Wish Chapter 10: By Ankle Deep
Song: And the Boys by Angus and Julia Stone

Disclaimer:
Ankle Deep: Well … we meet again.
Random friend: We do?
Ankle Deep: Yes, we do.
Random Friend: Okaaay.
Ankle Deep: So … let's turn on the computer, my Random Friend.
Random Friend: I have a name, you know.
Ankle Deep: Sure you do … now, what do we have here?

*Boots up computer*
New Email:
from Badass Hathaway

Ankleeee Deeep my man! How's the new chapter?
Are people reviewing? If they're not...
Dimitri and Damon would gladly bash them up for me.
Tell them not to take my death threats lightly.
Hawaii is great ... lots of sand and sun, and I need the rest, you know.
And I'll be back... next chapter...to continue the story!
Loveeeyouuuu
Xxx. Badass Hathaway

Random Friend, looking around to see that AD has disappeared to write the chapter: Dimitri and Damon? That's kind of overkill isn't it? This is become more a VA story if you ask me ... Well, on with this story ... and watch out for the Badass, she's deadly. Literally. They don't own Twilight, but hey, we all know that, don't we? Have fun – RF

I was sitting in the lounge room, moping and trying not to think about it too much, when it started.
"Edward?"
"Yeah?"
"Eddie ... Eddie ... Are you?"
"Are what?"
"Are you? You know ... going to?"
"Going to what?"
Emmett was at the foot of the stairs, and staring down at me, just waiting. There was a funny kind of look in his eyes, one of his normal joviality but also something else, an undercurrent of something beneath the surface. Whatever he was on about, Emmett was not going to stop this round-about speaking until he got the answer he wanted. The last time I saw this look Emmett challenged Jasper to a week-long no-holds-barred Nerf Gun fight. Naturally, it had not ended well. So I decided to ignore him, trying not to think about the five-hundred tonne elephant in the room, the one at the edge of all of my thoughts and maybe in Emmett's half-conversation as well.

Bella ... not that she resembled an elephant in any way of course.

It went on for hours, while my mother Esme was out shopping we always had nothing to do, and homework was always out of the question for Emmett.
"So ... Edward?"He would be at it again, lingering at the top of the stairs, back after a video game marathon with Jasper, or from a session with his much-loved comic books, but always back. Every time he began the cycle, that endless catch twenty-two of meaningless questions and avoiding answers, it made me feel worse, but whether I noticed this or cared didn't seem to matter to Emmett.
"Edward ... Eddie?" I would have to give in soon. The sooner I caved the sooner it would end, right? No, not right Edward, just ignore it, and it may go away.
"Are you going to do it yeeeeeeet? Huh? When?"
I was so ready to hit him. After the first couple of inquiries it became clear that the subject was about Bella. Wasn't everything in my life now? But it didn't matter to Emmett, as long as he got his answer.
It was so frustrating. Couldn't he see how hard it was already? When I had first lain eyes on Bella, I thought that maybe, if I had gotten to know her, we could be friends, be happy. It wasn't like one of those movies when you fall in love at first sight – it was more real than that. For the first time in a while I wanted to get to know someone outside my family. Before Bella they were all I needed, the little world I was happy to inhabit, but my social skills had dropped because of this, obviously, from my treatment of Bella. I was so self-obsessed – it was shameful. I wanted to tell myself that I wasn't, and then I had tried to prove it, through my apology, but that hadn't worked either – only broadened the gap between us. It was supposed to be better, but I had only caused myself more pain.

"Edward, I – "He started, I couldn't stand it anymore: for hours on end I had endured this round-ended suggestiveness, wondering why Emmett put us both through it. Bluntness was his style, not this.
"Just shut up, okay? " I got up, and headed toward the stairs where Emmett stood, somewhat stunned. "Edward, I didn't mean to – "
I left.

Once I was in my room I could breathe again, but as soon as I turned around Jasper was there. Couldn't I have any space now? I wanted Esme to come back, to stop this, but I didn't want to be the momma's boy either – the brother who couldn't handle his own problems, apparently.
"What do you want?" My voice was cold, and unfairly accusing. Maybe he had been in here to get a CD or something, but I was looking at him like he had committed a crime.
"Dude, this is not cool. You can't just let it go on like this." For a guy who lived a town surrounded by thick forest, Jasper was as close to a surfer dude as you could get.
"I think I can make my own decisions." And I did, kind of. Okay, not really. But I didn't need Mr. Cool-and-Collected to sort things out for me.
"Just try and think about her for a change, Edward. How must she be feeling when you ignore her, then apologise and act that it changed anything? It's gotta suck." Trust Jasper to sum it all up in three calm words. But I didn't need him! I could do it myself – why did they care so much all of a sudden?

"Jasper, I just need to be alone, okay? Just leave. I don't need you or Emmett to sort out my problems for me." I couldn't shout at Jasper, but my words stung just as much. He left, and finally I was on my own, to figure everything out, to vent my feelings in a way that mattered, that didn't feeling false. I wrote a letter.

Dear Bella;
I am writing this letter to you, knowing that you will never read it. Maybe that's the whole reason I am writing it in the first place, and I know that after I do I will stash it in a dark drawer somewhere, but I digress, for that is not for the matters of the present. I am writing this to tell (or not tell?) you what you have a right to know, but what I can never express. I'm sure you too have secret thoughts that you ought to tell, but what you do with them is your choice, of course. As far back as I can remember, it has always been easier for me to say things in music, so here is something for you – a little something I found which say's everything perfectly.

It's been days now, and you change your mind again
it feels like years, and I can tell how time can bend your ideas
and the boys go on and on and on and on
and the boys go on and on and on and on

And there's gold, falling from the ceiling of this world
falling from the heartbeat of this girl
falling from the things we should have learned
falling from the things we could have heard

Well it's been days now, and you change your mind again
all the cracks on the walls reminds me of thing we said
and I could tell you that I won't hurt you this time
but it's safer to keep you in this heart of mine

Falling from the people that we heard
falling from the love we never earned
falling from the sky that should have burned
Falling from my heart, falling from my heart, falling from my heart

Falling from my heart

I hope you understand. It should have been better, but it's not.
From Edward

A/N: Well, that's it for me from a while. I worked quite hard on this one – and feel free to please review and tell me what you think, and anything about the plot. ~Ankle Deep