Atonement

Chapter 9—What We Don't Know

Disclaimer: I don't own the Transformers. They officially belong to Hasbro and Takara. I'm taking them for a short spin.

Another long day, and Hot Rod settled into his berth, grateful aspects of the day went better than expected. He'd gotten to hold Echo while Prowl and Springer took a little time to talk. They hadn't worked anything out yet, but Hot Rod was optimistic only good would come of it. He even got to talk to Danny, working out a time for the kid to visit. A week away, and Hot Rod had already cleared his schedule. He had that right as Prime, as Optimus and Jazz kept reminding him. He still had duties, but he could work around them. Danny understood, having a father who was Earth's ambassador to Cybertron.

Then his door chime was going off, and Optimus Prime let himself him. The lights came on and Hot Rod rolled into a sitting position.

"I apologize for coming by so late," Optimus said, sitting down beside him on the berth. "I talked with Ratchet, and he told me some things, but I need to hear the rest from you. I know about the nightmares, and the fluxes. Why didn't you tell me?'

"I told you, it was personal," Hot Rod said. "You didn't need to be bothered by my problems."

"We're both Primes, and friends, I assumed," Optimus said.

"We are," Hot Rod answered.

"Then why won't you let anyone get close to you? That's hardly the mech I remember," Optimus said.

"I've changed," Hot Rod said. "I might have well as died, too, when you offlined, and the mech I was died the moment the Matrix chose me."

There. Maybe now Optimus would lay off. Not quite a declaration of his feelings, but close enough.

"The point is, Hot Rod, you didn't die," Optimus said.

"No, but I still have the nightmares, not as bad as before, but they never go away," Hot Rod said.

"I know you were afraid," Optimus said.

"You don't know the half of it," Hot Rod said. "We were inside Unicron. I was separated from the others, and lucky me, I found Galvatron. We fought, but I was no match. He had me pinned, hands around my throat, and for a few moments, I thought he was going to do worse than kill me. Then the Matrix was in my hands, and I was hearing your voice, and everything happened so fast. . ."

Terrified, indeed, Optimus thought, slipping an arm around Hot Rod.

"You were brave," Optimus said. "You didn't falter."

"I was scared to death," Hot Rod said. "And I still don't trust Galvatron. You didn't get to enjoy the full force of his madness. You only had glimpses, then you go and put him in charge on Cybertron."

Optimus didn't say anything, thinking. Galvatron had traumatized Hot Rod, adding to his list of offenses. Personally, that one went right to the top. Even if he hadn't intended on assaulting Hot Rod, the damage was done. Optimus couldn't change that, and he just couldn't kill Galvatron outright. Ironhide also believed it would be a decent solution. The universe probably wouldn't miss him. Neither would Optimus, but he'd placed the Decepticon in a position of trust so he could keep an eye on him.

"Why do you think Magnus is on Cybertron?" Optimus asked, trying to change the subject.

"Because he's fragging Cyclonus," Hot Rod said.

"Don't remind me," Optimus said. "I had hoped at one point we could resume the relationship we once shared."

"Let me see—you or Cyclonus," Hot Rod said. "That's a no-brainer"

"I'm glad to know you think I would be a more suitable choice than Cyclonus," Optimus said, grateful the wry smile on his lips was hidden by his battle mask.

"I think you should leave," Hot Rod said, standing, pulling away from the other mech. "We both have a lot to do tomorrow, and I'd like to get some recharge."

"I'm not going anywhere," Optimus said.

"Don't make me throw you out on your aft," Hot Rod said.

"I'd like to see you try," Optimus said. "Your bravery and defiance are just two of the qualities I admire in you. Unfortunately, you choose the most inopportune times to exhibit both."

Hot Rod sat back down on the berth, putting his head in his hands. He was going to lose this battle, and honestly, did it even matter anymore? He was so worn down trying to deny his feelings, and here, the universe was offering him the opportunity he'd imagined time and again.

"I don't suppose you like the rebellious attitude, bad temper, habit of disappearing?"

"They're part of you also," Optimus said. "Along with your compassion, loyalty, and refusal to give up. All qualities I love about you."

"What?"
"I wish I'd seen before what I see now," Optimus said. "Possibly things would be different, but we can't change the past. I'm sorry if my feelings are not reciprocated. . ."

"That's where you're wrong," Hot Rod said, moving closer to Optimus, wrapping his arms around the other Prime, pressing himself against his frame. "Completely wrong."