Baby You Can Stop Running

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight... Oh and the quote from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice is obviously not mine either!

Chapter Eleven

BPOV

I often wish that I could be as strong as Elizabeth Bennet. I've always felt this strong draw to her character and it was because of her that I fell in love with Jane Austen as a writer. Perhaps this draw stems from her ability to speak her mind with little regard for the consequences or perhaps there was a jealousy for the love of a man who from one angle is horrible but yet, after a scratching the surface is completely and utterly desirable, you know, if you're into that kind of thing. Which I'm not. But even with all her independence she was still able to let a man love her, and I wondered if I could ever do that too. After everything that had happened over the past four years, combined with my role in the house before I left, I had learned to rely on only myself, and it was something that I prided myself on, never needing anyone but myself. So what would happen to me if I let myself trust someone, let myself be with someone who wanted to take care of me? Could I abandon the person I had become out of habit and be the person who I could have been? Could I be happy?

As a child of a broken home, my view on relationships is a little more on the pessimistic side. I see Charlie, wasting away, still pining for the woman who left him so long ago because she felt stifled and I can't help but wonder if that is how all relationships end, one who walks away happy, and one who will remain broken hearted. And then, if I draw on my own experiences, well, I guess you can't blame me for feeling the way I do about everything. And I couldn't help but realize that Jacob had looked good, where as me, I was still just as broken as I had been when I left. Was I doomed to the same fate that Charlie lived, an inability to ever find love again, to pine for the same person for the rest of my life? No, because I don't love Jacob, not like that anyways, it just took a while to figure it out. Because, you see, if you love someone, you don't abandon them the way that he abandoned me, the way I abandoned him. Our relationship was never good for either of us because in the end we only ended up hurting each other while we both failed to take responsibility, I couldn't hide from that anymore, couldn't deny that I was at fault too, just in a different way.

My parents failed relationship had other implications on my life as well. Unlike so many of my other peers, I was forced to be responsible way before I ever should have needed to, I had to carry the weight of my family on my back, had to take care of them and myself. I had to if I was going to survive, if we were going to survive. When Charlie and Renee split, they divided Emmett and I, presumably, so neither would be lonely, but it appeared that they forgot how much he and I needed each other to get through it. I guess they both needed one of us, Charlie needed Emmett to stay strong after the love of his life walked out on him and Renee needed me to care for her. Living without Emmett was terrible, it was hard, but I dealt with it, and maybe I wouldn't love him as much as I do now if we hadn't been separated. It's a hard thing to explain really, but I think, in the end, it only made our relationship stronger.

Another reason why I've always felt so connected to Elizabeth Bennet probably had to do with my mother. Though it might be inconceivable that anyone could ever resemble Mrs. Bennet, my mom was similar to the modern version of her. I'm not saying that she was mad, crazy trying to find someone to marry me off to, but she eccentric, that's for sure. With Renee, I had to become the mother, I had to look after her to make sure that everything was okay, that we were okay. So I performed the motherly duties, the cooking, the cleaning, maintaining the household budget, and Renee did the things that I could never imagine doing, my own clumsiness and poor luck keeping me from ever doing anything that might get me killed. Still, she was my best friend and I would always love her, always need her in my life, just as I learned when I moved in with Charlie that I would always need him as well. I might have always been the adult in my familial relationships, but it never changed my feelings for them, never made me think less of them or blame them for making me grow up quicker.

There was another thing I admired about Elizabeth though, beyond her ability to love, and that was her ability to face confrontation. There was always something I adored about how she handled her situation with Lady Catherine de Bourgh the way her words put the old bag in her place, "And I certainly never shall give it. I am not to be intimidated into anything so wholly unreasonable. Your ladyship wants Mr. Darcy to marry your daughter; but would my giving you the wished-for promise make their marriage at all more probable? Supposing him to be attached to me, would my refusing to accept his hand make him wish to bestow it on his cousin? Allow me to say, Lady Catherine, that the arguments with which you have supported this extraordinary application have been as frivolous as the application was ill-judged. You have widely mistaken my character, if you think I can be worked on by such persuasions as these. How far your nephew might approve of your interference in his affairs, I cannot tell; but you have certainly no right to concern yourself in mine. I must beg, therefore, to be importuned no farther on the subject." I admired her, and longed to be her. I guess the only reason that I was thinking about it so much as of late was because I knew that I had to do something, that I had to face what had been following me and that involved confrontation. Still, telling Charlie about this was something I still didn't feel prepared to do, would he still love me if he knew? Would he still be able to look me in the eyes and see his little girl? I didn't know, and that scared me more than anything else.

I turned off Calawah Way, the long, country street that the Cullen's house was located on and began the drive towards the hospital. His scent still lingered in the cab of the truck and I couldn't figure out how that was possible, at least, that was until I turned my head and noticed that his leather jacket was sitting in the passenger seat, in his haste to get to work he must have forgotten it. I reached over and touched the soft, well worn leather and when I could no longer fight the urge to pull it to my nose, to breathe his intoxicating scent, I did just that. I only held it to my nose for a few moments, not wanting anyone to see me, as I realized just how crazy it would have looked. Well, at least I had an excuse to see him again this afternoon, to find him at the hospital, that is, if he was still there.

Charlie was sitting up in the bed when I got there, something he hadn't been able to do yesterday, so I assumed that that was a good sign. His eyes seemed to light up as I walked in and I hoped that even after what I had to tell him, he would still feel the same way. I smiled at him, dropping my purse on the chair before walking to sit beside him on the bed. I thought about taking the jacket off but I thought better of it, I would just bear the heat, I wasn't sure I would feel comfortable bearing so much skin.

"Hey dad." I smiled, leaning down and kissing his cheek.

"Hi sweetheart." He grinned and I noticed that he had more color in his cheeks. "Did you catch up on your sleep?"

"I did. How are you feeling?"

He shrugged slightly and I noticed the wince as he did. "Better, I suppose." I looked down at the blanket, trying to figure out where I was going to start, how I was going to tell him.

"There's something you need to know… The reason why I left."

"It doesn't matter, you're home."

"No, it does matter because I can't keep hiding this… I'm just afraid that you'll think less of me."

"That's impossible, you are my daughter, my baby, and nothing you could say could ever change that."

"Are you sure?" I looked up and pulled my hands from the blanket that I was twisting with my fingers.

"Bella, I'm sure… What's wrong? What is it?" I could tell that he was growing anxious and I knew I couldn't put it off any longer.

"I didn't leave because I wanted to get out of here, and I know that's probably what you thought, with your experience with mom and all. And, I hate that I hurt you like that, that I made you think I resented you, that I resented being here… I just." I paused for a moment and looked down, finding the words that I needed was harder than I could ever have imagined. "I got pregnant… And before you say anything let me finish. I had intended to stay, but when I went to tell Jacob well… He didn't take the news like I thought he would and he wanted to give me money for an abortion, but you see, it was in that moment that I realized that I couldn't go through with it."

There was a knock on the door and I turned to see Jacob standing there, his large frame obstructing the doorframe. As I turned to plead to Charlie to not say anything I saw the darkness in his eyes, his anger towards the man who just walked in. This was everything that I wanted to avoid, I didn't want him to think less of Jacob, I just wanted him to know the truth. I shook my head and touched Charlie's hand, my unspoken desire for him to remain quiet, to not say anything, that I wasn't done telling my story but I couldn't tell him with Jacob there.

"What are you doing here Jacob?" I asked, standing up and moving towards him.

"I went to your house but you weren't there, I wanted to talk to you."

"So you thought coming to the hospital was a good idea did you?" I asked, I could hear the harsh tone of my voice but I didn't care, he should have known better than to come here. I pushed him out the hall and closed Charlie's door, this wasn't something I wanted him to hear.

"I had to talk to you Bella."

"No Jacob, what part of I don't want to talk to you right now don't you seem to understand?" I was doing all I could to keep my voice level and low, not wanting to cause a huge scene, if I did it would be all over town in a matter of hours.

"Come on Bella. What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to stay away from me for a while. It was wrong of you to come here, to come to the hospital."

"I know and it's not something that I'm proud of but what other option did you leave me with? You didn't come home last night…" He looked up from the floor and straight into my eyes. "Where were you?"

"I don't think that's really any of your business anymore Jake." I sighed. "Listen, when I'm ready to talk I'll find you, but I think it would really be best if you just stayed away, I have enough to deal with as it is and the last I need is you around."

"You always liked my company before."

"Jake…" I whispered. "Please don't do this."

"Is there a problem?" His musical voice broke through the silence, through the tension that was filling the hall and I could hear my heart as it started to race in my chest as it always did when he was close. Before I could turn to look, his hand was on my shoulder and electric currents seemed to flood my system. I wondered if Jacob had noticed, if he could see how my body reacted to Edward's presence. As my eyes fell on him I could feel the air leave my lungs and my heart skip a few beats. He looked amazing and I wondered how that was possible, it wasn't like he could have gotten that much sleep as he went to be after me and was up way before me.

"No, it's okay Edward." I said softly. "Jacob was just leaving; he never should have come here to begin with." I turned from Edward to meet Jacobs eyes, noticing their questioning. "Please leave Jake… When I'm ready to talk I'll find you but please don't come back here, don't go looking for me… It's only going to make things worse." I didn't want to be there anymore and as I walked away I felt Edward's hand as it slipped from my shoulder, the electric current now gone, and only a reminder was the tingles that still lingered where his hand had sat.

I closed the door behind me, my way of telling them not to come in, telling them that I needed to be alone with Charlie, I needed to finish what I had already started.

"What's going on Bella?" Charlie's voice was harsh but I knew that it was only out of concern. "What is going on with you and Jake?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you… Will you let me finish before talking?" I asked, walking towards the bed and taking my place once again, I wanted to met his eyes but I didn't have the courage to do it. I did however feel his hand as he placed it on mine, and it caused me to look up and see that he was nodding his head. "When I found out that I was pregnant, it was about two months before I had to leave for Stanford. I tried for about a month to hide it, but I finally told Jacob and he merely said that I should take care of it, that he would go with me and he would help pay for it. It was never my intention to keep it, I knew that I couldn't give it a life that it deserved and there were things that I still wanted to do with my life, things that I would never be able to do if I had a child. The thing is, his reaction wasn't what I had thought it would be and it broke my heart because I thought that he loved me… I never would have done what I had if I thought otherwise, but he was so cold, so distant and it hurt. So I left him on the beach and I came home and I waited that entire month to hear back from him but I never did and Emmett knew what was going on, he was the only one… I was afraid to tell you because I was afraid of what you might think about me, how disappointed you would have been in me so when I left for school, I deferred my acceptance for a semester and had the baby." I looked up at him to see if I could read his face but I couldn't and it frustrated me. "I gave her up for adoption… In case you were wondering, and I know it was the right thing to do, her life will be better because I gave her to someone who can give her everything that she will ever need. Still, it doesn't ease the pain completely, and I still think about her, still love her, but I know that she will never be mine."

"Bella…" His voice was soft and I looked up only to realize that I was crying, that warm tears were streaking down the sides of my cheeks at a rate that made wiping them away pointless, so I let them fall.

"I tried to come home for Christmas and I made it as far as the SeaTac airport when I realized that I couldn't do it. I left without telling anyone because I was afraid of what the town might say, how I would have brought disgrace to your name and that was something I couldn't bear to do, and I didn't come back because I couldn't face Jake… Above everything else you need to know that it wasn't because I didn't love you, that I didn't love Emmett, but rather I didn't think I was strong enough to face Jake again."

I felt Charlie's hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing away a few tears. "Bella, you are stronger than anyone else I know. I can't imagine what it would have been like to carry this weight on you, to keep it to yourself… I hate that you couldn't tell me, that you thought I would think less of you. Stuff happens, but you handled it the only way you knew how, and even though I wish you had told me… I guess I understand. But it doesn't make me love you less. If anything, I love you more for it. One day, you'll have a child on your own terms, with someone who deserves you. I always liked Jake but he failed to be there for you when you needed him, and that is unforgiveable. He should have stepped up and been the man that you needed him to be. I guess I'm disappointed in him, I thought he was raised better than that."

"Please don't take it out on Billy… It would kill me if it ruined your friendship with him."

"Bella… I won't even mention this to him. That's Jakes responsibility." Charlie said softly, his eyes beginning to droop with exhaustion. "But Bells…" I looked up again and I could see the softness in his eyes. "I know I may not say it much, and that might have something to do with the way I was raised, but I do love you, and all I want is what is best for you."

"I love you too dad." I smiled slightly through my tears, leaning down to place a kiss on his cheek. "You should get some more rest. I need you to pull through for me, for Emmett. I'll be back later." It didn't take any more persuading, he was asleep by the time I pulled away and for the first time, I felt a little better, as though part of the heavy load that I had been carrying was lifted.

EPOV

I knew how wrong it was to listen to her conversation but as I turned the corner and heard her voice, I knew I couldn't stop myself. I was drawn to her just as I had been last night and all I wanted to know was what she was thinking, what she was going through. What Alice had told me didn't even come close to giving me a fraction of the information that I knew I needed. Yet, as my eyes found her, I saw for the first time, a recognizable emotion, pain, and I figured that it had something to do with my own pain, it was a look I knew well.

She stood there in front of a tall, russet skinned man. Though I couldn't see his face, I knew that this had to have been Jacob, her ex boyfriend who had confronted her at the bar. I could hear their conversation, could hear her pleading with him to leave.

"Is there a problem?" I found my mouth talking before I had the chance to stop it and my hand moved to her shoulder in a possessive move. Though I knew she didn't want to see him, I almost wanted to make him regret hurting her as he must have done to make her this upset, and I wanted him to know that there were others out there who would do anything to make her happy. Truth be told though, what it really came down to was my own selfish desire to touch her, to feel her smooth, creamy skin against my hand. I locked eyes with him and though he was taller than me, I knew that if he threatened me, or if he hurt her again, my feelings towards this girl that I barely knew would be enough to help me beat him; she would make me stronger than anything else ever could.

Still, I could see the anger flare in his dark eyes, and I found that I was narrowing my own in an instinct to let him know that he should leave her alone, that he was done hurting her. I watched as he balled his hands into fists and I kept my hand secured on her shoulder, trying my hardest to ignore the wave of electric currents that seemed to jump from her body into mine. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if she felt them too or if it was only my desperate want of her, my lust that created it.

"No, it's okay Edward. Jake was just leaving; he never should have come here to begin with." Her voice was even though quiet and I fought the urge to move my hand down to her back, to rub small, soft, comforting circles against it. I just wanted her to know that I cared, that I wanted to be there for her if she needed it. She had asked for a friend and I figured that it wouldn't have been too suspicious, but still, I didn't want to push her, especially as she seemed to be dealing with heavy ex boyfriend issues. "Please leave Jake… When I'm ready to talk I'll find you but please don't come back here, don't go looking for me… It's only going to make things worse." She pulled away, not waiting for him to respond and closed Charlie's door behind her.

Jake however, didn't move, he merely continued to glare at me, fire burning in his eyes.

"I think she asked you to leave." I finally spoke.

"No one was talking to you."

"As a doctor in this hospital, I have the authority to have you escorted out. Bella asked you to leave, I think you should respect her wish."

"You don't know what you are getting yourself into."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that Bella and I will get back together, that we belong together… She's just a stubborn girl but she'll see that it was all just a misunderstanding."

I found my own hands balling into fists at the thought of him trying to win her over. Surely she wouldn't… True I had no idea what had happened between them, but I knew that whatever it was had affected her deeply and only a masochist would put themselves through that… Right?

"I don't care what you think… She asked you to leave and I think you should, she's been through enough today." I watched as he looked towards the door, and I moved myself towards it, blocking the handle before he had the chance to go in. "I'll call security right now." I wanted to do more than that, I wanted my fist to make contact with his face and I wanted it to hurt, but I also knew that I couldn't do it here, that hurting him in my hospital would only get me fired and that wasn't something I wanted.

"I'll leave but I'm not going to disappear from her life, so you better be willing to fight for her because I'm not giving up that easily."

"What makes you so sure that she wants you to fight for her? What makes you think that she could possibly still care for you."

"The only thing that matters is that she isn't apathetic towards me, because then she wouldn't care at all. She obviously still has some feelings for me so that's really all I need to know."

"Stay away from her… If I find out otherwise."

"You'll what?"

"Just stay away from her." He laughed a low guttural laugh that made me cringe.

"I'll be back."

"Not when I'm here." I called towards his retreating back, my eyes taking in the smug wave that he tossed in the air before he pushed through the doors to leave.

A/N: So obviously things are going to heat up between Jake and Edward with them both vying for her affections though we all know who will end up winning out… Haha. But there is going to be a slightly bigger twist that will be taking place in one of the upcoming chapters, so get excited… It will be following the Twilight plotline though so I mean, it might not be that big of a twist…

Once again, thank you all for adding this story to your alerts/favorites! You all make my day! I hope that you liked the new chapter!

Special thanks to my reviewers:
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SWChica2005: I totally probably never would have gone if my college wasn't in WA and so close, but if you ever do get to WA, you should take the time to go there. It's a small town but La Push is beautiful!
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Tulips at Twilight: Thanks for pointing that out! I went back and made the changes… I've been doing so much writing with mid terms and all that jazz that I've gotten really lazy about proof reading so again, thank you for pointing it out, I completely agree, it messed with the flow a lot!
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TwiWriter15: James is actually going to fade into the background for a bit… Until he talks about it with Bella really… He's going to start focusing on his feelings for her and though the trouble that is coming up will be because of James, he obviously is dead so it won't be him, though it will be related… It was really the only reason I brought it up in chap 10… It was just a slight foreshadowing…
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Thank you all for your wonderful comments! I can't wait to see what people have to say about the new chapter! You all make me so motivated to continue writing this story!

Preview: Bella and Edward are going to talk and she is going to thank him for intervening. I see a trip to Port Angeles soon… With some of the same things happening that happened in the book, which means we are going to have Edward reveal his feelings towards her very, very soon… I still want to keep to the cannon as much as I possibly can, even though they are human.