Baby You Can Stop Running
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight… This song was kind of inspired by the song Hazy by Rosi Golan feat. William Fitzsimmons (if you are a fan of the singer/songwriter thing with acoustic guitars… I think you would enjoy both artists, but Rosi's CD is amazing).
Chapter Twenty Seven
Edward
Work was kicking my ass. Or rather, I was letting work kick my ass. I couldn't remember a time when I had been this busy at the small community hospital, but that probably had more to do with my taking on more patients in order to keep myself from thinking about the changes that were occurring in my life. It was easier that way and though I would like to say that it hurt less that would be a blatant lie.
It had been six weeks since Bella had come to Forks and Charlie had finally made a full recovery and she would no longer need to stick around. As Charlie's doctor, I should have been thrilled that he had pulled through, and I had a sneaky suspicion that much of that had to do with the fact that Bella had returned to help him. It was obvious to everyone that his whole outlook on the situation had changed dramatically since she had arrived. He wanted to pull through for her, so that they could repair the relationship that had been strained for the past five years. I couldn't exactly blame him, she was worth it. But looking at the situation as someone in love with Bella, I was slightly disappointed that it hadn't taken Charlie longer to recuperate. Though I was certain of her feelings for me there were still so many things that had been left open and we hadn't discussed the future since that morning almost six weeks ago but I was certain that we would be having that conversation within the next few days and I had only had two options, and either way, the answer would break my heart. I could have her stay and risk her safety under the suspicions that whoever was sending these letters would find her and go after her too, or tell her to leave. The decision would be painful regardless of what path I took. I would have thought that after the curve balls that life had thrown me that there would be some hope for happiness but with no easy option for either of us, the possibility of a happy ending was almost as tangible as air.
It was all too much to think about, to deal with and I just wanted an escape from it all, though even that was hard to find. I had hoped that I could seek comfort in Bella and though I did feel some semblance of comfort when I was able to hold her in my arms knowing absolutely certain that she was safe, the thoughts were never far off the horizon.
I sighed loudly as I shut the front door behind me when I got home from work. I had anticipated going straight to Bella's but after having been thrown up on by a young child who had come in with the flu I figured a shower would take priority. Sure, I could have used the showers at the hospital but I suppose I'm too 'prude' as Alice would call it. I just didn't enjoy the gaping that some of the female nurses and doctors would give me when I walked out with the towel hung low on my hips.
The distinct smell of pot roast hit my nose and I curiously walked into the kitchen to see Esme perched over the stove preparing something else. I did all I could to hide my disappointment that she had chosen today of all days to make pot roast. It had always been one of my weaknesses and with my plans to see Bella, I would miss out on it.
"Hey." I said softly, watching as she jumped with surprise. "Sorry, I thought you had heard the door when I came in."
As she turned to face me, I could tell that something was wrong. It was true that Esme was a fairly composed person but her one tell was her eyes. When something was troubling her, you could always see it in her eyes. It was probably one of the reasons that most people assumed that we were all blood related; I knew that my tell was much like hers.
"It's okay, I was just lost in thought." She responded before nodding to the marble countertop where the white envelope sat untouched.
I wanted to yell, to scream, to cry and cruse whomever it was that was continuing to haunt me. For once in my life all I wanted to do was move forward and it just seemed fitting that when I had finally come to accept my actions in the past and attempt to move on, that it would come barreling towards me at an unbelievable pace.
She must have seen the terror in my eyes because without speaking, she was by my side and her arms were wrapped around me and pulling me into a motherly hug that was filled with the love that I had never before been able to accept but was drinking in for the first time in a long while. I could feel the tears welling behind my closed eyes and I was afraid of opening them and letting them escape. I didn't have the time to be weak, I had to be strong.
A dry sob escaped my mouth and she continued to rub circles on my back with her hand.
"It's okay Edward. We are all here for you."
I just stood there for what was probably ten minutes as I wrestled with myself for control over my emotions while Esme just held me. As a man, I probably could have pulled away, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. I needed her to hold me because somehow I was reverting to my ten year old self, afraid that I was going to lose everything and everyone who had ever meant anything to me in my life once again and that thought scared me more than anything else in the world. I had come out of it once, but I wasn't sure I would be able to come out of it again. Wrapped up in my own thoughts, I had failed to take notice that Alice and Jasper had walked through the front door and were bearing witness to my emotional breakdown.
"Did another letter come?" She finally spoke as I wiped the back of my hands over my eyes to wipe away the remnants of the tears that had managed to escape regardless of how hard I had fought against it.
"Yes."
"What did it say?" She asked and I shrugged.
"I haven't opened it yet. I'm not sure I really want to… It's not like they really change or anything." I replied and grabbed the white envelope from the counter into my hand before collapsing onto one of the breakfast bar stools.
"You need to see if anything has changed."
"You're the one who can predict the future Alice! You tell me what it says!" I snapped and she recoiled into Jaspers arms. I instantly regretted my tone, but it was becoming harder and harder to remain calm. "I'm sorry Alice… You didn't deserve that."
"It's okay…" She whispered and I knew she was right… I had to read the letter. I had to know if anything had changed because I had to know what was happening. It was the only way that I could make plans for the future.
I turned the envelope over in my hands a few times, my eyes looking at the all too familiar scrawl before I tore at the sides and pulled he paper out. I wasn't sure my heart could beat any faster than it was as my eyes scanned over the writing.
Just because our first attempt was unsuccessful, doesn't mean we won't be back… We send our regards to the officer, he was never our target. He just got in the way of our plans. Just so you know.
I looked up and my eyes met Alice's.
"What's wrong?"
"I never really thought about it…" I said to no one in particular.
"Thought about what?" For the first time Jasper spoke up as he moved closer and took the letter from my hand before holding it up to look at it. "Oh man…"
"It's my fault."
"What's your fault?" Alice and Esme both asked at the same time.
"Edward… Listen to me." Jasper started, not bothering to answer the question that had only been asked. "This is not your fault. You had nothing to do with this at all. They are trying to get a rise out of you. They want you to believe that it is your fault. You did not have a gun in your hand… You did not shoot Bella's father…"
"If I had never moved here…"
"Edward Anthony you listen to me and you listen to me good!" Esme shouted, realizing exactly what the letter had stated from Jasper's talk. "None of this is your fault and you need to accept that. I will not have you moping around this house blaming yourself again for something you didn't have control over. Do you understand me?"
I nodded because even if I didn't want to accept it, I knew she was right. There was absolutely nothing that I could do to change the course of what had happened and Jasper was right, I hadn't been the one to pull the trigger. Still, they knew I was here and it was only a matter of time before they found out about Bella and it was obvious that they had no problem harming an innocent bystander… They would have no problem harming Bella if it meant that they would get to me and that realization scared me more than anything else in my life.
"I know you don't want to tell her Edward… But you really should tell Bella what is happening." Alice said softly.
"There isn't anything to tell her Alice." I lied.
"Come on Edward… That's a big lie and you know that."
"She will never be able to forgive me for this." I said softly, my eyes on the hard counter top unwilling to look in the eyes of my family. "She is going to hate me."
"She isn't going to hate you…"
"How can you say that?"
"Because she loves you… Everyone can see it." Alice continued.
"But because of me her father almost died."
"What did I tell you about this not being your fault?" Esme said again and I looked at her.
I shook my head. I knew what she wanted to hear but I wasn't able to say those words, even if they were the truth. I couldn't bring myself to accept them because if I had never moved here, then it never would have happened.
"I'm going to take a shower… I just don't want to think about this right now." I said as I stood up and retreated into my room to take a shower, wishing with all my might that the water would just wash away everything and make it all go away.
"Hey." I said somberly as I walked into the Swan's living room to find Bella lying on the couch with a Kleenex in her hand, wiping at her eyes. Panic filled me for a moment as it was a rare sight to see tears in her eyes and with everything that had been going on in my life, I couldn't help but worry that something had happened to her. "Are you okay?"
"Hi…" She whimpered. "I'm fine… Just the movie."
"What are you watching?" I asked, walking around to the other side of the couch as I watched her sit up so I could sit next to her. I had her in my arms in a matter of seconds, her body melting into mine as she relaxed.
"Romeo and Juliet."
I chuckled, thankful for the distraction.
"Don't laugh."
"It's sweet." I replied kissing the top of her head.
"How has your day been?" She asked and I briefly wondered if Alice had told her from the curious look in her eyes.
"It's been long... It's been a long, tiring day." She smiled and straddled my lap as she pressed her lips against my neck and I fought back the groan that always seemed to come forth when she was there, tempting me, trying to push me beyond my limits. Still, I continued to fight, not ready to move the relationship to that level yet, not until I was certain what our future would bring.
"And are you tired now Dr. Cullen."
"Bella…" I warned, my voice as stern as I could muster as I pushed her away slightly. My resolve was weakened however when I saw her lips mold into that damn irresistible pout that she now knew was an infallible approach to get her way. "Don't give me that."
"What"
"That pout. You're playing dirty."
"Do you want me to play dirty?"
"Bella." I groaned and brought her closer into me, trying hard to remove the temptation though I could still feel her soft lips against my neck. The heat that they exuded against my still wind chilled neck sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine and I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head for a few moments.
"Edward?"
"Hmm?"
"We need to talk."
I had an urge to kick and scream like a child. The day had been long and with the letter that had come, all I really wanted to do was bask in Bella's warmth, in her body, to savor the time that we had together. But it seemed that reality had a completely different plan.
"I suppose we do." I said after a lull and I felt her fingers brush a few strands of hair off my forehead.
"I'm going back to San Francisco." I should have been expecting it, but as soon as the words escaped her lips, I felt my heart plummet at the thought that she would be leaving me.
Even though I knew that when this conversation was going to take place I was going to push for her to go back, I suppose I never really thought about how I would actually feel when she would go. For the first time I was certain I was experiencing heart break in a way I never thought existed; it felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest and stomped on, and I wasn't sure that anything would ever make it feel better. She was sitting there, in my arms and yet my heart ached as it did when we were apart, only this time, one hundred times worse. My mouth was dry as I opened it to speak and I felt it took hours to finally choke out the words. "When?"
"Monday."
"So soon?" I whispered, closing my eyes wishing that it was all a dream.
"It's almost the end of the month… I have to go."
"I understand." I replied as she pressed her forehead against my own.
"What's going on in your mind?" She whispered, her warm breath against my face.
"I just…" I started but I wasn't sure where to go from there. I knew this was coming… I just wasn't prepared for how this would feel when it actually did happen. "I guess I didn't think it would hurt this bad… And I can't ask you to stay because you have a life back there… But I'm going to miss you."
"You can come with me."
"Bella… You know I can't." I opened my eyes to find that I was staring directly into her chocolate brown ones wishing that I could just swim away in them.
"I didn't think you would be this upset about my leaving." She said, pulling her forehead from my own and turning her head to look out the window.
"How could you say that?"
"You've just…" She paused and I reached forward to cup her chin with my hand, forcing her to look at me. "Well… I feel that you're back to that hot and cold behavior and I didn't know…"
"Bella… Never doubt my feelings for you." I said sternly. "I've been going through a lot and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ever taken any of it out on you. I'm so sorry that I made you think that I didn't want to be with you because you are all that I ever think about, all that I want in this world."
"So come with me…"
"I can't leave work Bella."
"Yes… You can." She smiled and I found myself confused.
"How do you figure?"
"I'm only going to be gone for a week."
"A week?"
"Yes a week."
"But I thought you were going back to San Francisco."
"Yes… To pack up my apartment so my sub-letter can move in and to bring my things back up here."
"I don't want you to move here because of me Bella." She started to laugh which only added to my confusion. "What?"
"You're awfully conceited Edward."
"What do you mean?"
"You think I'm only moving because of you?"
"Aren't you?"
"There are other people in my life besides you Edward… Things with Charlie are finally looking up and I guess after everything that's happened I don't want to lose any more time with him. I owe him so much and I want to be in his life and that means moving closer to home. I mean… It's not that you aren't part of that picture, you're just a wonderful bonus to it all."
I was still on the fence about everything. Her life in San Francisco was what she seemed to need if she ever wanted to advance her career. The museum had a wonderful reputation and it would only be a matter of a few years before she was able to get any job that she wanted. It's not that I'm saying that the Seattle Art Museum isn't good, or that the glass museum in Tacoma isn't a good place for her either. It's just… I know what it's like to strive for success and taking a job here would only seem to be a step backwards for her. "But what about your job?"
"I'm moving to Seattle and for the time being I'm going to work at the Seattle Art Museum and maybe go back to school."
"Where are you going to live?"
"Alice and Jasper offered to let me stay with them for a while until I find a place of my own." She said before moving off my lap and onto the cushion beside my own. I wasn't sure how to react. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want her to stay but with everything that was happening, it just seemed better if she went to San Francisco for a while. At least until everything blew over and I was certain that nothing was going to harm her. At least if she was there, they couldn't find out about us.
We were silent for a while before she took the initiative and spoke once again. "Please Edward… Come with me."
"Okay…" I said, a smile on my lips. Maybe getting away was something that we needed, something that I needed. If anything, it would help me to forget, if even for a little while, the past that was catching up to me and to spend time with the only woman who had ever made me feel this good, even when the world I knew was crashing down at my feet.
A/N:
Okay… So I know it's a really short chapter and it's because I had a really hard time with it and I'm still not really happy with it. I am looking forward to the next one though because it will take place in San Francisco and there is going to be some confrontation… I hope that the chapter was decent to read… Like I said I'm not all that proud of it but I wanted to give some answers about the letter and what was going on.
I want to address something: Someone mentioned that this didn't seem believable… That someone would come after Edward for acting within the law… What I wanted to do was lay down what I was doing with this. I have never said that Victoria and James were together… That was something that was assumed. What I did say however was that James was a part of a radical group… So this chapter was meant to clarify things just a little bit. The letter was saying that this group is coming back for revenge because they fully believe in what they have done. Not to mention, we have only heard good things about Edward's family… What if his mother was involved with shady political dealings?! It's not that hard to believe really. So anyways… I hope that this makes a little bit more sense.
I'm hoping to wrap this story up soon because I'm itching to start the next one. So much so that the ideas are flowing for it and I've been outlining it… I would like to find a beta for it however because I want to get some feedback… Actually I'd like a beta to talk out the rest of this as well so if you are interested let me know in a PM or a review!
Now… I would like to thank everyone who is continuing to read and support this story!
Thank you to:
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Patrick Cullen: I am so appreciative of your comment. Seriously… I'm thrilled that you like this story.
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I promise the next chapter will be worth this really really crap one!!