Next instalment! ;D thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews on the last chapter. Made my week. :D Big thank you to you all.
( as always, will never own the mentalist....or it's characters....or paddy jane....only in my wildest dreams *sighs heavily* )
2.
Patrick felt as if his heart had had a hole punched through it. And damn it hurt. It hurt for Lisbon. He knew how much her brothers meant to her. How much they meant to her after her father. And her mother.
'Oh Lisbon,' he murmured, 'I'm sorry.'
Lisbon nodded shakily, causing a fresh flood of tears to leak down her cheeks.
Patrick stroked the back of her hand gently with his thumb.
That was it, Lisbon thought. She'd just admitted it...there was no hope that this was just a bad dream anymore.
'Hey, come here,' Patrick motioned with his head, holding his arms out for her. There was too much space between them. It felt like a million miles. He needed to hold her. Promise her that it would be ok. Even if she wouldn't necessarily believe it right now. Even if it would never truly be ok. He knew enough to realise that it would never heal, but he also knew that having someone who would just listen, and be there, was the best thing possible.
Lisbon stared at the empty space provided inside Patrick's arms. She was glad that the consultant wasn't always arrogant and careless. Eventually concluding that that was where she needed to be, she pulled herself out of her ball and crawled along the couch, slipping into his arms. She nestled her head under his chin and gripped his shirt tightly in one fist. Silent warm tears ran down her face, dripping off and causing Patrick's shirt to take on a darker shade.
As Patrick felt the tears sticking his shirt to his chest, he held Lisbon tighter, conveying in the gentle, but strong grip that he wouldn't let her go.
'I...I guess we're...in the s-same boat now...' Lisbon said, persevering through the sobs racking her body.
Patrick's face fell. He squeezed Lisbon gently, readjusting so that his cheek rested on top of her head.
'You've still got family left...and this wasn't your fault,' Patrick told her, his eyes stinging with the telltale signs of oncoming tears, 'you're not in the same boat...you don't want to be in my boat...my boat's got holes in it.'
Lisbon's brows knitted together, tears for Patrick mingling with the tears for her brother. She snuggled further into Patrick's chest, longing for more of the warmth that he provided, and hoping to comfort him if only a little.
The silence that followed was all that was needed, all that was necessary. Nothing more was required, than just to sit there, holding each other. Never had they been this close...but now they were connected from the depths of their hearts. Strange how something so tragic could bring about the strongest bond...
Patrick shut his eyes slowly, the soft orange glow in the apartment still visible through his eyelids. He breathed slowly. He could feel Lisbon's sobbing subdue, and her chest beginning to steadily rise and fall. He would find out what happened later on, when Lisbon was better. But for now...he just needed to...shut his eyes...just for a bit...
Lisbon felt shattered as she closed her eyes against Patrick's chest. Everything, right from the phone call, had drained her, emotionally and physically. The tears had subsided, simply leaving dry tracks on her cheeks and her eyes slightly bloodshot. Shutting out the majority of the light, her eyes began to sting less and less...until she was asleep.
Lisbon slowly stirred, nuzzling into the warm cushion beneath her. Taking a deep breath, she sucked in her cheeks, blinked sleepily and lifted her head. She groaned as bright midday sun penetrated her tired pupils. Turning to her 'warm cushion' she found Patrick Jane, fast asleep...in her apartment...on her couch. Closing one eye and turning her head away from the sunlight, she pushed herself up; trying to pull back the memories of what had happened. Her eyes immediately began to burn as she remembered the phone call...but then a small, sad smile flitted across her lips as she remembered the way Jane had been there for her...how she had called him back...and how he was here now, sleeping peacefully on the couch.
A loud beep interrupted her train of thought. Searching for the source, she recognised the sound from her landline...and another beep resounded from her mobile.
Slowly pushing up off the couch, she hunted down her phone, pulling down the massive football shirt she was wearing, covering as much of her bare legs as the fabric would allow. Picking the mobile from the table, next to the landline, she flicked it open. It showed five missed calls; two from Cho and three from Van Pelt. Guessing it would be the same situation on the home phone, she checked that next. Two from Minelli, two from Cho and two from Van Pelt. They didn't let up, did they?
She would tell...maybe...tomorrow. Today was her time. With added consultant. She turned her mobile onto silent. Running a hand through her hair and mussing it up slightly, she heard another beep. Seen as it wasn't either of her phones, she knew it was Jane's. Padding back over to the couch, she simply looked down at him for a while, silently thanking him for staying with her. Diverting her mind back to the task in hand, she gently pulled his jacket from underneath his arm, careful not to wake him. She dug around in the multiple pockets in search of the beeping phone.
Car keys...wallet...loose coins...lollipop...ah! Phone. She pulled it out and found four missed calls, from the same people as her own. Deleting them to shut off the beep, she turned it on silent and posted it back in its pocket, throwing the jacket onto an empty chair.
Now that she was just stood there, she realised how dry her throat was and fetched a glass of water from the kitchen, downing it quickly and returning to Jane. Lisbon sat down beside him, pulling her leg underneath her and watched him momentarily before shaking his arm.
'Jane?'
A soft murmur came from his lips and he turned his head away from Lisbon.
'Jaaane...' she rubbed his arm, gently trying to stir her colleague from his sleep.
'Hey, Jane!'
Eventually, Patrick's eyes opened a crack and he turned his head back towards her.
'Hey,' Lisbon said.
Patrick blinked hard, rubbing his eye. 'Hey.'
'Um...thanks for staying.'
'You needed me, I stayed.'
'Yeah...thanks.'
Patrick nodded. 'How are you doing?'
'Ok...I guess. I think the three hour sleep helped.'
'Three hours?' Patrick asked, surprised. One; surprised that Lisbon would happily spend that amount of time in his presence, and two; surprised that is persistent insomnia had been seemingly bypassed, if just for three hours.
Lisbon nodded, a brief smile flashing across her face.
Patrick yawned and stretched before looking back at Lisbon through sleepy eyes.
'So...will you tell me what happened?' Patrick asked softly.
Lisbon took a deep breath, briefly gazing into Patrick's bottomless bluey-green eyes before turning to her lap. She bit back tears, but she knew they would come charging as soon as she started talking. Her lips pursed and she swallowed dryly.
'Tommy...he was on his way to work, in the car...'
Patrick nodded, squeezing Lisbon's hand supportively.
'It was hit and run...drunk driver...' Lisbon's voice broke over the last syllable. 'Just like mom...' she sobbed.
Patrick's face contorted painfully, wrapping Lisbon in his arms as she fell once more.
'Shh, shh, shh...' he murmured, stroking her hair, muttering sweet nothings.
'It's gonna be ok, Lisbon, I promise...'
Patrick knew that promise was bottomless. And he knew it all too well. But Lisbon didn't, and that's what he was basing it on.
'I...I'm s'posed to be stronger...t-than this...I'm a CBI agent...' she mumbled, trying to roughly brush away the tears.
'Hey, you're not s'posed to be anything. You are what you are Lisbon. If anything, you're s'posed to be like this. You've experienced the loss of a loved one. If you don't feel like this, you're not human.'
'My job...is who I a-am.'
'No. No it's not. You're Teresa Lisbon. Just Teresa Lisbon. The CBI is a small part of you.'
Patrick kissed the top of her head lightly.
'Just...shush a while. Be at peace.'
Lisbon nodded uneasily, burying her head in Patrick's neck.
'Just...shhh.'
Patrick felt scared when Lisbon was like this, even if he didn't admit it. It took a lot to douse the fire in Lisbon's eyes...and when it was out, for some reason, the world felt unstable. Maybe Lisbon was what was keeping him sane still, maybe she was the reason he wasn't locked in a psychiatric hospital somewhere...
Yes, he barely ever took notice of her advice, or warnings, but she would always try for him, never giving up. And maybe that's what it was. Someone that would never give up on him. And in times like these, that person, Lisbon, she seemed to be broken...not working quite the way she used to do...and that's what made everything unclear.
Maybe it was selfish to think, 'she's broken, I'm in trouble', but Patrick really did care about her. Not just himself. That notion wasn't the whole story. He wanted her to feel safe as much as he wanted her to be able to make him feel safe.
How much Lisbon meant to him, meant a lot more than the concept of catching Red John. That much he had shown himself when he'd shot the only lead on the case down, to save Lisbon's life.
The fact that she was worth so much to him, allowed Patrick to take his mind off his family, Red John, if just for a while. And that's what kept him anchored in reality. It felt like something was shaking the rope that tied him down when Lisbon was upset, threatening to pull it up and let go.
Patrick kissed the top of Lisbon's head softly, stroking her arm and still whispering to her.
'I wanted...I wanted him to make peace with his brothers...' Lisbon trembled in Patrick's arms, 'And now it's too late...'
Patrick simply listened.
'They were always fighting...over something.'
Lisbon's eyes widened with tears as she broke down.
'Jane...I-I don't want to have to go through another funeral,' she cried, clutching him tighter.
'Hey, hey, shhh, it'll be alright...I'll help you...if you want me to,' Patrick murmured, stroking her hair carefully.
Lisbon nodded furiously. She couldn't go it alone. This was the third funeral in her family, and while her father's funeral was nowhere near as hard as her mother's, it still meant another family member gone. Now it was one of her brothers. One of her brothers which she had fought hard to protect through their childhood...and had now fallen despite her efforts...it wasn't fair. It was like whiplash. Building up speed, building up life, only to be hit from behind and left in pain, letting everything crumble away, grinding to a halt.
Suddenly, Lisbon could feel bile rising in her throat. She slowly unclenched Patrick's shirt...and then she ran for the stairs, retching.
'Lisbon! Are you alright?'
Ha, stupid question. Of course she wasn't alright. Patrick leapt off the couch in pursuit of his friend, following her trail upstairs. Emerging into a small, creamy coloured, tiled bathroom, he found Lisbon hung over the toilet, her face pale.
'Oh, Lisbon...' he murmured, moving forwards and gathering her hair back from her face. He rubbed small circles into her back as she held her head uneasily over the toilet, every now and then emptying a bit more of her stomach content into the basin.
Lisbon shook violently, her tongue rich with the sour, acidy taste of sick. She gagged. She didn't want Patrick to see her like this. He never saw her in this kind of situation, and it unnerved her to know he was behind her right now. Yet somehow, the small comforting circles he was rubbing into her back seemed to settle her stomach a bit more. Her eyes fluttered weakly, her whole body feeling drained and useless. How was she supposed to act strong leader at work now? When Patrick had seen her like this?
'C-Can I have some water...please...' she croaked. Her throat stung. Her mouth was full of acidy residue.
Carefully putting Lisbon's hair into a loose ponytail with a nearby hair band, Patrick stood up wordlessly and looked around. Spotting a glass on the white porcelain sink, he filled it with cool water from the faucet before taking it back to Lisbon's level and offering it to her. She gladly took it into her hands and sipped on it slowly, washing away the foul taste.
'Thank you...' she took a momentary break to say the two words before starting to down the water again.
Patrick nodded, threading an arm round her shoulders. This all brought back too many memories of what had happened to him, but he promised himself that he would stay. This was about Lisbon, not him, and he had no intention of leaving unless he had to. Lisbon began to sway gently, completely zoned out...
Patrick caught her, and handed her a tissue to wipe her mouth with.
'I think you need more rest, my dear,' he told her.
Lisbon nodded tiredly, wiping her lips over and disposing of the tissue in the toilet. She reached forward, pulling down on the handle and flushing it all away.
'Right, come on,' Patrick lifted her into his arms carefully, afraid of hurting her. Everything about her seemed to be fragile right now.
He carried her across the landing...past more cream walls...and into her bedroom. Although it felt all wrong that he should be in Lisbon's private space, there was no way he was letting her go until she was safely snuggled away.
Lisbon seemed to be trying to protest at him being in her room as well, but she was too weak to make any sense. Cautiously carrying her to the double bed in the middle of the room, Patrick ignored the temptations to look around at the photos and decorations adorning the surfaces and walls. He already felt as if he had spent too long in the room.
'I'll stay downstairs, alright? Need anything, just ring,' Patrick smiled.
Lisbon nodded slowly, pulling herself under the covers.
'Sleep well Lisbon.'
Patrick took one last glance around the darkened room, his eyes resting on the sleeping Lisbon momentarily, before he shut the door quietly behind him and headed back downstairs.
:D Enjoy? Not so enjoy? Review? ;)