Chapter 19: Kana's Lost Days
There was a dull ache in the back of Kana's head as she trudged into Zuko's apartment. It was empty just like it was any other morning when the teashop was open. Iroh would have made him work, even with what happened the night before. He would spout off some quote of trusting her ability to take care of herself, and force him to take his apron.
She made her way past the living room to Zuko's small room, and plopped down on his bed with a groan. He would probably get flustered, and his cheeks would turn red, and he'd get angry making her laugh in his face about his embarrassment. Uncle Iroh would join in the tease with a wise word or two, and Zuko would just growl and stomp away.
She sunk further into the futon with that thought, the thought of everything going back to normal. Kana felt her face twist, and her eyes blur hopelessly. "Normal." She spat, flinging an arm over her eyes. I've fooled myself into thinking I had a life here. She thought bitterly.
But I don't. I'm supposed to be ending a war, and instead I spend my time with the banished prince of the enemy, and a man who almost killed an entire town. I let Katara run her fingers through my hair, and go see plays with friends. I'm acting as if I don't have responsibilities all because we can't see the Earth King!
"I wish I'd gone back home." She groaned. Katara would be worried, they all would have been. But she wanted to see Katara most, she would know what to say without asking questions, or she'd just list to her talk. The other wouldn't know how to, but they'd try. They might even forgive her if she told them about Zuko. They had too; they loved her. And she was going to tell them when she got back. But she needed to sleep first. Sleep was a good idea…
The lights shone brightly off the water in the fountain, and music weaved it's way through the air. People were dancing and singing along with the performers, and vendors offered tasty foods that she remembered seeing in Omashu so long ago when she went to the Blossom festival with Bumi. "I'm happy we're doing this Jet," Kana said, "It brings back fond memories."
"I'm just glad you brought me along." he said with a grin.
"Why wouldn't I want to spend time with a friend?" Kana laughed, and his smirk turned into a smile, his eyes softening.
"Would you like to dance?" he asked, taking her hand and pulling her close. The band was playing Four seasons, Four loves so the movements were slow and intimate. Kana's lips twitched nervously.
"Jet, we're just here as friends, right?" she asked, and immediately she felt the stiffening of his hand on her waist.
"Of course." He said tightly, making her sigh.
"Until after the war is over, nothing can exist besides friendship between me and anyone." she stated, her gaze hard on his face. He stared down at her for a moment before his usual grin was back in place.
"Probably should have figured that out." he chuckled, making Kana let out a relived sigh.
"I'm glad you understand, Jet."
"Why wouldn't I?" he asked with a wide grin, his wheat grass hanging lazily from his lip.
"Others wouldn't have... You wouldn't have." She answered, thinking of her friends, and the connection she shared with them. It was so close to bordering on love, maybe she had already crossed the threshold but had to deny it. Nothing could get in her way of being the Avatar, and protecting Aang.
"I've changed Kana, for the better." Jet said as the song ended, and he stepped away from her. "I promise."
"I trust you, Jet." She answered, surprise tinging her words. She really did, even after all he'd done. He had earned his second chance, just like Zuko did.
"I'm going to get you a surprise." Jet said suddenly, smirking suspiciously. Before Kana could say anything he ran off, leaving her to call after him.
"I hope it's food!"
"It's not." She heard someone say from behind her, she tried to turn around, but the momentum was used against her. Kana found herself pressed against the chest of a man, pulling her back on the dance floor, the music starting up again.
Her feet stumbled, and the colors seemed to dim all around her, this wasn't supposed to happen. Her eyes flicked up furiously, and before her anger could register it was gone with the breath from her lungs. Her mouth opened in shock.
"Lu Ten." She chocked. "What are you doing here."
"It's my birthday, didn't you know?" He asked, and as his words left his mouth, the world began to fade away, and she could hear a twittering bird.
Yes. I remember now; spending time with Tian underneath a tree feeding each other fruit. We both took the day off on my birthday- no, Lu Tens birthday.
"You can't wake up!" Lu Ten pleaded, "The day I reached you, was the day I died. I don't know when I'll be able to come back!"
"Why not go to Iroh?" Kana asked, making him wince.
"You are the bridge to the spirit world." He said, a desperate undertone in his voice.
He was right, Kana knew. And she had a responsibility to stay here until what he needed to say, was said. But this was a dream about past occurrences, and he didn't belong- he was waking her up. "No!" She shouted vehemently, she wouldn't fail!
Her eyes flicked around the fading dreamscape furiously, searching for something - anything - that would allow her to stay asleep just a little longer. Suddenly she caught sight of a reddish brown head, and her eye brows quirked up in interest.
As colors slowly started to reform around her and Lu Ten, Kana could see Smellerbee and Longshot walking by the booths offering things concerning the festival. She saw Longshot point at something, and Smellerbee laughed. She wasn't certain, but Kana was almost positive that the girl was blushing. So she didn't have a crush on Jet after all.
"Kana, you need to-" Lu Ten was cut off when Kana placed a palm over his heart, and a green glow started to emanate off her skin. She remembered how she had connected with Kyoshi's Badgermole so long ago, and figured it'd be the same in this situation.
Show me what you need. She thought as she delved into his heart. There was a road, and a pathway that led away from Ba Sing Se into a small village. It ended at a small house with a red door.
Kana's eyes opened so causally, it was almost as if she had feigned being asleep. She lay there, thinking about the best course of action. She knew she ought to wait for Zuko and Iroh, to go to the gang and tell them she would be leaving for a few days.
But she didn't. There was this overwhelming feeling of urgency, and the utmost need of discrepancy. So she stood up, and grabbed her glider, having left it here the night of the festival.
Without another thought otherwise, she leapt from the window, and snapped her glider open. The wind caught beneath her wings, and she flew towards the great wall of Ba Sing Se. Outside of this city she would learn something important, more important than what Lu Ten needed her to discover. She was sure of it.
QQQQQQQQQQ
Kana fell onto the soft ground - half sand, half grass - with a sigh. She had flown until the sun was kissing the earth, then plucked some berried from a bush for nutrients. She had been in such a hurry she didn't bother to grab any provisions she would need on her trip. Luckily she always had her water pouch. She remembered when Iroh had tried to make tea out of her bending water to see if it made any difference, but she had yet to dump out the cactus juice from the desert.
Zuko had drunken it, or rather a cup of it before trying to serve a customer. She had to help him back to his apartment, an arm slung around her shoulder for support as he leaned on her. He had smelt like burning wood and sweet ashes. It amazed her how she never realized what he smelt like in all the time they spent together. It took his being practically draped over her as a cloak, him mumbling things just as crazy as Sokka.
He had called her beautiful, and she took it with a grain of salt. After all, being under the influence of cactus juice doesn't elicit confidence in ones truth telling. She probably should have taken it as an insult honestly, but Zuko was just so funny! It was really adorable! But... she wished she had taken it more seriously, especially with what happened at festival-
No! she screamed at herself, hand pounding the dirt, and causing an earth tent to pop up over her head. I shouldn't think of that.
But what else did she have to think of? Her friends were probably looking for her, an added worry on top of everything they had to deal with. She was really a horrible friend to have, wasn't she? Her lips curled up in amusement at the thought of what everyone would say at that. They would deny it profusely, then there would be a big group hug, and everything would go back to normal. And everybody would be happy.
Kana twisted onto her side, and closed her eyes. She imagined that she was back at the play they had gone to see. Everyone had managed to get separated somehow, with Aang trying to calm Toph down because of all the people moving around so much it made her dizzy, and Sokka looking for food. By the time the show started, it was just her and Katara.
They had laughed, and found refreshments with Sokka to boot, and even ended up at the front of the huge crowd where Toph and Aang were standing. They had laughed and jested and teased, and for awhile there was no war, Appa wasn't missing, even Zuko and Jet ceased to exist as a stress maker. Kana's lips turned up in a smile as she remembered, and she allowed herself to fall asleep with a content sigh.
Kana awoke when the sun rose to boil her blood, and the saltwater lick of the moon sizzled from her veins. The ground seemed to want to hold her as she lay, eyes open, in trepidation. Her palm flattened out on the ground, and her earth tent was sucked back into the grassy plane, only reminding her of Toph, and how she shouldn't be here.
She should be back with Aang, and Katara, Toph, Sokka, even Iroh and Zuko. Those people who called themselves friends, and rightly were. It wasn't right for her to disappear without a trace. She was putting closure of Iroh over everything, or maybe she was just running. There was a war going on, a war she was supposed to be stopping! But the fear that came with going back where Jet awaited her, where Zuko did who would want something more, something she couldn't give gave her cold feet.
Kana looked up at the sky, the clouds a fiery hue made by the rising sun. There was no going without answers. She had been missing for days, it would only be a few more hours until her destination, and then she could go back. It was time she finished this journey, even though her friends would be agonizing over her disappearance. Maybe she would even find a way to get closure from her fears.
So Kana stood up, a gust of wind almost urging her onward. Except for the flames the sky was clear of imperfections, a clear crisp blue. Snapping out her gliders wings, she took to the air. The dirt road that had been shown to her by Lu Ten appeared in a matter of minutes.
Kana looked ahead as she flew, nothing kissing the horizon but endless blue. She would be flying for awhile, and suddenly her mind started to wonder, not content with the monotonous landscape.
It wasn't surprising when her thoughts veered back to the events taking place of the Blossom festival, but that didnt makes it any less upsetting. Her stomach clenched, and she couldn't keep her lips from turning down as she remembered what happened.
Kana leaned off to the side of the dance are, hiding a smile as she saw Smeller Bee and Longshot looking at the stalls. He won her a mask. She was so distracted by her amusement that when a hand grabbed her arm gently, she spun around, ready to attack- only to stop upon seeing Zuko's scarred face.
"Uncle wanted me to apologize for being rude." He stated with a light blush, unable to meet her eyes.
"I'm sure he did." Kana deadpanned, but she was unable to stop the corners of her mouth twitch up in a smile.
"He did!" Zuko insisted, and she just gave him a look that let him know she saw through his little fun about why he was here.
"Uncle's never been able to make you apologize before." She pointed out with a grin.
"Maybe I wanted you to apologize too!" He snapped, making her frown, jaw clenching.
"What did I do?" She seethed venomously, with narrowed eyes.
"You made me- and then you- gah!" He shouted throwing his hands helplessly in the air. "Will you just come dance with me already?"
The moon had been bright that night. The lanterns light danced on the fountains water, and it had been like dancing with starts whenever she was on the dance floor. But now all Kana could feel was a hollow spot of trepidation, instead wanting to focus on the warm wood in her hands, the suns heat on her back where the glider didn't shade.
The hard baked ground had finally abandoned the bits of sand, and not the only thing scattered around were cracks. Ahead of her a town sat in the distance. Even from this far Kana could tell the little place was alive simply from the fact it didn't seem to be crumbling from the harsh desert air.
When she landed on the outskirts of the dusty place, that nagging apprehension came back. She really didn't want to go forward, but she had already run once.
She walked through the town, people milling about and glancing strangely on occasion. Kana ignored the states and followed the road like she had been shown. It wasn't that hard, nobody approached her, and once in awhile a mother would push their child inside.
At that moment she was glad people didn't know who she was. It seemed keeping her head down had proven useful just as she predicted. It went on like this even as the amount of buildings began to thin out. Then, after about thirty of minutes of walking, there was just a lone farm house with a red door.
Different breeds of pigs crowed and snorted, but other than that and a small field there was no real difference from the houses in the town. There was even a line woman dumping slop into the pigs feeding pan, unaware of Kana's presence. She didn't know what to say, so she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"Lu Ten." The woman whipped around at the sound of her voice, dropping the slop in surprise.
"I'm sorry, but what did you say?" She asked tightly, shoulders tight in what could only be considered as fear.
"How do you know Lu Ten?" Kana asked, watching the woman's face sag. She was too old to be Tian, though the green eyes were there, the black hair that was peppered with grey.
"Who are you?" She breathed, backing away.
"A friend." Kana assured her softly, "I was sent here for some reason, but I have no idea why."
The woman opened her mouth to speak, but a young voice interrupted before she could. "Mama who's saying my name?"
Kana turned around at the noise, her eyes meeting that of a little boys. Everything seemed to collapse in on itself, and she suddenly felt the strain of her travels. The heat, lack of food and water, this couldn't be possible! Those eyes, she'd seen them before.
"Zuko, let me go!" Kana snapped yanking away from him. When Zuko turned back to stare at her there was so much vulnerability that Kana had never associated with him. In a panic she reached out, cupping his face in her palms. "What is it?"
"Dance with me." He whispered, taking her hands in his, and all she could do was nod.
"What's wrong?" She asked again, faintly realizing she had accidentally used his real name.
"Being with Jet makes me angry." He blurted in frustration, making her blink in surprise.
"I thought you could be friends-"
"No," he cut in harshly, "your being with Jet makes me angry."
"I'm sorry," she said slowly, carefully, "but he's my friend."
"He wants to be more than friend with you." Zuko scowled.
"That's none of your business." She snapped back.
"Well maybe I want it to be! Maybe if I'm going to be here, then I want to be here with you, maybe you make things better!"
"Zuko," she whispered and his face turned from one of anger to pleading as he pulled her from the dance area to a shadowed corner away from prying eyes and ears.
"We can't." She said quietly.
"Why not?" He asked gruffly.
"Because when I look at you I don't see the Earth Kingdom refugee, I see the prince of the Fire Nation."
"Why, because if you haven't noticed the scar on my face says otherwise!"
"No." She said fervently, "it's a mark of honor. "
"How?" He asked angrily, and before he could flinch away she placed a finger on the burnt flesh.
"I like this," she whispered.
"I didn't mean to scare him." Kana groaned as Tian entered the room carrying a tray of food. She had aged ten years, then some on the day she found Lu Ten dead in the battlefield. The grey that dappled her hair attested for that, and the fact that she had t been recognized as herself beside a familial relation.
"You were exhausted, starving and dehydrated." She answered kindly, "I'm sure you meant us no ill will."
"No." Kana agreed tiredly as she lay in the bed Tian had carried her to when she lost consciousness. She gave a nod of thanks when Tian handed her a cup of tea, and sipped from it gently. She took her lips from the cup and stared down out the brown liquid sloshy slightly that showed her cracked lips and sun kissed skin- darker than she'd seen it for awhile.
"Why are you here?" Tian prompted when the silence threatened to drag out.
"I don't know," Kana sighed placing her cup on the table by the bed. "I have to believe the spirits wanted me to see Lu Ten, to see your baby, but I don't know why."
"Avatar Kana-"
"Just Kana." She said with a shake of the head, "just Kana."
"I also like these." She murmured, placing a finger tip on the side of his unmarred eye. "And this!" She said with a laugh, grabbing a handful of hair. She looked up at his shocked expression before placing a palm over his beating heart, "But I love this, I love that your changing your heart to be happy."
"Than why don't you want to be with me?" He rasped.
"Because you'll always be Prince Zuko, you'll always take the chance to go home, and I could never, ever, pick you or anyone over the world. Especially when I don't love them." She whispered.
"I don't love you either." He ground out frustratingly, "And I'm not asking for you to give up your duty, just give me a chance."
"I can't." She insisted raggedly.
"You owe me that."
"I don't owe you anything." She bit out, jaw twitching.
"Then one kiss." He breathed furiously, "Then it's over. I won't ask for anything again."
Kana nodded, and his lips tasted like the honey made from fire lilies, the sweetness blunted by Jasmine tea. It was almost as if molten rock was pouring past her tongue to pool at her toes, leaving a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach when he pulled away. "We shouldn't have done that." Kana hissed between tight lips, eyes still closed from the kiss.
"You didn't want me too?" He asked, the worry in his voice almost palpable.
"Not because of that." She murmured with a quick shame of her head.
"Than what?" He pushed. He thought he'd kissed her against her will, and was ashamed, but how could she lie and tell him she didn't want another?
She opened her mouth to speak, but a mans voice came out instead. "Because me." Jet.
"He isn't anything special," Tian began, only to be silenced with a harsh glare from Kana.
"He was heir to the Fire Nation." Kana a snapped, making the older woman wince. "That isn't important enough for you? What if somebody found him?"
"He can control his Firebending," Tian spat furiously, "no one will find him."
"And if they do?" Kana huffed angrily swinging her legs from the bed mat.
"I'll kill anyone who dares hurt him." Tian promised viciously.
"I need to meditate." Kana announced brusquely, standing at her full height. "I'll be in the back, thank you for your hospitality."
She left without another word.
There was a glint of silver and Kana barely managed to shove Zuko out of the way, blade slashing harmlessly through the air. "Jet what are you doing?" She shrieked so loudly the music stopped playing, everyone turning to watch the spectacle.
"This man's a Firebender!" He shouted, pointing a hooked sword at Zuko. Her stomach dropped, but the way he said it, as if he'd known all along, made her grit her teeth.
"Jet, you're acting crazy." She said tightly, "Drop your swords."
"He'll have to use his bending to defend himself." He growled turning to Zuko.
"You're wrong!" Kana snarled uncorking her water skin, "He has me!"
A stream of water smashed into Jet's back, flinging him to the ground with an audible clunk as he hit. "The stalls!" She shouted, and Zuko was off, Jet hot on his trail.
The crowd parted like butter until Zuko skidded to a stop, snatching a pair of dual dao swords from a weapons booth. Kana watched as Jet caught up with him and lunged forward with a yell, Zuko barely managing to twirl around with a flourish, and parrying the blow to his head. "You'll need more than those to take me down." He grunted.
Kana slammed a water whip into his stomach, separating the two boys as he was pushed back by the force of the blow. "You're confused Jet, stop!" She commanded furiously, but before he could respond, Zuko rushed forward with a yell. Their blades met with a kiss of steal, their bodies and arms spinning in a dance of skill.
Zuko lost a blade. Then Jet, and she could no longer stand by watching. The moment they leapt away from each other to collect themselves, Kana's hand flew out, followed by a spear of ice, shearing the wheat grass in Jet's mouth.
There was a wall at his back, and both Zuko and Kana on each side. There was no escape. "I will hurt you." She promised, and he searched her face for any lie, but there was none.
And then the earthen cuffs were on him.
There was a tree out in the small field, its green leaves out of place on the dusty landscape. That's where Kana took her lotus position like Hariti had taught her. She took a deep breath, feeling the earth expanding its lungs with her. The sky waited high above with no movement in the wind and the physical world melted away until she sat in her own mind.
When Kana opened her eyes she belonged to her body, and spirit. The ethereal feeling was completed by the small pond barely touching her toes. A memory of what happened after the Blossom festival was playing across its surface, and she felt angry all over again.
"Forgive me for my inhospitality." Long Feng drawled with a dry smile, "But it seemed appropriate at the time."
"I understand." Kana nodded tightly, unable to keep the venom from her voice.
"Your family has been causing me problems since the moment you arrived Miss. Beifong. I would like to know when you plan on leaving."
"I wouldn't say stoping the Fire Nation from invading your city counts as a problem," Kana smiled, all teeth. "And the current situation makes it impossible for my friends and I to leave. We short one member."
"Ah yes, the a avatar's sky bison, I see you're still searching."
"We would be able to move on much faster if you helped us in are little quest."
"The Dai Lee are currently indisposed at the moment, and are unable to help you." He said shortly.
"I see." Kana murmured, "Well than I see no reason to remain here."
"There is a carriage waiting to take you back to the lower rings of Ba Sing Se, as you seem to favor there." Long Feng said as be stood, moving to the door.
"And Jet?" Kana asked, following his lead. For now.
"He will be accompanying you, I hope that is not an inconvenience."
"Not a bit," Kana ground out pleasantly, "thank you for your generosity."
She and Jet didn't speak the whole way back, Kana refused. Even after everything that had happened between her and Zuko, it was a relief to get to his and Iroh's apartment.
"It's hard to relive a past mistake." Lu Ten said, and when she looked up, he was sitting opposite her across the pond. He reached down into the water, and it shimmered as bright as the sun. When the glimmer faded she was left staring at someone she thought long dead. Zhao.
He was holding a burlap sack, the moon crying bloody tears of light. Everyone was there, even Zuko who she could see trying to struggle from his bindings in the corner of her eye.
"You were never Lu Ten, were you?" Kana asked, but she needed no answer, and he gave none. "What do you want from me?"
"You have angered the spirits, they sent me as messenger." He grinned grimly, flames beginning to sprout from his lips, veins turning a fiery orange encasing his body in a glow like that of the last ember in a fire. Her eyes flicked down momentarily to see the same happening to her as slim fingers slid around Zhao's neck to claim his last breath. The taste of ash was heavy on her tongue.
"Agni," she breathed, name hot in her mouth.
"We give mortals the the tools to build their destinies, but your actions go against the fate designed for you." He grunted, eyes burning like hot coals. "You are the Avatar."
Kana's teeth ground together in fury, eyes blazing as hot as the spirit in front of her. "I am the Avatar." She agreed coolly, "Given the responsibilities to keep balance in both the spirit and real world, I did my duty at the North Pole."
"You should have let your niece go in your stead!" He roared, flames scorching the ground where he sat. "The spirits made me sacrifice my own so that you may be born from the icy womb your past lives wrapped around you, and you failed to do the same in your selfishness."
Kana could feel the dark red of shame begin to creep up her face, and in the back of her mind she knew he meant Lu Ten. That's why he had showed her his life, to know the significance of his sacrifice. "The earth gives it's people, the air gave it's entire population, the south destroyed its people, the north would sacrifice it's princess, it's only source of hope, no more selfishness can be tolerated!"
The words seemed to pile up in her mind, pressing and pressing like water on a dam, and she couldn't understand how they rarely burst! She could feel the avatars screams rustling against her skin, see their own sacrifices. "I will give all to the spirits and the world, that is my duty." She whispered numbly, teeth clenched in fury.
"Make your own destiny, but do not fight against the fate we gave you." Agni growled, and she nodded.
Her eyes watered, then snapped open, back to the clear blue and dusky earth. Tears burned down her cheeks, and she muffled a scream of frustration before taking to the sky. She was ready to be home.