A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed, I really do appreciate it. This chapter is for you.
A/N This chapter is from Jac's point of view.
I have a confession to make. I'm going to miss working alongside Connie. Tomorrow is the final day of our partnership, our professional partnership obviously, before Mrs Beauchamp takes a month-long sabbatical. I can't deny that I've thoroughly enjoyed the time we have spent working as a team. I overheard one of the irritating F1s labelling us the 'dynamic duo' which I must admit, I found highly amusing as well as feeling proud that our strong work relationship had been recognised amongst our colleagues. Connie continued to shower me with compliments, which from any other consultant I would have seen as patronising, but the feeling of appreciation she has given me has been overwhelming. Throughout our short time as a double act, I've witnessed the ice crack and melt away to reveal the warm, kind woman beneath it. The consultant even discussed some aspects of her personal life with me, if only briefly, but I felt truly honoured to hold such precious information. It's a beautiful feeling to be trusted and appreciated by someone you admire.
Something awkward, and simply strange, happened this afternoon between Connie and myself. It was an ordinary action that staff in the medical profession encounter many times per shift, but the experience we shared was different. Whilst examining a patient, Mrs Beauchamp asked for his notes which I was holding. As the file changed hands our fingers casually brushed, just for a millisecond, but I'm certain I felt a bolt of electricity shoot from my hand to hers. I'm also certain Connie experienced a similar thing, as she looked directly into my eyes at the exact same time that I looked to her. For that brief moment, it was as if our eyes were locked together, I didn't want to look away and break the virtual contact. The encounter was over in a matter of seconds although it felt like a life time.
Neither of us spoke about the incident after that. In fact, the day continued exactly as normal, which I was a little disappointed with if I'm honest. Connie seemed to slot back into her 'Ice Queen' routine, putting up a barrier between us as if she were defending herself from me. Maybe she didn't want to admit to feeling something as we touched? I so desperately wanted to speak to her about that intimate moment we shared but I knew Connie certainly wouldn't appreciate discussing private matters at work and I respect that. But how do I pluck up the courage to arrange to speak to her outside of Holby City? I may be as tough as old boots as the saying goes but I highly doubt I will ever be able to reveal my true feelings to her. Besides, even if I did, I'm sure as Hell my love for Connie Beauchamp wouldn't be reciprocated.
Yes, I said it. Love. Having pondered over that emotion for so long, I even wondered if it even existed at one point, I have come to the decision that I do in fact feel that very emotion, love, for Mrs Beauchamp. If I'm honest, I think I've loved her for some time but I had dismissed it as admiration and respect for a colleague. I believe that rush of electricity between us confirmed my emotions as I've often heard lovers say they've experienced something similar. I just wish Connie felt the same way about me, but the chances of that happening are ridiculously slim...but it's not entirely impossible, right?
I need to tell her. Before she goes away.