Chapter 19

Silence followed his words, compressing right up against her eardrums, deafening her. A terrible feeling of numbness seemed to flow through her veins, making her stomach clench.

"N - no," she stuttered when she eventually found her voice, her mind going completely blank. "You're - you're crazy - "

He grabbed her face roughly in his cupped hands, startling her, forcing her to look into his cold eyes. For the first time, she noticed their colour.

Piercing blue.

Just like Nick's.

Just like . . .

"Ben," she whispered, a sickening swoop taking hold of her.

He let go of her and straightened up, surveying her reaction emotionlessly.

"No," she repeated, shaking her head defiantly, unable to digest it all. "I - I don't believe you."

"Believe it," he stated coldly.

Jenny stood up abruptly, all tiredness forgotten, and turned away from him to look at the wall, running the back of her trembling hand over her mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick," she murmured.

"Charming," he chuckled icily.

"But - " she began again, not able to wrap her head around it all as she looked back at him. "But you're - you're a killer."

"I am what I have to be."

"So - so you're telling me . . ." she said, her voice braking with sharp inhales that she couldn't seem to control, "that - that the sweet little boy I've been raising . . . that little boy that means the world to me . . . he grows up into you?" she gapped, feeling utterly disgusted. "No - no, I won't believe it. I wouldn't let that happen."

"You don't," he stated drily. "You leave me."

"I would never leave my son!"

"Then how come the last memory I have of you is you walking away from me when I'm screaming for you to take me with you?" he asked in a tense voice - it was clear that he'd been waiting years to say this. "But you never turned around. You left me so that you could go on a bloody suicide mission."

"You're mad at me because I apparently die trying to protect you?" she accused, leaning her back against the wall to stop herself collapsing. "Are you serious?"

"You chose your job over me!" he snapped, his temper clearly rising. "You chose to walk to your death without even a consideration for me! It's thanks to you I'm like this!"

"Don't you dare blame me for you becoming a murderer!" she yelled back, feeling a rush of indignance.

"Keep your voice down!" he snarled, half-glancing round at the door. "If they find out who you are, and that I've risked the integrity of our operation for you, I'll lose any authority I have over them and we're both dead!"

But Jenny had stopped listening to him, her thoughts running a mile a minute. Suddenly, she gasped as something occurred to her. "But you - you kidnapped me!" she exclaimed, feeling a wave of nausea. "You held a gun to my head! Your own mother! What's - what's wrong with you?" she spat, shoving him hard in the chest.

"I did it to keep you alive, but now I wish I hadn't bothered!" he hissed. "See, the fact that I've just told you I'm your son and you've showed me nothing but hostility just proves how much of disaster you are as a mother!"

"Well what do you want me to say?" she demanded, completely aghast. "That I'm proud? That when I held you as a baby after fourteen hours of labour, I hoped you'd grow into some murdering sociopath - "

He turned, his face livid, and punched the wall next to her head hard, making her jump out of her skin. He was clearly fighting the urge to strike her himself.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand," he whispered venomously, his face so close to hers that she could feel his breath on her cheek. "You have no idea what things are like in my world. If you aren't tough, you don't survive. If you don't kill, you'll get killed yourself. So don't you be getting all high and mighty with me - you don't know what it's like - "

"I know one thing," she breathed back, looking up at his cold blue eyes that were so different from the warm ones she was used to looking into. "If I am your mother, you'll show a bit of bloody respect when you're speaking to me. Do I make myself clear?"

He withdrew his fist slowly, staring her down. "Respect is earned," he stated, taking a few steps back from her.

Jenny still couldn't comprehend it all. Ben, her son, the only reason she'd been able to keep going the past six months - he turns into this monster. A murdering, woman beating, hostage-taking fiend. And what's worse, he maintained that it was all her fault. That the fact that she left him with her mum was imprinted in his memory, turning him into this cold-hearted maniac. And what was worst still - her instincts had told her it had been the wrong choice. She should have gone with him - she knew that. But she could never bring herself to leave Nick and the others; it wasn't who she was.

"What do you want from me?" she asked hopelessly, her voice cracking with emotion that she was trying desperately to hide.

"Exactly what I got," he said coolly. "Nothing."

She waited for the unexpected pain in her heart to subside before speaking. "If you hate me so much, why have you brought me here?" she asked quietly. "Why didn't you let me die out there like I'm supposed to?"

"I - " he stammered, for the first time looking caught of guard by her question. "I - I don't hate you . . ." he said reluctantly. "You're my mother."

"What about Nick?" she pushed, desperate to know what his fate was, but at the same time, not wanting to know if he was destined to die too. "What about your dad? Does he - ?"

"Oh no - he survives day zero, for all the good it does."

"What do you mean?" she asked, bemused.

"After you died . . . he was just an empty shell," he began in a hollow tone, the pain evident beneath the pools of those cool eyes. "He said I reminded him of you too much. He could barely look at me. Oh, he tried to hide it, but I could always see that look of contempt in his eye. He resented me because he had to raise me without you - try and keep me alive when the whole world had become a dead zone. And then when I was thirteen, he was killed himself by a creature. And then I was on my own."

Jenny perched on the side of the bed, staring into space, unable to keep standing when all she wanted to do was curl up and cry. This was all going to happen. She had two days left to live. All of a sudden, she became hyper aware of each movement of her body, from the way her chest rose and fell with each breath she took, to the way her heart pounded erratically against her ribs, as though trying to fulfil its beating quota in those few moments. As though it knew that soon enough, it would cease pumping altogether.

"What exactly happens on day zero?" she asked numbly.

After a slight pause, Ben sunk onto the bed next to her and leaned forward, burying his head in his hands. "You're all overwhelmed by the creatures that come through," he replied quietly. "There's too many to contain. And your locking mechanism doesn't work - the theory that closing one of the anomalies closes them all is right, but there's not enough power behind it to pull it off. And because the energy can't be contained, the fault line continues to rupture. The anomalies spread around the world. And by the time they close themselves, it's too late. More than half the world's wiped out. The human race has descended into chaos. People go round killing, mugging, raping women. Because nothing matters anymore but surviving."

"And you blame me for all that?" she asked in a small voice.

"I blame you because you weren't there with me," he corrected, looking round at her. "I was a kid mum, and you left me."

"Oh, what would you know about it?" she snapped, standing up in her anger at his accusation. "You'll only understand when you're a parent yourself that you'll do anything to protect your children - even send them away."

He looked up at her, his face contorted slightly, and she caught the faintest trace of sadness flicker in his eyes. And then, hopelessly and wholly, she understood.

"I'm sorry," she said hurriedly in the most gentle voice she could. "I - I didn't know - "

"No, of course you didn't," he said bitterly.

"I - I didn't know you were married - "

"You're not getting this are you?" he interrupted in a strained voice. "There's no society in the future - marriage is pointless. But I did have a daughter," he added solemnly, reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out a battered-looking photograph and handing it over to Jenny.

She looked down at the picture and saw a little girl staring up at the camera, with a big grin on her face. She couldn't have been older than three. Her hair was dark and curly, pulled into a side pony tail, and her eyes were big and brown, just like Jenny's. Her heart melted as she looked down at the picture - the picture of her granddaughter.

"She's gorgeous," Jenny said warmly. "She looks just like you do now - the present version of you I mean. What's her name?"

"Bethany."

"Well, where is she then?" Jenny demanded, looking back at him questioningly. "Did you bring her with you?"

He looked up at the ceiling, exhaling heavily as though bracing himself to say something he really didn't want to say. "She's dead," he mumbled eventually.

Jenny squeezed her eyes shut against the horrible stabbing sorrow. "And the mother?"

He didn't need to reply to that question - the answer was written all over his face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down at the picture again.

"Don't be," he stated coldly as he stood up, taking the photograph off her and replacing it in his pocket. "Because I'm going to change everything. That's why we're here. To stop the anomalies and the creatures from spreading."

"But surely that'll mean she'll never be born in the first place?" Jenny asked, confused.

"That's a hell of a lot better than the fate she had," he replied bitterly, not looking her in the eye.

"Well, if we're all working for the same thing, why can't we all pool our research?" Jenny suggested. "Why does it have to be like this?"

"Because there are things that we're willing to do that you aren't," he answered. "To protect the future. We've got a closing mechanism that works, and we're going to conduct a complete extermination of London, not discriminating against humans and creatures. We're going to gas the place. That's why I wanted you out of there."

"But - " Jenny began, a dawning realisation setting in. "What about your father?"

"What about him?" he shrugged.

"You're just going to leave him out there?" she exclaimed in disbelief.

"Look, he had his chance with me and he blew it!" he burst out. "And anyway, why do you care? You're not together anymore. You're not even wearing your wedding ring - "

"Just because I'm not wearing a piece of metal around my finger doesn't mean I don't love him!"

"I don't see why you do," he chuckled coldly. "Why aren't you together anyway?"

"That's none of your business."

"Did he do that?" he asked, gesturing to the cut on her neck.

"Your father would never lay a finger on me," she whispered numbly. "It's a pity you're not like him in that respect."

"I've never touched you!" he scoffed.

"Well I beg to differ," she stated venomously as she lifted up the sleeve of the top Kathryn had given her, showing him the bruises on her arm as evidence. "But I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about Kathryn."

"What did she say to you?" he demanded immediately.

"She didn't say anything," Jenny qualified quickly, scared that she was going to get the girl in trouble. "The fact that her necks covered in bruises told me."

"And?" he said in a nonchalant tone.

Jenny stared at him for a moment, gapping in complete incredulity. "You bastard," she breathed eventually, shaking her head.

"I'm warning you - don't wind me up," he said through gritted teeth.

"Why, what are you going to do to me son?" she laughed sarcastically. "Are you going to threaten me with a gun? Oh no, wait - you already did that."

"Just give it a rest will you?"

"Is that how you make yourself feel like a big man?" she pushed, unable to stop herself venting now she had started. "Hitting women? God, if I would have known how you were going to turn out, I would have got rid of you when I had the chance - "

He grabbed her arm aggressively and twisted it, causing pain to shoot through it, forcing her down on her knees with a gasp. Then, as quickly as he'd done it, he let go of her, as though realising what he'd done. He crouched down next to her as she raised her head to look at him.

"There is no good and bad in my world," he whispered. "There's only surviving. And I'm very, very good at it. And if anything threatens me or my plans, I take it out. No mercy."

She felt herself shaking as she tried to control her erratic breathing. "Is that supposed to scare me?" she asked, making sure her voice didn't betray the worry that make her stomach churn.

He straightened up abruptly, looking down at her with a curious expression on his face.

"You don't need to fear me mother," he stated eventually, his tone seeped in contempt. "And you're the only person who can say that."