Sorry, sorry, almost forgot! Here's your Sunday dose of fiction, let me know how it is? I've had a couple new people add me to their alerts, I'd like to know what you think so far!

On we go!

The club was packed, but rather than the overwhelming barrage of lust-filled thoughts I was expecting, the patrons were mostly just having a good night out. Not to say sex wasn't on the brain, but it wasn't the only thing people were thinking about, certainly not the picture Sookie painted. The only explanation I had was I wasn't burdened with a Southern upbringing, and I understood people's natures better. I put that down to 1 - growing up in a city, 2 - not having telepathy from birth, I watched behaviours and actions, and 3 - I know from experience that thinking like a psychotic killer with a sex drive that fluctuates between Sahara and Arctic, doesn't mean a damned thing.

We'd walked in the back, and I stopped my scan as we walked into the office. Eric went to sit behind his desk, Pam flopped on the sofa and I stood taking it all in. I was pulled from my visual exploration by Eric.

"Well?" I suppressed my smirk. I knew where this was going.

"Well what?" I asked, sounding slightly puzzled and dazed.

"Do we get to see what you've wrapped so well for us?"

I let my smirk show.

"Unfortunately Sheriff you have duties to attend to, I wouldn't want to distract you from your work, you have had so much time away on my account I couldn't possibly take another second." I started to back away to the door, which Pam was already holding open.

"Nonsense, I have seen all the pieces at Pamela's little boutique, I am sure your outfit could not distract me too much. Show me."

"If I show you, you have to get all of your paperwork and other duties done, call Mr C for a meeting for me, and sit out front looking suitably moody without killing or maiming anyone for at least an hour before we can go home. Deal?"

He looked cocky, with his feet up on his desk, thinking it would be no problem. "Deal."

I undid the coat, turned, let it fall from my shoulders, then turned again to face him as I hung the coat up, giving him the full 360 view.

I had on knee high boots in a deep, almost black green, with a thick 4inch high heel, black leather trousers with a hip holster for my dagger and a dark green halter neck corset with black accents. I'd put the phone Pam gave me into my boot, and tucked the chopstick I had been using for my hair into the other, so it cascaded down my back to my rear.

"Enjoy your work Sheriff. Don't forget our deal." Pam snapped out of her daze and closed the door as I walked through it.

Something hit the wall and he roared.

"Come on Pam, get changed and we'll weed out the riff-raff."

Half an hour later, we'd bounced 6 underage, 8 drunks and quietly disappeared 2 drainers, and I'd personally delivered drinks to 3 cops, greeting them by rank and name, and asking after their families or a case, confusing the hell out of them, and pissing off the one who was supposed to be undercover.

"Well that was fun! Let's go do the line shall we?" Said Pam to my boobs.

"Oi Pam! Up 'ere luv!" I laughed - not a good idea, the bouncing distracted her back to my chest! "Come on let's mess with the idiots in the line." I grabbed her hand and dragged her.

As we walked out, a few morons whistled. One of them was obviously new and being escorted by some friends who'd been before, he got swift slaps from multiple directions and cursed to 'shut the fuck up 'cause that vamp runs the joint and can have us banned.' I told the speaker he could have 2 free drinks this evening for having a brain while Pam put the whammy on the whistler to buy rounds for his friends all night or leave and never come back.

The second whistler apologised right away, saying we look stunning, and told Pam he'd do anything to not get kicked out. Of course she told him she could make him do anything anyway, to which he replied that all he could do was offer and hope. She let him off with a double cover charge and I made him buy a drink for a girl who was there alone and thought he was cute.

The last whistler was when things got fun.

"Ooo-eee! Lookee you two all dresst up! Why don' you girlies cum 'ere an' let ol' Joe Bob show ya how a real man goes!"

As soon as his mouth opened everyone backed away from him. They knew he was fucked. Pam was growling with her fangs down, I just had to laugh.

"Hey! You ain' no deader!" He glared at me. I ignored him and looked at Pam, still giggling.

"Oh Pam! 'Real man'!" I laughed more, "Let's see what Eric thinks of this 'real man' shall we?" She got a nastily evil look on her face and the crowd backed up even more. The utter dickhead was still trying to proposition Pam and was glaring at me.

Eric, minor detour in plans, come out front, got a hilarious little fuck thinks he's a 'real man'! It'd be a crime if we didn't take him down a peg or two!

"What's this I hear about my two ladies needing a real man? Were you not both satisfied earlier?" Came Eric's voice from behind the idiot, he'd sped out the back and around the building. He walked past the scumbag, put his arms around us and gave each of us a toungy kiss.

"We were very satisfied Master," said Pam, "but this bloodbag seems to think he is better than you!" Eric's fangs shot down.

"Really." He growled. I sauntered over to the now cowering moron, and spoke low in his ear. "A real man doesn't whistle, objectify women and shout about his skills, he doesn't need to. He can make women swoon with a look, can fuck all night long, knows how to dominate a woman and make her see stars. He also knows how to give her control and make each woman he beds feel like a goddess. The best reaction you can get from a woman is a dirty look, that's why the only fuck you've had was your cousin who needed the money. And as for my not being a 'deader'" I shot pain through his nervous system and gagged him at the same time, "what makes you think vampires are the only thing out there?" I cut the pain off, grabbed his neck and threw him from the line. "Now go home to your Momma Jerry Lee Spencer and don't make me tell her what a bad boy her Jelly's been!" I shouted. He ran while everyone laughed at him.

Probably a good idea to do something about him before we add another Fellowship loon to the ranks, but that was bloody funny!

"I need to wash my hands." I said looking disgustedly at them.

"Catch!" Called the bouncer and threw a bottle of antibacterial hand wash. I caught it and looked at Pam with a raised eyebrow.

"What? I'm supposed to run to a sink every time I touch a filthy bloodbag?" We laughed at her and the three of us walked in again.

Again, please review, I'm suffering a little writer's block at the mo, so a little input would be a great help!