Chapter 34

Cutter was aware that he was lying down on his back, although he had no memory of how he had gotten there. The gentle warmth of the sun brushed against his cheek like a soft kiss, and beneath his hands, he could feel fine soil that was as comfortable to lie on as any bed he had ever slept in. As he strained to remember what had happened, it suddenly occurred to him that the last time he had been conscious, he had been in a lot of pain, but for some reason, he couldn't quite remember why - but now, he noticed, he felt nothing but blissful blankness. He opened his eyes, and focused on some lush greenery a long way above him, the sun rays creeping through the gaps in the leaves. It really was a beautiful sight to behold. Feeling safe, warm and incredibly calm, he allowed himself a few moments to simply stare at the tree canopy, smiling to himself happily.

"I was wondering how long you were going to make me wait," a soft and slightly amused voice said from beside him.

He knew that voice all too well, and his heart seemed to fill with love as he sat up, his eyes frantically searching for the speaker. "Jenny?" he said, his voice coming out weirdly echoed.

Suddenly, his gaze fell on a woman who had been sitting next to him, her knees pulled up to her chest, and her long red hair flowing over her shoulders. The tranquility he had felt only moments before disappeared immediately. The woman smiled at him; a smile that was so familiar to him, and yet he hadn't seen it in many years.

"Claudia?" he whispered, feeling stunned - had the whole change in the evolutionary time line been a dream?

Her smile broadened and her soft brown eyes sparkled as their gazes met. "I've been waiting for you," she said, tilting her head to the side to see him better.

"But - " Cutter stuttered, still feeling overwhelmingly confused. "But, you - you don't exist any more - "

She laughed gently, and fixed him with a look that tugged directly at his heart strings. "Who says I exist now?"

"But . . ." he began again, shuffling so that he was directly facing her. "But Jenny . . . Ben - "

"They're fine," she interrupted, still positively beaming at him. "Jenny is sitting by your hospital bed as we speak."

"Hospital?" he repeated blankly, his mind still unable to grasp what was happening. "I'm in hospital?"

She nodded and looked away, her soft gaze looking out somewhere into the distance. "Apparently, whatever world you're in, you still manage to get yourself into trouble Nick," she said in a mock-stern voice that didn't quite hide her amusement.

"So what is this - a dream?" he pushed, unable to take his eyes off her.

She hesitated slightly, before shrugging. "Sort of."

"Where are we?"

She looked around at him again, a flicker of sorrow staring in the soft brown depths of those beautiful eyes. "Do you not know?" she asked, raising her eyebrow slightly.

Bemused, he tore his gaze away from her, and for the first time, took in his surroundings. They were in a forest - that he knew. He studied trees around them that were swaying slightly in the gentle breeze, and then his eyes fell on an anomaly, glittering innocently in the distance. The, unarguably, he knew where they were, and for the life of him, he couldn't understand how he hadn't realised sooner.

"The Forest of Dean," he said, looking back around at Claudia. "The last place we saw each other."

She nodded with a small smile, and Cutter noticed the light glinting in her rippling hair as she did so.

"Am I dead?" he asked, for the first time since he had woken feeling a pulse of panic.

"No," she replied softly. "Not yet anyway - "

"I - I don't - "

"You are very sick," she interrupted, her eyes swimming with sympathy. "You've been poisoned. Your body is trying to fight it, but the doctors aren't holding out much hope.

"But . . . but I can't die," he stuttered, feeling fear bubble in the pit of his stomach. "Not before I've made things right with Jenny."

"Well you could go back if you really want too," Claudia informed him calmly. "But it will mean putting yourself through a lot of pain and suffering."

"I still don't - " he began, but she silenced him immediately by reaching forward and taking his hand in her own.

"But it doesn't have to be like that," she spoke softly, her eyes holding his. "You don't have to feel any more pain. You can come with me now, and we can be together. With no more anomalies, and no more creatures - "

"What do you mean 'come with you'?" he asked, his brain suddenly feeling sluggish. "Where would we go?"

Her expression remained etched in sadness as she squeezed his hand comfortingly. "Somewhere that Jenny and Ben can't come," she replied. "Not yet anyway."

"But . . ." he stammered, unable to piece everything together. "But I need to be with her - "

"She's not me Nick," Claudia whispered gently. "She'll never be me. You know that - "

"I don't need her to be you," he replied immediately and entirely truthfully. "I love her just the way she is. I love her - "

"And me?" she asked, sounding stung as she pulled her hand out of his.

He hesitated slightly before replying, "I think I did love you. And I think we could have had something really special. But life doesn't always work out like that. And Jenny . . ." he trailed off, his heart convulsing as he thought about her. " . . . she's everything to me now. She and Ben. They're the most precious things in the world to me."

"So you won't come with me?" she asked, a sad resigned look on her face.

He leaned towards her slightly, letting himself take in her remarkable resemblance to Jenny. "I need to be with my wife and son. They need me, and I sure as hell need them."

She bit her lip and nodded slightly, although the hurt in her eyes made him feel a twinge of regret. "Do you hate me?" he asked softly.

Her face relaxed into a slight smile, and she looked around at him. "I'm a bit disappointed, yes. But I would have expected no less from you Nick Cutter."

He laughed weakly and reached forward to take her pale hand in his again. "I don't want to hurt you. But it's just that - "

"I know," she said in a reassuring voice, squeezing his hand. "Maybe in another life we would have worked out. But you have responsibilities now - I understand that you can't leave your wife and child."

"Well, that's if she'll take me back," he mumbled, his memory of past goings on returning to him slowly. "She wasn't very thrilled when she found out about you. I really hurt her."

"She just needed time," Claudia stated, her words laced with genuine affection. "I'm sure she'll realise how much you care about her. This hasn't been easy for anyone."

Her sympathy for his own predicament made him feel a rush of guilt for being so selfish - after all, no matter how much pain he and Jenny had been through, at least they still existed.

"Claudia?"

"Hm?"

"Are you - ?" he asked, but hesitated, unsure of how to phrase it. "Are you happy?" he landed on eventually.

She chuckled slightly, her eyes looking bright as her gaze met his again. "I'm at peace," she replied cryptically, but he didn't feel the need to question her further - it was clear by her general illuminance and composure that she was not suffering in any way. "You could be at peace as well if you wanted to be?" she added, raising a joking eyebrow.

He smiled at her persistence, which was a trait that both she and Jenny shared, but he shook his head. "I want to be with my wife. I need to be with her."

"I know," she sighed. "Just thought I'd give it one more try. After all, if you go back, it's going to hurt an awful lot. Are you sure it's worth it?"

"She's worth it," he corrected, meaning every word.

Claudia sighed again, looking slightly crestfallen, but thankfully, not appearing to be too cross with him. "Okay then," she said, getting to her feet and brushing the loose earth off her pants. "It's time for you to go home," she added, offering both her hands out to help him to stand.

He let her pull him to his feet, and they stood looking at each other for a moment, hands still entwined. His eyes studied her face, still as soft and pale as he remembered, her eyes still full of the same warmth. But she wasn't his wife; well, genetically maybe, but environmental factors had meant that the two women had turned out entirely differently. He understood that now. And he also understood that Jenny was the woman for him, and not just because she looked like the lost love he was now holding.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her, his own voice sounding faint and distant.

"Don't be," she breathed, taking a step closer to him. "It wasn't your fault. It just wasn't meant to be." She reached forward and brushed her hand up against his stubbly cheek. "Please take care of yourself," she said quietly, a pained look in her eye. "And get yourself well again."

"I will," he replied, reaching up and closing his hand around hers gently.

They stayed like that for some time, before Nick sniffed and composed himself. "So . . . how do I get home?" he asked.

"I think you know what you've got to do," she replied quietly, glancing behind his shoulder.

He looked around himself and spotted the anomaly again, winking at him invitingly. Of course . . .

He turned back to her, and she smiled, before planting a quick kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye Nick," she murmured, tears glistening in her eyes as she pulled away from him.

"Goodbye Claudia Brown," he said, feeling a drowning sadness take hold of him as he registered the loss of her touch.

He turned, and walked away slowly through the undergrowth, towards the flickering light. Before he could bring himself to go through, he couldn't help but turn back to see her again one more time. She was watching him go, tears running down her freckled cheeks, and when their eyes met for the last time, she raised her hand and offered him a slight wave, and a reassuring smile. He nodded back, before turning back to the anomaly, Jenny's face emblazoned in his mind as he stepped forward into the blinding light.

Jenny sat stiffly in the place that she had been occupying for the last few days - beside Nick's hospital bed. She had leaned forward to rest her elbows next to him, tiredness consuming her, and had sunk her head into her hands, watching Nick's thready breathing.

Why hadn't he woken up yet? she thought to herself for the millionth time. He should have come around by now . . .

The last couple of days had passed her in a complete blur. Her mother had brought Ben round like she had asked, and Jenny had sunken to her knees upon seeing her son, hugging him tight, her relief so overwhelming that she found herself crying as she stroked him hair. She had wanted to take him home immediately, tuck him up in bed herself, and hold him all night while he slept.

But she couldn't bring herself to leave Nick. He needed her here, and in spite of herself, she knew she needed to be there incase he took a turn for the worst.

So she had reluctantly sent Ben to stay with her mother for a while, taking comfort in the fact that he was safe, and seemed to be happy.

"Daddy's just sleeping," she had told him. He want's to be all refreshed for when he gets to see you again."

He had believed her story without question, his blue eyes blinking up at her, filled with so much love and trust.

God, she hoped she was telling him the truth.

Sniffing to compose herself, she glanced back up at her husbands pale face, watching as his oxygen mask steamed slightly with his exhale. With a deep sigh, she reached down and took his cold hand, grasping it tight in the hope that he would reciprocate.

"Don't you dare think that you can just leave me here," she said, leaning closer to whisper in his ear. "You're not leaving me to raise our son by myself."

Nothing. Not even an eye flutter.

She screwed up her face to stop herself crying, and looked down at his hand. "You can't die before we have a chance to patch things up. I won't let you. I refuse to let you take the easy way out of this. I . . ." she trailed off, feeling tears fall from her swollen eyes. ". . . I need to tell you that I forgive you . . . and I need you to be conscious when I do, otherwise it means nothing . . ." she stopped again, reaching up and wiping the wetness off her cheeks. "I want you to come home," she admitted, her voice wavering with sadness. "I want us to be a family again, and I want another kid . . ." she cut herself off, leaned back in her chair, the emotion too much to bear.

What was the point? He couldn't hear her . . .

Sniffing again to regain her composure, she stood up, vaguely thinking that she should go and get her tenth coffee of the day for a distraction, but she had only taken a few paces towards the door before a muffled voice spoke unexpectedly from behind her -

"Jenny . . ."

She froze, hardly daring to believe her ears, before turning back, her heart beating somewhere in her throat.

Nick's eyes were open a crack, and his hand was up at his mask, pulling it down so that he could speak better.

"See, I thought I was in heaven then," he said in an incredibly croaky voice, a slight smile flickering across his whitened lips. "But now I see you're here, it must be more like Purgatory - "

Jenny exhaled a intensely relieved sigh as she quickly moved back to his bedside, her happiness at seeing him conscious drowning her in dizziness. "You scared the hell out of me," she stated in a shaking voice as she grabbed his hand, her tears now unstoppable.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice still sounding scratched, but his eyes beaming as they met hers. "But I do try not to get myself killed you know."

"Well, you need to try harder in the future," she replied, stroking his hair back and planting a kiss on his forehead. "I - I thought - "

"I know," he breathed, wincing as though in agony, but he managed to squeeze her hand weakly. "But do you really think I'd ever leave you Jenny Lewis?"

She gave him a watery smile, feeling hope swell inside her like a balloon. "I think you'll find it's Jenny Cutter actually."

:D one more chapter to go!

Hope your all reading and enjoying! X