You walk through prison's courtyard fast and almost unaware of the rain that pours heavily now. And you can't get rid of the sensation of Daryl's lips on yours. Funny thing, you've thought about this moment so many times, worrying that you will scare him, that he will run away, build his walls again and just hide from you..and now you find yourself running away. You remember his face, how shocked and stunned he appeared and you just can't look him straight in the eye now. You have uncovered your feelings for him and Daryl clearly didn't see that coming. You feel a bit better though knowing that he is probably the same mess as you at the moment.
You were not sure if he returns your feelings in any way. You were just always aware of his closeness - he was like your shadow most of the time, he was always protective over you, always making sure you wouldn't be in any danger. Truth is, he was like that towards everyone in the group. But there was something between you two that always made your relation unique. And it was not necessarily because of the fact that you both had sad past, filled with abuse and neglect, not even because of everything that happened with Sophia. You were just both lonely, you missed human contact and you were well aware of the opposite sex around you, close at once so far. And you both knew exactly where this was leading. It was just a matter of time.
You approach the watchtower and get inside. You will have a good look on the surroundings from the top of it. There will also probably be windy as hell but you know there's a spare sleeping bag and a blanket there, just in case. So you pull the blanket over your shoulders, check if your gun is loaded, and prepare for a long night. Your watch starts now.
As your eyes scan the perimeter and the fence line for any signs of Walkers or simply anything unusual, you can't help but wonder what will change now between the two of you. How will your poor attempt to seduce him will affect your relation. Were you really trying to seduce him? Your common sense tells you "no, of course not, I just wanted to know where we stand". But the other part of you, the one that keeps you awake at night to just listen to his breath and watch how his chest moves up and down when he sleeps, the part that makes your eyes last on his hips when he walks, the part of you that makes you lick your lips unconsciously when he talks to you...this part knows that what you really want, what you wanted all along, is to finally be with him in other way than just friends. Daryl is an attractive man and he isn't even aware of this. You wonder how his private life must have looked before the apocalypse. Judging by his brother, it wasn't probably too romantic. Nor it was easy. You sigh. You still don't know much about the man who became so important to you.
Lost in your thoughts and trying to overcome the dampness and cold around you, you almost miss the weak sound of footsteps on the stairs. You turn around fast, you hold the gun firmly, pointing it steadily in front of you, prepared to face whatever is going to walk through the door now. But when the door opens, the is no Woodbury grunt, no lost Walker, not even any wandering friend from the prison. It's just Daryl, standing there completely wet from the rain, panting heavily as if he's been running, but it seems that he's not been running from something or someone, but to someone. He closes the door behind him and takes a small step to your direction, but you don't lower your gun, you just stare at him. As if your brain doesn't have time to process the fact that Daryl is here, that he ran to you just after you kissed him in the yard. He came here running. To you.
"Hey..it's just me. It's me Carol"
His voice is gentle and he takes another step to you, his hand touches your wrist and slowly lowers your gun. Your fingers give up then, and the revolver drops on the concrete. But Daryl's hand doesn't let go. For a moment you both just stand there looking at one another with tension. And then you feel it. The certainty that this is that moment when you both have to stop pretending, stop running away, stop lying to yourselves. That the only person holding you back from what you want is yourself.
And you see it in Daryl's face too. In one swift moment you let go of all the restraints and everything that kept you at bay for so long, and a second later you find yourself lost in his embrace. Your lips meet instinctively and this time there's no hesitation from him, his body is still a bit tensed but slowly he lets his nature to take the lead. So he opens his mouth for you and your tongues meet and start this taunting, never ending dance that forces you to clench your fingers on his arm, to slightly moan against his lips and even though it's cold, and rain is pouring down like crazy now it all doesn't matter, when your skin is burning and your heart is pounding. You can feel his hands going up and down your back, trying to find their way to the smallest part of exposed skin You feel the urge to touch him too, and you need it soon so you push him gently inside the room, your lips and hands never leaving his. A part of you is aware that whatever you are about to do will change your relationship forever. But it's too late to turn back now. You won't think of the cost now, of the fact that you both are on your best way to catch pneumonia or worse, and you won't think what possible consequences of this step can be and the fact that what you wouldn't want for sure is another baby. All this becomes irrelevant when Daryl's mouth leave yours only to move to your neck and suck and bite on it delicately. His right hand is behind your neck now, holding it firmly, while his left palm moved under your jacket somehow and is still trying to find some access to your skin. "we need to take these clothes off" you think, and with this you start unbuttoning his shirt. Your hands are shaking. So he helps you out and soon his jacket, vest and shirt land on the floor where his crossbow and gun already are. And your own jacket soon follows. Just a second before you decide to pull your tank top over your head you lift your head to look at him. Is he sure? Is that what he wants? Or maybe it's just a spark of the moment? Who are you really for him? A dear friend? A mother figure who he never had? A woman who lost everything she possibly could but still is able to enjoy life? A woman with hopes and desires just like everybody else? And who is he to you? Scenes from the past that you shared flash before your eyes. The moment when you first saw him in Atlanta - cold, angry and violent man who didn't care about anything or anyone except for his brother. The way he looked at you when you pickaxed Ed's head. Sophia running for the woods and his unbreakable will to find her. His wounds. His scars. The look he gave you when you kissed his forehead the other night. Cherokee roses. Dale's horrible death. Hershel's farm in flames and both of you riding on his motorcycle into the unknown future. When you got lost in the catacombs, when he found you, carried you to safety. And an enormous feeling of loss when he decided to leave with Merle. Something died inside of you then, and it was the only time since the Walkers took the world, when you thought - now there really is no reason to go on. Without him in your life you just felt hollow. Empty. And you never want to feel it again. So you just tell him simply:
"Daryl..if we do this, everything will change"
You must be sure he understands that.
And he just simply says:
"Then let it change".
He is surely full of surprises. You were expecting him to be reluctant, tensed, awkward and you look into his eyes and you see there everything you need to know. A confirmation. Yes, we are going to do it. Yes it is right because it feels right. So you don't hesitate anymore, you pull your tank top over your head and he goes back to kissing you again, faster, harder, louder. You know that you will have to lie on the floor, bless Rick for bringing the extra sleeping bag here earlier today. You break the kiss, take Daryl's hand and guide him there. He kicks off his boots on the way. This time when your lips and tongues connect again, you feel him pressing his whole body against you, your curves matching perfectly his rough edges. And now you feel like it is very hot in here, too hot to handle and you just need to take the rest of your clothes off. Your skin cries out for his, every part of you wants to feel him as close as possible and somehow you rolled over so you're in his lap now, your fingers in his hair pulling and stroking and you hear him moan into your lips again. His hands caress your skin on your back, and travel to unclasp your bra and take it off. you close your eyes now. You are starting to feel exposed but it doesn't feel wrong. It feels completely right. Everything about this whole moment is right. Perfect in a way. Even this cold concrete walls of the watch tower. Even the rain behind the windows. Even the fact that you're wearing now very worn black underwear, nothing special or fancy. And this man with you here now. He is perfect too. It doesn't matter that his moves are now erratic, his breath is deeper and louder, you're starting to feel a bit dizzy and you both know that it all probably won't last long. This need for connection, for something more than innocent flirting, it brought you here together and is about to reach its climax finally. You reach to his zipper and now your moves become clumsy again, you realize that you are in fact nervous. And he helps you out again, like taking off his pants in front of you was the most natural thing in the world. Your zipper and jeans soon follow. You can feel his tongue on your breasts and you wonder for a second if this is really happening. Daryl's hands find your hips and finally you know how it feels to have him touch you in those places that were only touched by one man before, so long ago that you almost forgot. You get rid of the last remaining clothes that separate you and you open your eyes to look at him. And that's when you know it. It's all written on his face now. He is afraid to take this step with you, but motivated to take it. To finally feel something good in his life. Because he never really felt anything like this before. He never had a real girlfriend. He never was on a real date. He never made love properly. And he is scared to fail you. And you are scared too. But you will go through this together, just like through everything else. Only this time it's not some drastic and terrifying experience, it's something new for both of you and no matter what, it's going to be beautiful and meaningful. His hands rest on your thighs, eyes full of anticipation..So you position yourself on his lap and a few moments later your hips are brought together and your bodies finally connect. He inhales deeply and you close his mouth with a passionate kiss but you got problems breathing yourself. Your heart is beating like crazy, you feel impossibly hot but your body knows what to do and slowly you start to move. You bring his head to your chest, your fingers curled in his hair again, his hands on your shoulder blades steadying you against him. You start to feel the pressure to build inside you and you know you cannot stop it. You both breath heavily and he rolls you so that now he is hovering above and starts to move faster. His moves aren't erratic anymore. You don't want to close your eyes now, you want to see him coming there, for the first time with you. And soon it happens. All the tension that has been between you, all the stress they all lived in, finally is reaching release. And as the world becomes blurry for you as well and you start to scream his name, you are already sure of one thing. Maybe you are both imperfect, you had your ups and downs in life. But you are perfect together. And this moment is a proof of this.
Later that night you both silently lie in that old Rick's sleeping bag. Daryl's lips lightly touch your naked shoulder. You listen to the rain and wonder how life can be so tricky. So unfair sometimes. Maybe you and Daryl found themselves but you had to pay a huge price for this. And who knows what will happen tomorrow. Will they survive? Will they have a night like this again?
"You cold? Daryl's voice sounds rugged and unclear, almost sleepy.
"Huh?"
"You're shakin'"
"I'm not cold. I just don't want the morning to come."
"It will come. And even tho it was by far the best watch I ever had, guess we should sleep. "
"Yea. We should".
You smile but your smile is pale. You don't want to waste those precious minutes with Daryl on sleeping but you know he is right.
You can only hope that whatever awaits you tomorrow, you will meet again in this watchtower on a rainy night like now, this time without a death threat and a constant fear for your lives.
THE END