GAIUS'S CHAMBERS
"Well done."
The old physician touched the back of Merlin's shoulders, where the young warlock, now as himself, sat at the table staring down at his hands.
Gaius watched him carefully and sat down facing him.
He sighed heavily, "What is wrong Merlin."
Merlin drew in a breath and swallowed.
His voice was low and rough.
"It felt wrong… for Arthur to trust me so and not yet know that it was really me…"
"Mordred knows." Gaius said, "And I know…"
"That is not enough." Merlin sighed gravely and put his head in his hands, his elbows on the table.
Gaius watched him carefully, shifting.
He knew this day was coming.
"Do you want to tell them the truth?" Gaius asked quietly.
Merlin swallowed and lowered his hands, staring at Gaius with wide eyes.
"More than anything." He whispered.
Gaius smiled sadly and nodded once.
He was not surprised.
Merlin stared at him desperately, "But how do I know if I should?"
"I cannot make that decision for you Merlin."
"How can I though?" Merlin breathed, "How can I after everything?"
Gaius was silent for a moment as he straightened.
"By simply showing them that you are you… and allowing them the knowledge that they need in order to see you for who you truly are."
THE KNIGHTS CORRIDOR
Tanya steeled herself and lifted her hand to knock three times on the wooden door.
The winding and narrow corridor she stood in flickered with torch light, and filled her heart with heat as she waited for what could only have been a few minutes.
She was about to turn and walk away when the door was opened and Mordred appeared, dressed in a loose black shirt, without chain mail.
His blue eyes widened at the sight of her, "Tanya are you alright?"
She nodded and shifted, ringing her hands together in front of her.
"I can't lie to you Mordred…" She whispered.
He straightened, eyes flashing to the leather bracelet on her wrist that shielded her druid symbol from the world.
She swallowed, "I couldn't lie to you…"
"I will keep your secret." He told her, "You should have no fear of that…"
She sniffed and nodded.
"then I just want to say thank you… for understanding."
He smiled slightly, "Well it would be difficult for me not too. I have stopped using my own magic, for years, in order to find a happy and devoted life to the king and queen…"
She shifted, "But I have no magic to use. So we are different in that respect."
There was silence for a moment.
Mordred stared at her, "what do you mean?"
She swallowed and glanced over her shoulder at the corridor around her, finding it empty.
She turned back to the knight before her.
"Can I come in?" She asked quietly, "Then I will explain?"
Mordred nodded, "Of course."
She smiled her thanks as he held the door open for her, allowing her to walk past him into his room.
Mordred peered down the corridor after her just as Merlin rounded the corner.
The young warlock skidded to a stop at the sight of Tanya disappearing into Mordred's room, and the knight he so ached not to trust, close the door on the both.
Merlin drew in a long breath and his eyes grew hard.
MORDRED'S ROOM
The room was small and filled with candles and books, a bed pushed against the wall under the window in the corner, while the perpendicular wall was dominated by a cupboard.
Mordred locked the door and turned to face Tanya as she folded her hands in front of her somewhat nervously.
You have a lot of books…"
"I enjoy reading very much…" Mordred told her and gestured for her to sit on the bed, "Geoffrey in the archives has been very god to me…"
Tanya saw down as he did on the edge of the bed so they were slightly facing one another.
She shifted, "Oh… very good… I am pleased."
"Tanya." He reached to touch her arm gently, "You cannot tell me something as large as that you have no magic, but have a druid symbol, and then seem to want to chat about my favourite bed time story."
She flushed quietly and looked down, "Sorry… I… I just don't know what to say… why I feel I should burden you with this…"
"Because we are kin," Mordred told her, "And I understand about living without magic far more than Merlin ever could…"
She swallowed, "Emrys."
Mordred did not seem surprised.
"So you do know?"
She nodded.
"I grew up with the stories just as you did… but he does not know that I know who he is… when he asked… I… I denied my druid birth."
Mordred narrowed his eyes, "Why? I thought you and Merlin were…"
She shook her head and looked down, "I didn't want him to pity me… for he would… and… and with his great magic, He would never understand what it means to live without that… to feel… although not grieved, that there is always a tiny part of you missing… for magic is either a part of you or it is not, and you are not meant to go from one to another."
"You do not want to fall in love with him." Mordred saw all too well what she was trying to hide, "And you don't want him to love you because he pities you?"
His question made her snap her eyes p to stare at him.
"I don't want him to love me at all."
He narrowed his eyes, "Why not?"
She swallowed, "he is the Emrys of legend, with a destiny, a great future and an even greater power… and I am… well… what am I?"
"Any man would be fortunate to have your love Tanya, if he understood you… and appreciated you for your defining strength, not the power you lost."
Mordred reached to take her hand gently.
She stared at him, "Thank you."
Something stirred in her heart that made Mordred smile.
She glanced away from him.
Mordred drew in a long breath and moved his hand from her arm to rest it on the mattress in the small space between them, "why don't you start at the beginning?"
She swallowed and looked down at her hands in her lap.
"I was born a druid... and lived in the vale of Denarii… near the White Mountains. During the great purge Uther released a creature that could tear a person magic from their soul… I was attacked along with many others, who did not escape with their lives… butchered by Uther's men." She whispered, "A fellow druid man rescued me and stopped using magic so as not to hurt me… my father he… he wasn't my father by blood but by love… he gave up his own mafic as I had lost mine, and while I never missed it as such for I was very young at the time, I still felt that it was gone… I still feel it now…"
Mordred stared at her sadly.
She swallowed and sniffed, "And Merlin he… my father told him the truth before he died, but I denied it because… because I don't want to love him any more than as a friend,… I am not right for him… I would only hold him back, and he would pity me, as you say, and his… his destiny is too great for me to play a part."
There was silent for a moment.
Mordred took her hand.
"You underestimate your work, courage and valour." He murmured.
She flexed her hand around his.
"Thank you."
He looked down," I know what it is like to feel strange around Emrys."
Tanya narrowed her eyes, "You do?"
"He nodded, staring at the floor, his eyes distant.
"I do not see why he cannot see that I have the kings best interests at heart… just as he does." Mordred murmured.
Tanya squeezed his hand, "I see it… but Merlin is very protective of Arthur, perhaps he is just… I don't know."
She sighed and looked down.
They sat in silence for a moment, before she lifted her hand to look at Mordred again.
"Thank you for keeping my secret…. For… for understanding in a way that I am terrified Merlin cannot." She whispered, "I don't want his pity, or to lead him to a future where he will chose me over Arthur... or anything from him."
Mordred smiled slightly at her, "thank you… for telling me… for allowing me to share this knowledge with you… for being my kin, my friend… and for trusting me."
She smiled at him and tightened her hand around his own.
"That is what friends do."
They had a bond that no one could break, and a knowledge of sacrificed magic, a life, chosen or not, without it, that Merlin could never understand.
They shared something deep.
Tanya smiled at him and he took her other hand as they stared at one another.
A tie had been forged.