Baby You Can Stop Running
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight… Or Les Mis (that belongs to Victor Hugo)…
Chapter Twenty Four
Edward
Take my hand and lead me to salvation. Take my love, for love is everlasting. And remember, the truth that once was spoken, to love another person is to see the face of God. I can clearly remember the words spoken by Jean Valjean , having read Les Miserables both in high school and in college, though they had never much meant anything to me before. Yet as I lay here, with my angel in my arms, her leg casually draped over my hip as though trying to pull me closer, the words finally seem all too clear to me now. She had led me to this point in my life, she had shown me the person that I really am, the person that I could be if I allowed myself and in doing so, I had found something to believe in. For that, I knew I would love her forever, I knew that from the deepest depths of my soul, even if she found that she no longer wanted me, I could never stop loving her. Still, I knew that I would never give up… That I knew just how lucky I would be if I were able to spend the rest of my life with her, though even that didn't seem like enough to me.
The soft glow from the morning sun illuminated the room and I could hear a soft moan from my left and I knew she was beginning to stir. Surprisingly enough, her phone had remained more dormant than her, as she had murmured all night, and I had been lucky to be woken to hear some of it. Still, I couldn't help but feel the nagging sense of dread in my stomach. How would Emmett react? Carlisle had already made it apparent that he disliked how close she and I had become and, yes, I'll be the first to admit it has been quick, but at the same time, nothing has ever felt so right to me before in my life. Surely he would understand? Surely he had once felt this passionately about Rosalie, after I explained myself, he would understand and a common comradeship would be formed and all would be right in the world. I would have the blessing of her brother as well was the love of a magnificent woman. Still… I suppose I'd still have to get Charlie's approval… I shuddered with the thought. He might not deem me worthy enough.
I basked in the warmth of her body and turned slightly to gaze upon her. Though I had woken up frequently throughout the night, I was only noting that for once it was not from the nightmares that had haunted me since James… They were always the same: a flash of my parent's murder (though too young and not around to witness the events… They had been heavily detailed at the trials and my own subconscious had formulated it into a movie scene that I often seemed to bear witness to), a flash of the trial, the look on James' face just before the executioner injected the anesthesia, and finally his face as he promised his revenge and the terrible, shrill laugh that my parents driver had once described to me. But they had not come last night and for the first time in almost ten years, I felt free, and I knew that it was because of Bella.
My prior fear of sleeping were much like a child's fear of the monsters in the closet, only I never had anyone who could chase the memories from my mind like a father or mother might 'chase' the monsters for their child before bedtime. I had grown accustomed to living off only a few hours of sleep because I demanded it, unwilling to allow myself to sleep through the horrors that my mind wanted me too. But Bella had changed all that. I realized that the monster of my mind was merely I. My own guilt manifesting itself within me, and I fed it… I allowed it to take shape but just like the parent did for the child, she had managed to dispel him from within me. No longer did I feel the nagging on the back of my throat; no longer did I feel the heavy guild in my mind… She had made it all okay; she had told me that though what I had done was not necessarily right… I had done it because it was the only manner that had made sense logically to me at the time, that it was an action that many might do if they were placed in my situation as well. I was not the monster I had allowed myself to become. It was an epiphany… It was the start of my new life.
I felt her move closer, her head nuzzling against the crook in my chest and I turned my head and buried it in the long waves of her chocolate brown hair, closing my eyes tightly as I breathed in the scent of strawberries. Though I had learned about her past… Though she had gone through every painful detail of her prior relationship with Jacob, I couldn't help but worry that there were too many things in her present that would ever keep her from moving back to Forks and I wasn't sure that I would be able to ask her to move here, even if she wanted me too.
My knowledge of her current life was scarce and extended to only the few details that Emmett had once told me on a long night when he was upset about Charlie's condition and wrestling with the idea of telling Bella about what had happened. He had said that she had moved to California. That after living in Phoenix with their mother, the rain had never been something she enjoyed and California, though still having some rain, would have quieted her hated for the rain and allowed her to live in an environment somewhat like that of the one she had when living with Renee. He had said how much she had loved Stanford and how, though they had once talked about moving to Seattle together after she had graduated, she had chosen to remain in California, moving thirty minutes north to San Francisco where she had been offered a job as a junior curator at the Museum of Modern Art. But that was the extent of my knowledge. Did she enjoy it? Would she think to give it up? Those were all questions I could not answer, and questions I was afraid to ask. Afraid that if she did love it, that as soon as the issues with Charlie were resolved, she would be on the next flight back there leaving me with my heart missing. My heart ached at the mere thought of her leaving. How unbearable would it be if she did leave?
"Mmm. You're still here!" Her voice was thick with sleep though I could hear the excitement in it as it broke through my thoughts. I looked down to see her deep brown eyes staring up at me with an intensity that took me by surprise.
"Of course I'm still here. Why would you think otherwise?"
"You were gone yesterday." She spoke wryly and I felt my face fall slightly. How could I make her understand that though I would give up everything in this lifetime to wake up next to her, the very act of what we were doing was only going to make the future more painful? If she were to leave me I would only be left of memories of this… Of her sleep laden eyes, of her messy bed hair, of the bright smile that possessed her face as she looked upon me for the first time of the day… It all served to only make me fall harder.
My silence must have made her think I was unhappy, because her voice was soft and timid as she continued. "It's nice… waking up with you."
"You have no idea." I pulled her closer to me, knowing that there were no other words that I could speak that wouldn't scare her off so I did what I thought would be second best. I leaned down to press my lips against her own, however, she pulled away and I did all I could to hide the hurt and confusion that I was certain was plastered across my brow.
"Morning breath."
"Oh… I hadn't realized…"
"No… It's not you. It's me."
"That's the most clichéd line anyone has ever used in bed before." I replied, the left side of my lip curving up into a half smile.
"That's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean Miss. Swan." I somehow managed to keep a straight face, though I was doing all I could to keep from laughing as she attempted to work her way out of the predicament that she had talked herself into.
"I meant that I didn't want you to kiss me when my breath was stale." Her body was almost on top of me now, as though she was trying to restrain me from leaving, as though she had thought she had offended me enough to make me flee in anger.
"I don't care about that… Obviously. I just want to kiss you again… I've been waiting for hours." I smiled, rolling her off of me so we were laying side-by-side before reaching ahead and brushing her hair off her neck.
"Hours huh?" She whispered as I leaned forward again to kiss her neck. "That's kind of creepy, Dr. Cullen… Watching me sleep and all."
"I'm a doctor… I was making sure that you were still breathing."
She laughed a soft, musical laugh that hit my core. "Oh I see… So you were only observing for medical reasons… That's less creepy… And a much better excuse…"
"Much." I smiled against her neck before nipping at it slightly trying to weaken her resolve. "Now… Do I get to kiss you or not? Because either way I'm not ready to let you get out of this bed yet."
I felt her hands as they tugged on my messy hair, though she had yet to speak any words. "Bella?" I spoke before continuing my assault on her neck, making sure to give up before any telltale bruising would occur. I didn't want to give Emmett a reason to distrust me after all. She only tugged harder of my hair and let a soft moan escape her lips. I took that to mean yes and began to move up, finally reaching the place I wanted and captured her lips with my own. Though I expected a small fight, her resolve was weakened and she seemed to melt into it and I barely had to beg for entrance into her mouth. Before I knew what had happened, she was underneath me, with her legs wrapped tightly around my waist as she began to grind her hips against my obvious state of arousal. Still… I had to pull away. It would not be like this.
"How did you sleep?" I asked, after rolling off of her before pulling her into my side. I could hear her panting as she attempted to regain her breath and I smiled knowing that I had been the one to leave her breathless.
"You tell me Dr. Cullen. You were the one who watched me all night." She grinned wickedly at me and I felt the blush on my cheeks as the blood pooled in them. Better the cheeks then the groin.
"You seemed to be enjoying yourself." Two can play at this game. Her cheeks instantly flamed.
"I was talking again wasn't I?" I nodded and heard her groan, a sound that, though she hadn't meant it to, sounded all too sexual and seemed to stimulate blood flow to the area that I was hoping to avoid. "What did I say?"
"Nothing too bad. Why what were you dreaming about?" I grinned and watched as she blushed even more and I was enjoying the torture… Enjoying the blush that not only pooled on her face, but on her neck and, though I couldn't see it, I assumed on her chest as well. You are a sick man Cullen… A sick man…
"Nothing much…" Her voice trialed and I knew that she meant more than that but I had teased her enough for one day…
"You just said that your chin was itchy…"
"It is! Stupid stitches."
"Just a few more days love… Then I can take them out and you will be as good as new." I smiled, letting my thumb graze the white bandage. "You said my name too."
"How often?"
"A few times." She groaned again. "I didn't stay awake all night…"
"I hope I didn't say anything embarrassing. I hate that I talk in my sleep."
"I happen to love that you talk in your sleep. You said you loved me."
"You already knew that."
"It's still nice to hear nonetheless."
"I love you." She said softly and I knew she meant it. I her words flooded my system and I felt as though I was ready to burst.
"You have no idea how happy that makes me." I replied, running my fingers through her hair. "I've been so afraid that if I spoke those words you would go running… I'm not afraid to anymore."
"Then tell me."
"I love you Isabella Swan." The words came so naturally that it seemed that I had always been meant to say them to her. I placed a soft, chaste kiss on her lips before she settled her head back against my chest.
"Your heart is beating so fast." She commented.
"It always beats like that when you are around… When someone speaks your name… Or even when I think about you. It's my bodies reaction to you Bella…" I said softly, blushing at my confession but I noticed that all the while she had changed her position on my chest and was looking up at me and smiling.
"I'm glad I'm not the only one." She took one of my hands in her own, an act that almost seemed absured as my hand was so much larger than her own, and placed it against her own chest where I could feel the steady, rapid pounding of her own heart, beating almost in rhythm with my own.
"It appears we are not good for each other's health… That much heavy beating is sure to put strain on the heart." I commented playfully.
"Don't you dare try to talk your way out of this one Edward Cullen." She scolded me and I could see the flash of concern and hurt as it washed over the face.
"I'm only stating what is healthy…"
"Well I don't exercise enough… This will be good for my heart." She replied and I laughed. Only Bella would think of something so utterly absurd. "Are. You. Laughing. At. Me?" I couldn't contain myself and she slapped my chest hard with the back of her hand. "Stop laughing at me!"
"I'm sorry." I finally managed to choke out. "You're just so cute."
"Cute is for puppies and babies… I am not cute."
"I happen to love cute." I smiled, pulling her closer towards me as if to emphasize that fact. "And you, Isabella Swan, are cute."
"Do you have to work today?"
"No. But I wanted to check on Charlie anyways."
"When were you thinking of going?"
"If you would like me to drive you to the hospital Bella all you have to do is ask. I would be more than happy to go with you."
"Will you take me to the hospital Edward?"
"Of course. Let me know when you want to go and I would be more than willing to take you."
"You just want to get rid of me don't you?" She smiled. "You've been around me for far too long. I'm sure any mystery I might have had is now long gone."
"That's where you are wrong… There is still so much that I don't know about you. You are still very much a mystery."
"What do you want to know?"
"What do you do in San Francisco? What is your life like there?" There… There were the dreaded thirteen words. The ones that I wanted to avoid because I knew where they were going to lead but I still felt that I needed to know. As much as it would pain me to learn that she missed her job, that she missed the city, I had to know what I was getting into when it came to her.
"I work as a curator at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art… I guess I got into it because I always enjoyed art… Obviously, since I was an art history major at Stanford… But it was one of those things that fell into my lap. It gives me the time to still do the things on the side that I love… Like photography."
"You like taking photos?" I asked, that piquing my interest as it was something that I had never imagined about her.
"I do. Charlie bought me a camera for my eighteenth birthday and it was something that I just fell into… Seems to be a pattern in my life." She observed quietly, giving me more time to interrupt.
"I'd love to see some of your photos."
"Oh really… They aren't anything much."
"Nonsense. I want to see them."
She shrugged and I nodded for her to continue. "I just finished with an exhibit that we closed a few weeks ago… A Georgia O'Keeffe and Ansel Adams exhibit. They asked me to head it up and I had honestly never been more honored. They don't usually let those so young do things like that so you can imagine my surprise. I'm supposed to be working on a Salvador Dali exhibit that they are going to have but with everything with Charlie… My heart just isn't into it and they told me to take as much time off as I need."
"Do you miss it?"
"I don't know really… I thought I would. I thought it would be so hard to be away from there… Not just MoMA… But really, San Francisco in general… The thing is… The more time I spend here, the more I'm beginning to realize that my home isn't there…" She paused for a moment. "I think I fell in love with the idea of San Francisco… The idea of a new place and a new life… But I wasn't really living a new life there. I was running away from the old one."
"People do that all the time though. That doesn't mean San Francisco isn't your home."
"My home is here Edward…" She said so confidently that it took my breath away.
"But Emmett… Charlie… They always said you hated it here."
"There was never any reason for me to love this town before."
"And now you have a reason?"
"Yes… He's laying right here next to me." My mouth was agape with surprise. It wasn't that I doubted her feelings, but I never, under any circumstance, believed that she could feel that strongly about me. It would be wrong to say that I thought it was one-sided, because I knew she cared… I just didn't know she cared that much.
"I can't ask you to give up your job in San Francisco to move to a small town with no opportunities."
"You didn't ask me." She said softly, her hand reaching up to brush the hair off my forehead "I could always get a job in Seattle, MoMA knows about Charlie… It would be logical to move back up there and I'm sure I could get the recommendation to get a job at the Seattle Art Museum, or even the glass Museum in Tacoma… I know a lot about Chihuly… And besides… It's too early to be talking about these things anyways… I just want you to know… For future reference, that I have nothing tying me to San Francisco."
My heart soared at the prospect. Sure, Seattle was four hours away… Tacoma, three and a half but they were infinitely better than the fifteen hours it would take to get to California, by car at least. But still, words were easier spoken than they were to live up to. "But surely you have a life there… A life that you've started, with people who care about you."
She laughed shortly… It was almost curt. "I wouldn't exactly call what I was doing in California living… It was more of a, 'I'm going to do everything I can to just make it through a week' kind of life. When I say that I have nothing tying me there… I really mean that I have nothing tying me there. But really Edward… We will deal with that when the time comes."
She looked at me intently, and I wanted to believe the words that were coming from her lips but I was too afraid that she was merely saying them as a way to get herself to believe them. We do stupid things when we think we want to be with someone… I could never live with myself if she ever grew to regret those decisions.
"Now… Can we go to the hospital? I'd like to see how Charlie is doing. I haven't really been able to spend much time with him."
The guilt flooded me once again. I had been the cause of that occurrence. "I'm sorry. That's my fault. I never should have continued to keep pulling you away from him."
"You really have this brooding thing down pat don't you?" She mused as she sat up and pulled the hem of the shirt down. "I wasn't fighting you about taking me away now was I?" I shook my head. "So stop blaming yourself. I wanted to go with you. I chose to go with you. Got it?"
I nodded and stood up. "Do you need clothes to change into?"
"Yes please." She smiled up at me before I went to find Alice to see what she could do.
A Little While Later…
It seemed like the day was going to be rather pleasant, though the air was cold with a pre-winter chill. Alice couldn't find a jacket that would fit Bella so I had given her mine and, like every time I saw her in my clothing, I marveled at how good she looked in them. The hospital parking lot was fairly empty, though that might have had more to do with the noon hour, than anything else.
"Emmett must have come here earlier this morning." She spoke after scanning the parking lot for his car after we had both gotten out from my Volvo.
"Maybe." I shrugged and felt her hand slip into my own. "Is he going to be angry with me?"
"Who? Charlie?"
"No… Emmett."
"Why do you say that?"
"Carlisle told me that he wasn't too thrilled with our… Spending time together."
"It's really none of his business."
"Still… I don't want him to hate me."
"He doesn't hate you. He's just very protective over me… More so now than ever what with the whole Jake episode. Don't take it personally Edward… He'll come around. I know that he likes you as a person."
"How do you know that?" I asked. I could feel my own eyebrows lift with curiosity.
"He spoke fondly of you when he called me to tell me that Charlie was here to begin with… That you had ultimately convinced him to tell me what was going on."
"I did… Though I never expected this" I gestured with one finger between her and me, "to happen."
"I know." She replied, leaning into my shoulder. "He knows that too. Just give him some time. He will come around when he sees that you are so different than Jake."
I nodded and we walked the rest of the way to Charlie's room in silence. I was thankful that neither Lauren nor Jessica were around. They were the last two people that I would want to deal with right now. All I could think of was Charlie's reaction to the both of us walking into his room together. Had Emmett told him?
"Hi dad!" Bella smiled as we walked into the room and she dropped my hand before walking towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck softly. Still, though she might have missed it, I saw the look that crossed his face when his eyes landed on our joined hands.
"Hi Bells." He smiled at her before turning his attention to me. "Dr. Cullen."
"Hello Officer Swan." My heart was racing in my chest as I felt him look me over, his eyes critical of my every movement. I reached for his chart, an instant reaction trying to find comfort in anything that I could. "I wanted to see how you were feeling today."
"I'm feeling much better."
"You look it dad." Bella grinned and I looked at his chart. His vitals had improved, much to my astonishment. I was truly unsure that he was going to come out of it, though looking at the chart now, seeing the improvement on his face even in just a short twenty-four hours, I was almost ninety percent sure, that everything was going to be okay and that he might be discharged in about a week.
"Your chart looks very good Officer Swan. I'm pleased with the improvements."
"Your father said the same thing this morning."
"Ah… Carlisle stopped by." I said casually, trying to maintain my calm but I couldn't help but feel his eyes on me and I knew, almost certainly, that Emmett must have said something.
"Yes. He stopped by when Emmett was here this morning."
"Oh! Emmett!" Bella said loudly. "I need to call him. Do you mind?" She asked, turning to look at Charlie.
"Not at all. I wanted to have a word with Dr. Cullen privately anyways." He smiled at her and she leaned down to kiss his forehead.
"Okay. I'll be back in a little bit." She turned her back to him and began to walk to the door, smiling at me softly as she passed and shutting the door behind her leaving me alone in the room with Charlie. This was a situation that, though I had been in many times before, served to increase my anxiety, and I feared that he could see just how uncomfortable I was.
"So Edward… I'm assuming I can call you that." His voice was authoritative, reminding me somewhat of Emmett's on the night that I had spent at their house… The night of the Port Angeles incident. My only response was a nod of my head, unable to find the words that should have come easily. "Good… I figured we could drop the formalities with Bella gone. Emmett tells me that you have taken to our little Bella."
"I…"
Charlie cut me off before I even had the chance to continue. "I might not be the healthiest of men right now… But I sure still know how to be quiet and still. I heard everything you told me yesterday when you came in here." I gulped loudly… I had only been so vocal because I had believed him to be asleep. "I think we have to talk son…"
A/N:
Whoa… And entire chapter all in Edwards point of view! I wasn't really expecting that at first but it seemed to work.
So this chapter is a little different than the others… I was tired of keeping Charlie sick so obviously he is going to get better… Which means the father role is changing slightly… Though Emmett is still going to be VERY protective of Bella… Maybe even more so than Charlie… I haven't figured out what I want his reaction to be yet… Corny as it may sound… I let the characters kind of do their own thing while I'm writing, though I do know what is ultimately going to happen. So I hope that you all liked this little section with Charlie and Edward… There will be more, obviously, in the next chapter. One thing: how many of you suspected Charlie heard Edward when he had made his declaration?
So… I apologize again for how long it's taken to write this… This is like the third draft because each time it felt like such crap… I'm halfway satisfied with this chapter though so I decided to post it. I am so excited to hear what you have to say about it. I'm toying with working from Charlie's perspective for the next chapter… Even if only for a brief amount of time.
Now… As always… THANK YOU all to my wonderful reviewers and all you who continue to add this story to your alerts/favorites. Without your input there wouldn't be a story!
Thanks to:
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I hope you all had a great Christmas… I probably would have updated sooner had we not gotten a Wii… I hate to admit it but I've become rather addicted… Stupid Mario Kart… Haha. Anyways… I'll be working on the next chapter, though with New Years in five days and my 22nd birthday in six things might be hectic. Plus I'll only be in CA for about a week more and I want to spend some time with friends before heading back to WA… Still I'll be working hard to get you another chapter. Especially as I've left on a bit of a cliff hanger.