A/N: So I'll admit this now. I have no physical romantic history with anyone. I'm pretty drab as 16 year olds go, I've only kissed one guy that wasn't family on the lips and it was short, no open mouth stuff. (I thank my lucky stars now) but what I'm trying to say is I have no idea what I'm talking about. So if you want to flame me for my horrible lemons, well I can't really stop you, but I ask you not to be too harsh, I'm a beginner. And I'll be marking the senseless lemons so people can skip over them if they don't want to read it. ^_^ enjoy.

Edward

Teeny Tiny Twilight

Millie sighed, a contented happy sound. She had one warm hand resting on my chest only half covered by her sheets. Her eyebrows pulled down suddenly over her shut eyes, her mouth turned down slightly as her fingers tried in vain to find and curl her fingers in the hair on my chest that wasn't there. She never said it—she never had too, I just knew—that she secretly hated my chromosome disorder. It always made girls nervous when they heard it, because the first place each of their minds went was will this affect a baby? What mother wanted their child to be a freak?

Carlisle had a different opinion. He though I was a step up in the evolutionary ladder since humans originated from much hairier beings, and what hairs we still had left were pretty useless. Also because I'd always been able to learn faster. I was reading before I was in school, I could easily do complex math in my head. The only reason I ever used a calculator was the same reason I sometimes asked my neighbours in class about a subject I knew backwards and forwards.

I wanted to fit in.

Not any more. The grimace Millie was making affected me about as much as her smile. I just didn't care anymore. Bella accepted me. She accepted me even when she was being pressured by Rose. Rose who could make anyone feel bad about themselves with just one disdainful glance. Bella stood up for me in the face of humiliation, with the chance of being ostracized by her peers. Bella had unwittingly given me the chance to sap from just a small bit of her strength, to keep myself strong in the face of something that used to scare me.

Nothing new for Bella who was always forcing herself into a world where she wasn't accepted. She took chances, stood up for what she believed in, fought for what was right. I felt a swell of pride just thinking about it. I'd found a notch in Bella's life, I was ever so slowly whittling a place for me in there.

After tonight though, I wonder if I hadn't just sanded over a weeks worth of work with just one stupid decision.

It had been some senseless glitch in my brain. All that registered was that Bella was in the room with me, and Millie said she was naked. All my mind was able to summed it up as was:

Bella + naked = good.

Nothing else had gotten through until I had actually walked through Millie's door and found her waiting for me rather then Bella. I almost asked her what she was doing laying there, twirling a ridiculous wine glass with some kind of sparkling grape juice in it. It was like watching a four year old blow bubbles out of a plastic pipe. She must have thought she came off as suave.

My new—newish girlfriend, the suave four year old twirling fake wine in an expensive crystal glass. I couldn't lie here anymore. Millie had already started to snore softly.

Bella could run around the track like a pro-athlete, then still have energy enough to want to play football and bounce all the way home. Millie couldn't keep her eyes open after sex.

I knew it was wrong to compare them, hardly fair to Millie, and not something a good boyfriend should do. So starting now, Bella would have no place in my mind. I was devoted to Millie; I would try to make this work. I would be good for Bella.

Well that lasted a whole eighth of a second.

I must be moronic to think I could go ant length of time with out Bella in my head. Love didn't work like that. And Bella's love was a miracle. A torturous miracle that ached deep in my chest, something I felt even when I was asleep. I was always aware that my love for her was fast building, and it was running out of room in my body, I would over flow with it, my bones would break and my heart would swell and rupture with it.

I looked down at Millie, sleeping peacefully in my arms, trying to push this love off to her, to give her a little of the love I was too terrified to give to Bella.

No relief came, no one but Bella could free me.

If I only let her.

I sighed, slipping out of bed smoothly, hardly making a sound or pulling the sheets. Millie's hand fell limply onto the mattress with a muted thuding.

I carried my clothes out into the other room to get dressed, and then came back in to leave a note on the pillow for when she woke up tomorrow.

I read it over one more time, trying to see why it felt wrong.

Millie,
Call me when you wake up, I want to talk to you about something.

Edward.

I realized I should probably finish with Love Edward or something just as sickeningly sweet for her to smile at when she woke up.

I threw the note as it was on the pillow.

My feet padded quietly on her hard floors, looking to see that everything was just the same as it had been the last time I was were. The floor was still cold against bare feet; her fridge was still as empty as it usually was.

She ate when she was bored, stressed, angry, even when she was excited. The only reason she still had her figure was because her metabolism was still fast from when she used to figure skate. That wasn't going to last forever though, and she would rather lie on the couch and eat rather then go out and do something. Already her stomach was starting to roll when she sat up.

I could deal with the fat. That wasn't my issue. My issue was when she complained about it while she sat on the couch eating a whole bag of chips and then snatching popcorn from my bag.

How long before I could break up with her again?

I gave myself a mental slap in the face. Try Edward. Bella said to try, and it was you're own decision to agree.

Stupid freaking hormones.

I took one last look around Millie's place, knowing this wasn't going to be my last time here, and slipped out the door into the hall.

Closing the door softly, I looked from right to left, looking to see if I had been caught, just as I always did. Old habits died hard. This was no walk of shame. Shameful as I was.

I froze for a moment from Déjà vu, I stared to the right, waiting for Bella, a bag too big for her thrown over her shoulder, fumbling with keys and a bagel shoved into her mouth to step out on her way to basket ball practice. Two hours too early. My lips twitched up.

I walked slowly down the hall, hesitating at the door. I leaned my head against it smiling. I wonder who lived here now.

I knocked quietly on the door, the sound echoed through the empty flat with no response. It pleased me—in a childish way—to know that in a way, this was still Bella's. That Bella would always be just next door for all the nights—and I knew they were coming—when I would be fighting with myself to at the very least tolerate Millie. She deserved that much.

The door opened, and I nearly fell on top of the startled red head standing in the door way. I could tell right away that she was a minor niner. Her eyes were big and green, a shocking contrast to her hair, with pale skin, freckles peppered her cheeks.

I jumped back. "Oh, sorry." I stuttered, felling what little camaraderie I'd had with the empty room was gone. It didn't belong to Bella anymore, and I was left to war with myself with no relief. "I thought my friend lived here." I finally managed to come up with that lame excuse a little too late.

She looked at me, brows pulled over her eyes like she was wondering if I was okay.

No. No I wasn't.

"Okay, Well nice to meet you." I shook her hand wishing I could stop making an ass of myself right now. "I'll just…go."

She nodded slowly, having ascertained that I was beyond witless, and then slowly closed the door, not taking her eyes off me even as I retreated towards the elevator. She looked like she was expecting me to suddenly turn around, foaming at the mouth.

"Bravo you freaking moron." I muttered to myself, stepping into the elevator.

I looked at the reflective chrome on the sides of the elevator; trying to make my hair look a little less like I had just had sex. I didn't want Bella to see me looking like that even though she already knew what I'd done.

My feet dragged on the way back home. When I saw Bella I would have to face my shame, my regret. I hoped she'd slap me, tell me how horrible I was, and kick me out of my own house so I had to sleep on the floor in the hall. I'd take it all willingly.

If I spent the rest of the week on my knees, begging for forgiveness, would she find it in herself to ever talk to me again?

It was hopeless. I was hopeless. I felt like the moon, shyly orbiting around the earth when it was the sun that really kept me grounded. No matter where I turned I was always bathed in light, in warmth.

I stopped outside my door, taking a deep breath. Then, opened the door.

For one moment I was enraptured. It always stunned me every time I saw her. Electricity flowed through my, stopping me in my tracts so I was reduced to just staring at her. I venerated her, she was truly my goddess.

She turned to look at me, and I remembered what I had just done. I could feel the guilt twist my face up. "Hey." It came out as a broken whisper.

She looked shocked to see me, and then horrified as she took in my expression. She lurched up from the couch, "What's wrong? Edward what happened?" She demanded her eyes wide.

"Nothing." I muttered, shoving my hands in my pockets. I'd spent all week pining after Bella, hoping to get a little relief from the physical ache of need. Almost as bad as the loving ache, but at least with this I knew how to handle it.

All to nothing it seems. I needed her all over again, needed her like a blind man needed the light, like I needed to breath.

I wanted to sob when her eyes filled with hope. "You didn't sleep with her?" Her smile was so heart breakingly beautiful I though I would die. "I'm so proud of you Edward." and then she rushed to hugged me around the waist. Her huge beautiful deep eyes filled to the brim with respect and hope.

She was proud of me. That had been all I would have needed to do, just say no to Millie and she would have smiled at me like that.

"No." I choked, moving out of her arms. "I did sleep with her; I just meant that nothing is wrong."

I wanted to scream. Everything was wrong, nothing was right. The animalistic sound was raging in my throat, I could feel it.

I would have loved for her to slap me, to scream, to accuse me of lying to her, I would have taken all that and smiled. Just not this. Anything but this.

I couldn't stand the way the hope was crushed in her eyes, how she looked away from me with just a soft "Oh." How she didn't even look at me as she stepped away. Why couldn't she have just thrown acid in my eyes? Branded me with white hot metal over and over? Skinned me alive? This was the worst torture. "Then why are you here?" her natural soft voice held no bitterness, no hostility, just innocent curiosity. "Shouldn't you be spending the night with your girlfriend?" I thought her voice sounded particularly blank. I squished the little bud of hope before it could blossom.

I could hear it, though she refused to say it. She was asking me whether I had asked her or not. "I left her a note. I told her to call me tomorrow, I'll ask her then." Bella's eyes narrowed. I quickly jumped to explain myself, "She fell asleep before I could ask her!"

She didn't look completely appeased, but she didn't push it either. She went and sat down again on the couch, curled up in her big blanket. I didn't know whether I was allowed to sit with her or not. She smiled at me, "I'm watching Gossip girls want to watch?" she teased, patting the cushion beside her.

I smiled, when all I wanted to do was fall at her feet and spell everything out for her, to tell her I loved her and only her. To tell her I would never want anything other then her. This acceptance must be my punishment.

Instead of declaring myself, I spinelessly sat down beside her. She had been teasing about the show; she was actually watching a basketball game. Her eyes looked far away though, and I wondered what she was feeling. What was she thinking?

Before I could even get the courage to ask that, she yawned. I tried to smile at her, "What, Bella is tired? The bottomless pit of energy is tired? You didn't even run or anything." I teased.

She smiled back, obviously glad that my mood had gotten slightly better, "Actually I did while you were…busy." She yawned again.

So I'd missed my bouncing Bella? Anyone else wouldn't have understood. Watching Bella run was like watching her fly. Her quick little legs hardly ever touched the ground; her hair flying out behind her like Apollo's chariot, her smile was the sun, her hair the flowing night.

"Oh." I had to swallow down something very foul directed at Millie. She wasn't to blame, I just really wanted to. Anything to get this heavy cold feeling out of the pit of my stomach. "You want to go to bed then?"

She nodded, looking apologetic. "Sorry. I hope you don't mind."

I rolled my eyes at her. She won't be angry at me but it's a capitol offence for her to be tired. "Why would I mind?"

She threw her blanket across the couch, across my legs. I raised an eye brow. She smiles in a resigned way, "I meant about me kicking you off the couch. I'm sleeping here tonight." She smiled in a small victory.

Chuckling at the memory her last night when she had come in, her eyes big and embarrassed. I wished I could have seen her blush, but the moonlight hardly revealed anything. "I don't think there is enough room on that couch for both of us."

She flushed a beautiful pink, "N-no, that's not what…" She stumbled over herself, something I rarely saw with her. She composed her self with one deep breath, her chocolaty eyes closing. "I'm sleeping alone." She peeked hesitantly through her long eye lashes to gage my reaction.

What ever good mood I'd managed to pull together was lost. "What? Are you angry with me?" She should be, but that was the opposite vibe to what I was getting from her at the moment. Was I reading her wrong? That was disappointing; I'd thought I was getting better at deciphering her.

She shook her head fast, "Of course not. How could I be angry with you?"

Madness was coming on, picking at little pieces of me, pulling at what little sanity I could salvage. "I don't understand."

She gave me an irritated look. "I can't share your bed when you have a girlfriend." She scoffed at the idea. This was the Bella I needed, the one who told me what to do and why. The one who knew how smart and different I was, and not only liked it, but expected it. She always snapped at me when I offered her anything less then who I was.

"Then why Bella? I don't understand." I had enjoyed the way she had said it. 'Share your bed'.

I wonder what Bella would do if I stole her into my room, if I took her on my bed and never let her go. If I ravished her until she begged me to never let her go. The throbbing became unbearable. I needed release again already.

I shoved my hands into my pockets to hide my hard on. She hadn't even noticed, "Because Edward! That would be like if you were my boyfriend and I got into bed with another man. How would you handle that?"

I'd rip the poor bastard to shreds.

"Bella, she isn't even really my girlfriend yet. I'm asking her tomorrow." I hoped Bella would see reason.

She looked at me for a long second, when she spoke her voice was very soft, very low. "Edward…It's not right."

And there the battle was lost. I nodded, pursing my lips. "Fine." As I turned away heading for my room, I paused, turning to smile at her, "Bella?"

She was bent over the couch, smoothing out the blankets. I knew it would be another argument to try and get her at least to take my bed. I would gladly switch, sleep on the floor if she wanted. She did not look like she was going to trade with me. "Yes?" she looked at me over her shoulder, her hair cascading over her other shoulder, setting her pale face in the most beautiful canvas, contrasting with her hair.

I love you. "Good night." I love you so much more then you will ever know.

She smiled at me, "You too. Sleep well." She slid into her make shift bed with about as much grace as a baby elephant, and I had to laugh as she knocked her head off the side table trying to get comfortable. She glared at the table, rubbing the back of her head. Then she flicked the light off.

As I stared into the darkness, knowing I had to turn around before her eyes adjusted and she saw me still standing here, I came to a terrifying realization.

Surely someone as perfect as Bella wouldn't wait forever? She would get snatched up along with all the other girls. I could lose her. What would I do with out my air? I would choke. What would I do with out my light? Fall into a darkness; so hideous that death looked a better alternative.

And then what if that man that stole her, what if he just wanted to use her? Use her like I had used girls before I had met Bella? My teeth clenched and rage, rage worse then anything I had ever felt before took over me. Bella was mine.

No she wasn't. Not until I made her mine. I was beginning to think that mountains would turn to sand at my feet, stars falling from the sky before I had nearly as much strength as Bella. I couldn't tell her, that much was obvious. I was too happy with that I had to put it on the line for a maybe. I still needed more. I needed Bella for more then just friendship; I needed to love her, needed to pass off the overflowing love onto her, to share it, because one person couldn't carry something so heavy and real.

Nobody can stand through this life on their own. The people who tried were very quickly dragged under. And in return, I would be anything Bella needed me to be, as long as she was there to take my hand when I couldn't stand on my own. When the current was too strong, and the water too high.

I disappeared into my room, hiding in the darkness. I wanted to go back in time, to tell Millie to go fuck herself. To tell her I was too busy to do it for her. I'd let Bella yell at me for being so unbearable rude to another human being, and then her and I would fly across the night darkened streets, I'd run beside her. I wouldn't be an idiot this time, I'd save some energy for the game she wanted to play after wards, then we would have gone home, I could have wrapper her in my arms, whispered sweet everything's in her ear as I had done last night when I knew she was asleep.

We would have woken up with out a care, no fear, especially not the despair I was feeling now. How could I be with Bella when Millie had me under lock and key? Bella may be oblivious to my shows of affection, but Millie wouldn't, she'd put a stop to that right away.

I was just drifting off when I heard the sound I wanted most in the world.

Bella's nervous shallow breaths.

I'd stayed awake for this. Bella was a strong girl, and I knew that, but I also knew something no one else did, I doubted even Bella realized exactly what the nervousness stemmed from.

She was scared of being alone.

Not of sleeping alone, or even really in the present tense. It was the lonesome future she feared. Having someone beside her just helped to ebb those fears, to brush them off to the side until later. Most likely why she was so set on making sure I ended up with Mrs. X, so that I wasn't terrified and alone. Little did she know she was saving herself too.

She hesitated a few feet by my bed. I didn't move, I could watch her silhouette without her seeing my eyes open. She hovered near the side of the bed, then she startled me by kneeling beside the bed instead of nudging me to wake me up—I'd fake waking—or just climbing in anyways. "Please don't wake up before me." She whispered into the bed before disappearing from my sight.

It was nearly impossible not to just lean over the side of the bed and see what she was doing. I managed until her breathing slowed enough for me to think she was asleep, or for her eyes at least to be closed, and then I carefully leaned over to see.

She was cocooned in her blanket on the floor by my bed. So she had conceded to keep her idea of what the right thing was while not robbing herself of comfort.

I moved my pillow so I could watch her sleep, smiling at her in the darkness. I wonder how she would react in the morning if I took her into bed with me now. She might yell, might refuse to talk to me until I apologized, she would defiantly blush, and maybe, she might smile at me. That last one was a long shot, I knew that. All the others though, I could live through them if I could keep her with me for just one more day. One more night.

I got out of bed, untangled her very carefully from her blankets, and then scooped her up into my arms, cradling her there for a moment before laying her gently into the bed. I crawled in next, wrapping her up in my arms.

I could breathe again.

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I was only half asleep, knowing I had to wake up eventually, and also knowing that I didn't want to. I rolled over something cool that crackled under my cheek. I sat up startled, fully awake now.

There was a little folded piece of paper, ripped from something. I opened it squinting through the sleep to see what was written. The writing was so messy it was almost impossible to read. I rolled my eyes, no one other then Bella was capable of this kind of scrawl.

Nice try

I gave one surprised chuckle, and then as I heard her soft giggle from the floor I laughed until I had to wipe my eyes free of the gleeful tears. She sat up; her deep chocolate eyes the only thing that cleared the bed from where I lay.

I smiled at her, her eyes pulled up at the corners in response, smiling back. "We have food in the house today." her voice was happy, and I wondered how the world had ever managed to turn before she was born.

"That we do. Who's cooking today?" My stomach snarled. I hadn't had dinner last night, I'd been too busy, too distracted by my angst. I should have known everything would work out, everything always did. I would get my relief from Millie in a small part of the evening, and then spend the rest of the day and night with Bella.

It sounded good to me.

I was too hungry to let Bella cook on her own. I sped up the process by frying bacon in another pan while she made cheese omelettes. She smiled whenever I leaned over to inhale the most delicious scent in the world.

"Careful Edward, lean any farther over and you might fall into the frying pan." She teased.

What would she think if she knew I was inhaling her? She flipped my omelette out onto a plate, and I took half the plate of bacon. She gave me another quarter, rolling her eyes, "I can't eat that much grease in one sitting." She explain when I had looked at her questioningly, my mouth full of food.

I shrugged, happily taking it. "Your loss." I mumbled through a mouthful. Her nose wrinkled in the most adorable way, and she laugh. I pushed all the food into my cheeks and grinned back at her.

Just as Bella was sitting down with her plate, there were three harsh staccato knocks on the door. Bella's eyes flickered puzzled to the door before she grinned back at me. "Do you think Alice smelt the bacon?"

I wrapped my arm protectively around my plate, "She's not getting any of mine." She raised her eyebrow, a small smile playing on her lips in one of those, 'you want to bet?' looks. Then she turned and went to open the door. Bella wasn't graceful, not like when she ran, but she didn't trip over herself either, it was a very smooth walk. It was natural, nothing forced about it.

Some say you can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk.

I already had a bad feeling before she opened the door. "Hi Millie." Bella's voice had lost a little of it's cheer, but the greeting was still sincere and kind.

There was a loaded silence. "Edward here?"

I saw Bella's shoulders move, folding down into her protectively, just a little. "Yeah, he's in the kitchen." She murmured in a quieter voice, all the cheer gone now.

The strength Bella always carried was being leashed in. I couldn't figure out why until I saw Millie's face. She had red rims around her eyes.

I jumped up, going to her. I knew I should have ended my note with love Edward.

"Hey," I smiled, ignoring the way she sniffled. "You could have just called." I would have rathered you called.

She nodded, smiling back at me through teary eyes. "I wanted to see you."

I knew it was horrible, but I was more worried about how many people had seen Millie walk over to my place in tears rather then why she was crying. Bella was behind her, trying to sign something to me. I tried to look at her with out drawing Millie's attention to her. She was pointing at Millie, and then miming eating.

Oh! "Have you had breakfast yet?" I asked her, my eyes drifting to Bella to see if I had interpreted her right. She gave me the thumbs up. I tried to tame my smile.

Millie sniffed again, shaking her head. Her watery hazel eyes didn't quiet break my heart. Millie just didn't move me. Yes she was an easy piece of ass but that was all the appeal she held. I didn't even feel guilty for taking advantage of her, if it could have even been called that.

Millie was as proud of her reputation as Bella was about being strong enough to kick any guys butt at basketball. She knew what she was and she embraced it.

I tried to put the right expression on my face, like I had wanted to see her too. "I wanted to ask you something." I told her as Bella brought out her untouched breakfast to Millie. She went back into the kitchen to make her own breakfast again. I'd save some bacon from my plate for her.

She looked at her plate, "Bella?" she whined. I shuddered at the time ahead with that voice. "Can you get me some ketchup? And some milk?" My teeth clenched. I almost snapped and told her to get off her lazy ass to get it herself. Bella had not only given up her breakfast for her, but she was also in the middle of greasing a new pan and turning the stove on.

"Can you give me one sec and I'll be right there?" she asked, her eyes flickering between what she was doing and Millie.

"Okay." Millie looked down at Bella's breakfast again, "I just don't want the eggs getting cold while I wait." I had to sit on my hands so I didn't hit her. I was never this violent around women, not even around Millie. She was just really grating on my nerves today.

Bella dropped what she was doing, poured a glass of milk and grabbed the ketchup. She quickly poured her eggs into the pan, and then hurried to give Millie what she needed. I gave Bella an apologetic look; she shrugged, and went back to frying her eggs.

Millie didn't say thank you, she scowled when Bella put the ketchup on the table instead of pouring it directly onto the plate for her. I took a deep breath, if I didn't ask her out now, I would hate her too much to force the question out later through my teeth. "Will you be my girlfriend?" I asked, nearly spitting the question out. There was no care for how the question came out, and I didn't care how she received it.

She froze, then a smile pulled her face up, "You really want to try again?" she asked in a hopeful whisper when she could talk again. She not only had skipped breakfast, but had also not brushed her teeth yet. I halted my breathing so I wouldn't have to smell her breath. She must have just woken up, coming straight here to see me.

The first thing Bella did every morning was brush her teeth.

No. "I really do." Not want you to be my girlfriend. That right belongs solely to Bella now. And Bella had given it up to Millie. For the moment.

Millie gave an ear piercing squeal that she had been perfecting and working on since the middle of grade ten when she heard a senior do it. It had been cute the first time, after that I wanted to shove a sock down her throat.

We had been dating off and on since she had come here, mostly because I used to think she was pretty, and I knew she was easy. It worked out until she annoyed the crap out of me and I moved onto a new conquest.

I realized with a shock, that even though I would love to have Bella come to me one night, to ask for me to make love to her, I would turn her down. I'd tuck her under my arm and we would laugh and talk and probably argue a little until she fell asleep. As many times as I fantasized about my being inside her, I wanted to do it the right way. I wanted us to last. I wanted Bella forever. She would never be a quickie.

Millie looked at me in a way that should have made me so hard I could hardly walk straight. I didn't want her right now. "You want to celebrate?" she said in a husky voice, making sure Bella could hear. Bella, who was just getting her breakfast out of the pan, again blushed, looking extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"I'll get out of your way." She murmured quickly, trying to figure out what to do with her breakfast now.

"Eat your breakfast Bella," I called, and then more quietly to Millie, "I'm not really in the mood right now."

She stared at me. Waiting for the punch line. I sighed, standing up and going back to my own cold breakfast.

Bella was looking down, trying to eat quickly so she could give us our privacy. She cleared her plate in record time, said a quick goodbye, a thank you, and was out the door with her bag thrown over her shoulder, wobbling a little from the weight.

I watched her go, feeling very empty. "Bye."

Millie called from the living room, not even getting up to join me at the kitchen table. "Edward, my breakfast is cold."

I ground my teeth, than tried for a calm even voice. "I have a microwave in the kitchen."

I heard her grumbled lightly then the sound of her feet dragging as she put her breakfast in the microwave.

I shovelled the rest of my breakfast in my mouth, and then got up to take my shower. "Where—" I didn't let Millie finish her sentence.

"I'm going to have a shower." I smiled at her to sooth the sharp edge of my voice. At least she got the message and didn't ask if she could join me.

I stopped when I passed my room to see Bella's blanket still balled up on the floor. She must have forgotten it in her rush. Slowly I started to consider something else. If she was in that much of a rush…had she perhaps forgotten something else?

I was in the bathroom in a flash, hurrying as if the shampoo may just walk off if I didn't get there soon enough. I ripped the shower curtains out of my way in my haste, to find that yes, she had forgotten it. A slow smile spread across my face.

I got undressed, slipping into the shower. I let the water warm me for a minute before cracking open the shampoo. My primary intention had been to just smell it, to feed my prowler habits. The response I got though was shockingly immediate.

"Where the hell have you been?" I muttered. Of course anything Bella made me hard, after a whole week of almost constant hard-ons, I had expected to get at least a days relief from them.

Feeling kind on sick with myself, I had a girlfriend who was more then willing in the other room; I poured just a small drop onto my hands. Closed the cap and put the shampoo back on the little sill Bella had left it in.

Lathering my hands up I pictured Bella in the shower with me. The smell of the shampoo made this fantasy just a little more real as I had intended.

x x x x x x x Lemons ahead next 5 miles x x x x x x x x x x x

I had gotten enough of a glimpse of her the night she lost her shirt in the lake to know the curve of the back of her body. The sweet gentle curve of her back, the gentle swell of her breast, just barely visible as the tender mounds peeked out the sides from behind when she had raised her arms to dive into the frigid water. Even her night dark hair, falling perfect and beautiful down her near bear back was enough to turn me on to points where I was ready to take the one step, to turn her around, to kiss her, to take her.

Then, when she had pulled me out of the water, when I had been on top of her, her warmth burning through my wet shirt to my abdomen. I had stolen the swiftest glance at her form, knowing through the blinding need to touch, to look, that I couldn't. Not yet. The image was imprinted into my mind, I would never lose this memory, and I would remember it every night, as I already did, imagining going further.

A low groan escaped me as I imagined, Bella naked with me here, biting her lip shyly—or would she be confident? Would she gloat her supremacy over me. That sexy little smirk pulling her full lips up.

I started to stroke myself, seeing Bella doing it instead, standing on her tip toes to press her lips to mine. One leg hitched over my hip, pulling me so I would press her against the cool tile wall. Looking up through her thick lashes, her cheeks all cream and roses as she smiled, not a goading smile like before. She would know I loved her in that instant, and she would love me back. Not as much, obviously, I had to keep some part of this fantasy realistic; to pretend that maybe she would do this least her brown eyes turn hazel, to have Bella's beautiful brown hair turn dirty blond. To have Bella turn into Millie.

Everything I was imagining doing to Bella had already been done multiple times with other girls. Keeping Bella separate and special in reality was easy, it was so obvious, but in my fantasies I had to try and shape her into someone who would do what I wanted her to, and then by the end, she wasn't Bella. She was Millie, or Amber, or even Brenda.

I dislodged those thoughts; I could smell the strawberry saturating everything with its delicious smell. It was not quite Bella's scent; it was missing things, like the sweet flowery smell I couldn't pull apart to find each different blossom. It reminded me of nights when I would watch my mother's garden with the smell of all the warm light flowers saturating the warm summer time air.

That's what Bella would smell like in the hot water streaming down her soft skin, drops dewing on her pert nipples. I tightened my grip as I saw myself disappear inside Bella, making up for how tight her body would be, the tight muscles from all her sports contracting around me.

I groaned again, my hands curving into claws where I leaned them against the dripping walls inside the shower. I moved my hand faster, starting a rhythm that would keep Bella withering on me, impaled against the wall. How she would scream my name, back arched, bucking, how I would sink into her again and again. Always, as I got close, throbbing in my hand, the image flashed up to Bella's lust darkened eyes, dark, deep and some how still crystal clear.

The image alone was too much for me, and like always when my fantasies started and ended with Bella, I came too soon. I would need to work on that. I splashed water against the wall, cleaning it off.

x x x x x x x x You are now entering a Lemon free zone x x x x x x x x x x

I washed Bella's shampoo off too, then got my own, using as it was actually intended.

I stepped out of the shower, not feeling clean enough when I knew I was going to be spending the rest of the weekend with Millie. I didn't even feel the coursing twitch of need I should have at that thought.

I knew Bella was planning something, this was another on of her lessons, I just needed to figure out what she was trying to teach me.

No more Bella thoughts. I would be a good boyfriend; I would treat Millie with the respect she wouldn't even give to herself. That only made it harder to do.

I would talk to Bella Monday in class, get her to spill what the lesson is while enjoying her company that in no way interfered with my task of commitment.

a/n: yeah, another one. So I hope if you are reading this you don't hate me. ^_^ (yay) I just wanted to clear up something's. Yes, Bella is Mrs. X, Edward has already said that and I thought I had made it clear, but everyone sees things differently I guess. This isn't the last lemon, there will be more in the next chapter(s). Just so you can see how insane the next chapter is going to be in length, I was going to pack this in with the next chapter, but then I realized it would end up being so long, and all of you want to know what happens next.

I also understand how people are uncomfortable with reviewing lemons but I need to know how I did. It didn't have much in it since it's Edward's fantasy and I don't know the strange ways of the male mind. ;) So please please review and tell me how I did, how I can improve, if I'm pissing you off with all the authors notes, if Edward curses in his head too much (Keep in mind this is rated M) And have a happy new year!