Baby You Can Stop Running
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter Eighteen

Jacob's POV

I stomped into the office of my shop and threw my weight into my chair; it jolted back hard with my body weight before adjusting to it. I didn't care. I could have broken it and it wouldn't have mattered, hell, I wouldn't have cared if I got hurt in the process. At least then I would have had an excuse to go to the hospital. Besides, Bella was always sympathetic to the hurt. If I was able to injure myself then maybe she would at least come and talk to me, let me explain what had prompted my behavior all those years ago.

I guess I never really believed that she was pregnant; we had only had sex three times. Three times and she became pregnant? It just didn't seem possible. We had taken all the necessary precautions, and okay, the condom broke that last time that we had, but it was one, tiny mistake. Surely it hadn't been enough to knock her up. But then, when she came to me and we went to our spot at the beach and she told me she was. How was I supposed to react?

I think I figured that she had been trying to secure me, to trap me, to make me belong to her and only her. It was vain, and maybe I was vain then, maybe even now I'm still just as vain. But I was sixteen for Christ sake and I wasn't completely unaware of the looks that girls gave me. Still, I knew I loved Bella, even then, I just figured that with her leaving for California that maybe we would have an open relationship, and when she came home for holidays it would be just us again. Sick thought… I know that now at least.

Letting Bella leave without talking to her had been the biggest regret of my life. It just took me a while to figure that out. The thing is, seeing her for the first time since she left for California knocked the wind right out of me and I hadn't been expecting that. Mainly because as the time passed I began to think less about her, to think less about what had happened between us. I had been able to push it back into the depths of my mind, to bury it along with all the other crap things I had ever done in my life, with all the other past regrets. If I was going to be honest with myself, I would have to admit, that Bella was the biggest regret of my life. Not our relationship, but the way that I ended our relationship. I had let the best thing that I had ever had, slip through my fingers like a child playing with sand.

I guess time does that to you; you don't heal per say, but you find other ways to make the pain more bearable, until in one brief moment it all comes rushing right back. I should have been expecting her to come back, it seemed logical with the events that had taken place over the past two weeks. What with the shooting and Charlie's injury. I knew better than to think Bella would continue to stay away when her father needed her. Still, two weeks had passed and she hadn't shown up.

Dad had asked me in passing more than once why she hadn't come. He thought we were still in touch. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had knocked her up, at least, I think I knocked her up, and then told her to get an abortion, effectively ending all communication that we had ever had. Dad had loved Bella like his own daughter, and I know that he and Charlie were hoping that one day we would tie the knot and make it official. How could I tell him that I had fucked it all up, both literally and figuratively? So I told him I knew nothing, though I knew the truth. Emmett had been kind enough to inform me about that in our first December apart.

"Hey Emmett." I shouted from across the street as I saw him walking closer. I had been so wrapped up in what I had been doing that I failed to take notice of his face, the dark look that had taken over him as his strides drew him closer.

"You have some nerve." He spat and I looked up, dropping the part that was in my hand, his tone surprising me. I was taller than Emmett, though not by much, but he was much bigger, stronger and all my senses were telling me to stand guard.

"What?" I questioned, my eyes trying to hide the truth. I knew what he was talking about. I guess I thought Bella wouldn't tell anyone, or that maybe it had all just been a misunderstanding, a false positive.

"You think I don't know what happened with Bella?" My eyes were wide. "You knock her up and tell her to get an abortion. I'm sure Billy would be real proud of you. Do you have any idea what she's been though? No, I suppose you don't because you haven't even bothered to call her."

I didn't have the time to react; his fist made contact with my jaw, and then again with my eye.

"Stay away from her. Don't ever try and get in contact with her. And stay away from the rest of my family." He shouted before turning his back on me, clenching and unclenching his fist as he walked away and out of sight while I pressed the sleeve of my shirt against my nose trying to stop the bleeding.

So when I saw her in the bar, I was surprised to say the least. I hadn't been expecting to ever see her again; I figured she was done with Forks, done with me. It was one of the reasons that I had stopped thinking about her all together. But she came back, and like a boomerang, so did my feelings for the small girl mixed in with the crowd. My throat tightened, my stomach queasy with nerves, and I gripped the beer in my hand so hard that I was almost surprised that it hadn't shattered.

I had stood back with Sam, Quil and Embry watching her from a distance as she spoke with Angela and her boyfriend Ben; I watched as she spoke with Alice Cullen and Jasper Whitlock. I looked at her, well, maybe stared at her; I watched the way her eyes lit up when she laughed, the way her pale cheeks flushed red when someone spoke of something that embarrassed her, I looked at the curves of her body and longed to wrap my arms around her. I missed her in that moment, missed the smell of her strawberry shampoo, missed the comfort of her arms wrapped around me, the taste of her kisses on my lips and tongue, the way she use to look at me with such love, the way she blushed when I complemented her, the closeness and familiarity of our relationship. I missed it all, I missed my lover and for the first time, I realized that I missed my best friend. Because she had been, she had been the best friend that I had ever known and I had messed that all up. I had sent her packing, I had broken her heart, and I had pushed her so far out of my reach that I wasn't sure I would ever be able to get her back. But I had to try right? Isn't that what any normal human would have done in that same situation? Aren't you supposed to fight for what you love?

So I continued to stand there, maybe for an hour, my eyes fixed on her, ducking behind Sam every now and then when I thought she might glance my way. I didn't want her to see me yet so I stood there, trying to occupy my mind with the conversation that my friends were having. I pounded drink after drink, and probably about three beers into the hour, I finally found my courage. So I left them standing there, ignoring the questions that they threw my way, and made my way closer to her. She was still deep in conversation with Alice and Jasper. I put my hand on her shoulder and she turned around, I saw the pain replace the joy on her face and I felt my heart crush into a thousand tiny pieces. Had this been even a shred of what she had felt back then? I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't have anything of it. She hadn't yelled, though she would have been well within her rights to do so, hell, she could have even thrown her drink in my face and I would have understood. So I watched as she turned around and ran out of the bar.

As I stood there in the middle of the crowded bar, a few eyes looking at me though I wasn't sure if it was out of sympathy or hatred, and I finally saw the whole picture. I saw the life that we could have had flash before my very eyes like a movie screen. More than ever I realized that it was all I ever really wanted, I had just been too young and too stubborn at the time to admit to it.

I reached for my iPod before leaning my head back into the leather chair hoping beyond all hope that no one was going to come in today. I wasn't in the mood to deal with customers, I wasn't even in the mood to see my friends. I scrolled through my songs, searching for just the right one, the one that would make me feel anything so I put it on shuffle. How ironic was it that it was a song that seemed to fit everything that I was feeling right now? I closed my eyes, and listened to the voice and to the lyrics while I thought about my pain.

"Well, hello girl, tell me, how have you been? By the way, I'll never make the same mistake again. And you know girl, it's been a long hard time, nothing like back when you were mine. And if I knew then what I know now, I'd have found the way to make things work out somehow. I'd have held you tight. I'd have treated you right. If I knew then what I know now. It's a crazy world for a boy and a girl. Harder than it is for a woman and a man. Oh, how it was easy to just push you away. Guess I never knew how I'd feel today."

I pulled the headphones from my ears. I guess an escape wasn't going to be possible was it? I would never have her again.

She's with him now. She's with Edward Cullen and I'll never get her back because even though I've heard about his indiscretions, he's still more perfect than I'll ever be. The man saves lives for fucks sake. I only fix broken cars and break her heart.

Edward's POV

The hospital was quiet, but I still sought solace in it. It was one of those mornings though that I wished I worked in a hospital with more activity, at least then I could get away with working more hours. Work had always been my escape, the one place where I could go and end up feeling good about myself for just a little while. I was making a difference and it almost made me feel human, gave me a few short hours when I didn't feel guilty, where I didn't fret over my past. I just wish Carlisle understood that; he was always getting angry with me for spending so much time there. I know he had the best intentions, but the hospital was really one of the only things keeping me sane. I only say one of the things because up until three days ago, it had been the only thing until one person went and changed all that.

I glanced down at my clothes; the jeans that I had thrown on and the long sleeve green shirt, it was my guise, just in case Carlisle showed up. If I stayed out of my scrubs, he couldn't say that I was working. And I knew that if he accused me of that, I would be in violation of the hospital rules and I didn't want to give him and excuse to banish me from the hospital for a week as punishment. "You work too much Edward. You need a break." "Working isn't going to make your problems go away." "You need to take better care of yourself if you want to take good care of your patients." His words echoed though my head. Of course, getting banned would allow more time alone with Bella.

Bella literally stumbled into my life with a force that I couldn't deny. I would have liked to forget it, would have liked to think that I could push the feelings of like, lust, love away. Love? Was I even capable of it? Would I be able to give her that? We had a connection, a connection deeper than any that I had ever known before. The magnetic force that drew us together was stronger than anything I ever thought imaginable. Could I give up my selfish desires to keep her? No, in her own words, it was too late for that now. I was in too deep, there would be no resurfacing from this. So long as she was happy, I would stay. I couldn't make myself do anything other than that.

Still, I couldn't help but worry about my feelings. Love was something I was not use to and it was something that carried strong implications. If I allowed myself to love, it appeared that they were taken from me, or I ended up hurting them. I'm not sure I could live with myself if I ever hurt her.

I picked up a chart that was resting on the nurse's station for a minute, my eyes scanning over what it read. Harry Clearwater, cardiac arrest. Apparently he was on the list for a new donor heart, he would become my patient when I was actually authorized to be there. Regardless, studying about him, learning about the case before I had the chance to met with him as his doctor would do no harm, maybe it would give me time to think of a way that would allow him to be more comfortable while he waited. I walked into his room and glanced around, he was sleeping soundly and I walked to the monitor that was hooked up to his heart to read it. He head a steady heart beat for now and I couldn't help but allow the small sigh to escape my lips, he had gotten here with enough time to assure that so long as we kept our eyes on him, we would have a chance of keeping him alive until whenever the heart came through.

"Edward!" I heard her voice before I had the chance to double back into Harry's room and I groaned. I forgot that she usually worked Saturday mornings.

"Good morning Lauren." I smiled politely.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" She smiled, her eyebrows lifted suggestively. There had been a short, brief period of time that I had spent with Lauren and looking at her now, I wasn't exactly sure why it was that I had even thought it had been a good idea. She was moderately attractive, though I had thought her to be exceptionally attractive until Bella fell into my life.

"No, I really don't think that would be a good idea Laruen."

She pouted and it had no effect on me. "But you don't have to work tomorrow! I thought we could have a little bit of fun, you know, like before."

"I think we should keep our relationship strictly professional from here on out Lauren. It's for the best." I responded my voice soft but harsh. I had to do something to make her understand, she wasn't exactly the brightest of the bunch. Still, Esme had raised me to be a gentleman and though I had been anything but to her, I supposed I owed her an amicable goodbye.

"You met her didn't you?"

"Who?"

"Bella Swan." She responded, her voice dripping with anger. "Mike just broke up with Jessica again. I don't understand what it is about her that every single guy is falling all over themselves for her."

I felt my hand ball up into a tight fist, angry that Lauren was speaking with such distain for the one perfect angel that I had ever met before. She seemed oblivious and continued to talk, her high, pitchy voice filling my ears and all I could think of was how close it sounded to nails on a chalk board. I shivered as the sound echoed in my mind.

"He thinks that now that Bella is back and so obviously not with Jacob Black anymore, that she will give him a shot. Forget about her Edward…" She reached forward and tried to grab my hand but I snapped it out of her reach and placed it behind my back. "We belong together."

"No Lauren, we don't. And I'd appreciate it if we could keep our relationship strictly professional from here on out. I'm very sorry if I have made you think otherwise, but I do believe it is for the best." I stated before turning and walking out the hall and into Charlie Swan's room, closing the door halfway so she would get the picture.

Charlie lay there on the bed sleeping, and he looked pale. My heart skipped a beat as I contemplated what could happen to him and how Bella could and or would react. I had seen her in pain too many times in the few short days that I had known her and the last thing I wanted to see was her crying again. She should never be allowed to cry; someone like her did not deserve to have fat, warm, tears streak down such a beautiful face.

I walked to his chart which was resting on the end of the bed and picked it up; I had to know what was happening, I needed to know what might happen. I scanned the nurse's notes; at one am he had spiked a fever of one hundred and three which after being administered Tylenol, had leveled out at one hundred. At three am, he woke complaining of being short of breath. And then, my heart stopped as I read the notes for five am, only three hours prior to now, at five am, he had gone into a short cardiac arrest, though they had been able to shock him in time. Why had there been no notification of the family? I was one hundred percent certain that neither Bella nor Emmett had received a phone call and that was when I glanced at the name of the nurse, Jessica Stanley.

Had what Lauren said been true? Had Mike broken up with Jessica only hours before that because he thought he could pursue my angel? It seemed like something Jessica would do to spite Bella. Though what she probably wouldn't be expecting would be my wrath. She had gone against protocol because of her own damn pride. What if something had happened? Could she have lived with herself if she had denied Bella and Emmett of what could have been their final moments with their father? Selfish cow. I'd tell Carlisle about it later, he would deal with it, and she would be without a job. Behavior like that could not be tolerated in a hospital, it was unprofessional and inhumane.

I put the chart down and sat in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the room, my mind cluttered with thoughts. There had been many occasions when I had just sat there in Charlie's room and spoke with him, both when he was awake and asleep. I couldn't even count the amount of times that he had spoken of his daughter; his beautiful and broken daughter Bella who he longed to see more than anything else in this world but when she realized that she was meant for greater things had left without looking back. At the time I had thought her to be selfish; not even a week and a half into his stay and she hadn't so much as bothered to call him. But, now that I've met her, I couldn't help but think that there was much more to that story. I knew there was more to that story and I knew it had something to do with Jacob Black. What I wanted to know was if Charlie knew there was more to it. I couldn't help but worry that he might die thinking that his daughter hated him.

"Your daughter really is special Charlie; I can see why you have missed her so much." I started, knowing that I could disclose all my feelings to him and he wouldn't know, unless he was merely pretending to be asleep. I sat in silence for a minute as I listened to his breathing, steady and deep. I wouldn't have to worry about him waking anytime soon. That in and of itself gave me the courage to continue "I wish I could tell you that you are going to come out of this, more than anything I have never wanted a patient to heal more than I want you too. I can't imagine how it will affect Bella if you don't.

"She loves you, even though you might not know that. It's true that I've only known her for a few days, but I can see it in her eyes. The worry whenever your name is spoken, whenever your condition is brought up.

"I became a doctor because of everything that happened in my past. Most people don't know the story. In fact, there isn't a single sole in this town who really knows, except for Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper. Still, maybe if I tell you, even if you are asleep, telling her will be easier." I stopped for a minute, my heart racing in my chest. I remembered reading studies which spoke of patients who had been in comas, even patients who were merely spoken to while they were sleeping and they retained every single word that was spoken to them. Would telling Charlie my story give me any kind of closure? I wondered if he would have done the same thing, being a man of the law and all.

"After my parents were killed... My parents were killed, by the way, though I'm sure you already knew that… " I began to tell him my story, every single detail of it, only pausing when I saw him stir. I wanted to think that he would see me, see the real me, he person behind the mask, and see that I was a good person, even though I wasn't sure of that.

"The one thing that I'm sure of Charlie, the one thing that I'm certain about, is that your daughter is the first person to make me feel like a human being. The first person to make me see something more in life, to make me want a future. I've spent so much time watching my life pass by that for the first time I want to be somewhere else than this hospital, I want to be out living life and I want to live my life with her." I sighed and leaned back into the chair. I was talking to someone who was asleep. My life was just as meaningless as it had been before I came here. I still could not speak to the coherent, because right now, Charlie was anything but coherent.

Would Charlie approve of me? It was a thought that I couldn't help but entertain. Would saving his life give me leverage? That in and of itself would be enough to keep me by his side until he came through if it meant that I would have Bella by my side for the rest of my life. It was a sick thought, a sick and selfish thought. I should be there because I want him to get better, not because I want him to get better for my own selfish desires.

I sat in the quiet of the room, listening to Charlie's breathing when the door opened and I turned my head to see who it was.

"What are you doing here?"

A/N:

Okay this chapter took a whole different turn than I had expected. This is literally like the fourth draft of it and I'm still not entirely happy but I HAD to get something to you all before tomorrow as I'll be working on my senior thesis all day long. Tonight was the only time I had to finish it… I know I promised a Bella/Edward talk… I just didn't feel it… I've tried picturing it in my mind time and time again but it just felt forced. Plus, I wanted a Jacob perspective kind of… So I hope that you liked that… I promise you won't see them together. I feel like vomiting when I think of them together in a romantic capacity…

Do you like the fact that Edward talked with Charlie? I'm still not really sure how I felt about it… Something just came natural to me about it. As though he was seeking parental approval… And they do have a rather intimate relationship… What with Edward being his doctor and all and having listened to Charlie's concerns about Bella (though they haven't been spoke directly… I think I've implied how Charlie felt before Bella spoke with him). Oh, and Edward doesn't know that Bella told her dad about Jacob… And of course, Edward knows something happened with Jacob, just not exactly in what capacity…

Anyways, let me know what you thought… I could be persuaded to go and change this chapter if you feel it doesn't really fit…

As always, thank you to my wonderful reviewers!

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bellaandedwardxcullen4ever: I'm so honored to know that I made your day just a little bit better! I'm so sorry that your day was so bad! Hopefully the rest of your week/weekend was better!
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Thank you all!

Preview: Bella and Edward are going to kiss soon… Very, very soon… And that talk… Yea, that's going to happen too…

I hope you all had a great weekend! I went to purchase my ticket for the midnight showing and the guy I bought the tickets from (all 7 of them because I was picking them up for my friends as well) nearly laughed when I told him how many I needed. God I can't wait. It's the only thing getting me through this weekend… I get to ogle Robert Pattinson for two whole hours while he plays my favorite literary character since Jane Austin created Mr. Darcy… Oh, instant orgasm.