Again, many thanks for all your reviews, they really are appreciated.
A/N This chapter is from Connie's point of view.
It's odd to think that this time tomorrow, I'd have handed the Holby reigns over to my replacement, only temporarily of course. It is certainly going to be a strange feeling, being away from the hospital for four whole weeks. Especially for someone as work focused as myself where my job takes centre stage alongside my daughter. If I'm honest, the only reason I decided to take a sabbatical was the fact that I had outstanding holiday that needed to be taken. I know it's only a month but I sure will miss the place. I'll miss arriving at work to find Elliot tucking into a doughnut whilst singing along to Radio Two. I'll even miss the irritating specimens known as F1s and the obnoxious patients who believe they know best. The one thing I'm certain I'll miss is working with Jac Naylor.
After tomorrow, we would have worked as a team for just a week but I already feel I know her more. She's taken to working alongside me far better than I imagined she would and I'm very pleased about that. I've discovered just how great a registrar she really is as well as how warm-hearted a person she can be once you've stripped off the layers and found her true self. She's as much the 'Queen of Mean' as I am the 'Ice Queen.' We're very similar in that we've both been perceived wrongly by others and that's how alter egos such as those are created. You should never judge a book by its cover; the meaning, the detail, the content – they're the important aspects.
I admit I'm as guilty as the rest of them for believing Jac to be cold and bitter. Hence why I arranged to partner her this week. I can't explain what it is but a part of me wanted, needed to get to know Ms Naylor on a deeper level. It was like a strong craving, one that gnaws at you until you satisfy it. Why didn't I, couldn't I, accept Jac to be naturally cold, the way everyone else has? Why is it impossible for me to explain why I needed to dig deeper for more information about some registrar? I think that's just the problem; to me, Jac Naylor is not just another registrar.
I'm shocked to even find myself conjuring up these thoughts. I've had these feelings pop up repeatedly throughout the duration of the few days we've spent working together but as they passed in a blink of an eye, I never gave them a second thought. These thoughts. They're irrational, uncontrollable, confusing. She briefly smiles; I can't resist smiling back. She looks in to my eyes; I'm drawn to her and can't bear to look away. We briefly brushed fingers exchanging a file this afternoon and I gasped, I could swear I felt an electric current swimming through my veins. I'm always fully in control of my thoughts and emotions, but not now. That terrifies me, but excites me at the same time.
The more time I give these thoughts, the further they develop and expand, consuming my mind. I've lost the ability to think about anything else. Even practical things seem to have taken a step back, replaced by thoughts of Jac Naylor. I tried to watch the television but the characters' features reminded me of hers. Every word said on the radio was replayed in my head, but with Jac speaking it. My emotions won't allow me to ignore my thoughts, or vice versa. If I'm sure of one thing, I know I can't withstand this for a whole month, not without her knowing.
No matter what I do, I cannot remove Jac from my system. I suppose that's what happens when love takes over.