeks. I thought about tracing the soft tips of my fingers against her full lips, the look on her face as her eyes met mine, the expecting look, the longing as I lean my face closer to hers, her warm breath against my face tempting me to do the one thing I know I shouldn't. I felt my breathing quicken as I thought about her lips on my own, her hands pressed against my chest.

I flinched away from my thoughts; I couldn't let myself think like that. This wouldn't do, it was an impossible dilemma, I was too attracted to Bella already, and that didn't bode well for me. Still, my prying into her life this evening, the questions, all of it, the near insistence that she allow me to be her friend, could it work? Should I want Bella to be attracted to me? Especially after everything that I had done, that I was capable of? My only answer was no. I couldn't have her be attracted to me, let alone love me when I was far from worthy of it. I wasn't the man that my warm, beating heart appeared to portray me as; I was merely a monster, an empty shell of a man, unworthy of anything as pure and innocent as her and her love.

For the first time in my life, I found myself aching to be a better person. I was aching to change the decisions of my past so to shape a better future for myself, a future that could include her. My feelings left me baffled, left me so confused because for the first time since James' execution, I felt human. It was a feeling that was almost completely new to me, something I had not allowed myself to imagine and I had no way to understand it, as I had nothing to compare it to. The feelings that I were feeling for her were pure, beyond my own control. But did she feel it too? I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter, her feelings should not have been my concern, I couldn't be with her, I couldn't let her be tarnished by the monster that I am.

I walked into the house, tossing my keys down on the table. Esme was sitting in the living room and she looked up and smiled softly at me as I walked towards the piano. It had been years since I had touched it, had allowed my fingertips to sweep over the top of the ivory colored keys. I wondered if it was still tuned, it had been so long since anyone had sat at it and made music. I felt Esme's eyes on me and I turned to look at her, her face almost unreadable.

"How was dinner?" Alice asked, quickly making her way down the stairs until she stood in front of Jasper, his arms wrapping around her diminutive waist, pulling her closer to him.

I didn't respond, instead I centered my eyes back to the piano, my body involuntarily pulling the bench back so I could sit down. I pressed on one of the keys and to my surprise; it was still in perfect tune. In that moment, everything else went blank and it seemed that there wasn't anyone else around, just the Steinway and me. As I fiddled with the keys I felt Esme's hand on my back, effectively pulling me from my trance and I turned to look up at her, her warm smile filled the air.

"You're playing again." Though she intended it to sound like a question, it merely sounded like a statement. I added a harmonizing line, letting the central melody weave through it. It was something that I had thought about while at Bella's house and I realized that maybe my plan to keep her at a distance, to keep her as merely a friend was going to be harder than I thought. "It's new…" Her voice spoke again as I changed it slightly with a bass line. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure yet." I lied, I knew exactly what it was, what it meant, what it symbolized.

"Is there a story to it?" I could hear from the tone of her voice that she knew me better than I had hoped, that she knew that the product of this song was not just my own inspiration, no, it was a product of the muse that had stumbled into my life rather ungracefully but perfectly all the same.

"It's…" I searched my mind for the word that I needed to describe the soft tune; the tune that I felt encompassed everything about her that I loved, that I desired. "A lullaby." The fact was, there was a story to the song, to Bella's lullaby. It was everything that she encompassed; her beauty, even though she was seemingly oblivious to it, the strength that I knew she must have to carry the burden of whatever it was she was hiding, and her innocence, something so pure, so complete and it radiated off of her.

"It's perfect." She smiled, leaning down to drop a kiss on the crown of my head before retreating to the couch, giving me my time, my space to work the kinks from the song, until it was perfect enough to be worthy of her name.

"Edwards composing again?" I could hear Alice's voice across the room and I presumed that the only answer that she was elicited was a gentle nod of Esme's head. "Oh this is too perfect." I kept the melody the same, allowing the tone to drift lower, and slower before it came to an end, I couldn't change it, I couldn't bring myself to do that, because the song, just like her, was perfect and any change would merely tarnish it, merely change everything that she was, everything that she stood for.

I pushed myself from the piano as I finished the song, there was no need to write it down, it burned in my mind; which keys to press when, how they sounded as they played harmoniously. My eyes fell on Alice who merely looked at me, her eyes conveying her happiness and I knew that I couldn't keep her from Bella, that song had been me baring my soul.

"Where are you going?" I finally asked, the silence in the room now broken.

"Jazz and I are going down to the bar for a bit. Do you want to come with us?" I looked at her and Jazz and decided that I didn't really feel like spending the entire night as the third wheel and I shook my head. Besides, the more I thought about it, the more tired I felt. The two hour nap that I had taken prior to going to the Swan's house had done nothing but merely postpone the inevitable. "Are you sure? Bella might be there..."

"No. I'm tired I think I'll go lay down." My fear was that seeing Bella would cause me to do things I was trying desperately to not do, and if alcohol was involved, I wasn't sure that I could walk away from her if she was there, if she had a social lubricant in her. Still, that was only my inner hope that she had feelings for me. An inner hope that I somehow needed to learn to squelch. "Have fun." I smiled, watching as she merely shrugged and skipped out of the house, Jasper on her arm.

"It's going to be fine Edward. It's going to be okay, you deserve happiness. Fate owes you that." Esme said softly, with a look in her eyes that made me wish that I could believe her. "She'll love you back. If she's as bright as I imagine she is, she will have no choice. You, my son, are a catch and anyone would be blind to not see that."

"I'm blushing mom." I smiled. Though my cheeks were still neutral, it appeased her and at least I couldn't feel the nagging guilt within my stomach, the pain that always seemed to transpire when Esme told me how wonderful I was. Like any good mother, she was blind to my flaws, blind to the monster that lurked deep within me, that latched onto my life like a parasite. "Good night." I said to both Esme and Carlisle before taking the steps two at a time, knowing that my bed was only a few feet away. I just hoped that I could sleep, that I could push away all thoughts of Bella Swan, and sleep.

It's never that easy though is it? I had changed from my clothes, had wrapped myself deep within the feather-filled comforter, allowed my body to warm it, and yet sleep just would not take over my body. Each time I closed my eyes my eyes saw only her and I hated it. At least, I told myself I hated it but that didn't stop me from continuously closing my eyes, or letting my mind wander to places that I never should have let them go. I was weak to stop it, and I partially didn't want it to end, I wanted to continue to live in my fantasy, but I knew that I would hate myself even more for it later. Then again, I didn't really have time to think about it, my phone was ringing and Alice's name lit up the small screen.

"Alice what's wrong?" She started to sputter some things about Bella coming over and I felt myself shoot up into a sitting position, my heart racing as I thought about everything that could have happened to her, the trouble she could have gotten into. "Is everything okay?" I knew that my voice was laden with concern, a concern that even Alice could read through, could tell her that my feelings were more than strictly platonic. When she asked if I wanted to speak to her, I almost shouted a yes but I knew that it was dangerous territory, I would see her soon, I would just have to steady my rapidly beating heart and wait. "No, it's okay. I'll tell Mom and Dad. I'll see you soon." My mind had shut off, I merely heard her mutter something about bringing a jacket out to the car when they got there as Bella didn't have one and I muttered a compliance before pressing the red button.

They were at the house about ten minutes later and I was waiting in the driveway, one hand clutching on the jacket I pulled from my closet. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying and it made my heart throb, but I wrapped the jacket around her, allowing my hands to linger on her shoulders for a few moments until her gaze met my own. Startled, I stepped back, afraid that I had over stepped a boundary. Alice was merely smiling wide as she watched and I glared at her, not wanting her to egg this on. The last thing I needed was someone pushing me, though I was thankful that she brought her here. This had to only be the result of her demons.

The house was quiet, Esme and Carlisle had already gone to sleep by the time I raced down the stairs so I thought nothing about not waking them up. So when we walked in the house I was surprised to see them standing there, wrapped in their robes and looking confused. Alice merely ushered them up the stairs, looking back at me only for a moment to glare at me, presumably because she figured that my mind had been too muddied to follow through with her orders.

Jasper stood in the back, his hands thrust deep into his pockets as though he was feeling rather out of place. I led her to the couch, motioning for her to sit down and she did but her eyes would not meet my own. That was probably a good thing. Without another word my feet carried me towards the kitchen, with all her crying water would be a necessity. Still, I couldn't figure out what was happening, why she was so distraught when she had been pleasant when I had last left her at her house. What could have happened to have caused this dramatic change?

"What happened?" I asked, filling the glass with ice as I turned to look at Jasper who cowered next to the doorframe.

"I don't know, some guy was trying to talk to her… Personal stuff. I try to stay out of it." He shrugged. "Alice followed after her when she ran out and I merely just followed."

I felt myself scowling and I cursed whoever it was that had caused this change in her. She shouldn't have to be like this, she should be happy, all the time. It pained me to see the tears fill her eyes. Whoever was responsible for this was surely a worse monster than myself, how could anyone want to hurt an angel? I shook my head trying to shake the thoughts from my mind, this wasn't what she needed, I needed to be rational, I needed to be her friend, it was the only option that I had.

I walked back to the room and she was sitting there, tears now gone from her eyes but they were still puffy, still red from the irritation. I set the glass down and she grimaced, I assumed she wasn't use to having people do things for her. Tough… She'll have to get use to it. We sat there in silence for a while, this was one of those times that I really wished that I could read her mind, could see into it and figure out how to make things better. I never liked seeing people upset, but on her, it was even worse, it tore me up inside in a way that I don't think I can even describe. This wasn't what I wanted for her, it wasn't what she was suppose to have. I just wished that I could show her that she deserved better but I didn't want to because better didn't include me.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my voice cautious as I locked my hands between my legs. I couldn't let myself touch her. "Do you want me to call Emmett? I can take you home?" I felt so out of place, so confused, so unsure as to what she wanted and the look that her face gave off wasn't helping. It infuriated me, frustrated me.

"No… I don't want to bother Emmett and Rosalie." She said softly and I wasn't sure if I was happy or upset about that. It seemed that she was good at putting others before her, it was probably why she looked so uncomfortable as Alice and I tried to diffuse the situation, as we tried to make things even slightly better. "He might be at the house…" Her voice was whisper soft and if the house hadn't been so quiet I'm not sure I would have heard it.

"He?" I felt my hand clench into a fist as a mixture of emotions flared through my body, rage and jealousy the two that I realized were the most prominent.

"Jacob… I really don't want to talk about it though." She replied and I noticed that over the course of her time in the house she had managed to relax slightly, her body not as rigid as it had been when Alice and Jasper had pulled up into the driveway.

"Bella I made up the guest room for you… I can get you a change of clothes." Alice spoke, her voice interrupting my thoughts.

"I don't think your clothes are going to fit me." She smiled. It was a weak smile but I would take that, it was better than the frown, the one that I desperately wanted to change. I was fighting an inner battle with myself, the part of me that wanted to reach over, to pull her into my arms and hold her until she fell asleep, to make her safe, to let her know that she was safe. But the other part of me was telling me not to, that in doing so it would only make me want her more and I wasn't sure I would be able to stop myself.

"I can give you a shirt if you like." I interrupted and her gaze shifted to mine quickly.

"I can sleep in my clothes."

"Nonsense." I replied and I was standing and making my way to my room before she could protest. I left her sitting there with Alice and I couldn't for the life of me figure out if I was okay with that. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do about her. Did I want to be with her, without a doubt, was it the right thing for her, no. It bothered me that Alice had taken to her so quickly. I understood why, it was hard not to like her, but still, I was afraid that she would grow too close to her.

I fumbled about my dresser before pulling out a white undershirt and long track pants. It was all I could really offer but I figured that it was much more comfortable than anything Alice would have given her. I left them on the bed of the guest room, which of course was right next to mine, at least, the one that Alice had made up for her. The house was large, much larger than any of the others in Forks but it was merely because they liked their space, but it meant there were quite a few extra rooms. Alice could have chosen from three others, and yet she put her right next to me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to kiss her or kill her. The temptation would linger there all night and I prayed that I didn't do anything that I would regret.

"I put them on the bed." I said softly, walking back into the room. She turned to face me and she smiled slightly and I found that I curled the left side of my lip up, a nervous habit, at least when the left side rose. I wanted to go and sit next to her but I kept my feet planted to the ground, as it was I could smell her from where I was, a good four feet away from her and my nose was filled with the scent of flowers.

"Thank you… I'm really sorry about all this."

She was sorry? For what? I couldn't fathom what was going through her mind.

"Are you tired? You must be tired." Alice spoke and she nodded. I almost wanted to curse at Alice for that but I was thankful that I didn't. I was tired too, maybe to the point of exhaustion but I wanted to be around her, I didn't want to leave her just yet.

"I think I should… I don't want to cause anymore problems."

Incredulous. She was a living martyr, putting others before herself. I without a doubt could not be around that, I didn't deserve to be around that. The monster within me would only end up hurting her, and she would blame herself. I couldn't let that happen.

The night was unbearable. I was fighting an inner battle with myself, the battle to go into her room and the battle to stay. I wasn't sure how long I could do it. I had to find a way to remove the temptation. So I did, I got out of bed and went downstairs, finding my place at the piano as I began to play the lullaby that I had only composed a few hours ago. The soft music filled my ears and allowed my mind to wander, to think of her, to think of playing it for her. I imagined her, sprawled across the large bed, her dark hair covering her face, spread out like a mahogany fan, her mouth slightly agape as she took slow, steady breaths.

My fingers stopped, and I looked up to see her standing there, and I found the left side of my lip curling up into a small smile. I felt my heart stop as I looked at her and I wondered why I felt this nervous, how a simple girl could drive me this insane, could cause this inner battle within myself.

"I'm sorry for waking you."

"You didn't. I just couldn't sleep." She replied, frozen in place. Had she seen into my soul? Had she seen the wickedness that dwelled there? Was she afraid of me?

"Do you need anything?"

"I just didn't really want to be alone I guess." I felt myself grimace and as I looked at her I noticed her face fall. The part of me that wanted her took pleasure in it, the other part fear, fear because the more time that I spent analyzing her, the more I realized that maybe she was feeling the same way, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Still, my heart warmed.

"I can stay with you if you like, for a little while, until you fall asleep." She seemed to think about that for a minute before she nodded. This was after all, something that a friend would do. I just couldn't allow myself to get into the bed with her, no, I would sit in the chair and I would watch her. Hopefully all she would need was my presence. It was all I could give her right now, all I could bring myself to give her. For now at least…

A/N: I hope that you enjoyed the new chapter! Sorry for the late post, I had a job interview in Seattle… fingers crossed I need the money! So, I know that a lot of this was taken from Midnight Sun but a lot of it has to do with my want to somewhat follow the original plot line, in the major stuff, like feelings and what not… Anyways, once again, I'm always surprised with how many people add this story to their alerts and favorites each time I post! Thank you! I'm so glad that you like it enough to want to read my updates!

I'd also like to thank everyone who commented on the last chapter!
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