Notice: This is purely fan-made, non-profit, and I in no way own anything
Warning: This contains shonen-ai (Don't like? Don't read!)

This is an old story from 2009. Please treat it as such. This story was from a long time ago, so I probably won't be finishing it any time soon. If ever.

I've never told anyone. Not a soul. After the events in Hollow Bastion two years ago, something happened to me. Something that I can't explain. I stabbed myself with the dark keyblade and became a heartless. But I don't think that's the only thing that happened to me. It's like something lodged itself within my mind. No, infused itself into my very being. I started craving the darkness, almost as if it were a drug. Like some part of me was missing and I would take my own life just to get it back again.

But that's not what bothers me the most. What haunts me both awake and asleep are the urges that I've been having. The urge to grab that darkness and devour it. The longing to hold on tight and never let it go. It's disturbing, and there's nothing that I've done so far that seems to get rid of it.

It wasn't really that bad at first. In fact, it was hardly noticeable throughout most of Castle Oblivion and the majority of my journey. Sure I felt little pangs of it here and there, but it wasn't enough to get in a panic over. However, after visiting The World That Never Was, facing off against Xemnas, and returning home to the islands, it just hasn't gone away. It's become a constant presence in the back of my mind that keeps trying to gain control.

I feel stuck. I feel lost. I just don't understand any of this. I wish there was someone out there that understood this. Someone that I could turn too. I—

"Sora!"

A loud yell brought Sora back into consciousness and caused him to halt in his writing. It was seven o' clock on a Monday morning, and he realized that he needed to head to school. Grabbing his things and stuffing the small black notebook that he had been writing in, his journal, into his bag, he headed out of his room and down the flight of steps to where his mother was waiting.

"Sora, you're late again," she frowned. "You've always been average at school, but you've never been so neglectful about getting there on time. You used to really enjoy it. Did something happen?"

His mother placed her hands on her hips and had a genuinely worried look upon her face. Sora knew that she cared, but he also knew that this was something that she just wouldn't understand. It was hard enough telling her that he disappeared for two years to travel to different worlds (something that the inhabitants of Destiny Islands didn't even know existed), fight shadow creatures known as heartless with an oversized key for a weapon, and that one of his friends he had made along the way was a talking duck who could cast magic.

"No," Sora lied. Trying to put on one of his genuine, but naïve, smiles to reassure her. "Everything's fine. I just didn't sleep very well last night for some reason." He cringed inwardly knowing his mother probably saw right through that pitiful attempt.

"Well, alright," she sighed, still looking fairly concerned. "But if there is ever anything that you want to talk about, just let me know."

Sorry mom, Sora thought as he headed out the door. But I don't think that you'd understand.

Arriving at school about twenty minutes later he could feel the dark pull playing with his mind as he stood in the crowded hallway. Why is it that it's always worse at school? Another thing about his condition that bothered him. Whenever he was at school it seemed to intensify. And whenever he was with his friends it sometimes got so bad that he had to excuse himself and leave.

Right on cue, he felt a hand rest gently onto his shoulder making him jump a little bit.

"What's wrong, Sora? You were spacing out for moment. Are you alright?" Turning his head he could see that it was Kairi that was standing beside him. Like his mother, the red haired girl also seemed genuinely concerned. Why does the dark pull never intensify when I'm around Kairi?

"Yeah, I'm okay," Sora lied again for the second time that morning. "Just thinking about class is all."

"I can understand that," Kairi smiled. "After being gone for so long, getting back into the swing of things was really difficult. It must be even worse for you and Riku, as you were both gone longer than I was."

Sora laughed. "Yeah, that first week was an absolute nightmare." Sora could remember that he'd had so much catching up to do that he had to spend his last summer vacation in school, just so he could stay caught up with the rest of the students his grade. Riku had managed to test out of it, lucky guy, but Sora was stuck in a hot classroom for five hours each day trying desperately to catch up. "That's definitely something I don't ever want to deal with again." He shook his head, hopping to expel the memory of that summer from his mind.

Kairi just giggled and walked with him to his next class.

Don't pass out. Sora pleaded to himself. Please don't pass out. Not now!

Sora was sitting in his science class feeling as if he was going to die. The moment he walked into the room his head began to spin and the dark pull inside his mind intensified to the point he felt that he could collapse. He'd tried focusing on his work, praying to whatever deity would listen that the pain he was in would simply go away.

He felt feverish, and before long his vision started to become blurry. The words in his notebook became unreadable and melded together. What's wrong with me?

Sora didn't even hear when an urgent, but firm, voice called out to him. Only when a pair of strong hands clasped onto his shoulders did he hear that person say his name. That person has also started to shake him, as calling out didn't seem to catch Sora's attention. But even then he couldn't respond, because the moment whoever it was had grabbed his shoulders, he collapsed sideways out of his chair and lost consciousness.