A/N: It's not the longest, I know. But it's something. Thank you for the reviews, you already know they totally make my heart flutter. They really are encouraging, seriously. I write like a mad man after reading them. What do you guys think so far? And Nonsens, you mentioned about maybe including Emily's POV into the story (Thank you for your input!), what do the rest of you think about that? After all, you guys are the ones reading this. I'm here to please! Now, let me know and let me what you think about this one. I'm sorry for the lack of Naomily interaction so far, but I need to get this Tom business out of the way. I'll make sure it'll be worth the wait! Now, off you go. R&R!

"Do you realise that I've never been in your room before?" Freddie says while passing the spliff then picking up the brush drenched in colour to continue painting my walls. It's bright, it's light but most importantly, it's new. I'm currently sitting on the floor, sorting through my things, my body still sore from that awful night. It's been over two weeks since it happened, I got released from the hospital merely a week ago. Gina and I had a heartfelt talk when we came home. I told her about everything. I still haven't forgiven her, and sometimes I think I never really will. But she's trying and that is all that matters for now. Tom was arrested at the scene, and is never to set foot here ever again. I still can't help to think he'll be back. Nightmares about him returning haunting me every night. The trial is taking place tomorrow, and I'm scared that the evidence won't be enough. That he'll convince them it was just a one time thing. And I'm not sure they'll see it as a one time thing worthy enough to put him behind bars. But there's nothing I can do.

I ignore Freddie's statement, too engrossed in my own thoughts about everything that's gone down recently. When I had awoken in the hospital, I asked to be left alone. I didn't want anyone too see me like that. Not even Freddie. Mum was the only one who got to visit me. I felt so exposed, so damaged even though I was finally free. But the feeling of freedom didn't last long, and it certainly didn't come without complications. I always been trapped in that spiral of hell with Tom, never knowing if I'd ever get through it. Always terrified that it might be the last time I hug Freddie when we've parted at my door. Or the last time I see Emily pick at her food. Katie bitching about someone using all the hot water in the bathroom. The small things that made my life. And now, when it's finally over, I don't know what to do or how to react. After getting out from the hospital, my first thought was to just lock myself inside these four all too familiar walls of my room. I felt ashamed. I felt weak. That pity fest seemed to exist in everyone's eyes. Like it got even worse when it finally came out in the open.

"She's really sorry, you know." He puts down the brush and sits down next to me, waiting for me to pass him the spliff. I know he's talking about Emily, I'm not playing dumb. Not now.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. That's nothing to be sorry about, is it?" I try as hard I can to act indifferent. I can't stand it. Being the reason for her sadness. Her hurting. I pass him the joint.

"You should tell her that, not me."

"I can't." It's quiet.

"Of course you can."

"No, I can't, F. I fucking can't." A bit louder. A bit stronger than before.

"Get over yourself, Naomi." He spat. "She's fucking miserable. Give her at least something so she doesn't need to walk around as if she was carrying the whole fucking world on her shoulders. She doesn't deserve that. She did the right thing and you shouldn't punish her for it."

Freddie was always right. He always spoke the truth, even if it hurt. But this wasn't a truth I wasn't aware of. No, I was well aware of it. But it seemed like no matter what I did, I always ended up hurting Emily in one way or another. And I didn't want that.

"You wouldn't understand." I muttered.

"And how would you know? It's not like you tell me anything." He gets up and starts painting again. A bit too furiously, if you ask me. This was about more than Emily. This was about Freddie being hurt too. Being left in the shadows of my big secret. This was about me never telling him what was going on all those years.

"You would've have killed him if I told you. You fucking know that, F!" I raise my voice.

Freddie and I rarely fought. I can't even recall a single serious fight we've had. Sure we'd bicker sometimes, but never like this. This was something else. This was something he needed to get off his chest, and it was something I needed to be told. And to tell him.

He snapped his head back to me, and behind his eyes I saw tears starting to gather. I had never seen Freddie cry in front of me in my entire life. Not once. Not even when his family died.

"I tell you everything. Every fucking thing. You could've told me." He swallows hard.

"I was scared." I try. I know it's not enough, but it was nothing else but truthful.

"I know that, but you don't fucking get it, do you? You would have been dead right now if they hadn't come. Dead. DEAD!" He yells the last word. I instantly flinch.

"You're my best mate, you stupid fucking cow, and I was going to lose you because you thought I might punch down that son of a bitch that was planning on ending your life?" His eyes staring right into mine. Never breaking. Never leaving. "Don't you know me at all? I've lost everything once. And I almost did it again. I owe Emily the world."

I get up from the floor and start walking towards him. He backs away, wiping his now red stained eyes roughly with the sleeve of his shirt. I keep walking towards him until his back reaches the door. Until he has nowhere left to escape.

"I'm sorry." I quietly say. "I'm sorry." Again. "I'm sorry." I repeat. In the end it's merely a whisper. His tears starts flowing down his cheeks, and so do mine.

"I was so scared, can't you understand? I trust you. I've always trusted you. It's not about that."

"Then what?" He asked.

"I was so ashamed. It disgusted me. And I was a part of something so repulsing. I didn't want anyone else to see it. And now I thought it was all going to be better. That's it finally over. But you know what? It's even worse. You're all looking at me the same way. With that fucking pity in your eyes. You're all so bloody sorry. That's why I didn't tell you in the first place. When you looked at me before, all you saw was your best friend. When you see me now, you see a lost fucking cause. A fucking mess." It was my turn to swallow hard. He tries to say something, but I'm not done. Not yet.

"No, it is true. And that goes for Emily as well. Do you have any idea how that feels? When the person you're head over heels for, even if it's not reciprocated, looks at you as if you're this fragile little thing that can break at any moment? When all you want is for that person to look at you as someone worth risking it all for? It's like you're a fucking charity case. And that's a far worse punishment than all the blows I took."

I had never before been this honest with Freddie. I had never been this honest with anyone, really. But it needed to be said. To make him understand that this isn't his fault. Deep down I know he's blaming himself. And that's the last thing I want.

"I love you, N, but you're so blind you wouldn't even see a fucking blue whale even if it was right in front of you."

I frown.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He sighs and shakes his head at me. "See it as a lesson. If you'd just stop putting up these walls around you, you might be happy for once." He then turns to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

And with that he left my room. I was drained. By everything. Admitting everything to Freddie was admitting it to myself. I was disgusted. I was ashamed. And even though he tried to tell me that it wasn't pity or sorrow in their eyes, I can't imagine anything else colouring them.

A man true to his words, Freddie was standing outside the huge grey building, waiting for me with coffee in his hand.

"Thank you." I said and reached for the cup.

"It's just coffee, N." He flashes me his lazy smile. It made everything feel a bit better. The knots in my stomach eased up a bit. This dreading feeling inside, having to confront everything again was draining me. It made me feel a bit nauseous, to be honest.

"No, thank you for being here. And for yesterday. I needed to tell you that."

"Everyone need to be able to say what they feel. Even if it's not even remotely true."

"Well, thank you anyway."

"Don't say thank you. That's what friends are for, innit?" He says as he wraps one arm around my shoulders, leading me inside the building.

"Yeah, that's what friends are for."

It was my turn to take the stand. As I settled into my chair I heard the sound of doors opening. I lifted my head towards the sound and saw Emily, Katie and Jenna tiptoe inside. My stomach turned as I saw her face. She looked so devastated. So sad. I didn't mind that she was here. She'd already seen it all. I didn't care about Katie either, she probably knew everything by now anyway. And needless to say, Jenna was an even better support than my own mother. Rob was already here, of course. He had already been given the third degree. Freddie said that they might show up, so I was already prepared for it. But, when I think about it, I can never really prepare myself enough when it comes to Emily. It's impossible.

"Miss Campbell, you can start whenever you're ready. Please tell us what you remember from that day."

I look up at Emily as they finally took a seat in the back. I can't do anything else but to stare at her like I've done so many times before. I can never get over how beautiful she is. Even when she looks as crestfallen and pained as she does at the moment. All because of me. If I could hate myself more than I already do, I would. She stares right back at me. For the first time ever, none of us is averting our eyes. None of us breaking it. I continue to watch her as I start speaking.

"I had spent the night at the Fitch's" I said, now forcing myself to look away from Emily to nod my head at Rob who was positioned next to his lawyer. "and headed home around four, I think. I was told by my mum that Tom had rented a film for us to watch."

"What happened when you got home?"

"I left my bag in the living room and went into the kitchen where he was sat. He was drinking a beer, and finishing up his dinner. After that, he went for another beer." I frown as I strain my mind to remember everything. It was all pretty blurry for me. Thankfully, Tom wasn't in the room. They thought it might affect the trial and the testimonies if he was present.

"He then came up to me and I asked him what film he'd rented. He tried to remember the name and said something about shut eye.. and then it all went dark for me."

"Is that all you remember?"

"No, I woke up later. I don't know how long afterwards it was. But this time I was in the living room, tied up to a chair. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe properly either and there was blood running down my neck and legs. He spluttered a lot, indicating how drunk he was." I said.

I paused, remembering his speech about setting me straight right before he was going to end everything. I thought about Emily. I thought about my paintings. I thought about the night we shared just before everything came tumbling down.

"He said I needed to be punished. And then he lifted his hand. He was holding a candlestick, I think. I was having a hard time breathing and was falling in and out of consciousness. That's when I heard the door bell. And that's all I remember. Next thing I know, I was at the hospital."

"What was it you needed to be punished for?"

I look at Emily. I wanted to point at her and tell them everything. That she was the reason he hated me. Because she's the only thing that makes me smile. But I couldn't say anything.

"I don't know."

"Thank you, Miss Campbell. Now, about the alcohol. Did he drink a lot?"

"Not when my mum was home. Only when she's away. That was when he used to hit me." I confess. I look at Emily again, dreading to see the sympathy and pity all over her face but she just looked at me with eyes that told me nothing. Absolutely nothing. Relief flooded my senses. I just couldn't have stand anything else.

"So this has happened before?"

"Yes. Many times. It started when I was about ten." This time she looks away.

"Did you ever tell anyone?" Her head snaps up faster than ever. I'd think she'd hurt her neck if I didn't know any better.

I went quiet. I can't lie in a courtroom. But I didn't want to confess. I didn't want Freddie to feel even more abandoned by me. And I didn't want anyone to blame Emily for not doing anything about it. I told her not to. It's all my fault, not hers. A voice was pulling me back to reality.

"Miss Campbell? Did you ever tell anyone about this?"

"Once." I look down, start to fidget with my hands. Not wanting to see her reaction.

"Who did you tell?"

"I didn't really TELL anyone. But Emily Fitch might have had a clue. She saw my bruises once. But I asked her not to tell. I begged her, really." I never asked her, but my eyes surely did. A thousand times over.

"Emily Fitch, the girl who rang the door bell?"

"Yes."

"Thank you Miss Campbell. That would be all for now. You may leave the stand."

As I stand up to leave I look at her one final time to see her reaction, but she was suddenly gone. I look around the room and catch a glance of her red hair being led into another room with two officers following her. The nauseating feeling inside increases. Why are they taking her? And where are they taking her?

"We will continue the hearings in one hour. Next to take the stand is Miss Emily Fitch."

Oh fuck.