THE FOREST OF ESITIA
As the Camelot group made their way through the undergrowth towards the city, Merlin had declared that he would go and look for Tanya once more.
Although he wanted to be certain that she would be in the city already, and be home and safe, he could not be fully so.
He stood facing the mound of rocks that marked Tanya's father's grave.
A crack of twigs behind him made him spin.
Mordred stood, slightly warily, watching him carefully, "what would the king say?"
Merlin stared at him hard and said nothing.
The young druid man walked slowly to Merlin's side, "Those with magic are not permitted marked graves… even though he is one of us."
Merlin's head snapped to stare at him, "You knew he was a sorcerer."
"I could sense him. But I never said that I knew… I did not know if Tanya was aware or not." Mordred stated.
Merlin stiffened and turned his eyes back on the rocks.
Mordred had chosen his words carefully, to demonstrate that he knew nothing of Tanya's magic.
He could tell that Merlin did not know.
Merlin assumed because Mordred did not say that he did not know…
Tanya had not admitted it to him.
She had run.
"I would have marked his grave also." Mordred said quietly, "She deserves that kind of closure."
"Yes." Merlin whispered.
They stared at the mound of rocks in silence for a moment.
Mordred looked down at the floor
"Even though I cannot seem to use my magic at the moment."He muttered.
Merlin's eyes snapped to stare at him.
The young druid man sighed, "I abandoned that part of me when I chose loyalty to Arthur as a knight of Camelot, rather than being Morgana's puppet… my whole life I have been used for my gifts, and my body and my magic seem to realise now that I do not need them at all. They are buried deep inside of me."
His eyes did not move from the rocks.
Merlin straightened, "One day we will be recognised once more."
They nodded in mutual agreement, that neither of them would acknowledge.
Merlin wouldn't trust Mordred.
"But for now…" Mordred muttered with a small smile, pointing to the rocks, "We go unmarked in death, as in life."
Merlin stared at him and straightened, "I must look for Tanya."
Mordred nodded, "I will come."
The young warlock stared at him and inclined his head as politely as he could.
"Very well."
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
With a gasp Tanya felt Eveline pull her hand sharply away from hers and the water that had glowed fall to the floor.
The maid, now back in the hole before Eveline's ghost, stumbled backwards to sit on the floor, gasping for breath and from shock.
All she had seen made tears fill her eyes.
"Those people… Arthur and Gwen… Mordred… they are my friends… how can my love be the thing that sends them to that?" She whispered shakily.
"Because you are falling in love with Emrys, and it is his destiny and the destiny of those around him that is turmoil… by your love?" Eveline said firmly.
Tanya swallowed, "But love…"
"Love is the most powerful force there is on this earth," Eveline snapped, "It raised Arthur from the dead and binds him and Gwen tighter together than you can possibly imagine!"
Her words filled the hole sharply and Tanya swallowed, looking down for a moment.
Eveline let out a sigh and straightened.
This was for the best.
Tanya would see that it was the right thing to do…
"It is not my choice alone." Tanya stated thickly, "Merlin…"
"Merlin will never give you up and that is why it must be you who turns away, who lets him go." Eveline stated, "Believe me if I could see the future set right by talking to Merlin rather than you I would."
There was silence for a moment.
The image of the king and queen and their falling grey kingdom made Tanya swallowed thickly…
"How can I put my love for him before all those people?" She whispered almost silently, "All those who will be hurt if I chose him… my friends…"
Eveline straightened.
Tanya would make the right decision.
She stared down at the serving maid carefully.
Tanya sniffed.
"So to stop that all happening… I just walk away?" She demanded tearily, "Tell him that I don't love him? That it can never be?"
Eveline stared at her hard.
"That is exactly what you do."
THE FOREST OF ESITIA
Merlin stumbled through the undergrowth, exactly where Tanya had run the day previous.
"Tanya!" He shouted, her clasp tight in his hand as he ran, "Tanya!"
"Merlin…" Mordred stormed after him, "Merlin!"
They pushed their way through the broken trees.
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
"Tanya!"
The voice made Tanya lift her head.
She swallowed and wiped at her eyes, looking to Eveline.
The ghost stared hard at her.
"You know what the right thing to do is Tanya." She said evenly, "You know what will happen if you do not give him up."
Tanya swallowed and nodded once as though she was in pain.
"Then I need to let him go."
Eveline nodded.
"For the good of all men…"
"Tanya!"
Tanya snapped her head up towards the sky far above at the sound of Merlin's voice.
She swallowed.
"In here!" She called.
There was the thundering of feet over ground far above.
Her voice trembled slightly and she swallowed, "In here!"
Silhouetted against the sky she saw Merlin appear, leant over the hole.
"Tanya, thank god, are you alright, we found your clasp… thank god you are alright…" Merlin was gasping.
Tanya shifted, her heart breaking at the sight of him.
"'we'?" Her voice cracked.
"Mordred is here!" Merlin shouted.
The knight appeared then, "Don't worry Tanya, we will get you out of there in no time…"
"Thank you!" She called, tears dripping down her face that they couldn't see.
She swallowed and turned to speak to Eveline one last time.
But the Parlevine ghost was gone.
THE FOREST OF ESITIA
Mordred walked ahead with his horse, eyes forwards, deep in thought.
He was trying with all that he was not to listen to the conversation going on behind him.
To be conscientious to Tanya, they had decided to walk through the afternoon sun rather than make one of them walk on their own, or share a mount.
Tanya did not think her heart could take sharing with Merlin, and she did not want to share with the knight, and there wasno way she was going to ask the lord to walk so that she could ride by herself.
Merlin and Tanya walked either side of his horses head.
He held the reigns, scuffing the dirt with his shoe slightly.
Tanya felt physically sick at his concern as he spoke.
"I am so glad we found you," He murmured, lower thanMordred could hope to here from his place in front, "Are you alright… I am sorry for what I said."
She swallowed.
"I know what my father told you Merlin," She breathed, "I know what he said about me, magic, and the past…"
Merlin stared at her as they walked.
His heart faltered.
He nodded and swallowed, "Oh…"
She said nothing for a moment.
He drew in a breath and stepped closer, "Tanya I…"
"You must realise that none of that is true."
Her voice was low and rough, and it stopped Merlin completely.
His heart stopped for a few moments.
Merlin stopped walking, and she did too.
Mordred glanced over his shoulder at the pair and kept walking.
He would leave them too it.
Merlin stared at her with wide eyes.
"What…" He gasped quietly.
What stirred in his eyes made her stomach twist, but she would not let him see.
Just as she sought to hide her emotions from him, he fought to bury what reared its head inside him behind his eyes.
His heart broke.
She swallowed and straightened.
"He was a druid who found me lost and abandoned as a young girl… much like the little girl Clara we helped yesterday…"
Merlin simply stared at her.
She shifted slightly and shook her head marginally to accompany her words, "I have no magic…. I never have… I am ordinary…"
Her heart hammered at speaking the world and she swallowed, blinking her eyes rapidly to fight the emotion that burned across them.
Merlin drew in a breath.
Words failed him.
She stared at him sadly, tears in her wide eyes.
"He was irrational towards the end… all he spoke of is false… I am sorry you had to hear it..."
"No." He whispered instantly.
His voice cracked.
He swallowed.
"No I am sorry… sorry that I thought that you were… that you had ever had… that you had ever been…"
She straightened, "I am a maid, nothing more."
"But nothing less." He murmured.
She hated herself.
She smiled a tiny yet sorrowful smile.
Her voice dropped.
"Thank you Merlin."
He stared at her.
He couldn't speak.
He was sorry.
He was sorry that for one moment he had thought that she could possibly be like him… that she could ever have been…
He was sorry for thinking that she could know the truth, and that she could ever hope to begin to understand…
Suddenly he felt so alone.
So he said nothing.
For what could he say?
She swallowed, her heart falling further when he said nothing.
He was silent as she stepped closer.
With a small breath in she nodded.
"Thank you." She whispered.
She had lied to him.
But she couldn't regret it.
For the sake of what was in Eveline's letter…
For the sake of his destiny.
She could hate herself, but not regret what she kept from him.
He couldn't know…
"Merlin…" She bit her lower lip for a moment before running her tongue along her teeth as she fought not to cry, "I am sorry but… I know what you feel for me, I know what I feel for you… but it can never be."
His word seemed to shatter.
"What?" He whispered.
She sniffed, "I have just lost the man who was my father… and… and I can't… act on what I feel for you… it is too much, or not enough…"
"Not now." He lifted one hand to her cheek, "I understand."
"Not ever." She flinched her face away and swallowed, staring at him with wide eyes.
She had broke his heart.
It broke hers to do it.
She swallowed.
"It can never be Merlin."
"Who says?" he narrowed his teary eyes.
"I do." Her voice cracked.
Merlin stared at her.
He could not find the words to speak.
She drew in a breath.
"There are those who need you to stay exactly who you are..." She said shakily, convincing herself as we'll as appealing to him, "those who need you..."
"more than you do?" He muttered.
She thought of Eveline.
"Apparently so."
She stared at him and felt both their pain.
Merlin saw something in the corner of her eyes.
They glinted with what she had seen...
"what does that mean?" He asked in a low voice.
She swallowed.
"your destiny... Your future... It isn't me Merlin..." She whispered.
His eyes hardened, "what do you know of my destiny?"
she stiffened and knew she had been caught.
Yet she could still answer truthfully.
"I am honestly not sure."
There was silence in the heart break.
She swallowed.
For the sake of what was in Eveline's letter…
For the sake of his destiny…
Drawing in a breath and up onto her toes, she touched his cheek and kissed his other, lingering her lips on his jaw.
"I am sorry Merlin." She whispered, "There are just some things that cannot be."
He shivered.
She pulled away and turned her back on him, sweeping away the horse, and the man she would not admit she loved.
For the sake of what was in Eveline's letter…
For the sake of his destiny…
The young warlock watched her go.
She had turned her back on him.
Merlin felt tears fill his eyes and he swallowed, lifting his hand to run through his hair.
His palm pressed into the back of his skull as his fingers twisted through his hair.
He turned in a circle, drawing in deep breaths.
"She doesn't have magic, never had…" He whispered to himself, "And she cannot… lo-"
His voice cracked and he couldn't finish his words.
He swallowed thickly before he sighed gravely and turned, looking up at the sky.
"Of course she doesn't."
He swallowed and shook his head, glancing at the mound of rocks, and the flowers on them that marked Henry's grave.
With another sigh he turned and trudged back towards Camelot.
CAMELOT – COURTYARD
Arriving back in the afternoon sun, Mordred handed his reigns to a stable boy.
Merlin did the same as Tanya walked past him, her arms around herself.
Gwen appeared at the top of the stairs, smiling gently and rushing down towards her.
"Tanya…" She gasped in relief and hugged her maid tight, "Thank god you are alright…"
"I am sorry I have not been here to attend to you my lady… Iheard about what happened to you on the way back with that sorcerer, I feel terrible to think that all of that happened because you were looking for me…" Tanya said as they pulled apart, "I have been…."
She swallowed and straightened.
"Down the rabbit hole."
Gwen touched her shoulder gently, "I am sure you would love a hot bath… take the afternoon off, I shall see you in the morning."
Tanya stared at her, "are you sure my lady… I mean…"
"Of course." Gwen's eyes flitted to her husband who appeared at the top of the stairs behind her, "I am well looked after."
Tanya nodded, "Thank you my lady."
Gwen watched as her maid turned and walked down the stairs, without a glance at Merlin, and hurried to the gates to go home.
Merlin turned and trudged away towards Gaius's chambers.
She had broken his heart.
Gwen sighed and glanced at her husband who wrapped his arm around her waist and held her to his side as he kissed her.
"Did I hear the words hot bath?" He asked around her lips.
"Mm…" She smiled, "Good idea…"
He chuckled but it turned into a moan as she bit his lower lip softly.
His arm tightened around her back.
Their gaze became heated.
"I love you, you know." He murmured.
Gwen smiled and let him kiss her again.
"I love you too Arthur."
TANYA'S HOUSE
Tanya sat on the bed that her father had died in.
Her cloak was at the foot of the bed.
Her back pressed into the wall at the side of the bunk, her feetbare, discarded of shows, pressing into the mattress with her knees drawn up to her chest.
She had her wrist resting atop her knees, and with shaking fingers she peeled away the leather bracelet.
The skin was pale on the inside of her wrist, and it glared white around the druid symbol inked there.
She had lied to Merlin, pretending she did not know who he was…
How could she tell him that she had always known?
She had no magic, had not since she was a child….
Her father, or the man who had grown to be her father, had spoken the truth.
But how could she tell Merlin that.
He didn't need her…
What kind of companion was she anyway?
A druid girl, cursed without magic, someone who had had magic stolen from her as a child…
No.
She was Tanya, the simple maid, normal…
That was the life she had chosen.
That was the way it had to be.
She swallowed and closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against the wall she leant against.
"I'm sorry Merlin." She whispered.
For the sake of what was in Eveline's letter…
For the sake of his destiny…
GAIUS'S CHAMBERS
"Her father lied to me. He knew I was Emrys but he lied, he must have done, for she ran, ran when I asked her…" Merlin breathed, "Tanya, she… she heard what he told me and she told me that it was a lie. That he was a druid but she was not…"
His words faltered and Gaius watched as a lonely sorrow crossed his eyes.
He sighed gravely, putting his hand on Merlin's shoulder.
The young warlock swallowed.
The old physician touched the Merlin's shoulder as he walked away, leaving him to his thoughts.
Merlin stood sat on the pile of books under the window staring out at the afternoon sun.
He sighed heavily and leant his head heavily against the wall.
THE ROYAL CHAMBER
"I told Elyan… and Leon on the other knights." She murmured, "I was careful not to do it until we were back in the citadel though, lest we be overheard…"
"Good idea." Arthur kissed her bare shoulder.
The sound of the water splashing softly against them as she moved her hand from reaching slightly behind her to rest on his neck to go back under the water on her flat belly filled the room.
She was sat in between Arthurs legs, against his bare chest.
The water level lapped over her chest and his arms were wrapped around her, exploring her smooth skin beneath the water.
She turned her head to kiss him lazily.
He chuckled and rested his forehead against hers.
"I love you… my queen…" He murmured.
She giggled and turned to straddle over his lap, her arms around his neck, elbows on his shoulders, as his palms traced her spine.
Her hair was plaited on top of her head to stop it getting wet.
He kissed her softy, "You and our little one…"
She flushed and kissed him once more.
"I love you too Arthur. More than anything…"
"Now and forever my love." He whispered passionately.
His arms wrapped around her fully as their kiss brought them closer completely.
GAIUS'S CHAMBERS
Merlin stood over one of the benches, pouring powder after powder, potion after potion, into a large bowl.
Gaius sat on the opposite side of the table, hands folded on a large book which he had been reading.
He peered at the young warlock as Merlin leant to his right to look at a book.
Merlin muttered something to himself before screaming for another bottle of liquid, blue in colour this time.
His haste knocked several others over.
He scrambled to put them upright and Gaius sighed, removing his glasses.
"Merlin what are you doing?" He asked.
"Making something…" Merlin stated, pouring the vial of liquid into the bowl with a flourish.
Gaius watched him carefully, "I can see that."
Merlin offered no further explanation, as he turned and rushed up the small stairs into his room.
There was the sound of clattering and cursing, and the moving of furniture.
Gaius narrowed his eyes and stood upright, just as the young warlock skidded back into the room in front of the large bowl.
In his hands he held a long wooden box.
Gaius watched him, folding his hands, as Merlin opened the box and produced a silver chain, hanging from which was a tear drop shaped, clear, crystal.
The glinted in the light.
Merlin held it up and dropped the box it had come in on the table.
The wood was intricately carved with flowers and painted with gold leaf in places.
Gaius lifted one eyebrow, "what is that?"
"It is my mother's… I was supposed to give it to Gwen for Christmas but I forgot…" Merlin explained with a shrug of his shoulders.
Gaius narrowed his eyes slightly, "And what exactly are you doing with it?"
Merlin grinned, "Watch."
Gaius did.
The old physician looked on as Merlin lifted the pendant by the chain over the bowl of potion, and closed his eyes for a moment in concentration.
"Ich bein forseth proector un regina…"
His eyes flashed gold and the potion I the bowl shot upwardsIn a booming cloud of smoke.
It filled the air and consumed Merlin who staggered backwards from the bowl in shock, landing on his backside on the floor, coughing and wiping at his eyes.
Gaius lifted one eyebrow slight and watched Merlin carefully.
"Well?" He asked.
Merlin looked down at his hand for a moment before he jumped upright and held the chain up again.
The pendant crystal dangled there, spinning slightly, only now it glittered dark blue.
Gaius glanced at merlin.
"What have you done to it?"
Merlin swung it backwards and forwards slightly.
"I present one gift for the queen upon her pregnancy, a pendant that will alert me to the presence of harmful magic close to the king and queen… I will be able to hear it if someone tries to hurt her." Merlin stated, pleased with himself, "It casts an invisible force around her and the child she carries which stops any harmful magic touching her… life threatening magic anyway."
"Well that should narrow down any dangerous on her life, if Arthur knew he would be pleased." Gaius inclined his head.
"Mm…" Merlin muttered, "It is not perfect though, human evils like swords and magic that is not designed to kill her will still work…"
"It is a good gift. One that in time both she and Arthur will appreciate more." Gaius touched his arm.
Merlin nodded and reached for the box, putting the necklace back inside and closing it firmly.
"I had best go and see about dinner…"
He turned to stride to the door.
"Oh Merlin?" Gaius called after him.
The young warlock stopped in the door and turned around to look at the old physician.
"Yeh?"
Gaius stared at him gravely.
"I am sorry about Tanya Merlin."
Merlin stiffened and swallowed, nodding his head.
"So am I."
He turned and let the door close behind him on his way out.
Gaius sighed heavily.
TANYA'S HOUSE
Sat on the bunk in tears, Tanya's anger was ripe as she lifted her sore eyes at the sight of a flickering white ghostly figure in front of her.
"What are you doing here?" Tanya demanded, "You are not wanted, go and rest in the afterlife… in your temple of past present and future…"
Eveline sighed, "Tanya…"
"I am a good person." Tanya snapped tearily, "I am a good maid and dammit I would have been a great person for Merlin to love."
Eveline inclined her head, "That is the problem."
"And how dare you take that away from me?" Tanya's cry cracked, "Make me break his heart and give him up…"
"it was your choice."
"Under your council."
"And it was the right one." Tanya stated, "You know that… you have secure and made his design to, and the lives of all those you care for."
"And Mordred?" Tanya sniffed, wiping her eyes furiously.
Eveline narrowed her eyes, "Mordred?"
"Yes." Tanya snapped, "The girl he loved and the one who made him leave Camelot because she loved another, who made him turn on Arthur for he blamed him for not just granting the marriage, she who with her lack of love sent him back to Morgana… what of her?"
Eveline seemed to think for a moment as she straightened.
She stared at Tanya evenly.
"I don't think she will be a problem for now… someone is keeping an eye on her and the shaping of those around her."
Tanya stared at her.
Eveline turned around and disappeared into white light.
"Good bye Tanya."
-END OF EPISODE-
COMING NEXT : THE GREEN KNIGHT