THE FOREST
Gwen drew in a long and angry breath her heart burned.
Arthur stared at his wife in the pounding rain.
Her hands shook, and not from cold of the rain.
"How dare you?"
He locked his jaw together.
She stepped closer, her hands in fists at her sides.
"How dare you make that decision on your own, a decision that would impact so many people for so long."
"I did it for you." He said firmly.
"If you had done it for me then you would have told me…" She hissed.
"I wanted too." Arthur stated, turning fully to face her.
She shook her head at him, her eyes full of tears.
"Why didn't you?" She breathed.
He swallowed.
"Because you were so sad… so wrapped up and deep in your longing for a child that I thought…"
"You thought you knew better than that which befell your father… so you gallantly threw your life away like it was worthless!" She tried not to shout.
"It is worth far less to me than you and your happiness you know that!" He also fought to control his voice.
"But this isn't just about me Arthur!" She cried, "nor was it just about you… it was about us and the kingdom we have both sworn to protect."
"I was protecting it, I was protecting it though me heir, our child…"
"Then what stopped you!" She screamed, "The look in your eyes tells me that you didn't succeed."
"Morgana arrived and she killed Eveline, that's what happened. If it hadn't I would have gone through with it." He turned his head sharply away.
She gasped.
Her lungs screamed in a shock and quivered.
"What…" She whispered.
Arthur swallowed and stared at her.
He wouldn't say it again.
Her anger rose sharply at his silence.
"You were selfish in what you did!" She wiped furiously at her eyes, "You acted only for yourself and without thinking…"
Her voice cracked.
She turned her head away and swallowed.
Arthur stared at her in disbelief.
"How can you think that?" He whispered.
"Because you were willing to sacrifice yourself for my happiness and if you had stopped for one moment to think you would have realised just how impossible my happiness would be if you were gone!"
She shoved her hands against his chest angrily, tears spattering down her face.
"This… It wasn't…" He stuttered and swallowed, "It was deeper than that…"
"Eveline died Arthur, she gave her life to try and help you…"
"Well then perhaps you could find a way to bring her back from the dead." He snapped.
"I wish I hadn't bothered if you are that willing to give your life up again, in the knowledge there is now no way to bring you back." She turned her head away from his sharply.
"I did it for you Guinevere!" He bellowed, grabbing the tops of her arms and pulling her too him, "I did it because I love you!"
His eyes were wide and full of tears and a desperation for her to understand.
She swallowed and tears dropped down her face as she stared at him. She shook her head ever so slightly.
"If you had done it for me you would have told me." She whispered.
Arthur drew in a stuttering breath and looked down.
"I know."
His voice was low and rough.
She stared at him, her face torn with all that she felt.
"I was going to create the life of a child for you." He murmured.
She swallowed.
"You always told me that it was not about heirs… that it was about having a child, as husband and wife, a family…" She whispered shakily.
He swallowed and nodded, still looking down.
"It is but… we need an heir Guinevere."
"Do you think that I don't know that?" She whispered and narrowed her eyes, shaking her head.
He swallowed and sighed heavily, shaking his head and pulling away.
His hands fell down her arms to take her hands.
"I just wanted… I wanted to give you what we both want." He said in a low voice.
She stared at him, and her eyes stared at him as though she was seeing him for the first time.
"You should have told me Arthur." She whispered.
He swallowed, tears falling down his face.
"You would have tried to stop me…"
"Yes." She hissed through her own tears.
She swallowed and sniffed.
"Because for all I want a child there is nothing on this earth that would make me want to lose you again."
Her voice cracked and he straightened, lifting his wide and crying eyes to stare at her.
She bit her lips together and sniffed.
A small sob worked up in her throat.
"After all I went through to bring you back I can't… I won't lose you again…" She started to cry and shake, "How could you think, that I could live without you…"
He shook his head, tears falling down his face.
"I'm so sorry…" His voice broke.
He made to take her hands but she ripped them away.
"Don't touch me." She hissed.
The anger and hurt in her eyes was what he had seen there when he had told her years ago that they could not be together, that she was not appropriate.
"Guinevere please…" He stepped closer and made to grab her wrists.
"No!" She pushed him hard in the chest away from her.
Burning tears fell down her face.
"Do you know what hurts the most?" She hissed, "It's that you don't love me enough to be committed to a childless marriage."
Her words cut him deep.
He stared at her in disbelief.
"You had to do what your father did, because you weren't brave enough to do another thing that he would have hated…" She swallowed thickly and turned away, lifting one hand to cover her mouth.
Arthur let his voice fall low.
"That is not true." He hissed and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back around to face him.
"No!" She cried and pushed him away firmly.
"I don't even want to look at you Arthur!" She shook her head in hurt, "How could you even think that I would want to live without you!"
"I didn't think, I thought that it was doing it for you…"
"No…" She shoved him away again, "No!"
"I love you please Guinevere…"
"I waited for you, worried over what you were doing when Gaius told me!" She almost shouted, "I was terrified as to whether you were coming back, and after I brought you back from the dead!"
"Let me explain!"
"You can't explain or justify it Arthur, you have tried and failed… and after all I found out today you just…"
"What do you mean what you found out?" He demanded.
She glared at him, her hand wrenching the silver bracelet from her cloak.
"This bracelet is what Lancelot gave me when he returned, before I kissed him!" She shouted at him, "Except that it wasn't him, he was raised from the dead by morgana, and this bracelet enchanted me to kiss him, so I had no idea what I was doing – I didn't mean any of it, I didn't betray you!"
She slammed the bracelet at him and shoved it at his chest.
"So if for one moment you had thought to tell me about what you were planning, and told me the truth about what Gaius had told you about your father and how you were concieved, and you had thought for one minute that you weren't really doing it for me," She screamed and tears fell down her face, "You would have been here to be with me when that relief and realisation was given to me by Gaius."
He was staring at her.
He couldn't speak.
Her eyes crinkled and she bit her lips together as she swallowed a sob.
Her voice was low and rough and full of tears.
"What you have done disgusts me Arthur." She hissed.
He swallowed, clutching the bracelet in one hand as with his other, he reached, shaking, to grab at her wrist.
"Guinevere…"
She ripped her hand away and spun to face him.
Smack.
Her palm crashed against his cheek in a resonation slap.
She let out a sob and turned away, storming to her horse and swinging up into the saddle.
She galloped away.
Just outside the clearing Merlin sighed heavily and sunk down the tree to put his head in his hands.
Arthur stared down at the bracelet.
Lightning split the sky.
Anger, frustration, relief and bitter sorrow seared through his veins.
He let out a shout of anger and gritted his teeth through his tears, shoving the bracelet deep into his pocket.
Merlin appeared behind him and mounted his horse as Arthur did the same and galloped after his wife.
GAIUS'S CHAMBERS
The lightning split the sky and the rain continued to fall as the sky darkened back in Camelot.
"I am sorry Merlin."
Gaius sighed gravely and sat down on the bench across the table from Merlin.
He watched the young warlock quietly, for Merlin was pushing his food around his bowl.
His throat felt as though there was a large lump in it.
"It is Mordred's fault." He mumbled.
Gaius shook his head.
"No it is not Merlin."
"It is." Merlin hissed, glaring at his food, "He told Morgana that Emrys was Eveline, he lied…"
"She knew that he would Merlin. You know that, she told you." Gaius said firmly, "Mordred only did what she knew he would and what she told him too."
Merlin drew in a small angry breath before he sighed and stared back down at his food.
"I just can't believe that she would give her life so that Morgana would not know that it was me." He murmured.
Gaius smiled sadly.
"There are many people on this earth who would give their lives for you to be safe Merlin." He said quietly.
There was silence for a moment and Merlin swallowed, shaking his head.
"I should have told Arthur that what Eveline said was true, I should have told him…" He mumbled.
"You were right not to." Gaius soothed him sadly, "Arthur's head is full of all that he tried to do to conceive a child, and all that is going unsaid between him and Gwen."
The young warlock stared at him.
"Do you think that Gwen will forgive him, for the fact that he lied to her, or didn't tell her what he was going to do?" He murmured.
Gaius sighed gravely.
"I would not like to say." He said as gently as he could, "But Gwen is of a nurturing sort, and he forgave her for all that they thought went on with Lancelot and the betrayal…"
Merlin swallowed and stared at his plate before he looked up at Gaius.
"How did you know, how did you figure it out, that Gwen and the bracelet…" His voice trailed away.
Gaius shrugged slightly, shifting to fold his hands on top of the table.
"I probably wouldn't have done, had Gwen not been looking at the bracelet, after she had got it from the cells following a nightmare…" He said gravely, "and I would have thought nothing of it at all, had you not known already that Lancelot was a shade, and if Tanya had not noticed and mentioned how Gwen was behaving around the bracelet."
Merlin's eyes lifted.
"Tanya?"
Gaius nodded.
His eyes fell and his half smile did too.
"Her father is very frail Merlin." He said, "I have given him wagwart to help him sleep but…"
"Is he..." Merlin's voice trailed away, "Is he…"
"We all die eventually Merlin." Gaius breathed gravely, "but his time may be nearing... she is with him now… I do not know how long he will last. I have tried to ease his passing."
Merlin swallowed.
"How is she?"
"She is quiet." Gaius breathed, "Keeping to herself… but she will want your support Merlin."
Merlin drew in a breath.
The words he said came straight from the heart.
"I should go and see her." He said quietly and stood.
He yanked on his jacket and walked from the room, letting the door close behind him.
GWEN'S DAY CHAMBERS
The curtains were not drawn, so the moonlight and rain could be seen.
It filled the room, as well as the few lit candles that were scattered over the surfaces.
Arthur knocked one on the door and got no reply.
He sighed and knocked again, before pushing it open.
As the door closed behind him he swallowed, eyes staring at the person facing away from him stood with her hands folded in front of her, staring out of the window.
A tear slipped down her cheek.
Heavy and resigned footsteps cross up behind her, and while she heard them, she didn't move her eyes away from the window.
Arthur moved to stand a few paces behind her.
He swallowed and straightened.
"I am sorry Guinevere… I should have spoken to you…"
His voice was low and rough.
She said and did nothing.
She didn't even look at him.
He straightened.
"I am sorry my love, I am, I should have told you, and realised…"
"Arthur…" She whispered and turned her head over her shoulder to glare at him sadly.
He swallowed and straightened, "Guinevere…"
"Please just go away…" She whispered, "Please."
It stabbed right through his heart.
"Guinevere…"
"Please Arthur." She breathed.
He swallowed and stepped back towards the door.
"Alright… I'm gone."
She heard the door close behind him and she straightened, lifting one hand to cover her eyes as she drew in a breath.
THE COURTYARD
"I can't believe it." Tanya whispered, her arms wrapped around her as they sat at the top of the stairs in the shelter of the door arch, and the warmth of the torches that burned on the walls.
The rain continued to spit down at the ground.
The moon was high and cold in the clear sky.
Tanya had a shawl wrapped around herself, an her knees were pulled up to her chest.
Merlin was sat at her side, staring out over the courtyard.
She swallowed and glanced at him.
"I am sorry Merlin."
His eyes flew to her, "What for?"
She looked at him and smiled sadly.
"About Eveline."
"Oh." He looked forwards, "She gave her life so me and Arthur could escape."
"She knew what you and Arthur mean to this kingdom and the people here." She breathed.
He smiled slightly and she flushed, looking up at the moon.
He let out a long breath before he looked down at his hands.
"How is your father?" He murmured.
She swallowed and drew in a stuttering breath.
"He is frail… his age is against him, and there are times I think he has seen enough for one life time."
Merlin sighed gravely, "I can understand that."
She smiled sadly and swallowed.
A small shudder throughout her body made Merlin look at her.
"Here." He shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around her.
"Merlin…" She flushed and he smiled at her.
She hugged it around her.
"Thank you Merlin."
He grinned at her slightly.
"What for?"
The tips of her ears coloured crimson, matching her auburn hair.
"For the jacket; for caring about my father… and for looing after the king."
He chuckled slightly and flushed.
"Protector of the kingdom." Her eyes glimmered as she teased him.
He looked back over the courtyard and his cheeks changed colour.
"I am very proud of you Merlin… even if no one else if going to say it." She whispered.
He smiled at her and she flushed, yawning slightly.
Without thinking he shuffled closer to her, and she leant her cheek on his shoulder.
He rested his ear over the top of her head and sighed slightly.
They both stared up at the stars.
They both made a wish.