highschool musicals story and its actors do not in any way belong to me i am just useing them in my awsome kick ass story they belong to the evil empire that is disney etc.

Chapter 10: coming clean

Enter Ryan

Troy danced on the stage with the spot light on him and I couldn't help but feel a little bit aroused. Ok so a little bit was an understatement he was absolutely captivating. The way his body moved to the music like I had showed him and I have to say he has improved so much since I had started teaching him. The music stopped and so did he. He hoped off the stage and walked over to me.

"So?"He said

"That was great there is nothing more I can teach you you nailed it" I said.

"Awesome" he said giving me a high five as he collapsed into the chair next to mine the feeling of his hand against mine felt nice even if his was all sweaty. "I don't think it could have happened at a better time what with opening night tomorrow"

He gave me a weak smile and I could tell he was extremely nervous about it which I couldn't blame him for. "Troy relaxes you will do great I know you will... You have me"

"You may have confidence in you're abilities but I can't shake the feeling that I am going to screw it up and tank my performance" he said

"I have confidence in you're abilities as well as my own" I said "stop stressing troy I believe in you"

He smiled at me and of course I felt butterflies as he did so. This was beginning to get intense too intense as much as I liked troy I couldn't wait for things to get back to normal. And when I say normal I mean he goes back to his life and I go back to mine. Its harsh I know but I can't keep doing this to myself because I always do. I fall for a guy that I know I will never have and in the end I don't get out of it quick enough and I end up hurt and I refuse to do that again. The problem is I think troy really likes me as a friend which could wreck everything because the only reason I have became friends with him is because I think I am falling in love with him.

That's not to say I wouldn't like being troy's friend I just don't think that kind of relationship is possible with the feelings I have for him. It's just not healthy not to mention if troy ever found out he would probably be grossed out. But would he really? I mean he knows I am gay and yet he still hangs out with me all the time he has invited me to his house and he introduced me to his parents which in hindsight was probably not the best course of action if I wanted to forget about him. But that's not the point the point is he hangs out with me and seems to really like me it must have crossed his mind at some point that I may have feelings for him. but I wasn't going to think about that now I was just going to go to this show finish it and then slowly drift away like I did with every other straight guy I have fallen for and its not like he would notice much he would be finished with the musical too and wouldn't have a reason to hang out with me anymore.

"What are you thinking?" he asked

"What?" I said zoning back in "n... Nothing I was just you know… its nothing" yes that was believable. If I kept acting like this he would find out I liked him sooner then later.

"Yeah right" he said rolling his eyes "you can tell me we are friends right?"

God he makes it so hard but it's not like I was going to be like oh sorry I was just thinking about how much I am in love with you.

"It's nothing important" I said shrugging it off but one thing I didn't know about troy is that he is a lot more perceptive then he looks.

"See that has me thinking" he said

"Oh shit someone call the police troy is trying to think" I said

"ha-ha" he said "but seriously I notice that you never talk about you're self". I turned my face away from him and my eyes widened. I was not much for talking about my life not a lot of people aside from sharpay knows about my past and I liked to keep it that way. Now I may be more then well off and have all the money in the world but that doesn't make my life a cake walk in fact you would be surprised about how much life sucks being an Evans and I feel like if I tell troy that it would just bring me further down the rabbit hole that is our friendship.

"I mean we talk about me all the time but we have never talked about you or you're family" he said "I want to know the real you because I don't really know all that much about you"

"What can I say what you see is that you get" I said ok that was cheesy but anything to derive form the point right?

"That's a cop out" he said "why do you always avoid talking about yourself?" he asked clearly it was frustrating him.

"Maybe because you have no businesses knowing" I said coldly. His face fell and I could tell that I had hurt him. I didn't say anything more and it was silent for a few minutes. For me it was awkward because I feel that when a gay guy is friends with a straight guy you constantly have to walk around on eggshells filled with awkwardness and incase something happens such as what has just happened now you have to be prepared for the worst and the straight guy will always have more ammunition then you because he could at any moment drop the fag bomb and he will automatically win.

"I share everything with you" he said. I turned to look at him of all of the things I thought he was going to say this was not even remotely close to the top of the list. "I tell you stuff I don't even tell Chad… and I don't even know anything about you"

"It's complicated" I whispered nervously.

"It doesn't have to be I feel like you just want to make it complicated" he said "like it always has to be drama with you"

I was not about to get mad at him because it was true he didn't know anything about me so I cant blame him for jumping to conclusions but I was not going to let that comment go un answered. "See that's where you're wrong troy" I said.

"Then explain to me please because from where I sit you're life looks awesome. You're an amazing dancer probably scholarship material and even if you don't get one it's not like your hopeless because you have all the money in the world…"

"Having money isn't all it's cracked up to be" I said rolling my eyes.

"Easy for you to say" he said "considering you have an abundance of it"

"Ok just stop" I said standing up "you think that money is just going to solve all of my problems? Money is the problem money is the reason why I don't talk about my life because it has caused nothing but problems for me since I was born"

He didn't say anything but just looked at me like I was crazy. "What troy dose that sound crazy to you?" I asked " well then let me elaborate for you I would give up all of the money to have a life like yours the basketball golden boy image aside money has fucked me up. Its moneys fault that I have never known the love of a parent "I felt the tears gathering in my eyes and I knew it was inevitable. God I hate crying.

" you have a family troy when you screw up or make mistakes you have someone there to tell you it will all be ok. I don't have that I was raised by a nanny who didn't even speak English because she was an illegal just so my parents could leave for months and months at a time. I don't know love like you know love the only thing I have ever known that resembles love is a bunch of closet cases who ended up breaking my heart because I got caught up in thinking that they actually meant something " I said " you have a normal life with parents who love you and friends that will always be there I have a life where my friends are the sons and daughters of rich business partners and parents who don't give a fuck enough to know that there son is even gay and telling you all this is just making it worse so you want to know why I don't like to talk about myself because the people who want to know wouldn't possibly understand how much it sucks to be rich"

I wiped my eyes but it was no use tears continued to fall. Troy looked like he was about to cry as well but I didn't care. There he got what he wanted he cracked me open and found out what makes me tick. He stepped towards me and embraced me in a hug "I'm sorry"he said. His hug felt so comfortable and I didn't want to move from it. "I will always be here for you Ryan" he said. That's when something inside me clicked god I was so in love with him. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that I loved troy Bolton and I wanted to be held in his embrace forever. Wait… that's not right I couldn't be in love with him I couldn't this was wrong and it was just filling me with more hope. I don't mean anything to troy at least not in the way I want to that's why this had to stop.

"NO GET AWAY FROM ME" I yelled at the top of my lungs as I pushed him away. He fell to the ground and looked up at me in fear and hurt. It broke my heart but I knew it was the only way.

"Ryan… what's wrong with you?" he asked

"You're what's wrong with me" I said "you had to come into my life and you wouldn't just let me hate you, you had to make me you're friend "

"Because I care about you because I love you Ryan you're one of the best friends I have ever had even if we have only been friends for a little while you have changed me".

"stop" I yelled he was making this too hard " I cant be you're friend troy you are just another bump in the road for me that's why I don't tell you about my self that's why I keep my distance because I am scared to get hurt again don't you get it?"

"No I don't get it why are you doing this?"He asked.

"Because I'm in love with you, you idiot" I said. I didn't look at his face but I knew he was probably a little bit weireded out and if not he probably felt sorry for me which is just as bad. "You made me fall in love with you" I said in barely a whisper before I ran from the auditorium leaving troy sitting on the floor.

Enter troy

I should have scene this coming. I knew he was gay and I knew he liked me but I should have known that he had real feelings for me. God I messed up again… I completely led him on I told him I loved him for gods sake I shouldn't have said that. But I do I really do love him as a friend and I have never had a fiend like him and I didn't want to lose him but I fell like that was sort of inevitable at this point.

Now I was sitting on the floor of the auditorium with a sore ass and a head swimming with worry for Ryan hoping he was ok and mental punches for not seeing this coming and as weird as it sounds the idea of Ryan being in love with me didn't gross me out or make me feel any weirdness towards him actually when I think about it it made me feel sort of good. He loves me wow an amazing person like Ryan is in love with me the thought actually made me happy. Was that weird I mean a normal guy would find it totally weird and never want to talk to him again but I felt good knowing that he felt that way I felt almost honored and It actually made me want to spend more time with him. Dose that make me gay?

Am I gay… do I like Ryan? I began to panic I'm not gay… Gabi I love Gabi I love her so much 'but you love Ryan too' the voice in my head told me. Yeah but not in the same way I love Gabi I love her in a romantic way I love Ryan like a best friend. Well how do you know that is true if you have never thought about him that way?

"Ok that's just about enough out of you" I said out loud I am not gay I am straight I like girls I like Gabi but… I love Ryan. Man I love him more then anything. I love him so much.

Oh my god… I love Ryan.

my eyes got damp and tears started flowing I don't know weather it was from the happiness that Ryan made me feel or the fact that I was suddenly realizing that I was gay.

"I am not gay" I said out loud standing up. It's like I have no problem being in love with Ryan he makes me happy like not even Gabi dose but as soon as the word gay comes into the equation I completely hate the idea. How can I hate something and love it all at the same time?

I made my way out of the auditorium and then to my locker. There were a few after school stragglers hanging around but no one that I cared to see so I just got my stuff and made my way to the exit. I didn't even notice I was being followed when I left the school.

I crossed the parking lot to wards the sidewalk I had gotten a ride with Ryan this morning so I had no choice but to walk home. "Troy" I heard someone yell from behind. I quickly gathered my self and turned around to find Chad walking after me. "What's up?"

"Nothing "I said continuing to walk with him "where are you coming from?"

"Oh I thought I would blow off some steam in the weight room" he said "listen do you want to go back to you're place and play some one on one we haven't really chilled in a while"

As much as the idea of playing basketball was appealing I didn't really want to be anywhere near him right now because I knew that it was only going to take one statement to make me blow my top at him and I was already a ball of emotion from the auditorium so If he pisses me off I might just kill him.

" uh no thanks I'm really tired" I said " maybe tomorrow or next week because the musical will be over and we have all of spring break to chill" I thought that doing it nicely wouldn't piss him off when I said no but as the song goes you cant always get what you want.

"Whatever dude" he said glaring at me "you have changed ever since you have started hanging out with that fag Evans". My face got red with anger as he said this and before I knew it I had his shirt in my hands and had him pushed up against a tree. He looked at me like I was some sort of crazy person but he had this coming.

"Don't say that about him" I snarled "you don't know him and if that's the kind of thing you have to say about my friends then you are obviously not one" I let go of his shirt hoping he would get the hint but he didn't.

"So what are you just going to throw away years of friendship for some gay kid?"He asked

"he isn't the problem Chad you are you are the one who hates him not the other way around so the only person who is throwing away our friendship is you because you cant deal with the fact that he is gay and I don't want to choose but if you want to continue making remarks about his sexual orientation then I will choose him no questions asked I haven't changed Chad I'm just calling you on you're shit for a change"

"He is the problem troy" Chad spat "he is a fag troy a dirty queer and that's what you want as a friend?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing I wanted nothing more then to knock him senseless but I didn't have my head on straight so much was going on and Chad was the least of my worries at the moment.

I let go of his shirt and stepped away from him "we are done" I said glaring at him.

His eyes widened in anger surprise "you're a fucking fag just like him" he said

My fist connected with his jaw as he said this and it fell so satisfying to do what I have wanted to do for a while now. I walked away from him with out another word but still angry about the confrontation. It made me feel even more confused about things. I don't even know why I let him calling me a fag bother me was it because I didn't like the ignorant venomous way he said it about the people I care about or was it the fact that I was scared of that it was true? All I know was that I had a lot of thinking to do and the last thing on my mind at the moment is if Chad ever got up from under that tree.

A/N

ok so we are fianly getting somewere after 10 chapters troy knows hpow ryan feels and we all know how troy feels i think... anywho hate on me but this will be the last chapter posted for a whole week =D exsiting... or huge bummer for people who like my stories but aisde from a few i will never actually know what you think because you never review so i'm sorry to the ones who do but for the ones who dont well ha i am not going to post for a whole week unless i get a few reviews that would make me a happy camper.

in know this is like way off topic but has anyone seen the new twilight? i thoguht it was the best one yet and the guy who played riley was smoking as kellan lutz... sry edward and jacob just dont do it for me... well maybe a little XD