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"I beg your pardon?" I'm not sure if she's saying that in a 'how dare you cross the line like that?' manner or whether she simply wants me to repeat myself. I'm suspecting the former but desperately hoping for the latter.

Despite how painfully difficult I found it to say those few simple words, I force myself to say them one more time.

"I said – because I love you, Connie."

I have been searching for your touch
Unlike any touch I've ever known
And I never thought about you much
Till I'm broken down and all alone, oh

I receive no reply for Ms Beauchamp. I'm not sure what I was expecting her to do or say, but I'm a little shocked none the less.

"I know this is a massive shock for you, it was for me as well. I had no idea I was anything other than heterosexual until I began working with you and feeling like this. It hasn't been easy for me to say this, far from it; I've never told anybody that I love them. In fact, I don't think I've ever spoken so honestly to anybody." I've no idea where the courage came from for me to be able to deliver that little speech. Who'd have thought it – Jac Naylor opens her heart and discovers it's not made of ice? Is this what love does to people?

Though I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying, oh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up

"I can appreciate that this can't have been easy for you." She responds calmly, too calmly. I can sense a hint of cold in her tone.

"I've admired you since the first moment I saw you at Holby. I have nothing but respect for you and your work. I'm sure you're fully aware of how much of an inspiration you are to us mere mortals known as registrars." I try to throw a dash of humour into the equation in the hope of her replying. My attempt fails. I bite the metaphorical bullet.

"I'm going to do something which I have never even thought of doing before, in my life. I'm going to lay my heart on the line, pardon the cliché. Once I've said all I need to say, I'll leave." Connie still remains silent and pokerfaced. So I continue.

"Like I said, I have never told anybody that I loved them before, simply because I have never experienced love. Until now, that is. Working closely with you has been an honour and a privilege. You've enabled me to become a better registrar and a better person. I've realised just how alike we are, deep down you have to admit that you and I are fairly similar. We're both determined, driven women, to focused on our careers to think about how lonely we are. I bet you any money you don't like coming home to the emptiness, the microwaveable meals for one, the boring nights watching meaningless television, exactly the same as I do. Granted you've got Grace but, forgive me if I'm wrong, it's not the same as that special someone to share the evenings with, right?"

Again I can't tell what she's thinking or how she's feeling. Taking another of many deep breaths that night, I carry on.

"You have so many qualities which I admire, Connie. You're focused, hard working, reliable, honest, strong, witty...when I think about it, you are literally my ideal...woman."

Saying that sentence sends the shockwaves over me once again and stops me in my tracks – I'm confessing my love, for another woman, least of all Connie Beauchamp? My career, my life could be in tatters because of this. Those high and mighty are desperately trying to find reasons to sack well-paid members of staff and I decide to add a huge vat of fuel to the already uncontrollable fire. Well done Jac, that foot-in-mouth syndrome of yours really does know when to rear its ugly head.

I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back

"I'm sorry...for saying all that, for barging in on you..." I rise from the seat, placing my barely touched coffee cup on the table as I head for the door. "Sorry."

"Wait..."

My hand reaches for the door handle when I hear a voice not so far behind me, causing me to turn around. I'm standing just a few metres opposite the woman who I've fallen in love with. I silently plead that she's about to reveal her true feelings for me and wrap her arms around me. That's something I never thought I'd say.

"I'll see you in a few weeks, Jac."

But how?

That's something I really hoped she wouldn't say.

But how?