F O U R:
Chapter two:
F E A R:
B O T A N
The question shouldn't have come as a surprise, but it did. She should've been able to answer easily, but she couldn't. She shouldn't have been so confused by her own lack of action, but she was. She should've known what to do next, but she didn't.
"So, when are you going to let Yusuke and the others know you're here?"
It had been a week since she had had that chance meeting with Shuichi- longer than that since she came to Rekai- and they had met up a few more times to catch up, but she had yet to contact any of their other friends. Shuichi had even given her Yusuke's and Kuwabara's numbers, but she still hadn't picked up the phone to call them. Every now and then her gaze would pass over the phone in her living room, and she would think about calling them. She would get as far as reaching to pick up the phone before thoughts such as, "Well, they might be busy- I don't want to bother them," and, "I've only been here a week, I have plenty of time to see them or talk to them later," would pull her hand back. She kept rationalizing it to herself, just like that. She would constantly tell herself that she would call them later, but she never did.
Why? Was it the shock of her meeting with Shuichi that caused this... fear? There was no other word for it- Botan was afraid- but what was there to be afraid of? Why was she so scared of seeing her friends again?
"I- I-..."
That single question made Botan wonder... If she hadn't met up with Shuichi by accident, would she have seen any of her friends during this vacation? Would she have made any attempt to contact them, or even find out what had happened to them?
"Um- Don't worry about it. If you're not ready to see them, then don't pressure yourself." Said Shuichi, a sympathetic- but a bit confused- expression on his face. He seemed perplexed by Botan's unwillingness to see their friends again. The blue-haired girl could understand that. What sane person wouldn't want to see their dear friends after four years apart?
"No, I need to call them. I can't believe I've been taking so long to do it. Tonight. I'll call them tonight."
This resulted in a staring contest with her phone. Botan sat on the arm of her pink sofa, clutching a pillow to her chest and taking deep breaths to steady herself. A fine sweat was beginning to bead on her forehead, and she blamed it on the fluorescent lighting. The pink eyed girl descended from her perch to turn off the light, then plopped back down again, digging her fingers deep into the down of her pillow. She glanced from the phone to the scrap of paper next to it. Scrawled in Shuichi's quick handwriting were the names Yusuke and Kuwabara, with numbers written under them. One more deep breath, and Botan picked up the phone. With a shaky hand, she began to enter the first few digits of Yusuke's number.
"Going back to being a plain old ferry girl, Botan? Jeeze- that's gonna be pretty boring after all the crap we went through, huh?"
"We're going to miss you, Botan-chan- and... I just realized recently, I never thanked you for helping to bring Yusuke back to life, did I? I can't believe I did that. Thank you so much, Botan-chan. You have no idea how much I wish I could repay you."
Her finger froze above the last number, and tears filled her eyes. Her brow furrowed in confusion. Why was she crying? She hadn't cried when she met Shuichi again... How in the world was this any different? Was it the situation? She had had no control over her meeting with Shuichi- it had just happened. She hadn't had time to think about it, and her memories hadn't had time to come rushing back and cripple her. Now, though, it was different. It wouldn't be by chance- some wrong number wouldn't put her on the line with Yusuke or Keiko. It wouldn't be by anyone else's will, either. Botan had to make this decision herself, without any help from the other people involved.
She couldn't do it. She couldn't call Yusuke- not yet- but maybe...
She put the phone down and picked it back up, keying in Kuwabara's number as fast as she could, so she wouldn't have time to think about it. It was half cheating, calling Kuwabara first. He would surely tell Yusuke, and then Botan wouldn't have to worry about making that move. Botan tensed as she heard the ringing tone of the other phone, and waited for someone to pick up. She could handle this. She could. It was Kuwabara- he would say something that would ease the tension- whether or not it was his intent- maybe ten seconds into the conversation, Botan was sure.
"Hello?"
Kuwabara wasn't the one who picked up the phone. Botan's pink eyes widened at the female voice that had aged since she had last heard it. Still, she recognized that voice immediately.
"Goodbye, Botan-san. We will miss you very much."
Within seconds the phone was back on the reciever, and Botan's breathing had quickened.
Why couldn't she do it? Why couldn't she do it? It wasn't just that Yukina had answered the phone- it was also that the voice she had answered with had changed from the one Botan remembered. Shuichi's had deepened a bit as well, and Botan was sure the same had happened to everyone else. Not just their voices, their appearances. Not just their appearances, their lives. Shuichi was in college, studying to be a professor. Kuwabara and Yukina had gotten married. Keiko and Yusuke weren't the middle school lovebirds Botan had once known.
As with all humans, their lives had moved forward. They weren't the same as Botan- frozen in time, leading the same life in perpetuity- and that frightened her. They had changed, and would keep changing, and she would not. Ever. She had always known that, so why was it so shocking to her now?
Had she really always known that? Or had she simply and conveniently forgotten their humanity? Pretended she didn't know their lives would continue to move on while hers didn't? Continued to move on without her?
A tear made its way down Botan's face. That was why she couldn't so much as call her dear friends. Because their world didn't stop when she left it. Because their lives continued without a hitch when she was gone. Because no matter if she never saw them again, they would be able to continue down a constantly changing road that led somewhere- unlike her. There was no destination for Botan. All she had was the scenery on the side of the path she would continue to walk even when her feet began to bleed and ache. Yusuke had been right, when he joked around about her going back to being a ferry girl. Botan's time as assistant to the Rekai Tantei had ruined her.
Botan pulled that same pillow she had been clinging to closer. The "scenery" on her path hadn't changed for thousands of years, and now that the short change in it was over, she could no longer live her "life" without longing for that-... that "human" feeling she had had with the Rekai Tantei.
The blue haired immortal buried her face in the pillow she clutched tightly to her chest, sobbing. She couldn't just walk back into their lives like nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Her friends were as good as strangers to her.
S H U I C H I
Dark eyes stared up at the ceiling of the dorm, as Shuichi tried and failed to get some sleep. He had an important test in the morning, and would need his rest in order to perform to the best of his ability. His mind was too occupied, though, to let him slumber.
It didn't make sense. Botan had seemed so excited when they had found each other in front of that supermarket. She had been very curious about the lives of their friends, and had seemed excited when he had given her their numbers- so why? Her expression had been absolutely terrified when he asked when she would contact the others, and that perplexed him completely. What did she have to fear from meeting them again? Surely that would be a happy occasion- wouldn't it?
When he had spoken to Kuwabara on the phone earlier, his old friend brought up something odd. Yukina had answered the phone while he was out, and had gotten the strangest call. Seconds after she answered she heard a strangled gasp, and whoever was on the other line had hung up. The other man had sounded irritated, because the call had somewhat frightened his wife. Shuichi, however, knew Yukina had nothing to be afraid of. He knew just who had called and hung up so quickly- but he didn't understand why. Botan got along with Yukina very well, so why hadn't she been able to talk to her? It seemed to Shuichi that Botan would be absoutely giddy to talk to Yukina, and congratulate her on her marriage.
Botan's actions were turning into a strange riddle for Shuichi to solve. She just wasn't acting like the Botan he knew. Something was wrong.
The very next day, after his classes were over, he called Botan's house- no answer. He tried the mobile number she had given him, and it didn't even ring. Her happy voice informed him that her phone was off or she couldn't get to it. Strange. She had told him that she would keep it turned on and on hand at all times. He tried her home phone again, and it rang four times before repeating Botan's answering machine message. He left a short few sentences for her, then hung up. This was very odd. Even if she was out of the house, what could Botan be doing that would require turning off her cell phone?
Realizing just how much he had been thinking of the Botan situation lately, Shuichi shook his head. He was overthinking things, and when Botan decided to let their friends know she was there was none of his business. He was getting way too wrapped up in her life, and that went completely against his decision to no longer involve himself with Rekai. He needed to focus on his own life, not the life and actions of a ferry girl. Even if it was Botan, he was getting too involved. She would deal with her problems on her own, and on her own time. It wasn't his problem.
Still, he was getting worried. Against his better judgement, he called her again, and again, later that day. Her mobile phone was never on, and her home phone was never answered. He wondered again about her cell phone being off. Perhaps she was avoiding someone's calls? It occurred to Shuichi that Botan probably didn't know many people in Ningenkai- aside from their friends, and none of them had the number- and probably knew very few people -if any- well enough to give them her number.
In fact, it wouldn't be much of a stretch to assume that he was the only person who knew that number.
Was Botan trying to ignore him? That didn't make sense- he couldn't think of anything he had done to upset or offend her, much as he went over their latest conversations in his head. Still, why else would she turn her phone off for the entire day, when she had told him she always had it on? Shuichi took a chance on this guess, and called her home phone one last time.
B O T A N
This whole "vacation" was starting to look like a complete bust. Why had she even come to Ningenkai? What had she expected from a few weeks away from Rekai? She hadn't even planned on seeing any of her old friends again, so what exactly had she planned to do here? Botan couldn't even remember. She blew on a spoonful of soup before raising it to her lips and slowly slurping it down.
The phone rang in the living room. The pink eyed ferry girl made no move to answer it. She hadn't answered the phone the entire day, and wasn't going to answer it now. Earlier that day she had recieved a message from Shuichi, informing her of the result of her phone call to Yukina, and asking her to call him back. She wouldn't, of course. Continuing to see Shuichi had been a mistake. They would both be better off if they did not continue to associate with each other. Still, she was too much of a coward to tell him that. She would just ignore him, and eventually he would give up on her.
However, he had seemed determined to get in contact with her all day. He kept calling, even though she never answered, and Botan was beginning to get frustrated. Did he not realize that she didn't want to talk to him? Apparently he didn't. "Botan, it's Shuichi. I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but- are you screening your calls? Or are you just not answering your phone at all? I'm the only person who knows this number, aren't I? And your cell too? I don't know what I did to upset you, but whatever it was, I'm sorry. Please answer your phone, Bo-" The answering machine cut him off.
Tears dripped into Botan's soup. "It's nothing you did, Shuichi," She whispered to no one, "it's me." She rubbed her eyes with the sleeve of her pink sweater, sniffling. Who did she think she was fooling, coming here? She just wasn't strong enough to face the truth, and she definitely wasn't strong enough to face her friends. She shouldn't bother Shuichi anymore, she knew. If she continued to be in contact with him, she would only trouble him with her weakness.
She got to see one of her dear friends again. That was enough. She would stay in Ningenkai for the remainder of her vacation, then return to Rekai, and if she never saw Shuichi or her other friends again, well...
...Then that would be what happened.
S H U I C H I
Three days had passed, and Botan was still not answering her phone. Shuichi constantly told himself that he needed to stop worrying so much over this. Botan probably just didn't want to talk to anyone, it might not have been him, specifically, that she was ignoring. It was her decision to not contact him, and there was no point in calling if she wasn't going to answer. This was Botan's problem, and if she didn't want to talk to him about it, then it was none of his business. He was getting too involved.
Still, he continued to call her, and constantly checked his phone for any attempts by Botan to call him back. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Curiosity was getting the better of him as he tried to figure out what was going on. There was no reason he could think of for Botan's actions. What was going on?
He finally got his answer on that third day, when his phone began to ring while he was visiting Kuwabara and Yukina. Kuwabara had gone to answer his own phone- a call from his sister- and Yukina was the only other person in the room. "Pardon me a moment." Said Kurama, reaching into his pocket. Flipping open the phone, he saw Botan's name on the screen. His eyes widened and he quickly hit the answer button- probably surprising Yukina with his action. "Hello?" He almost said Botan's name, then remembered his present company. The voice on the other line possessed little of Botan's usually chipper tone. "I want you to stop calling me, Shuichi-kun." Said Botan's voice. "This is the only time I'm going to say it. Quit calling, because I'm not going to answer."
"But why?" Asked Shuichi quietly. Yukina tilted her head to one side, obviously wondering about Shuichi's sudden change in mood. "Why have you been ignoring my calls?"
"You should just delete my number from your phone." Continued Botan, seeming to ignore him. "I don't want to talk to you, and besides, you don't need to get involved with me anymore. You said you've cut ties with Makai, but you've also done the same with Rekai, haven't you? So it's better if you don't see me. You shouldn't bother with me anymore, Shuichi-kun."
"Why are you saying this? What's wrong?"
"It's not your fault, if that's what you're thinking. It's me. I-... I don't want to see you anymore. Stop calling. Goodbye."
"Wait! Don't- damn it..."
"What happened, Shuichi-san? Who was that?" Wondered Yukina. Shuichi heaved a sigh, pocketing his phone. "It was... An old friend of mine. She's having some difficulties right now."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I hope things get better for her soon." Shuichi nodded. "Me too."
Shuichi once again lay in bed staring up at the ceiling that night. He replayed that conversation over and over in his head, growing more irritated each time. How exactly did she expect him to leave her alone now, after that call? He was already confused by her sudden reclusiveness, and then that? Why didn't she want to see him anymore? What the hell was going on with her? Her suggestions that he no longer bother with her echoed his thoughts that he was getting too involved, but- what had happened? The thought occurred to him that if she was now cutting ties with him, then she probably had no intention of contacting her other friends. Why? Didn't they have the right to know a friend they hadn't seen for four years was so close by?
Why was Botan doing this?
Narrowing his eyes, Shuichi rose from his bed and began to change clothes. So she wouldn't answer her phone. Fine. He didn't have to call her to confront her. He knew where she lived. He would get answers.
A/N: So, this probably won't be a very long story, considering how fast the pace is going. I honestly didn't expect to get to this point in the second chapter, but it happened. The romance might start soon. I'm sorry that it seems to be taking so long, but I've got to follow the pacing of the story and the emotions of the characters. Botan and Shuichi have to get over one wall before they tackle another.