Baby You Can Stop Running
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight…

Chapter Ten

EPOV

I found that I didn't want to leave her room and I seemed to alternate from pacing the room (my legs allowed me to accomplish that feat in ten, long strides), standing above her, my eyes looking at her intently, pleading with her subconscious to speak again, and sitting in the chair, my eyes scanning over the pages of different books that Esme kept in the small book shelf. Her talking had subsided not long after her dream led her to me, her demands for me to stay, and I realized that staying with her hadn't been about listening to her but rather about being with her. The warmth continued to flare within my heart to the point where I couldn't imagine it never feeling that way again; I never wanted to feel the coldness again, never wanted to feel empty. My mind was still seemingly in awe that one person could cause such an earth-shattering change in my body.

I stayed until I could hear the rain pouring down, rapping against the glass loudly. She stirred and it caused me to sit completely still, hoping that my body was obscured, yet she didn't sit up, but rather signed loudly and pulled the blankets up over her head. For the first time that night, I was terrified that she would see me. It was really the last thing she needed, with everything that was happening in her life, did she really need to know that I was completely and totally obsessed with her? I cringed inwardly; it was easy to be disgusted with yourself when you were practically stalking an innocent person. I felt like a Lion, ready to pounce on his prey, the delicate lamb, innocent and completely unaware.

When I finally retreated to my room, I couldn't help but look around and feel that something was missing. The warmth that I had felt in her presence was not quite as strong when she wasn't around and that was a bit of a disappointment. Could I still feel this way if I was not under the same roof as her, if we were away from each other for a while? Still, my room felt lonely without her there, I felt lonely without her there. I knew that she was close, just on the other side of the wall, but it wasn't enough, I wanted more. This feeling was completely mind boggling to me, completely different from any other that I had ever felt before. There had been girls, girls in the past that seemed to satisfy the cravings when they came. It wasn't something I was proud of but when the pain became too unbearable, there was always someone around, and I took all I could but gave little in return. If I never let anyone get close, then I couldn't hurt them in return. It had caused problems in the past though, problems with Esme and Carlisle as one of the girls had been the daughter of a very close friend of theirs. Even to this day when the family came to visit around the holiday times I had to endure her company, ignoring the awkwardness and though usually I would end up using her, I was always angry with myself after the fact.

But Bella… Bella was different and I wasn't sure what it was exactly. Why her? Why did I feel like my body was on fire when she was around? Why could I never catch my breath? How did she make me feel like a completely different person? For the first time in my life I wasn't thinking about myself but rather about her, about what I could do to keep her safe, what I could do to make her happy, what I could do to be what she needed me to be, what I could do to have her in my life, because that was all I really wanted, there was no denying it anymore. I could never see myself doing to her what I did to all the others before her, I could never use her and toss her aside, she wasn't that type of girl. She was the kind of girl that you loved, the kind that you give your life for and I was prepared to do that if the situation ever rose.

Life and death… My thoughts shifted to James, to that night that changed my life forever, that made me into the miserable human that I was now. There are times when my memory of the night my parents were taken from me is more vivid than a movie, and other times when it is no more than a broken memory, pieces of it here and there, but nothing more than fuzz. Susan, my nanny had woke me up, her voice distraught though at the time I never would have pegged it for such, telling me that there had been an accident and my mother and father weren't going to be home and Carlisle and Esme would be here in the morning. Though I didn't know what was happening, I did know that it wasn't good, that the news that was going to be delivered come the following morning would be life altering, and it was. I can still sometimes remember the tears, the way the warm streaks felt as they ran down my cheeks when Esme held me in her arms and told me that my mom and dad were never coming back. I can remember the somber attitude of the funeral, so many had turned out, my parents had been well loved, but I hated all the people who came up to me, hugging me, telling me that it was going to be okay. How could they know? Had they ever experienced a loss such as that? When I went to bed that night, Alice, who had managed to escape from her crib, even then she was a bit on the trouble making side, had managed to climb into my bed and slept with me. I suppose she understood even if she was too young to really know, and I didn't want to be alone.

Esme and Carlisle had been the best thing that had happened to my life. Had it not been for them I surely would have been put through the system and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for them. Still, I wish that they could have stopped me from seeking my revenge on James, had insisted, even though I was stubborn, to not go through with it, yet they never insisted, they let me make my own decisions. There had been a few times when they told me that it wasn't necessarily the best decisions and yet, I didn't listen to them, I thought it was the only way that I could find peace. I should have listened to them from the beginning; they have always known what was best for me. Still, I was angry with them for a time because they seemed to not care, to not want to enforce the full extent of the punishment that they could have on James, and I wondered, selfishly, if they even cared that my parents were gone. I know now that it isn't the truth but it didn't stop my fights with them, my hurting them for accusing them of the such. Still, they never turned their back on me when they easily could have, they never stopped loving me and they never stopped thinking that I deserved happiness, even though I did.

My eyes began to droop, but it didn't stop the questions from forming in my mind. Did James have a family, a wife, children, parents? Were they aware of what he had done, the pain that he had caused me, the life and blissful childhood that he took away from me? Did they know what I had done? Did they blame me as I blamed myself? For years, I had thought about finding them, writing them a letter to ask for my forgiveness. I wondered if I could ease my own guilt if they knew that I felt terrible for what I had done. Did they hate me as much as I hated myself? Or did they understand where I was coming from? I wondered if they hated me as much as I had hated James. Still, part of me was terrified that they might come after me if they were angry, what would be stopping them from seeking their own revenge? I would let them have it.

Exhaustion however took over before I could finish my thoughts and I found that my dreams were the only comforting part of the night. I had been plagued with nightmares for so many years that it took me by surprise that for the first time my dreams were not to be feared, but rather I welcomed them as she had a starring role. It was probably one of the reasons that I was so angry with Alice when she came into my room and jumped on my bed, effectively ending the dreams and waking me up when I had only been asleep for a few hours.

"Are you going to wake her up?"

"No." I grumbled, rolling over so my head was buried into the pillow.

"Okay, I will."

"No!" I said with more firmness, sitting up, my eyes still not fully open as I looked at her. I hated how much more of a morning person she was.

"Doesn't she have things that she needs to do?"

"She went to bed late." Alice cocked an eyebrow my way and I flushed. "No… Not like that."

"What did you do?" Her voice was almost demanding. "I really like her Edward and I swear if you fuck things up with her like you did with Tanya I'm going to murder you in your sleep."

"I thought you didn't like Tanya."

"It's not that I don't like her… I just never thought you were good for each other… But if you use Bella I swear I'll kill you."

"I'm not planning on using Bella. I'm not planning on doing anything to Bella." How long was I going to keep lying to myself?

"So what happened last night then?"

"I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs and played the piano for a bit and she came downstairs saying she couldn't sleep. I really don't know what happened last night at the bar so any information that you could tell me would be helpful, but she said she didn't want to be alone so I sat in the room until she fell asleep." I figured it best not to go into too much detail, like the fact that I couldn't leave right away, and that I stayed there until dawn.

"If you aren't planning on getting involved with her then why do you need to know what happened between her and her ex last night?"

"What do you want me to say Alice."

"That I'm right and that you love her."

"I can't possibly love someone I just met."

"Fine. Then you'll never know. I'm going to go get her clothes from the room and toss them in with the other laundry. She'll need new clothes so that just gives me an excuse to go shopping, if I take the Porsche I should get to Olympia in about an hour, hour and a half which would give me plenty of time to grab the clothes and be back with them if she went to bed as late as you say she did."

"Alright… I like her." I acquiesced and Alice smiled.

"It wasn't exactly what I was looking for but I'll settle for that." She laid down on the bed, her hands resting on her stomach before she launched into the conversation. "It was really loud in the bar so I couldn't really hear much, I know that she was really upset that he was there. He kept telling her that they needed to talk and she told him there was nothing left to talk about and how they were both really young and her disappearance was what he wanted. That was about all I caught."

"This is Jacob you're talking about?"

"I think that was his name, why?"

"Bella mentioned his name…" I felt my hands balling up into fists as I thought about everything that this guy could have done to her. I thought that the anger that I felt had subsided when I realized that she was okay, but for some reason, thinking about it, hearing what Alice was saying was not exactly helping. I was afraid that if I saw him in town that I might try and hurt him, even though I didn't know the entire story, didn't know what he really had done. I just knew that it had hurt her enough to never come back to Washington, enough to keep Emmett from calling her for two weeks, enough for him to think that she still wasn't even ready to be back here.

"I'm not sure, just don't do anything rash…" She warned as she stood up. "Are you going back to sleep?"

"No, I think you've already waken me up. I'll just take a shower and get dressed. I should call Emmett and let him know that his sister is here in case he is worried. Just hurry back from Olympia, I'm not sure when she will wake up and how kindly she will take to not having any clothes." Alice just nodded and walked out of the room leaving me to myself and the thoughts that I had taken over. I hoped that I could control myself if I ever ran into Jacob Black.

BPOV

I heard what sounded like a vacuum coming from the hallway and just as I was about to yell at Emmett for being so loud when I was obviously trying to sleep, I realized that Emmett would never be caught doing housework. It wasn't until I was sitting up in bed that I was confused as to where I was. It is always disorienting waking in a new place and it took a few moments before I remembered where I was and how I had ended up there. Stupid Jessica Stanley. It always boiled down to that. Had she not told Angela that I was in town again, I never would have gone to the bar, and I never would have seen Jacob and he never could have upset me as he had. I thought that I was over it, that after four years I could face him and tell him exactly how I felt, but I still couldn't do it. I knew better than ever that I no longer had feelings for him, how could I after what he had done to me? But there was still this anger festering deep within me that was bubbling out of control. Though, as I thought about all the possible places where the anger could stem from, it led to only one thing, hurt.

The room was pitch black, a combination of the curtains which obscured the window as well as what I assumed to be the rain clouds which kept the sun from peeking through. The bed was warm and I hated to pull myself from it but as I looked around I realized that there was not a single clock in sight. I pushed the bedding off my body and padded to the curtain, pulling it back to reveal that the sun was nearly completely above the earth, a sign that it was at least noon.

I felt the panic rise in my chest, Charlie had been expecting me this morning, Emmett had no idea that I went out, surely my truck wasn't at the house, would they think that I had thought better of being there and turned around and left them? I ran to where I had left my clothes only in their place was something I had never seen before, clothes that were clean but were not my own. As I gathered them in my hands I saw a piece of paper as it off the pile and I instinctively reached down and picked it up. Written on the top in perfect script, was my name.

Bella,

Alice wanted to wake you this morning but having been aware of how late it was when you finally fell asleep I told her to leave you to sleep. I'm sure you are realizing that it quite a bit later than you had anticipated waking at but I have called Emmett to tell him where you were and not to worry. As for Charlie, I will stop by to see him when I check by the hospital to let him know that you haven't run off. Alice insisted that you needed clean clothes and laid some out for you, I'm terribly sorry, when it comes to things such as those I can't fight her. Your own were sent out to be cleaned and would not be back by the time that you would wake. There is also a clean town and a new toothbrush in the bathroom across the hall, feel free to clean up before you leave. Emmett stopped by Angela's and picked up your purse and keys which he dropped by and Esme and I retrieved your car from the bar. There is plenty of food in the kitchen if you are hungry, so don't be afraid to grab something.

I hope to see you at the hospital.
Edward

I groaned slightly; a mixture of feelings swirling within my system, gratefulness that Edward had done what he had but also abhorrence that someone was doing all this for me. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself and yet I felt as though things were such a mess and I had no clue where to go, what to do. I should be thanking him for his help though, not feeling angry with him for doing it. It had just been such a long time since I allowed someone to take care of me, and I wasn't sure that I could let someone do that.

I opened the door and walked across the hall to the bathroom and just as he had said, a clean town was sitting on the toilet and a new toothbrush with a small tube of toothpaste was sitting on the counter. I stripped his clothes off, taking a few moments to breath his scent from the shirt one last time before folding it neatly and placing it on the floor. The shower felt good, the warm water seemed to relax the muscles that were so tense from the night before. A wave of dread washed over me and I was afraid that I would see Jacob again, or, even worse, that he would show up at the hospital.

Charlie always loved Jacob, and he loved us together. Though I knew he would never admit it, I knew that it stemmed from the fact that he believed Jacob was what kept me in Forks and from going back to Renee. But I think it was more than that. Billy and Charlie had been friends for such a long time and though my early memories of Forks were vague, I had loathed the tiny town and tried to block out as much of those memories as I could, I could never help but think that it was what they had always wanted, Jacob and I to be together. The fact that Charlie had no idea what Jacob had done, what I had done was tearing me up but I was afraid that if I told him that I had been pregnant, that he was, kind of, a grandfather and that Jacob had asked me to have an abortion, he would never speak to Billy again. I couldn't take his best friend away from him, because even though I hated Jacob, I still cared deeply for his family.

I showered quickly and dried off, my hands touching the clothes that Alice had apparently pulled for me. I looked at the underwear and my mouth seemed to gape open. It was something that I would never, ever, pick for myself. The black bra was lacey to an extreme, and the underwear, though it was matching, looked as though it barely covered my own butt and it wasn't until I put it on that I realized how the bra pushed everything up higher than I liked which only made me feel even more self conscious as I pulled the midnight blue tee shirt on, which was low, and left absolutely nothing to the imagination. I pulled the jeans on, looked at myself in the mirror, and though the outcome wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, I still didn't feel comfortable showing everything that this shirt did and it would have been nice if she could have at least left me with a tank top. I picked Edward's shirt and track pants from the floor and walked back to the bedroom.

I couldn't help but wonder if anyone was around and after I had placed the neatly folded clothes on the bed I slipped my feet into my shoes and grabbed the dark brown leather jacket. I would have put it on right away but the house was warm and I knew that I would over heat. As I carefully walked down the stairs, thankful that I hadn't tripped over my feet, I realized that I was alone in the house. I spotted my purse and keys and took them in my hand and ran out the door, I had to face Charlie today and I wanted to get it over with.

A/N:

Totally not my best chapter and I apologize for it but I didn't really know what to write/how to write it, which also accounts for the shorter length, and the mindlessness of it… But I promise the next chapter will be better and to let you know what to expect, it will have a confrontation with Jacob (it's kind of up in the air if it will be between Bella and Jacob or Edward and Jacob) and I do INTEND to have Bella talk to Charlie about what happened that caused her to leave. So one way or another, there will be quite a lot of drama in the next chapter!

I'd also like to express my deepest thanks to everyone who continues to add this story! When I started writing it I never thought I'd get this amount of positive feedback which is one of the reasons I feel so bad about posting this chapter because it's defiantly not as good as I'd like it to be but I've kept everyone waiting for so long that I had to give you all something! I PROMISE the next chapter will be worth this crappy one!

I'd also like to thank those who took the time to comment! I was overwhelmed by how many there were this time and it made me so completely happy! Please continue to send them this way! It made my weekend!

SWChica2005
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All of you really made my weekend! So thanks again!

As for Forks, WA… I'm so glad I went! It was such a blast and I hope that everyone can get there at some point! I even saw a Silver Volvo which basically made my day (okay, it was old and not so shiny anymore but it was still a silver Volvo)! It was even more perfect because it was raining while I was in Forks and it was sunny when I went to LaPush… It was exactly as it should have been. We even went to the Italian restaurant in Port Angeles for dinner!

So I hope to have the next chapter up tomorrow or Thursday, I suppose it helps when I get a lot of feedback because I love knowing what people think but I hope to get something out to you all, something that is actually good, as soon as I can!