Mrs. X

When I came in, Edward was on the couch, asleep. The stiff feeling I hadn't even notice in my chest disappeared. It was good to be able to breathe again after the feeling of worry had vanished.

I let Alice's door click softly closed, trying to be as quiet as possible as I tiptoed past the couch and over to my room. I leaned against the door, my hand between the hard rough wood of the door and the cool metal slip of the door jamb. I dithered over whether to keep the door open so I could hear Edward if he needed me, or closing it out of habit. Not a hard decision to make.

I stepped away and pulled the door open. I could hear the couch creak as Edward shifted. I paused, holding my breath to see if he had woken up. His soft breaths were the only thing I could hear.

I grinned and crossed to Alice's room throwing my math book onto her bed. It wasn't until I actually opened my binder that I realized all my notes were out of order. Lovely. I scowled at a piece of crumpled paper before relenting, organizing the chaos.

What would have taken forty-five minutes, took me a little over an hour. Some of it had to do with having to reorganize my notes. Most of it had to do with me missing lessons.

When I finally closed my book—finished—I rolled onto my back, enjoying the sudden (false) sense of freedom. The movement though rolled me off the bed. I gasped, clutching at the comforter as the bed disappeared from under me. I managed to bring my heavy math books down too.

I threw one arm over me to protect my face. The textbook glanced off my arm and thumped onto the floor. "Ow," I muttered, rubbing my arm. I shot my math book a dirty look. It didn't return my antagonism.

There was a heavy sigh from the living room.

I froze, remembering my guest. I listened for a moment before Edward called out. "Hey Bella."

I let my head fall against the hard floor, "Hey Edward." I greeted back tonelessly. I could hear his laughter from the living room. I laughed quietly to myself too before picking myself up off the floor. I hesitantly made my way into the living room.

"How was your day?" he asked me when I came into view, looking at me upside down from the couch. His smile looked like a frown from his position.

I made a face. "I missed you. You would be surprised at how attached you can get to all your antics. How was yours?"

Edward frowned, and righted himself on the couch to look at me better. "Lonely. I got attached too."

I sighed, and folded myself on the floor in front of the couch. "How are you feeling?" I asked, resisting the urge to touch his forehead.

He rolled his eyes, "I feel fine Bella, stop worrying. You are going to go prematurely grey."

I didn't believe him, but I didn't push it either. "So, while I have you cornered here, why don't to tell me a little about Mrs. X."

He groaned, falling back onto the couch. "I've changed my mind. I feel traumatically ill. I don't even think I can talk." He gave a fake cough.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He wasn't intimidated. He actually smiled at my expression. I changed tactics quickly; I widened my eyes and pouted. "Please?" I leaned my head on the couch near his. I wasn't all that worried about getting sick. I had already been exposed to whatever he had.

My pleas actually looked like they were affecting him. I leaned closer, fluttering my eyelashes stupidly, "Please?" I breathed. I being apparently oblivious to what Edward was—a man—stupidly though he would see through my obvious joking flirting.

Edward's breath caught and I fought against the need to roll my eyes. He was such a guy. A woman flirts—ineptly—and he gets tongue tied. "Does she have any classes with you?" I asked. I hoped that I could narrow it down; I did have almost all his classes.

He caught his lower lip between his teeth; biting down harshly. "I can't tell you that." He sighed, having regained his composure. "It'll give too much away."

"Oh come on Edward! Do you really expect me to say anything? To track her down and convince her to stay away from you?" I pleaded uselessly.

"Yes."

"Thanks."

He grinned apologetically at me. I sighed, "What does she look like?"

Edward thought about that for a long moment, and then he spoke, "She has long brown hair. All the way down to the small of her back. Full lips, very big expressive eyes."

"What colour?" I asked. I was thinking along the lines of blue, maybe green.

"I can't tell you that."

I wanted to groan. "Fine then tell me what you can." The words came out in an annoyed huff. He grinned.

He was thinking again, "She's short, fair skin. Absolutely beautiful."

"Sounds like it." I agreed, though I was surprised. I expected Edward to go for tall blond or tall dark haired women, the kinds that were only found on the front cover of magazines.

"She's smart, kind, caring, brave, compassionate, understanding…" he grinned suddenly, remembering something, "And feisty."

"Of course." I rolled my eyes, but I was distracted. How many women walked around like that with out me noticing? She sounded like she should stand out in the crowd, someone even I would have met in my short time here. Or maybe that's just the way she seemed to Edward.

"Weren't you supposed to teach me my first lesson yesterday?" he asked suddenly. I had the feeling he was trying to distract me.

I snorted, thoroughly distracted, "And the reason for cancelling the lesson is all my fault. Right?" I asked glaring playfully at him.

"Yes," he sniffed, "It is."

I giggled and he smiled widely. Leaning my head back against the couch, and thinking about exactly what I wanted him to know, I felt him touch my hair. I jumped, startled. "Sorry," Edward murmured, but he didn't take his hands out of my hair. He started to run his hands though it, playing absentmindedly with the strands.

I sighed, thinking again about what Edward needed to know. "Patience."

"Hmm?" he asked. I turned my head a little to see his face. He was twisting a piece of my hair around his finger, trying to unsuccessfully curl it. He looked amused when he dropped the piece and it fell just as flat as before.

"I think it would be good to start with patience. I don't think you are going to be up for anything more then that."

He opened his mouth, frowning. I was sure he was about to object when Alice exploded into the room, her shirt hanging off her shoulder, her hair messier then its usual spiky style.

I jumped up, rushing to her. "Oh my God! Alice what happened to you?" I asked, righting her shirt.

"Hmm?" she asked, sounding unfocused. "Nothing. Jasper just gave me a…ride home." She smiled innocently at me. I raised an eyebrow at her. Usually, I don't interfere with Alice's sex life. That's her thing. But I felt like something was up.

"Do you have any plans for Jasper to be coming over soon? Say this weekend maybe?" I watched her face closely for her reaction.

She nodded, and then looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry. I was going to tell you. Honestly I was. I just didn't know how you would handle sleeping on the couch." She looked down at her shoes that were probably worth more than my entire outfit.

Knowing deep in my bones that Alice wasn't sorry at all, I smiled at her. "Alice don't worry about it. This is your house after all. And don't worry about me sleeping on the couch, I'll give you guys your privacy." I had to think for a second before I kicked myself out of Alice's house for the weekend. "Maybe I'll stay at Rose's place." I thought hopefully.

Alice smiled again, and then said in a low murmur, "I don't think I'm the only one with plans this weekend."

There was a strange choking sound from behind me. I spun around; worried that Edward had gone through some kind of a relapse and was choking on his tongue. Edward's face went from deathly pale to bright red. "He's doing what to my sister?" his words were distorted as they came out of clenched teeth.

Wow, the McCarthy's started fast. I guess that goes for the Cullens too. Alice wasn't fazed by Edward's out burst. "Get over it Edward. Rose isn't as innocent as you think."

Edward just stared at Alice like she had spoken Latin. "My baby sister?" he finally murmured, though it sounded like he was talking to himself, the words were broken, sad. I felt my heart pull for him. That's the same expression I had seen on Charlie's face before he had sent me back off to live with my mother again after every summer. Edward was, to some extent, Rose's negotiable father. He was there when she needed him. Hadn't she said so herself on the football field?

Alice snorted, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. "Well look what kind of a big brother she's had to look up too." She pranced lithely out of the room, muttering something like 'sounds like Emmett' before she disappeared into the kitchen to where she had her laptop.

I went to Edward, patting his head awkwardly. "There, there."

Edward made a face at me, seeming to have regained some sense of normality. "Whatever, I'll knock some sense back into her when I can stand again."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, she's a big girl, if she wants to be with Emmett then she should be able to make that choice on her own."

Edward looked at me with unfathomable eyes for a long moment. "You don't have any siblings."

I shrugged, trying to conceal my surprise. Was it really that obvious? "So what? Does that mean I can't voice my opinion on someone's maturity?"

"Of course it doesn't. It just means that your opinions on my sister's innocence won't be as informed as my opinion." He said calmly.

I wrinkled my nose at him, "But your opinion would be biased because she is your sister."

He went to make another argument when Alice skipped back into the room. "Will you two shut up on opinions? Rose can screw whom ever she wants as long as it's not Jasper and it's within legal boundaries. Look at the e-mail Jasper sent me." She smiled grandly, her huge blue eyes shining.

I sighed, settling against the couch again. I could feel Edward's hands in my hair again. I smiled, letting him. It reminded me of when I went to the hair salon with Renee, how the hair dresser massaged my scalp. Soothing and relieving.

Alice turned her laptop around so Edward and I could read the letter. After a few lines I grinned up at Alice, "That's sweet Alice, but I think it's a chain letter."

She rolled her eyes, "Of course it is. Do you think I would show you the private letters Jasper sends me?"

"No, I guess not." I mumbled, blushing. I took the laptop into my lap to read the first part again.

Statement of Love:

1.

Kiss on the hand

I adore you

2.

Kiss on the cheek

I just want to be friends

3.

Kiss on the neck

I want you

4.

Kiss on the lips

I love you

5.

Kiss on the ears

I am just playing

6.

Kiss anywhere else

Lets not get carried away

7.

Look in your eyes

Kiss me

8.

Hand on your waist

I love you to much to let you go

9.

Playing with your hair

I can't live without you

Edward stopped playing with my hair when he hit the parting line. I felt a wave of disappointment at the loss of contact. Sighing, I rolled my eyes, "Edward, it's a chain letter. Nothing in this is true." I turned to smile at him.

He grinned back at me, taking a lock of hair in his hands. "So," he murmured, looking up at me with mischievous eyes, "If I kiss your hand"—he took my hand and brushed his lips to the skin of my knuckle softer then a moth's wing. "That doesn't mean I adore you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Piss off Edward."

He smiled against my skin. I almost breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled away. Immediately that breath was sucked back in when he moved the hair off my shoulder, exposing my neck. He brought his lips down to whispered against my neck so I could feel his breath caress the skin, feel his lips graze the sensitive skin, sending goose bumps down my spine and across my arms. "So if I kiss your neck, that doesn't mean I want you?"

Alice's voice startled me back to reality, "The three laws. Girls, if a boy gets fresh with you, slap him."

I turned to Edward grinning wickedly. His eyes widened with recognition of what I was about to do. "No Bella, don't—" the sound of my hand connecting with his face was a hard, sharp sound. "Ow." He muttered flatly.

I grinned. I could see the distinct impression of a red hand print starting on his cheek. Alice was talking again though, so I turned to pay attention, hoping she would offer me some more great tips. "Guys, if a girl slaps you, her intentions are still good. Don't give up."

I gasped at the traitor. I thought she was on my side! She was all pissy this morning with Edward. I had thought she had come back from the dark side.

"Oh, look! The second commandment to love. Thou shalt not ask for a kiss, but take one." She looked up to grin at us.

Edward winked at me, the slap mark not yet faded. I narrowed my eyes dangerously in return. "I didn't give you my number the first day for a reason. You're still a creep. And I won't help you get Mrs. X if I know you aren't serious about it. I won't arm you, and then unleash you onto a world of unsuspecting women."

He grinned at me darkly, "You'll go back on your promise?" he asked in a way that made me think he suspected I wouldn't.

I didn't want to lie, he'd know then, seeing through my lies was not the most difficult thing in the world, but telling the truth would just give him initiative. Instead I went with a safe bet, distraction and revenge.

I pointed at Alice grinning, "Why don't you kiss Alice? I'd bet she's a better kisser then me, and you flirted with her first anyways." I shrugged still grinning, "It only makes sense."

"Oh look at the time!" Alice exclaimed looking at an imaginary watch on her wrist, "I have to be away from here doing that thing!" she was out of the room before I could enforce the second half of my plan which was—funny enough—to escape.

Edward chuckled, sitting up on the couch and moving onto the floor cross-legged in front of me. "So we were at the 'patience' lesson. I have lots of patience by the way; I think we should just skip this."

I shook my head at him sadly, "Edward, you just contradicted yourself."

He sighed, "Fine. Patience. Fun."

I laughed, and we looked at each other for a long time. "So…how do we practice patience?" he finally asked in a low, silky voice.

"I got nothing." I sighed. Then an idea occurred to me. "This. We do this, you have to sit patiently, silently with me. We don't do anything. It's good if Mrs. X is especially talkative. Also good practice for when she just wants to sit with you, not do anything other then just be with you."

Edward cocked his head, thinking. Looking for a loop hole. "Do you get to sit on my lap? That's probably where she would be if we were just enjoying us."

"No Edward."

Long pause.

"Do I get to sit on yours?"

"Edward!"

He chuckled, "Relax, I was kidding." He saw the stern look I was giving him. His grin widened. "Gez Bella, have some patience."

I took a deep cleansing breath. Patience, have patience. You know that Edward can grate on your nerves, deal with it.

We sat like that for almost an hour straight when I decided I needed a bathroom break. Edward was much more patient then I had ever given him credit for. He seemed content to just sit there and look at me. Every once and a while he would smiled at a thought but he never even moved to shift his position though my legs had gotten pins and needles after a half hour in the same position.

"Alice," I called. She came in, half a granola bar shoved into her mouth. My lips twitched up into a smile. "Edward and I are practicing patience and I need to go pee. Can you watch him, just make sure he doesn't talk, or do anything in general really."

"Harsh." Alice grinned, "But I think it's a good punishment."

I grinned back at her, then went to the bathroom. When I was done I looked at the shower. I went through a short battle of indecision before I grabbed a towel from the hallway closet and started the water. "I'm having a shower Alice." I called over the spray of the water.

"Don't leave me here with him!" she cried dramatically.

"Why does everyone hate me?" I heard Edward ask himself.

"Shut-up. You're on parole for hardly flirting in three days."

I giggled. Alice was one of those special people who mediated between the dark and light sides of every conflict. She was the ying yang in my life.

I undressed quickly and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water soak my body, warming up all the parts of my body that were cool from poor circulation. I would need to make Edward walk a little to get his blood pumping again I realized.

I stood in the shower until the water started to cool. Then I rushed to get dressed, quickly towelling off my hair, letting it hang damp down my back.

When I came back into the living room Alice and Edward looked annoyed. Edward was fidgeting impatiently, switching his positions ever few seconds, sighing heavily, glaring at the ceiling. He had reached his patience quota.

Alice was looking at his constant fidgeting heatedly, obviously exasperated by him. The impetuosity was contagious. Alice looked just as eager to do something—anything else—as Edward was.

When Edward saw me he smiled. It was like watching the sunrise set the clouds on fire. I couldn't help but smile back at him. "Go on Alice. Sorry I took so long."

Alice glared up at me with such fierceness it took me of guard. "What were you doing? Swimming a marathon?" she growled, walking back into her room. She slammed the door behind her. I grimaced. I would try to make it up to her.

I sat down, taking Alice's place, seeing how long it would take Edward to just snap and run out the door, screaming as he went. But Edward was back to his never ending patience, sitting contently with me. I sighed.

I needed a new lesson.