A/N: Hi Folks! Sorry it took so long to update but my computer is messed up. I was so excited by all the Favorite, Alerts and Reviews I received last Friday! Thank you all so much!! I'm glad you are enjoying it! So Bella isn't as tough as she think she is and we'll see in this chapter! Don't worry Team Edward fans he will be back in the next chapter!Now on to Chapter 13!

I do not own anything Twilight...that belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

"Brokenhearted"

The next two weeks I threw myself into school and practice. When I wasn't doing one of the two I was out with the girls drinking and partying until late at night. I found that when I was drinking and partying I didn't think about anything. School was my personal hell because every where I went I saw him and my heart would hurt more as the days passed. Practice was moved to the outdoors since the basketball team was practicing in the gym and I didn't want to see him. The girls didn't like that I was being so hard on them but I needed to distract myself and practicing was one of my remedies. When we won the Cheer Off the following Saturday they were very happy but knew that I was just going to work them harder and that is exactly what I did. Any excuse to get away from the pain was welcomed.

Rose and Emmett were they're supporting me through everything but Jasper was another story. Alice had told him about what I had said and just like Edward he was upset and hurt. Every time any of them would see me they would turn their face and look the other way. On the outside I pretended it didn't matter and just rolled my eyes and continued what I was doing. The inside was a different situation because it hurt my heart whenever Edward looked away. But I knew there was a day that I was going to break and wouldn't be able to pretend everything was ok and that is exactly what happened two weeks after the Cheer Off.

My day started like any other day. I got up 15 minutes late for school. I didn't care so I took my time getting ready. I noticed it was finally sunny outside so decided on a short black Apple Bottom skirt and a red v-neck shirt paired up with my Betsey Johnson heels. After applying my make up and making sure my hair was up in a tight bun I headed down to see if my mother was home. Surprisingly she was and breakfast was ready so I hurried and had some before saying goodbye. As I started my car I received a text from Rose.

Hey Bells, are you feeling ok?-R

Yup see you in 10. -B

I went over in my head the same thing that I had been telling myself since the day of the incident. I wasn't some coward that was going to run and hide when things got bad. I have already been through a rough time and knew how to handle it. I wasn't going to try and explain myself to Edward because I didn't need any body in my life and Alice didn't have to worry about me trying to talk to her because we didn't like each other. I was stronger than this and I could get through it. That's what I told myself every minute since that night but inside it hurt like hell. Every night I kept replaying the kiss I had share with Edward and then the stare he gave me at the coffee shop. I had let him down and nothing was worst then having the one person you let in hate you. I knew I should have explained it to Edward but I didn't want to. I didn't want to look into his eyes anymore and see the hurt I caused him. Instead I was going to ignore him and Alice and carry on with my life. Everything happened for a reason right? So Edward finding out the wrong way happened so that I could realize where I stood in life. I was meant to stay as Bella Swan.

I parked next to Rose's BMW and made my way towards her with a smile on my face.

"Hi Rosie" I smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

"Bella are you ok?" she looked at me hesitantly. I knew Rose was waiting for the day that I would break but I wasn't going to be weak.

"Yes I am. Rose listen I don't need you to worry about me. I'm fine ok and I have been for the last few weeks." I sighed and headed to my first class.

"Bella you can't forget it. You like Edward and he's changed you so much, you can't give that up. I know you've been trying to be strong but I see the hurt in your eyes." Rose said walking next to me.

"I will and I haven't changed, Rose, and will never change. I am who I am and if people don't like it then let them screw themselves" I sneered and turned to look at Rose.

"You don't mean that Bella. You didn't change because of Edward you changed because of you. Edward just helped you realize you didn't like what you became. Come on Bella don't lose yourself again." she looked up at me with tears rolling down her eyes.

"It's too late" I mumbled and looked away before I broke to pieces again. I couldn't stand hurting my best friend but I wouldn't change. "I'm sorry Rose. I'll always be Bella Swan." I looked forward and walked toward class.

I had Alice in my first period class and like every day since then she glared at me when I walked into class. A part of me wanted to tell her the rest of what she didn't hear but the most dominate part told me it wasn't worth it. So instead I turned and listened to another boring lesson about insects. Halfway through class I was so bored that I rummaged through my bag to find my cell phone. When I couldn't find the damn thing I started to empty out my bag. As soon as I pulled out the first thing my hand touched every feeling I had been holding in for the past weeks spilled. I lifted my hand and stared at the colorful beads. I gasped and felt my eyes water up. I forgot that I had thrown the bracelet Edward gave me into my bag the day after the incident. I know it was pathetic to hurt over a bracelet but that bracelet was given to me by Edward. How could I have hurt him so much? I shouted in the inside andlooked over to notice Alice staring at me. I lowered my head trying to contain myself but felt like falling to pieces instead. So I did what I do best.

"Mr. Varner I'm not feeling so well. Can I go to the nurse?" I pleaded and wiped away the tear that had escaped.

"Yes Miss Swan you're excused." he said and resumed his lesson. I quickly grabbed my bag and ran out the class.

When I reached my car I revved the engine and backed out of the parking lot. As I drove I let go of all the tears I was holding and just cried. I couldn't help how much it hurt and I couldn't help the pain I felt every time I thought about what I had done. It was as if piece by piece my heart was being ripped apart. Not even when my parents separated did I feel this hurt.

"Why?!" I screamed over and over as I kept driving. I knew I wouldn't get an answer but I didn't care I just continued banging my left hand on the steering wheel until it was turning red. I couldn't help how hurt I was and how every time I thought about him my heart would rip and I would feel like I couldn't breathe anymore. I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

When I couldn't see through the haze in my eyes I slowed down and parked the car. I needed to get some air because I felt like I was suffocating so I got out of the car and gasped when I noticed where I was. Edward's hill. I walked over to the same spot we had been a few weeks ago and sat down with my arms around my legs. I put my head down and let out loud sobs until I felt like my heart was going to explode. I couldn't understand why this hurt so much. I mean I knew why but not why it mattered that he was disappointed in me. I had disappointed everyone close to me and it didn't hurt me as much as hurting Edward did.

"Why does this hurt so much?!" I screamed and sobbed into my lap.

"Because you love him." I heard and for a second thought that I was hallucinating. That was until I felt a pair of warm arms snake around my shoulders. I looked up into a pair of brown eyes.

"Emmett" I sniffed and wiped my eyes "What are you doing here?"

"I saw you running out of class crying and followed you here." he whispered and looked over at me. I just nodded and placed my head against his shoulder. "You're talking about disappointing Edward, am I right?" he asked and I nodded not caring if he knew.

"It hurts because you love him Bella. And before you start saying you don't let me assure you that you do. I see it when you look at him at school and the way you looked at him the night you sang that song to him."

I lifted my head and sniffled "How did you know? About the song?" I whispered.

"I know you Bella and I saw the way you looked at him on stage. Everyone else might not have noticed but I did. You both looked like you were in your own little world. I know that look because I'm sure you see it when I look at Rosie." he smiled down at me.

"You don't know what you're saying Em. I do like him a lot but I don't love him. I don't believe in love." I looked up at him and sighed.

"Does your heart beat faster when he smiles at you? Does your whole body shiver in the inside when he touches you? Does he make you laugh and smile more then anyone else? Does he make you feel good? Because if he does then that's what love is." He smiled over at me.

I looked over at him astonished at the way he had just described what I felt when I was with Edward. How could he know? I hadn't told anyone about the way I felt for Edward or what I felt when I was around him.

"I know because that's how I feel when I'm with Rose." he added and looked down at me.

I did love the way he made me laugh, the way his smile made my heart flutter, I loved the way I felt when I was with him and I did want to change so that I could be ideal for him. I loved spending time with him and couldn't stop thinking about him when I wasn't with him. I cried even harder when I realized that what Emmett was saying was the truth. I did love Edward. That was why it hurt so much because I couldn't stand the fact of him being hurt. I couldn't stand that I wasn't the one making him smile and laugh anymore.

"Bella it hurts when you disappoint someone you really love but it's your choice to make it better or not." Emmett whispered and squeezed my shoulder.

"I'm not good enough for him Emmett and he hates me." I cried out.

"Bella if he loves you back then he won't hate you. Yes I'm sure he's very hurt right now but you need to tell him how you feel and explain what happened."

"I can't tell him. I'm too afraid and he deserves better. Em he deserves someone nice, loving and understanding and I'm not any of those things. I'm a horrible person."

"You are not a horrible person. You've just been guarding your heart so much that you don't let anyone in because you afraid to get hurt. You are a great person and if you weren't then Edward would have never given you a chance." he reassured me.

"Em you're just saying that because you're my friend" I sighed and looked down at my hands.

"No I'm saying that because it's the truth. Do you know what Edward told me the night at the bar?" he asked and I shook my head.

"He told me that he was glad you we're coming out of your shell because he loved who you were when he was with you. That he couldn't wait until we all saw that." he lifted my head and stared at me. "He loves you Bella. So talk to him." he then got up and looked around "this really is a nice view."

I sighed and got up next to him "yeah it is. Edward brought me here." I smiled over at him.

"Come on lets go back to school" Emmett wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I nodded and followed him towards our cars.

"Are you going to talk to him?" Emmett asked as he opened my door.

"I don't know Em but can we keep this between us please." I asked and looked over at him.

"Sure thing squirt. We love you Bella remember that." he kissed my cheek and turned to his car.

"I love you all too Em" I hollered at him and got into my car.

As I was driving behind Emmett I couldn't stop thinking about what I had just discovered. I did love Edward and I should tell him but a part of me knew that he would be better with someone else. I didn't want to hurt him anymore and knowing me I would hurt him again. I couldn't just erase the person I had become so I knew that we would just argue and fight more and I didn't want that. I didn't want to go through what my parents went through and most of all I didn't want to ever see the hurt in Edwards's eyes again. It was better if I kept my feelings for Edward to myself. I wanted him to be happy so I wasn't going to mess up his life. There was nothing else that had to be said and no explanation that had to be given. Edward was going to continue hating me and I was going to continue with my life. I would do anything for Edward to be happy.