A/n: ( While trying to avoid giving anything away, although you'll discover who I am speaking of within the second sentence. ) He doesn't recall the times he was taken advantage of. He only recalls the times he took advantage of you-know-who or -you-will-know-who-once-you-read-the-second-sentence. Updated again because I HAD to fix a spelling error.

RE FUCKING VIEW!

Thanks.

Do I Remind You Of Something You've Lost?

He continued to sit idly, awestruck with Mimi's words raining onto his being

Because now he remembered

He fucking remembered

All those times he had not the slightest idea or recollection of occurrence

The countless occasions he ….. Took Advantage of Mark ( Because he was well aware he would being to throw up if he used the real word)

During withdrawal, while high, while grieving. All the times he hadn't, and really shouldn't, remember.

They all came and hit him in the mother fucking face.

Because half those times, it had been against Mark's will. The other half, hadn't been meant. And there they were, back to fucking haunt him.

And maybe, he realized, these were contributing and possibly soul causes of Marks…… problems ( Because he was already feeling nauseas after avoidance of the first word, and still feared he may be sick) Because Mark just couldn't fucking forget.

And suddenly it was as if everything snapped.

Everything came together and fell apart at the same time.

Because now he understood how and why and what. Now that mysterious, empty part was fading into heavy dread and regret before it even got a chance to settle. It was melting into understanding and finally knowing. Finally seeing . Because know he knew what was … right, with lack of a better term, and for once, he was going to be honest with himself. For once, he was going to throw caution to the wind, yet again lacking a better term. For the first time, he was feeling not thinking. And it wasn't for his sake, oh god if it were merely him, or anyone else for that matter, in the equation his fleeting instincts would kick in.

But this was Mark.

"No Mimi" He said, beginning to shake and shatter because the images just wouldn't stop fucking flashing.

Mark begging him to stop, and yet not for his own sake. But for Rogers

Mark arms, absolutely covered in red gashes. Probably only 4 inches, all together, of untouched flesh.

Him and Mark pumping countless times

Countless places

Beds, Piano benches, couches, floors, alleyways

Everyone was staring at him intently, for this was the first time he had spoken

"Its not him that I'm not in love with" Mark's alcoholism, his cutting addiction

His stomach began to lurch dangerously and inevitably as the aforementioned forbidden words were revealed.

The countless times he.. .... Took Advantage of Mark

Rape

"Its you"