A/N: I'm doing something new… I'm going to write down all the songs that inspired me as I write my chapters. So, on with the show.

Chapter Twenty Nine Playlist:
Jeff Buckley, Lilac Wine
Sarah Dashew, Morningtime

Oh and you should know… You're in for a lot of Edward angst (especially in the beginning). Edward is going through a rather rough time… And you're going to see some major mood swings and he may even curse a little, which is definitely out of character for him but he isn't from the early nineteen hundreds…

Baby You Can Stop Running
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or characters that are recognizable to the saga. I do however, own any characters that are not from the books… Though sometimes, like, when they are bad, evil characters, I wish I didn't.

Chapter Twenty Nine

Edward

I wish that someone had told me, long before I ever started things with Bella, just how difficult love truly is. Because there I stood in the hallway of her apartment, my eyes trained on her form, wondering how I had let it get this far, how I had allowed her to give herself to me without knowing the implications of her actions. I closed my eyes and shook my head, a desperate attempt to shake the thoughts from my mind that had been there for three days now. Still, when I did open them I couldn't take my eyes off of her; she was curled on the couch as she read one of her ridiculous novels (okay, ridiculous is a harsh word, silly maybe), probably Pride and Prejudice or Romeo and Juliet, held tightly in her hands as she turned the pages. Her taste in literature was something I found annoyingly adorable and though not exactly my taste, I wouldn't change hers for the world. I loved that she was so optimistic about love, that she fully heartedly believed in its powers to overcome all. We were each other's polar opposites in that sense. I wanted to revel in her optimism and I felt sick for that because her view was the only thing getting me through this. I wanted her to be right; I needed her to be right if I was going to come out of this unscathed.

I didn't want to think about that anymore and I turned my attention back to her, to study her frame in its surroundings. She looked good here and I was beginning to wonder if we should just stay here and never go back. At least I could hold off whoever it was that was out looking for me, ready to inflict their evil agenda. I stood a chance at keeping Bella safe here if they couldn't find me. Esme and Carlisle could send me my things and we could take residency in this apartment that I was beginning to love more and more. This place would hold all my best memories of Bella when she would no longer be around, when she would leave because of the secrets that I was hiding from her. This was the time that I wished I was more optimistic. If I were, I wouldn't have to worry about things like this, about Bella leaving me.

I wished that I could have willed my mind to stop working because the silence was not exactly welcomed. It seemed that whenever I was left alone with my thoughts, I could only imagine the possibilities of what would happen if Bella knew the truth. I should have told her right away, I should have listened to Alice, to Esme, to Carlisle, even Jasper for that matter. It was just that the more time that passed, the easier it was to convince myself that it was for her own good that I wasn't telling her and even though I knew I should have, I just could never do it. I wanted to, so badly on our first night in San Francisco, and I almost had, until she looked at me and I saw the lust in her eyes. The hormones that I had lacked as a teenager were rearing their ugly head and as ashamed as I am to admit it, it was always easier giving in to them than it was to tell her the truth. I just prayed that it wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass in the long run. Which, knowing Bella and her stubbornness, it probably would. But the side of me that was both logical and illogical at the same time was telling me to take what she gave me and make the memories so that I would have something to cling on to when it all ended.

Again I closed my eyes and shook the thoughts that were entering into my mind. Leaving Forks wasn't an option right now, besides, she wanted to go back for Charlie and if I did anything to disturb that, I could never forgive myself. When I opened my eyes once again I continued to stare at her, my feelings a mixture of love, lust, hope, longing, and sadness. Though I suppose my lust wasn't helped by the fact that she was wearing those dark, skinny leg jeans that show every single line of her curves, the slight protruding of her hip bone where it juts out, the delicate roundness of her backside and, if she moves just the right way, the slight indentation on her outer thigh. It also doesn't escape my notice that she was wearing my sweater; the black Hugo Boss cardigan that Esme had bought. I had only worn it once, on a night when I took Bella to Port Angeles to watch a movie to just get away from everything in Forks. She came home with me that night and the next morning the sweater was gone. I suppose I know where it went now and I couldn't help but smile that she had had it all along.

Bella was like that. Always taking things that didn't belong to her but ultimately, they did. Just like my heart. Then again, my heart had never beat like it had until she showed up so maybe my heart did belong to her all along. I didn't make a sound, content to just watch her from my place in the hallway. It was one of those perfect moments all in itself. I just wanted to stand there and observe her, to study each curve of her body, the lines of her neck that in the moment I began to think about it, I longed to press my lips against and breathe in her sweet fragrance.

No one ever tells you how difficult loving someone is. Movies, music, and literature, they all build love up. They make you believe that the hardest part is finding it or accepting it. Though, I suppose I wouldn't have been so keen to accept the lies that these sources spew in their tales of love had it not been for the relationships that I had witnessed around me. Though there is little that I remember of them, what little that I remember of my own parents, I know that they were crazy about each other. The kind of crazy that drives you insane, that pulls at you from the inside and holds on, never letting go, the same kind of feeling that I knew I was feeling for Bella. Carlisle and Esme were also the picture of relationship perfection; never away from each other for more than a few nights because any more than that and it would be too much, always finding ways to touch each other even after twenty plus years of marriage. And then there is Alice and Jasper, who took the lemons of my difficult situation and made lemonade from it. I know that I am partially the reason that they are together and I couldn't be happier for them. They both deserve it so much and I suppose, I don't think I could ever see Alice with anyone but Jasper, no one else would ever be good enough for her. But I suppose it's the love around me that makes this all so damn difficult.

The love that surrounded me took years to cultivate, years to nurture into the relationships that were present and here was Bella and I. All that love at first sight, star crossed lovers crap was circulating around in my head at a rapid rate and I couldn't help but think that was exactly what we were. I wanted to know of another couple besides Romeo and Juliet who had so recklessly thrown themselves into a relationship under impossible circumstances and to know what the outcome would be. I would never be able to go through with this is Bella's demise was like that of Juliet's. Her death would be at my hands if that were to be the case. Fuck Edward… Get your shit together. Angst was apparently, my constant companion.

How do I tell her that the reason that the bullets that wounded her father were meant for me? How do I tell her that she can't be safe if she is around me? How do I tell her that I can't be with her until all this is settled? How do I do this when I know that it might break her and she has already been so broken by Jacob? But above all, how do I do this knowing that it's not the right thing to do? How do I convince myself that I can live without her? How do I make myself believe the lie?

This is probably why authors and songwriters don't tell this tale. Who would read it if the ending was sad? We live in a world that is already cruel; no one wants to experience that in the fantasy land that film, music and literature create. A truly happy ending isn't logical for someone in my place. My pessimistic side keeps telling me that I won't even be around that much longer. Maybe that would be the easiest way for it all. If I go now… If I end it all now… The future won't matter. My thoughts, my worries, all of it won't matter. Keep telling yourself that. Stupid, rational thought, it would matter because I knew that if I did have it end now… if I allowed myself to venture into the darkness, I wouldn't just be hurting my family, I would be destroying the pure and innocent angel that had somehow managed to love me. Even that wouldn't be an option.

I couldn't handle the quiet any longer and I was actually surprised that she hadn't seen or heard me from my place in the hallway.

"I was wondering where that sweater went." I finally spoke. I smiled as I watched her jump, not having heard my quiet observation.

"I… I'm sorry?" she blushed that deep red that I was so entranced by and I walked over to where she was sitting, taking a spot on the couch beside her and letting her rest her feet in my lap.

"It's okay. Looks better on you anyways." I grinned.

"That was a quick shower." She commented, tossing the book down on the coffee table. I caught sight of the title, Jude the Obscure. That surprised me; then again, Bella was always surprising me.

I shrugged. "Though I knew you were a fan of the classics Bella, I'm quite surprised you are reading Thomas Hardy. He isn't exactly a fan of the perfect ending."

"Maybe endings aren't always perfect."

There went my only hope for optimism. "What happened to my Bella? The one who loves happy endings and romantic tales?" Had my behavior the past few weeks pushed to her believe that the books had lied to her. Fuck… Even when I'm trying to be good for her, I always seem to mess it up. The last thing I wanted to do was take away her optimism, her belief in a happy ending, it was the only thing that was getting me through all this, the only thing that actually made me almost believe that we could have it all.

"Come on Edward… It's not like his endings are always terribly depressing or anything. And okay, Jude is really depressing but I mean… Okay, Tess dies in Tess but I mean, Angel and Liza Lu get married… I mean, they made lemonade out of lemons right? And I mean, Elfride didn't exactly get her perfect ending in A Pair of Blue Eyes but she was loved and I guess… Maybe in the end that's all that matters. What more can we ask for than to love and be loved in return?" My Bella was back, slightly… Though maybe it was just because of Thomas Hardy… Maybe if she had been reading Jane Austen or Charlotte Brontë then her reaction would have been different. Obviously Thomas Hardy was staying in the apartment as I hadn't packed it. That would be a good thing. I didn't want the notions of tragic endings running through her head; I needed to keep her optimistic, it was my only hope. I'm such a fucking hypocrite.

"Quoting Moulin Rouge now?" I smiled and she smiled back, tossing a pillow at my head that I caught before it made contact. "Hungry?"

"I could probably eat something." She replied, sinking down further into the couch tucking her feet between my legs. I visibly shivered feeling how cold they were through my jeans and pressed my legs down harder against them in an attempt to warm then quickly.

"More tired than hungry?" We had been packing all day and I was thankful for that because we had been in San Francisco for four days now and with the packing behind us, we could just spend the rest of the time together. I was even contemplating asking her if she wanted to extend the stay a little longer. I just wasn't ready to go back and face everything there. I hoped that she would agree to it. I had already approached Carlisle with the idea and he was more than fine with it, muttering something along the lines of 'if it kept me sane then I should just stay there.'

"Nope. Let's go out and get something." She finally spoke, standing up and pulling me up with her; her arms around my waist before I could even grasp my equilibrium, but I was okay with that.

It was cold, but you never would have guessed that by the sun that was beating down on the city. Bella was dragging me down Post Street, her hand fused against my own as the bitter wind nipped at our exposed faces. I had to squint to see anything, and that was even with the sunglasses that were perched on my nose.

"Isn't it supposed to be foggy around here?" I grumbled and her chuckle filled my ears. I was thankful I could hear it over the busy streets here at Union Square.

"Not all the time." She smiled, leaning into me, her shoulder rubbing against my own.

"Stupid sun." I grumbled and she playfully smacked my shoulder.

"Take that back Edward Cullen! I love the sun. It is so nice to see it for once. I forgot how much I missed it."

"I'll take the rain any day."

"We are so not compatible."

"Opposites attract sweetheart… opposites attract." I grinned, slipping my hand from hers and wrapping my arm around her waist so she was flush against my left side. "Where are we going anyway?"

"You'll see. Stop being so impatient."

"I can't help it. I've lived with Alice for far too long. Where are we going?"

"You are such a child." She laughed before holding one hand up and pointing up the street. "Just up there a few more blocks."

"We could get there a lot faster if you'd let me carry you."

"No."

I pouted the rest of the way and was surprised when I felt her body stop in front of a more modern building. There was a rather minimalist sign that read Scott Smith on the door. I turned to the side to look at her, arching one eye brow in question and she nodded her answer. Before she could open the door for herself I reached forward and gripped the handle, letting her pass through first. I didn't even have time to take in the surroundings before I heard someone yelling.

"Bella Swan!" A girl shouted and I looked up to see someone walking towards us. She was of average height, probably about five foot, five, her slender body squeezed into a tight black pencil skirt with a black blouse that was probably unbuttoned a little too much to be considered professional and her blonde hair pulled into a bun on her head. Her eyes fell on me and instinctively I slid up closer to Bella, wrapping my arm around her waist tighter and keeping her as close to me as possible to thwart any unwanted advances.

"Hi Amanda." Bella was speaking through tight lips and I had noticed how her body had gone slightly rigid before I had the good sense to pull her into me. I wanted to be sure she knew that I wasn't attracted to this girl at all because though she tried to hide it, I still knew that Bella didn't see herself quite clearly.

"And who is this?" She purred and I fought the urge to roll my eyes, annoyed that the woman was so blatantly flirting with me when it was clear that I was with Bella. She visibly stiffened against my side and I looked down and saw that her eyes met my own and I rubbed her side lightly trying to let her know that the other woman had no effect whatsoever on me.

"This is my boyfriend, Edward. Edward, this is Amanda, we worked her together before I took the job at the museum."

"Well you certainly have been hiding him away Bella. I'm sure Jason is going to go cry in his beer when he sees this one here with you."

I felt that heat boil up deep within me at the mention of some man's name and I had to work hard to keep my voice level. "Jason?"

Bella opened her mouth but Amanda spoke before she could even utter a word. "Jason is Mr. Smith's son. He's been chasing after Bella for the past two years. I imagine Scott will be slightly upset. I know how much he has always wanted you to be part of his family."

"Scott will be happy for me regardless." Bella muttered before regaining her confidence. "Is he around?"

"He's out to lunch but he should be back in a little bit." Amanda sneered, obviously upset that her game had not fallen in her favor because I watched as she glared at Bella as I dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

"Okay, well Edward and I are just going to look around for a while. I'd like to introduce the two of them."

"I'll let him know you're here when he gets back." She said curtly before turning on her black heels to go back to the desk.

"Come on. I want to show you around."

I obliged and fell into pace with her as we walked around the rather large gallery. I couldn't help but notice that the photographs were arranged by artist and I began studying them, knowing full well that this was the gallery that housed some of Bella's work, trying to figure out which ones were her own. There were the artists that I knew of, Ansel Adams, Minor White… And then there were the smaller, lesser known artists and I still couldn't help but gawk at the price tags. Sure, I knew they would be expensive but I guess I never really thought that even those who weren't as well known would have gone for so much.

Bella never said a word as we walked though. We would reach an artist that I had thought might be hers and I would look down to meet her eyes and she would respond with a shake of her head.

"These are lovely." I spoke finally, interrupting the comfortable silence that had fallen between us, as we reached another artist and Bella merely stood there, her eyes gazing over the photographs before us. I glanced at the artists name, Maria Dwyer. "I think my mother has one of these."

"Really?" Her voice was pitchy but I was too captivated by the photo before me. I wasn't quite sure where it was taken but it was of an older couple in a park. It was blatantly obvious how in love they were as they sat there under the large tree. His arm was draped casually over his wife's shoulder and his other hand cradled hers and they were laughing about something, completely unaware of the world around them.

"Yea. I remember the name. Esme and Carlisle were down here for a medical convention; I was suppose to meet them, it was when I was doing my internship in New York but I was held up because of an emergency. When I came home I remember seeing the photograph in their bedroom and asking about it. I had this physical draw to the photo… Something was just different about it. I actually almost took it from them to bring back to New York but Esme loves it too much." He shrugged. "Maybe I should get another."

"No." She replied and I looked down at her lifting one eyebrow.

"I know it's expensive Bella but I assure you that it's not an issue."

"Why pay for one when you can get one for free?"

"What?" I was slowly putting everything together and my eyes went wide as I understood. "You're?"

She nodded and I leaned down to press my lips against her own.

"I'm Maria Dwyer." She responded casually when we pulled away.

"I told you that you were talented Bella. I had honestly never fallen in love with a photograph so quickly." She blushed and I smiled. "Where was this?"

"Golden Gate Park." She replied, leaning into my side. "It's actually Scott and his wife. Scott has always been like a father to me, and Rachel was almost like my stand in mother. Since I met them three years ago, they always invited me to family gatherings. I would go to their house for Christmas and Thanksgiving… Scott even bought me my car here in San Francisco, saying that he always wanted a daughter. He had some ridiculous fantasy of buying her her first car and teaching her how to drive. Although I knew how to drive he made me take it and wouldn't hear anything more on the subject."

"Probably why he wants you to marry his son." I grumbled.

"Anyways…" She smiled before standing on her toes and kissing my cheek. "They were having some family reunion at the park and asked if I would come. I agreed and when I was standing off to the side speaking to his niece I saw them off by themselves and there was something so intimate and beautiful… I had to take the picture. Scott adored it obviously and he won't sell it but he loves to show it off."

"They look so much in love."

"They are." She wistfully replied. "They actually remind me a lot of Carlisle and Esme; always sneaking glances at each other, smiling when the other enters into the room. After all those years together, after all those years of marriage… It's beautiful. I can only hope to have that for myself one day."

"I'll give you that Bella… I want to give you that." I whispered softly and I wasn't sure she even heard because she just stood there.

"Please don't say things like that to me unless you mean it."

"I do mean it Bella. I don't want to scare you away at all but I want you… all of you , forever. I want to call you my own and I want to make sure that everyone knows it." My lips were against her ear and I felt her shiver in my arms, and I was unable to hide the smile that had formed on my lips.

"Bella!" A loud low voice called again and I growled at the interruption, however when we pulled away I instantly recognized the man from the photograph. Bella twisted from my grasp and walked to the man, allowing him to envelope her into a large, fatherly hug.

"Hi Scott!" Her voice was excited and I found myself feeding on her joy though I could still feel the nerves as they began to settle in knowing that this man was almost as important to her as her own father and I was moments away from meeting him.

"How have you been sweetheart?" He asked as they pulled away and he held her shoulders taking a good look at her. "You are positively glowing! How is your father?"

"He's doing well; actually he just went back to work this week."

"So you're back?"

"Not exactly…" She smiled looking over her shoulder at me. "There's someone I want you to meet." I walked closer to them fully aware of Scott's inquiring eyes as he visually sized me up. "Scott, this is Edward. Edward, this is Scott, my California father."

"It's very nice to meet you sir." I smiled extending my hand to shake his own with the confident firmness that Carlisle had taught me so many years ago.

"Likewise." His voice was indifferent before he turned to Bella. "You've got yourself a fine young man there Bella."

"I think so." She smiled, slipping her hand into mine and I returned the grin as our eyes met.

"Can we be expecting any more photographs if you are moving back to Washington, as you can see, they are all sold out."

"I think we can work something out. I'm keeping my apartment but I want to be closer to Charlie for awhile… And this one here is a pretty nice bonus as well."

"What do you do Edward?"

"I'm a surgeon at Forks Community Hospital but I've been thinking of transferring to a hospital in Seattle." I saw Bella's smile widen.

"Is that so Edward? You never said anything about that?"

"I wanted to surprise you. I've spoken with Carlisle and he is friends with the Chief of surgery at Northwest Hospital and he has been asking him if he has room for another resident."

"Well, I have a meeting with an artist that I'm trying to showcase so I'll leave you two alone but please call me Bella so we can discuss your work further." He smiled at her. "I'm so happy that you have found happiness sweetheart, you deserve it and as much as I wish that it could have been with my son, I see how he couldn't even come close to this man standing here by your side."

"That means the world to me Scott and please say hi to Rachel for me." I could see the tears that were straining to escape her eyes.

"I will. And Edward, it was very nice to meet you and please take care of Bella for me."

"It was very nice to meet you as well and I plan on it sir." He nodded and walked towards the stairs that presumably went to his office leaving Bella and I alone once again.

"So did I pass the test?"

"You sure did." She smiled, her arms around my neck as she laced her fingers through my hair, pulling me down closer to her. Her lips were warm and soft and I allowed myself to give in for a little while, enjoying the way she tasted until I had to pull away, knowing that I would only want more if we continued.

"How come you didn't tell me about Seattle?"

"I wanted to make sure it was a done deal first."

"Are you only doing it because of me?"

"No. I'm doing it because it's a great opportunity. Northwest Hospital is a fantastic hospital and you just happen to be a wonderful bonus." I grinned, using her words.

"Thanks for finally calling back Edward." Alice shouted into the phone. Since we had arrived I had been ignoring all calls that were coming from Forks… I knew that answering them meant dealing with the letters that were probably still coming to the house and to be frank, I didn't want to think about that and I had just hoped that they would have respected that. "We've been calling you for the past six days Edward."

"So sorry if I just wanted to get away and be with Bella without the looming dread of the letters that have been coming to the house Alice." I growled back, not really happy with her tone, or the fact that she was bothering me. I got out of the bed knowing that this conversation was going to be loud and I didn't want to wake Bella who had fallen asleep an hour ago.

"Running away from this isn't going to make it go away."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Well you certainly are acting like that's the case." She retorted. "Have you even told Bella yet?"

"Don't do this now Alice."

"I'll take that as a no."

"It's not that I haven't wanted to."

"Sure… I'm so sure you've tried."

"What are you saying Alice?"

"I'm saying that you're a coward."

"What do you want from me? If I tell her she is going to leave me."

"Maybe now she has every right to. God Edward…"

"I don't think I could keep living if she left me Alice and I realize that I've seriously fucked up by not telling her but I don't know how to do it. It's going to hurt her and I don't want to do that."

"As much as I want to yell at you for not telling her, that isn't why I've really called. It's not really the reason that we've been frantically trying to get in touch with you."

"What do you mean?" I asked and I could hear the fear in her tone of voice, the one that told me that whatever she was going to tell me was going to be something that I wouldn't want to hear.

"The letters are still coming Edward and well…"

"Spill it Alice." My heart raced, pounding violently against my chest as I returned to the doorway of the bedroom, my eyes falling on Bella's peaceful form, tucked safely away in the bed and all I wanted to do was be in there with her, to have her arms around me, to forget about it all.

"Jasper and I have been opening them and reading them."

"That's a felony." I joked, failing miserably trying to lighten the mood, trying to steady the nerves that had filled my body, to calm the wave of anxiety that had washed over me.

"Edward." Her tone was soft and ominous and I knew what she was going to say before the words had even been spoken. "They know about Bella…"

A/N:

So I haven't left you with a cliffhanger for a few chapters now so I thought I would leave you with one this time… Evil I know… So… When is Edward going to tell Bella?! I don't know! I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out but I think it is going to be soon… Very soon.

I wanted to give a great big thanks to all my reviewers, the list is getting longer and longer so I'm only going to answer some of the people who had questions/observations but know that I appreciate every single one of them! From here on out I am going to personally thank you through a response but I'll answer big questions here on my notes.

Flecour and McDramaQueen: You both mentioned something that was very similar. I agree, I never should have pulled that much from the books… It really did hurt the flow. I will never do that again! But I appreciate the constructive criticism and I'm really glad that you stuck it out to get to the rest.

Flower123: Edward will tell Bella… I'm just waiting for the pivotal moment.

Monstergrrlshow: Edward is taking so long because he is scared of losing Bella. Either way, in his mind, it's a lose-lose situation. If he tells her that the shooting was because the people were after him and instead they harmed Charlie, he is afraid that it's going to send her running away from him. But now, he's scared because he knows that no matter what they are going to find out about her, a fear that was confirmed at the end of this chapter, and he doesn't quite know what to do about it. He knows that he can't live without her and now he doesn't know what to do because both situations will take her away from him. With the group knowing about her, he isn't sure if he should leave her or stay around… It's difficult.

.: The song is called Come Around and it is by Rosi Golan. You can get the song on iTunes but I recommend the entire CD if you are into acoustic/folk. I'm a huge fan of that genre, I feel that unlike with most pop songs, there in an intensity behind the music that you can just feel… The playlist for this story (the rest of it ) will probably be songs from Jeff Buckley, Rosi Golan, Sarah Dashew, Van Morrison (who I feel is one of the few musicians who truly lets the music take over him… His stuff is powerful), Bob Dylan… I could go on for longer but I'll spare you.

I'mTheRemix: Bella is going to live with Jasper and Alice in Seattle for a while, until she finds her own place.

So thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review, from here on out, expect personalized thank you's to appear in your inbox, if you don't get one it's because you will be mentioned in an author's note because of a question that you posed that I feel is pertinent to the story or what not.

One more thing: I wish I was in London now… Not last year. Of course Robert Pattinson is there NOW…

Oh and another: Did anyone else get teary eyed when Barack and Michelle danced their first dance? Oh man… When he told her "I love you" I was almost a goner.

Preview of next chapter:

"I didn't want to believe the words that Carlisle and Esme had said. All my life they had led me to believe one thing and though she had tried to rectify her actions, I wasn't sure that I could ever forgive my mother for the pain that she was casuing me now in her death. It wasn't that I didn't love her, but knowing that had she made a different decision, had she done the right thing all along, she and my father would still be here with me and Bella would have been safe."