THE DUNGEONS
"Emrys?" Merlin stared at her.
She sniffed and nodded, tears in her eyes, her hands fisting at her sides, staring at him.
"I am sorry Merlin." She whispered, her voice cracking, "I lied to you about my past… when my father told you that I was born a druid and that I lost my magic…"
He drew in a sharp breath, staggering upright and moving to stand opposite her.
The bars separated them yet the distance seemed endless.
"You lied?" He whispered.
"I had to…" She whispered.
What more could she say?
"But… but you had magic… and you have known all along that I do…" He breathed in shock.
She said nothing.
She had nothing to say.
His wide and sad eyes burned with hurt.
"I would have given anything to have been able to share my secret with you!"
"What difference would it made if you had?" She cried; her eyes wide and desperate.
"Every difference!" He shouted at her, "Tanya…"
"I am not your destiny, Arthur is!" Her voice was loud and it cut through his, "Merlin it was him who needed to know not I…"
Merlin made a hurt and angry noise and turned away.
She swallowed firmly, "I couldn't bear to see the pity in your eyes if you knew the truth… couldn't bear to be the poor little druid girl, carved from her magic, who weighted the great Emrys down…"
"That is not true…" He wheeled to face her.
"IN these coming years your magic will grow and your power and greatness will be seen by all!" She cried, "Your destiny is the stuff of legend… but I will still be me… and for that reason, I am your friend, not your kin…. And I will always be pitied by you for that."
Merlin stared at her, hurt and angry.
"So you were embarrassed, that it why you lied?" He scoffed bitterly, "Well this just proves it doesn't it… proves that I will always care for you more than you do me…"
"I gave you up!" She screamed at him.
Merlin stared at her and straightened.
She pressed her hands over her wide and teary eyes as he drew in a long breath.
Both their hearts broke.
"I didn't lie because I was ashamed of not having magic!" She almost snapped him, "I gave you up!"
Merlin straightened, and reached through the bars, attempting to take her wrist in his, "Tanya… Tanya, look at me…"
"No don't you touch me!" She cried and shove him away, "Don't you dare talk to me about keeping secrets because that is nothing, nothing, compared to giving you up!"
He stared at her in hurt shock.
Tears filled his eyes.
She sniffed firmly and wiped at her eyes.
"I am so sorry." Her voice cracked and she shut her eyes, shaking her head and lifting a shaking hand to push her hair from her eyes, "I am sorry but I couldn't risk falling in love with you… holding you back…. I gave you up because your future holds many great things… and all of them aren't me…. Eveline sent me a letter telling me of your destiny, the role I play… or rather, the role I don't… if we fall in love Merlin there will be a time when you will chose me over Arthur and your destiny won't come to pass… and I cannot let that happen… she showed me Camelot, destroyed by your devotion to me…"
Merlin stared at her as his heart broke.
"You chose me… and it as good as kills Gwen and Arthur…" She whispered shakily.
There was silence for a moment and he swallowed, staring at her with eyes churning with emotion that was bitter.
He faced the bars that separated them.
A single tear slipped from her closed eyes across her alabaster cheek.
The flame of her hair was glowing in the torch light which filled the dungeons.
She was like a candle in the darkness of the dark cell… one he clung to…
She kept him afloat in the weight of his crushing grief that came from Arthur's seeming hatred towards him now.
Her words were soft gasps, rasping in the back of her throat, grated with emotion and splintered in her aching chest.
Her hand's tightened around the bars, under his which were doing the same thing.
"Falling in love… would have changed everything, ruined your destiny… I can never be who I was as a child; I could never be the person you would surely have wanted me to be… you deserve so much more…"
"Tanya…" His voice cracked.
"Let me speak." She whispered and swallowed thickly, letting her weighted and wet eyelids open to gaze at him.
He was constant in her gaze, as the world tilted and swam around him with the emotion in both their hearts.
Not that it mattered.
Merlin could see in her watery eyes that he was all that she could see.
She sniffed and swallowed.
"And by keeping it from you, I could live the life I have… as a maid servant… just Tanya…" She whispered, "And you could have your destiny… and by not telling you… I was trying so hard to stop the destruction of the futures of all those we care for… trying to prevent myself from falling in love with you,..."
Her voice cracked, her eyes opened, and she lifted them to stare up at him.
A tear dripped down his cheek and his hands slowly slid down the bars to wrap over hers.
His eyes snapped up and stared at her as though he was seeing her for the first time.
"Tanya…" He whispered, his hand tightening round hers over the bars.
Three tears fell down his face as his lips shuddered.
His heart spluttered.
Words failed him at the time he needed them most.
He owed her that much surely.
She swallowed and sniffed, sliding her hands out from under his and stepping back.
It broke his heart.
He stared at her, "It was not your choice to give me up…"
"Yes it was," She whispered gravely, "because it was a choice you would never have made…"
He stiffened away from the bars as she straightened.
"It is time for us to grow up and accept our own destinies… ones that are nothing more than friendship." She whispered.
Merlin shook his head, "You are wrong."
"I am sorry." She breathed, "But not wrong."
Merlin stared at her.
Her eyes fluttered closed, weak with all that left her heart as she bit her lips together and opened her eyes to look down for a moment.
"If the king knew the truth about me he may well put me down here with you…" She muttered.
Merlin straightened, "Will you tell him?"
Tanya swallowed and lifted her eyes to stare at him.
Merlin saw her answer, "Tanya, no… don't tell him…"
She narrowed her eyes.
"Why would you want to be locked up in here, when I am wandering around… as close to the queen as you are the king in position…?"
"Because it is different and you know it," Merlin stated, more harshly than he meant to, "Tanya you do not have magic, you cannot be held accountable for things that happened to you and in what position you were born… but I kept the magic I still have a secret… your secret is your past, mine is my present and my future."
She narrowed her eyes and straightened.
"And that is why we are friends, rather than kin."
Her words stung him.
He stiffened at them.
She swallowed, maintain her resolve.
The strength she had made him fall irrevocably harder.
But she would deny him.
She could not be his love.
"Things will get better…" She whispered, "Arthur will see all that he owes you…"
"I am not so sure." He muttered.
"He will." She stated.
There was silence for a moment.
He stared deep into her eyes, her hands feeling small and safe in his.
"You are a good man." She whispered with her voice soft and sure.
He said nothing, his voice growing thick and swollen in his throat.
She stared up at him, tears in her eyes as emotion lingered in the ones he would not yet let fall.
"You deserve to see Albion united; too see that kingdom of peace, beauty and magic forged…" She whispered, "You deserve something beautiful."
"I have you." His voice cracked and he swallowed.
She sniffed and straightened like he had slapped her.
It hurt too much, this love she would not accept.
"And that is why I had to give you up." She whispered.
Her words struck him like a knife and he stared at her.
She swallowed but did not smile.
There were heavy footsteps behind them and Tanya looked over her shoulder in time to see Sir Leon round the corner with Gwaine and Percival flanking him, as well as the two household guards who presided over the dungeons.
All of them seemed wary of Merlin, although shocked more than anything.
They did not move even when Sir Leon motioned the two guard's forwards and the heavy door to the cell was unlocked.
The guards cautiously approached Merlin.
Merlin and Tanya stared at Leon who straightened and inclined his head once.
He spoke to them both firmly, although his words regarded Merlin.
"We have come to take you to the king."