Summary: What if there had been no Blight when Lilith Cousland joined the ranks of the Grey Wardens. How would she have coped with her new role and what relationships would she have forged when free of the pressure of saving the entire country.
A/N: First of all, I want to send a massive "Thank You!" to everybody who reviewed, faved and alerted (or whatever that verb would be) after the last chapter and the same to any lurkers out there, hehe. I really appreciate all the support that you guys have given this story; It really means the world to me. So, onto business. This is the first chapter I am going to write, even in part, on my new computer, simply because it's on and I feel like writing now. However, I think if I keep having to flit between the PC and the family laptop, it may make for even more of a delay on the next chapter, so, if so, I apologise in advance. Also, after so long using a laptop, it's weird typing on a proper keyboard, so typos may be rife. I'll try and fix as many as I can and if you spot any, please tell me. Righty-ho, let's get on with it!
Okay, I know this is a massive Author's Note, but, I've just been reading a chapter of my KKM story and I feel like it was so much better written than any of the chapters I've written for this and I'm suddenly feeling a little down. I can't understand how my writing could've gotten worse with practice; It's not supposed to work that way! *Sighs* Anyway, the point of this is that I'm going to attempt to improve my writing from now on and if anyone's got any hints, they'll be very much appreciated. I really need to get back to my older style of writing, because I want this story to be a good read! Right then, let's get on with the story now.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age: Origins or any of its characters (just my Lilith Cousland) and receive no profit from this story.
A large, heavy fist came down three times against the thick wood of Lilith's bedroom door, the ungodly sound, which could be heard almost throughout the whole of the compound, violently rousing her from her alcohol-induced slumber. The young Noble bolted upright in her bed and grimaced, clutching her throbbing head and vociferously cursing whoever or whatever was the source of such an offensive sound as the one that she could quite acutely feel pounding between her ears.
"Come on, princess!" she heard a rather gruff-sounding voice call out from the other side of the door, "Time to get up, lots to do."
She merely groaned in response, not daring to make any more noise than was absolutely necessary, and was mildly relieved when she heard heavy footsteps moving away from her door. Her head still buried in her hands, she ventured to peek out into her room, but the intensity of the light rendered her barely able to see as her eyes started to sting viciously and her vision became decidedly blurry. The pain in her eyes only worsened the pounding in her head and she flopped heavily back onto the hard bed, only to find that even that movement made her world spin around her.
As she lay there for a few moments, her senses, at length, began to return and she realised that, although the light coming in from her uncovered window suggested that she had remained in bed much later than normal, she had never before been disturbed from her sleep by her fellow Wardens. That they had awoken her today could mean only one thing: something was afoot of which she needed to be aware. And so, with that realisation and no small amount of difficulty, Lilith pulled herself into a sitting position once again, before endeavouring to get herself onto her feet. Again, her world swam uncomfortably around her, but the feeling of nausea that accompanied the sensation faded quickly and she made her way to the basin in the corner of the room to wash herself.
She stopped short of dunking her hands into the icy water when she realised that she was still fully dressed in yesterday's clothes. 'Maker, what did I do last night?, she wondered of herself, as her hands began to shake nervously, 'I never sleep in my clothes.' It was an aversion that had come about one particularly frosty winter during her childhood, when her mother had insisted upon her covering herself up properly for bed lest she should "catch her death of cold". She was placed in the stuffiest set of pyjamas her mother could find and tucked tightly into bed, covered in enough blankets and duvets to keep an army warm for the night. It was around this age that she had begun to suffer, almost nightly, from nightmares and as she thrashed and rolled about in her bed that night, she somehow became ensnared in all of the layers of clothes and coverlets that had been forced upon her. She awoke that way not hours after having gone to bed, trapped in the pitch black of her cotton cocoon and shaken by the ordeal of her nightmare. She tried valiantly to break free, wanting nothing more than to run to her parents as she did every other night and have them soothe her weary mind back into some much-needed rest, but try as she might, she remain encased and it was not until morning, many hours later when her mother came to wake her, that she was finally released from her self-made prison.
Though not exactly a chrysalis emerging in some new form, Eleanor found her daughter much changed that morning. Having been trapped all night, too afraid to succumb to the call of sleep, Lilith was in much distress and despite the best wishes of her mother, her anxiety and over-exertion had brought on a violent fever, which kept her bed-ridden for some weeks. Even now, Lilith could not think back on the night without feeling shaken; the claustrophobic conditions, coupled with her disturbing dreams, had brought to mind the idea of being buried alive and she had felt helpless with the knowledge that she could barely move her limbs. Irrational as it may be, her childish logic had blamed her predicament on the fact that she had been made to wear full pyjamas, as opposed to the loose nightgowns that she usually donned for bed, and it was some months before she could even sleep soundly in her traditional nightwear. To this day, the Noble had always preferred to sleep in her smallclothes, only dressing herself in something warmer on the coldest of nights, when duvets, a roaring fire and the warmth of Maximus next to her were not enough.
Presently, she noticed the distinct lack of her hound's presence, a rare occasion for he was almost always at her side, and as she distractedly washed her face, tried to remember the happenings of the previous night. 'I remember alcohol', she thought, pulling a face at the memory, 'lots and lots of alcohol.' However, she soon discovered that she could draw no more details from her still rather addled mind and decided not to dwell on it. 'I'm sure if I did anything truly mortifying I will find out soon enough.'
The thought wasn't a particularly comforting one.
xXx
Having quickly dressed herself and still feeling rather tender, Lilith made her way out of her room to find out what was going on, as she was convinced that there was something, despite the fervent applications of her stomach that breakfast should be the first thing on her agenda. Upon opening her door, she almost tripped, but caught her balance at the last moment, over the sleeping form of Max, who had evidently been waiting by her door all night. At this rude awakening, the dog yawned sleepily and looked expressively into his mistress' eyes. She leant down beside him, scratching his head and saying, "I'm sorry, boy, did I lock you out last night?" in the sweetest voice she could muster. The mabari barked at her, rolling onto his back to expose his stomach and after a quick scratch, it seemed all was forgiven.
Upon descending the stairs, she immediately entered the refectory, where it seemed the entire Order had convened and was awaiting her arrival. She mumbled an apology to Brennan who, having been a Warden for almost as long as Duncan and therefore taking charge during his absence, stood at the head of the assembled group, and bowed her head ashamedly as she joined her fellows, feeling like she always did as a child when she turned up late to one of Aldous' lessons.
"I've gathered everyone here," Brennan began, in a voice that, to Lilith at least, sounded markedly grave, "to inform you all that we have received word from Duncan and to relay to you the contents of his letter. I will be brief," from what Lilith knew of the man, he could be little else, "there is a Blight upon us."
Spirited talk broke out among the assembled Wardens, some of them claiming to have known about it since Duncan's departure, others simply staring into space with an expression of someone who has just taken a physical blow, but as the newest Warden looked around the room, not knowing what to think or how to feel about this new information, she saw a look of steely determination in the eyes of every last man around her and bolstered her courage. She was not going to be the weak link.
"Duncan says that the King's scouts have spotted an amassing horde of Darkspawn in the Korcari Wilds to the South." Brennan continued, effectively quieting the talk of the others, "The army, and Duncan himself, are making their way to the fortress of Ostagar, where we will make our stand. The King requests the Wardens' presence as soon as possible. We will leave in three hours." And with that news, he left the room to prepare.
Though somewhat shaken by the news, Lilith decided that now was not the time to mull over its implications. She had slept late and felt like she hadn't eaten in days and as some of the other Wardens started to leave the dining hall, she started towards the kitchens to retrieve some much-needed food. On her way, she passed Alistair, who was seated at one the tables towards the back of the room. As always, her friend couldn't hide his emotions and Lilith saw a look of complete bafflement plastered across his handsome features. Empathising with him, she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, hoping to be of some comfort, but when he looked into her face, he could only smile weakly at her, completely at a loss for words. She, too, could think of nothing to say to diffuse his anxiety, for it was not misplaced, and settled for smiling back at him, though the expression felt forced even to her.
As they remained looking into each other's eyes, she was struck with a sudden memory: looking dazedly into his warm eyes; running her fingers through his golden hair; his strong arms wrapped around her, pressing her close; pulling him towards her and pressing her lips against his own; a moan escaping him and sending shivers of delight coursing down her spine.
She could feel her cheeks, her whole being, becoming enflamed as she recalled their shared kiss and from the sudden look in his eyes and the distinct pink hue appearing on his cheeks, she knew that Alistair could read her just as she could him. Unable to look him in the eye any longer, she dropped the hand that had rested on his shoulder back to her side, turned tail and ran for the kitchens.
xXx
Alistair sighed as he tentatively settled himself down onto the ground, his body aching after the long hours of marching in armour that felt distinctly more uncomfortable than the last time he had wore it. He had been relieved when the order had finally been given to set up camp for the night and had immediately taken the opportunity to shed his heavy plate in favour of a loose tunic and breeches, however, despite the towering fire that now burned brightly in the centre of the makeshift camp, the blonde couldn't suppress the chill that was slowly creeping into his bones.
Not having heard any approaching footsteps, he jumped, startled, as somebody placed themselves in the spot next to him and was even more surprised when, upon turning, he was greeted with the sight of Lilith, her chin resting on her knees, which she had pulled up to her chest.
Since the incident following Brennan's abrupt announcement, Alistair had had the distinct impression that his fellow Warden was avoiding him. He tried many times throughout the course of the day to strike up a conversation with her, but each time, she made some excuse to move away from him, or simply ignored him altogether. Feeling slightly miffed at his supposed friend's behaviour, he decided to turn back to the fire, refusing to acknowledge her presence.
He failed to notice Lilith turn her fair head towards him, eyeing him cautiously out of the corner of her eye. She noticed him staring into the fire, clearly refusing to meet her gaze, however, his expression was strained and she wondered vaguely what thoughts were running through his head. She had been so mortified after she had remembered the events of the previous evening that she had taken great pains to avoid him during the day, and though, at the time, she thought that she was being subtle, she inwardly cringed at the realisation that she had been anything but.
Slowly looking around the camp, she noticed, with great relief, that most of the men were elsewhere and only a few remained, far on the other side of the fire. She gathered her wits and decided that it was time to make amends.
"I'm sorry I kissed you." she stated, quietly but firmly. It was her turn to stare into the crackling flames as Alistair turned to look at her, slightly dumbstruck by her abrupt manner of addressing him, though he told himself he should be used to her character by now. He watched with great interest as the light of the embers danced across her pale skin, casting deep shadows in places, while lending a warm hue to others, the trick of the light working to accentuate her delicate features. His mouth went dry as he watched her and he couldn't summon the will to speak. She decided to take his silence as an opportunity to explain herself, but she could think of no logical reason for her actions; At the time, she had simply wanted to kiss him and, with her inhibitions lowered, it had seemed like a perfectly reasonable plan. All day she had tried to decide whether she would have done anything differently, had she not been inebriated. She couldn't know it, but he was equally as confused as herself as to the feelings that had been stirred up.
"And I'm sorry I've been avoiding you all day." she continued, turning, with a nervous smile on her face, to look into his eyes, which were still transfixed in watching the light play across her skin. The young Noble was struck by the intensity of her companion's stare: there was a warmth, a heat, in his amber orbs that she had never seen before and that, try as she might, she could not fully reconcile with the influence of the flames which reflected so strongly in those dark depths.
Something stirred within her as she studied his features, some new feeling arising from the core of her body as her eyes trailed down from his own, taking in his well-carved cheekbones and eventually coming to a rest on his slightly parted lips. She wet her own, her mouth suddenly feeling parched, and felt a strange satisfaction in his reaction to such a simple gesture: the darkening of his gaze as his eyes moved to watch her tongue's agonisingly slow progress along the lips that he remembered all too well.
She wanted him to kiss her again. There was a bitter chill in the night air and she could feel the heat radiating from his body, could remember it from the night before when she had been pressed so close to his toned chest, and she wanted to be closer to it, to be held in his arms and to feel safe, to feel the security that she had felt when he comforted her in the gardens.
The return of some of the others startled the couple out of their joined reverie. Both blushing furiously, Lilith turned her gaze back onto her knees, while Alistair returned to his fervent contemplation of the fire. When those who had returned settled themselves, Alistair cleared his throat awkwardly, attempting to break the silence that had fell between them.
"It's okay... by the way." He muttered, not able to meet her gaze, but not failing to notice the small smile that played on her lips.
xXx
Some hours later, after a hefty meal had been issued to all present, Lilith's small voice piped up from next to the ex-Templar. "Can I ask you a favour?" she asked, somewhat hesitantly.
Alistair only hummed his acquiescence, feeling much to content after so thoroughly sating his appetite to form a coherent reply. "Can I borrow one of your shirts?" she blurted out unexpectedly, trying, and failing, to stifle a laugh when the blonde started coughing violently, nearly choking on his own tongue.
"What?" he managed to croak out, staring at her with widened eyes and causing Lilith to laugh once again and repeat herself as if it was the most rational thing that she could possibly have asked.
"Why?" he asked, apparently scandalised by the very notion. Although there was a perfectly logical reason behind her strange request, at least to her mind, Lilith couldn't help enjoying the reaction that it elicited from her friend, relishing in any opportunity to tease him. However, as the night was progressing rapidly and she was sure that they would need an early start in the morning, she decided that now was not the best time to pursue that particular hobby of hers.
"Well, I didn't exactly have time to pack any nightclothes when I came to the Wardens," she started, her playfulness suddenly vanishing from her face as she thought back to the night of her escape from Highever, "and I can't sleep in the clothes I'm wearing now, so I was hoping I could use it as a nightdress." she stated, looking into his face earnestly.
"Wh-what do you normally sleep in?" he questioned rather too loudly, catching the interest of some of the other men who had not yet retired for the night. He blushed when she just looked at him expressively, quirking an arched eyebrow by way of an answer.
"Oh," he answered meekly, turning his gaze to his hands and feeling his cheeks suddenly enflamed, "Well, why can't you just sleep in your clothes? Surely your brought more than one set and you can always wash them." he rambled, desperately trying to find a way out of the embarrassing situation.
"It's not about the clothes, per se," she replied, trying to find a way to explain herself, "it's just... It's complicated. Please Alistair, I know it's rather strange, but, I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important." she continued, feeling uncomfortable under the scrutiny of the pairs of eyes that watched the two from across the camp.
Struck by the sincerity of her plea, Alistair sighed before reaching into his pack to fish out one of his tunics and reluctantly handing it over. Her face lit up in a smile as she took it from him and the blonde couldn't help but return the gesture at the look of innocent glee on her face. She stood up and turned towards her tent, but, seemingly thinking better of it, turned back towards where she had been sitting and crouched down to embrace her friend from behind, whispering her genuine thanks into his ear before she continued on her original trajectory.
Alistair blushed again, the feeling of her warm breath on his ear sending shivers down his spine, and bolted into his tent when he noticed the looks the other Wardens were giving him.
'Maker preserve me,' he thought, feeling exhausted from the day's proceedings, 'that woman's going to be the death of me.'
A/N: I know the whole thing about her hatred of PJs might simply seem like a poor excuse for her later conversation with Alistair, and I will admit it is, in large part, just another opportunity to mock Alistair (haha), but I also thought it might add a little bit of depth of character, something, which I feel is lacking when you actually play the game, to make 'The Warden' a little more human. But, I don't know, maybe it was just two paragraphs of me rambling, haha. And besides, I actually know someone who literally cannot sleep in pants because it makes them feel confined, so at least I'm not just spouting nonsense.
Aaannyyway, I think that's the first time I've tried to write actual sexual tension (I'm sure that's painfully obvious), so my apologies if it's crap. Anything like that is normally very awkward when I write it, haha.
Right then, I hope you enjoyed what, I think, is my longest chapter yet because I certainly enjoyed writing it! I know it's pretty obvious where this story is going now, but I hope you'll stick with me to the end anyway. I'll try to add my own twists along the way so it doesn't get boring. So, please leave a review and tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is, as always, greatly appreciated! Bye guys!