Can You Feel the Evil Tonight?
Agent P had taken the secret entrance behind Ferb's bedpost and whooshed down the vacuum tunnel at high speed. The tunnel took an unexpected twist and stopped the platypus in front of a "drive through" window, pausing long enough for him to grab a take-out bag, and he left a crisp dollar bill at the window. Then he zoomed onward and landed in his underground lair. He stuffed one last bite of fast-food in his mouth and placed his fedora on his head.
"Good evening, Agent P," Major Monogram spoke from the overhead screen. "Uh, Agent P, you've got some ketchup or something on your upper lip," Monogram scratched his mustache to point it out, and Agent P wiped his beak with a napkin. "Anyways, it appears that Doofenshmirtz has been plotting something. Carl, show him what I mean."
A line graph appeared on the screen titled My Inators over the Last Several Weeks. "As you can see, we think he is literally plotting, as we found this graph posted just moments ago on his blog. We aren't sure what he's up to, so go make sure he stays in line. Get it? In line? Haw!" The secret agent dutifully saluted the giant screen before pulling a lever that reclined his chair back ninety degrees. He was automatically encased in a small, red rocket and blasted out of his lair.
"Very funny, sir." Carl's voice sarcastically emitted from somewhere behind the camera.
"See, Carl? I told you I have a sense of humor."
"I was being facetious."
"Facetious? About what? My joke, or not having a sense of humor?"
"Time out!" Phineas called, and Buford sideswiped Baljeet one last time with a pillow before standing at attention.
"I just thought of how to make this pillow fight even cooler-a light show!"
Phineas walked to the vending machine and hit a button. The lights dimmed. A small lantern shaped device materialized from the top of the machine, and began flashing colorful lights all over the room. The walls became soaked with blues, yellows, greens, and reds, oscillating and flashing unpredictably. The pillows began to glow a phosphorescent green. The visual spectacle was dazzling, and was perfectly complimented by some techno music that began playing in the background.
"And time in!" Phineas' voice rang out, and their party happily continued.
High above the earth, the little red rocket ejected a small capsule which fell back to the earth. Its bottom heated up from the friction of the atmosphere, leaving a hot orange tail of heat in its wake. Finally, a parachute with Agent P's face slapped on as a logo was launched and the capsule floated onto a purple skyscraper initialed Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. Agent P exited the capsule and snuck into the top floor.
He crept quietly around some electronic equipment and peeked around the corner. There he saw the Evil Doctor himself, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, back turned and tinkering with what was likely his newest inator. Agent P leaned closer to see what Doofenshmirtz was so focused on, but stopped as he caught a few notes of music. Doofenshmirtz was singing to himself! It took little effort to catch the lyrics:
"Because I'm evil! I'm evil, evil tonight!" Doofenshmirtz belted out the finale, not caring that his vibrato was uneven and scratchy. Agent P recoiled a little; Doofenshmirtz never had the best singing voice. He took an involuntary step back and accidentally bumped an instrument behind him, wincing when he heard a loud crash as it fell to the floor.
"What was that? Norm, did you break something again?" Doofenshmirtz called from around the corner. All secrecy lost, Agent P jumped out and faced his nemesis.
"Perry the Platypus, I've been anticipating your arrival. And by anticipating, of course, I mean, um," Doofenshmirtz stopped to ponder an appropriate illustration. "Uh, pating, painting, plaything, fainting, grating; wait, that's it! Waiting! I've been waiting! Ha! And I bet you thought I couldn't pull it off!" Doofenshmirtz grinned wickedly at Agent P's unimpressed look.
"What am I thinking? Perry the Platypus, it must be past your bedtime! So how about I tuck you in?" Doofenshmirtz pulled a lever on the wall next to him, and a pet-bed shaped trap flew out of nowhere, strapping Agent P in tightly with a fleece blanket. The platypus struggled to break free, but the wrappings were too tight.
"Don't worry, Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz approached him from across the room. "I'll read you a story first, but then you are going straight to sleep!" Doofenshmirtz retrieved a picture book from a nearby bookcase and sat down next to Agent P. Opening the book, he began to read.
"Once upon a time, when I was a boy back in Gimmelstump, we had a very hot summer one year." Agent P saw the pictures, showing a crudely drawn young Heinz as a boy surrounded by bleak cobblestone buildings. "It got so hot, the Goozim shed all his hair, the birds flew away to other lands, and the wells dried up and we were forced to drink our own sweat." The page turned and displayed the image of young Heinz holding his hand over a dirty glass, watching sweat drip from his fingers. "All the other kids in town were at least able to go to the swimming pool, which hadn't run dry because it only had water every other Thursday; but my mother had forbid me from going after I humiliated her and my father when I couldn't jump from the high dive and was labeled a Schnitzel." The next picture showed him standing as a lawn gnome, watching the other children play in the murky pool.
"Day after day, as the heat grew worse, I began to think I would never feel something cold again. Then, one day, the ice cream cart came by my house! It wasn't an ice cream truck, we didn't have any of those, and don't even get me started on food trucks; which are pretty ridiculous. It was a cart-the way food was meant to be delivered. I knew when I heard it coming that my chance had finally come! But because I was at the very end of the line, they ran out of ice cream by the time it was my turn to order! I was the only kid who didn't get any ice cream in all Gimmelstump! That day, I swore I would have my revenge!" Doofenshmirtz closed the book and replaced it on the shelf.
"Which leads me to my latest project. Behold, the Lightning-inator!" Doofenshmirtz held out his arms to gesture towards the machine he was working on when Agent P arrived. Now that Agent P saw it properly, he realized it was just a Tesla Coil. It had a long, narrow stand with a wide metal bulb at the top. "You see, Perry the Platypus, whenever there is lightning, there is usually rain. And when it rains, it gets colder, and when it is colder, nobody likes eating ice cream. So with my Lightning-inator running, it will always be cold and rainy, and businesses selling ice cream will lose all their money! And that, Perry the Platypus, is why they say, 'revenge is a dish best served cold-ice cream cold!'"
The four boys were once again laying on the floor, this time panting to catch their breath.
"That was the—coolest pillow fight— I've ever had!" Phineas said between gasps.
"I think I am going to sleep like a bump in the night," Baljeet announced.
"A bump on a log," Buford corrected. "You still don't have the hang of metaphors or contractions."
"That reminds me!" Phineas exclaimed. "We have one more thing our Slumberparty machine can do. It tells the best scary stories ever! Let's listen to one quick story, and then we can hit the sack."
"As long as it is not too scary," Baljeet asked timidly.
"Fire up the scariest one you've got," Buford replied, causing Baljeet (who sat next to him) to whimper softly and quiver on his sleeping bag.
"Alright, here goes." Phineas pushed a button on his and Ferb's invention and sat back down on his sleeping bag.
The strobe light atop the machine stopped flashing colors and instead began projecting a holographic, three-dimensional image of a face. The face lit the room with dull, red light. Then it began to speak.
"Good evening. I am Doctor Dark, teller of terrible tales!"
Buford raised his hand. "Hold it, do you mean terrible, like lousy, or terrible, like scary?"
Doctor Dark whisked over to face Buford. "SCARY!" He said menacingly, leaving Buford and Baljeet shivering on their cots.
Turning back to the group, Doctor Dark began his story. "Once, there was a boy who was at a sleepover. He and his friends were having a fun time until it grew dark. They decided it was time to go to sleep, and so they turned out the lights and climbed into their beds. Just as it was beginning to get quiet, one of the boys began to tell a scary story. Said he, 'One night, there was a man who was camping in the woods all alone. It was getting cold, so he went to bed early. He bundled up in his sleeping bag and was very warm. All of a sudden, he heard a soft scratching noise in his tent. He didn't know what it was, but it sounded like it was right next to him. He rolled over and tried to forget about it, but he couldn't shake the feeling there was something in his tent with him.
"'A few minutes passed, and he heard the scratching again, closer. The man tried to shut his eyes and fall asleep, but he couldn't. Then, a few minutes later, he heard the noise again. He was beginning to get very scared now, and so he carefully rolled over and turned on his flashlight. At first he couldn't see anything, so he began to settle down. Then, he heard it again. He aimed his flashlight at the sound and saw the biggest, meanest, scariest—'"
Baljeet cried out loudly, causing everyone in the room to jump; and then dove under his covers. "Make it stop! Make it stop!" He cried.
"Are you a man, or are you a Schnitzel?" Buford asked the quaking pile beside him.
"I am a Schnitzel, please make it stop!" Baljeet whined.
Phineas stood up with wide eyes and said in a shaky voice, "M-Maybe we should finish the s-story tomorrow; not because it's s-scary, or anything, but because it is g-getting pretty late." Without waiting, he pressed a button and the projection shrank back into the machine.
The boys all slipped into their beds. "What kind of monster do you think it was?" Baljeet couldn't help but ask.
"If you weren't such a sissy, we would know right now." Buford answered.
"Guess we'll find out tomorrow." Phineas said. "Good-night, everybody."
While the others said 'good-night' back, Buford remarked that for Phineas' and Ferb's sakes, he hoped Baljeet had brought his plastic sleeping bag this time.
"Can you feel it, Perry the Platypus? Can you feel the pure evil coming from my inator?" Doofenshmirtz asked rhetorically. "Good. Because it is time to unleash it upon an unsuspecting Tri-State Area!"
Doofenshmirtz plugged his creation in, and it began making crackling noises. Soon, jolts of electricity began to spark from the bulb at the top.
"Yes, there's the lightning! Next comes the thunder, and then the rainfall, and finally the big chill!" But aside from the sparks, nothing else was happening. "Give it a minute, Perry the Platypus, it just needs a minute."
Agent P fought against his trap, wiggling one arm, then the other. Finally, he got one hand free, and it was easy to slip out from there.
Agent P picked up his trap and flung it at the "inator," causing it to tip and fall. One beam of energy shot out in a random direction, but then the machine crashed and fractured into millions of pieces.
"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz screamed as he watched Agent P crash through the wall and glide away.
The vending machine stood idle over the four sleeping boys. It was almost completely dark until a beam of energy originating from an unknown source lit up the room and hit the machine. There was no sound, and the light quickly dissipated. Then, the vending machine began to power up.