Chapter 7

Jenny sat in her kitchen table with a coffee mug in her hand, impatiently jiggling her foot up and down as she waited for Abby to drop off Ben. She was so mad at her for setting them up, but the more she thought about it, the more she was angry with herself for being so bloody weak. It wasn't like her - usually, once she had made her mind up about something, that was it - she stuck to it. But when it came to Nick, as usual, her feelings were all over the place. He had the ability to make all her resolutions and ideals crumble with just one look from those piercing blue eyes. And she hated it. She hated the fact that all her happiness hung on another person; hated the fact that she had once prided herself on being able to control her emotions and keep them hidden behind a painted smile, and now she couldn't for the life of her do the same with respect to Nick. Surely doing the right thing shouldn't be this hard?

Her ears pricked as she heard a car pull up outside, and she listened as Abby's voice became discernable through the open window.

" . . . maybe it's best not to mention that to your mum," she was giggling.

"But I really want one!" Ben replied, his voice displaying his excitement.

"She'll never agree to that, she's terrified of the things!" Abby exclaimed as the doorbell rang.

Jenny set down her cup, and got to her feet with a sigh, unsure as to what she was going to do now. As she opened the door, Ben flew in and hugged her legs, chattering away at a hundred miles a minute.

"Mummy! Guess what? Abby let me hold all of her snakes! Even the big one - "

"None of them are poisonous," Abby added to her, clearly misreading Jenny's stony expression. "And Sarah and I were there the whole time - "

"Can I get a snake mum?" Ben asked. "Please, I'll take really good care of it!"

"Of course you can have a snake, if you don't mind me moving out as well," Jenny replied with a forced smile.

He stood back, as though considering it for a moment, before he shook his head. "No, I'd rather have you," he sighed, sounding disappointed.

"Oh, good to know," she said with a fake laugh as he ran off into the house, leaving Jenny alone with Abby.

"Well, I guess I should just - " Abby began, half turning as though to leave, but Jenny cut her off.

"Erm, not so fast," she said sternly, and Abby turned back to her, looking like a naughty school kid who had been caught smoking behind the bike shed. "You've got to stay for a coffee now that you're here," Jenny added with a sarcastic sweet smile, before walking back to the kitchen, Abby trotting along behind her with her head hung.

Jenny checked to see that Ben was out of hearing distance, and once she was sure he was busy watching the telly, she turned back to a guilty-looking Abby.

"What were you thinking?" she demanded in a strained whisper.

"I'm sorry," Abby sighed, looking down at the floor. "We were just trying to help - "

"Sarah couldn't face me, could she?" Jenny guessed.

"She had things to do," Abby replied shiftily, but when she saw the look on Jenny's face, she added, "Well that, and you scare the hell out of her. And she said because it was my idea, it was up to me to apologise."

"This isn't a game Abby," Jenny snapped, her blood pressure rising. "I can't believe you'd pull something like this!"

"I just thought that if Cutter got jealous and showed up on your date that you would have the chance to talk things through - "

"Abby, we are both still devastated about what happened, and last night - " she cut herself off, pushing back her fringe with a shaking hand. "Last night just bought everything back up."

"Why, what happened?" Abby asked quietly.

Jenny took a deep breath, steadying her voice. "We slept together," she admitted eventually, squeezing her eyes together in embarrassment.

"You and Nick?" Abby gapped in disbelief.

"No, me and Lester," Jenny replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Yes, of course me and Nick!"

"Oh," Abby said, looking as though she was lost for words. "Well . . . was it . . .?" she said quietly, raising her eyebrows.

"Well that's besides the point!" Jenny scoffed, being careful to control the volume of her voice. "We were in a good routine before last night happened. It wasn't ideal, but we were trying to get along for Ben's sake. Now, I can barely look him in the eye!"

"Look, I'm sorry,"Abby said again, looking as though she genuinely meant it. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I just - "

"I know," Jenny sighed, her anger abating slightly as she realised that Abby looked upset. "I know you were just trying to help. But you've got to understand - the reason we split up in the first place . . . well . . . it's never going to go away. And no amount of talking or sex . . ." she added in an undertone, ". . . is going to change that."

"But I don't understand, that's the point!" Abby exclaimed hotly. "One day, you were happy, and the next you were talking about getting a divorce. I just don't get it! You were both so in love. That doesn't just go away, does it?"

"No, of course not," Jenny explained patiently. "That's probably why last night happened. But there's just no way we can be together again."

"But why?" Abby pushed. "I need to know why."

"It doesn't matter," Jenny answered immediately. She didn't want anyone to know about Claudia - the shame of having to tell people that her husband had only married her because she looked like his lost lover was too much to take.

Abby sighed deeply, and looked up at her with sympathy and guilt in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be asking. If you and Cutter want to keep it between yourselves, then that's fine. But I'll just say this - no matter what he's done Jenny, he loves you and Ben more than anything. And whatever split you both up in the first place . . . surely it's not as important as that, is it?"

Jenny opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again immediately as words failed her. Abby gave her a weak smile and leaned forward, resting her hand on Jenny's arm in a gesture of comfort. "Just think about it, okay?" she said kindly, and for a lack of anything to say, Jenny found herself nodding.

Ever since Nick had moved out, Jenny had been plagued with terrible nightmares; mainly consisting of creatures moving in the darkness, and then that face . . . that face that was all to familiar would pop up, red hair flowing, and smiling at something invisible. Then, out of nowhere, she would start screaming as the darkness grew, enveloping her, and Nick's voice could be heard shouting 'Claudia! Claudia!' over and over again, and Jenny would wake herself up, mumbling 'But my name's Jenny!'. It was only when she realised that she was in her bed, perfectly safe, and with brown hair, not red, that she would relax and lie back down, heart still hammering and her hands trembling.

However, this reoccurring dream wasn't what woke her from her slumber on that particular night. She had been in the middle of a vivid nightmare that she was in a dark room which she had first taken to be empty - that was until she spotted the glass cage in the corner. In it, banging her palms furiously against one of the panes of glass, was Claudia, looking distressed. Jenny ran over to her, and the woman stopped banging, her identical brown eyes studying her, a shocked expression on her face. Claudia's palms were still pressed against the glass, and Jenny placed her hands on it also, mirroring the position of hers. Claudia looked at their hands, before she glanced back up at Jenny, looking her directly in the eye as she mouthed something. Jenny shook her head, indicating that she couldn't hear her, so Claudia repeated herself; this time, her lips clearly formed two words.

'Help me . . .'

All of a sudden, Jenny felt herself being wrenched out of her dream as something hit her square in the chest, forcing her awake with a gasp.

"Mummy!" Ben's panicked voice shouted, and through the confusion, she realised that he had jumped on top of her. "Mummy, wake up!"

"What?" she said groggily, gently pushing him off her and onto the other side of the bed.

"Mummy, there's a woman in my woom!" he continued.

"What are you talking about?"

"In my woom! A woman!" he repeated, shaking her arm.

"In your room," Jenny corrected him in a croaky voice, propping herself up on her elbows to get a better look at his face.

"Yes!" he sighed in aspiration.

"Sweetheart, you were just having a bad dream," she soothed, her sympathy for his panic outweighing her annoyance at the wake up call.

"No, it not!" he insisted.

"Yes, it was. Believe me, I know," she sighed, flopping back down on her pillow and closing her eyes. "Just go back to bed darling," she added, nudging him slightly. "Go on, it's really late."

"I can't 'cause of the woman!" he shouted, shaking her arm more persistently.

Groaning, knowing she wasn't going to get to go back to sleep until she had gone to check his room, Jenny forced her tired legs out of bed and got up, staggering slightly in the semi-darkness. Her eyes still half shut, she walked across the landing like a zombie and pushed opened Ben's bedroom door. She stepped inside, turning on the light as she did so. Of course, the room was empty.

"See, there's no one in here," she said to him patiently.

"There was!" he yelled, his little face looking upset.

With a sigh, she opened the wardrobe door, finding it overflowing with clothes, but with no strange woman in there. Then, she sunk down to her hands and knees, peering under his bed.

Nothing.

"Ben, there's no one here," she said as she straightened up. "It was just your mind playing tricks on you. I promise you, you're completely safe here."

Clearly unconvinced, he sniffed and looked up at her with his big blue eyes. "Can I sleep with you?" he asked in a small, timid voice that was so unlike him.

Jenny sighed and folded her arms, fixing him with a stern look. "You're not going to let me get any sleep tonight if I say no, are you?"

He shook his head immediately.

She rolled her eyes. "Go one then," she said in a resigned voice.

"Yes!" he hissed, turning and running back to her bedroom.

By the time she got back and closed the door behind her, he had already made himself comfortable on her side of the bed, and with a groan of mock-frustration, she got in beside him and pushed him gently. "Oi you, that's my side."

"I'm making it warm for you Mummy," he said, smiling with his eyes closed.

"Hmm, I don't believe you. I think you've stolen it," she said in a pretend hurt voice as she rested her head next to his.

"You can have it back tomorrow," he yawned sleepily, his hand closing around her finger.

She smiled and closed her eyes also, feeling herself relax now that her son was next to her. She didn't know why, but every time he slept in her room, she didn't have any bad dreams. God, she loved him so much. She would have never thought it possible before she had him, but he was the most important thing in her world. It was silly really to think that when she and Nick had split up, one of the things she had been worried about was being a single mother. Sure, it wasn't easy at times, but she made it work, just like her own mother had told her she would.

x x x

Jenny rang the bell of her parent's house, forcing her hand to stay steady as she waited for her mother to answer. She knew that her eyes were swollen from crying, but there was nothing she could do about that now. She had to pick Ben up, and if she had waited until she looked more presentable, then she probably wouldn't be fetching him for a long time. After what seemed like an age, her mother answered.

"I've just put him down for a nap - " she began, but stopped dead as her eyes rested on Jenny's face. They narrowed slightly. "What's the matter?" she demanded immediately.

Jenny was about to brush her off and say that everything was fine. But she couldn't bring herself to. Whether because it was seeing her mother's face furrowed in uncharacteristic concern, or because of her fragile emotions, Jenny was unsure, but before she could stop herself, she had put her hand over her mouth to muffle a sob.

"Mum . . ." she gasped, screwing her face up in a futile attempt to keep the tears at bay.

"Jennifer - what? What is it?" her mother pushed as she reached froward and pulling her into the foyer.

"I - I don't know where to start!" Jenny cried, aware that she was shaking uncontrollably.

The next thing she knew, she was being ushered into the lounge and onto the sofa, and a glass of brandy was being thrust into her hands.

"Now," her mother said calmly, taking a seat next to her. "What's happened?"

Jenny took a sip of her drink, her hand trembling so much that her teeth chattered against the glass. She could barely taste the alcohol, telling her that she was too numb to feel anything.

"Nick - " she began, making sure she was careful of how much she said. "Nick and I . . . .we're over."

"Why?" her mother demanded, sounding shocked.

"It's just over," Jenny repeated numbly.

"Did he cheat on you?" she demanded, sounding angry. "I told you Jennifer - I told you before you married him that he wasn't right for you - "

"He didn't cheat on me," Jenny interjected, despite everything that had happened, still feeling a protectiveness over her husband. "Well, not really . . ."

"What do you mean 'not really'?" her mother probed. "Either he was unfaithful to you, or he wasn't. There's no middle ground!"

"He . . ." Jenny tried again, her voice sounding like a scratched record. "He doesn't love me. He never has."

Her mother was silent for a few moments and she surveyed Jenny with her eyebrows slightly raised.

"Jennifer, I've never been Nicholas's biggest fan, but I can say with absolute confidence that that's certainly not the case," she said eventually, her tone implying that it was reluctant. "He worships the ground you walk on. And why wouldn't he? He knows he's lucky that you even looked at him twice - "

"You don't understand," Jenny sighed, closing her eyes as another tear cascaded down her cheek. "He was in love with someone else when we met . . . someone I remind him of . . . he only married me because I look like her."

"Ridiculous!"

"It's true!" Jenny cried, burying her face in her hands. "He told me today. I found a picture of her, and everything came out. He said that if he could have erased me to get her back, then he would have done - " she broke off into another sob; the pain of remembering his words were too great.

She felt her mum paused beside her, and after a couple of moments, she did something very unexpected - she gently placed her hand on Jenny's shoulder in a gesture of comfort that shocked Jenny out of her hysterics. She didn't think her mother was capable of such a display of affection.

"Jennifer, look at me," she said, and reluctantly, Jenny raised her tear-stained face. "You are a beautiful, intelligent woman who has everything going for her. And if it's really over between you and Nicholas . . . well . . . it's not the end of the world. You'll meet someone else who's better suited to you - "

"I don't want anyone else," Jenny snapped, wiping the tears away impatiently.

She could tell that her mother wanted to argue that point a little more, but she seemed to think better of it, as she held her tongue, which Jenny appreciated - she didn't need to hear how many eligible bachelors there were for her to have instead.

"Oh god," Jenny said as a sudden though struck her. "I - I can't do this - "

"What?"

"Ben," Jenny breathed. "I can't do it. It's too much -"

"What do you mean?"

"Ben . . . I can't raise him all by myself," she cried, a fresh wave of sobs enveloping her.

"You can," her mother said, reaching forward and taking her hand.

"How do you know?"

"Because you have to," she said firmly, squeezing her hand. "You don't have a choice. You'll find a way to do it. And I'm here, any time you need me. I know you'd rather poke out your own eyes than ask my for help, but the offers there."

Jenny let out a shaky laugh, and she calmed slightly as she looked up at her mum. "You really think I can do it alone?"

"Of course you can," she replied confidently. "I didn't raise you to be weak, and one thing I know your not is a quitter. You're strong and stubborn - that's how I know you'll be just fine," she smiled, reaching forward and wiping the wetness away from under Jenny's eye. "And the one thing I know I've taught you is to never be emotionally reliant on a man. They always break your heart in the end."

"I wish I would have listened to you," Jenny sniffed, running her hand through her hair. "I was stupid to think I could have it all."

"Sweetheart, you're not the first woman to say that, and you most certainly won't be the last. Men are more trouble than they're worth. You only need one in your life - little Benjamin. He's all you need for the time being."

"You're right," Jenny nodded, taking a deep breath and composing herself as best she could. "I just need to focus on him."

x x x

Jenny must have drifted off to sleep as some point as she thought about the past. All she did know was that she awoke suddenly and unexplainably. She had Ben in her arms, fast asleep, breathing rhythmically against her chest. She looked around the room for a moment, unable to shake off the feeling that something wasn't right. Then, her eyes rested on the door, and she noticed that it was open a crack, and light from the landing lamp was pouring in through the gap, casting a sallow glow around the room. But Jenny was certain she had shut the door over when she and Ben had gone back to bed . . .

Bemused, she rolled Ben over gently, being careful not to wake him, and got to her feet, crossing the room and opening the door. She peered down her long landing, unable to squash the feeling of uneasiness that flooded her stomach.

There was no one there of course - what exactly had she been expecting? She was just shaken up by the bad dreams and lack of sleep, and she was allowing her mind to run riot. Shaking her head as her own silliness, she shut the door again, making sure it was firmly closed before carefully making her way back to bed. Hopefully, she could have a peaceful sleep for the rest of the night to rid her off the paranoia she was obviously feeling.