I am SSSSOOOO sorry it took me so long to update, it really wasn't my fault, my computer crashed and I just got it back :( I don't know when Chapter four will be up, but it will be up eventually, please be patience, i'm also in the middle of midterms. Please review! Much love too all those who have reviewed already! 3
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Kinney, but the 2nd MRI showed a bit more swelling than originally thought," the doctors words were practiced with forced sympathy.
"What does that mean?" Justin asked his voice shaking as Jennifer held her son's hand like a life line.
"It means that the damage is a more than first anticipated and he is going to have to be monitored closely to watch for changes."
"What kind of changes could result?" Justin knew the answer, he knew this meant Brian wasn't just fighting to recover, he was fighting to live.
"If he worsens he may have to go on life support." The doctor's words may as well been the nails in the coffin to Justin. He suddenly found himself unable to breathe or think, or speak. He just sunk to the floor, Jennifer going with him, whispering his name. But Justin couldn't hear her, all he could hear were the words 'Life support' in a mantra over and over in his head. Then Justin got angry, glaring up at the doctor,
"You said he was going to fully recover with no permanent injuries! How does it go from THAT to LIFE SUPPORT IN ONE FUCKING DAY!" Justin was now on his feet, practically being held back by Jennifer, though they all knew that he lacked any real strength to do anything. The doctor exhaled softly.
"I know it is difficult to understand, but brain injuries are the most unpredictable kind. And he still has the chance to be just fine. The swelling could go down and like I said yesterday, he'll recover and have no lasting consequences."
It had been 2 days since they were told that news and Justin was stared at the man lying in the bed; that had been him a decade ago, in a sickening familiar scenario, being hurt because he was gay. Justin felt nauseous as he thought about how worried Brian was for him when the situation was reverse. And Brian never went into the room with Justin, but Brian had told him not long after they got married that he'd spent hours and hours staring at him in the window, feeling guilty for something that he was as much a victim in as Justin was. Justin thought back on his own coma, not much could be brought from memory except snippets, a word or sentence here, a voice or sensation there. It wasn't until he was finally able to open his eyes that he realized that he wasn't going to die. Justin leaned over and kissed Brian's slightly yellowing cheek delicately.
"I love you, do you hear me, don't you dare try and give up on me, I will fight heaven and hell to drag you ass back to me, do you understand?" He would not lose Brian, he would not bury the man he had loved since he was seventeen. He squeezed the hand; that was one of the sensations that he had often felt, a hand in his. That was probably why he hadn't let go of the hand for any reason but to eat. He even slept holding that soft, warm, hand that fit with his like a nut fits a bolt, Justin smirked at the comparison knowing that Brian would have some suggestive remark. He moaned in longing to hear Brian's voice, to feel his embrace, his touch, his subtle but completely on purpose shows of affection. Brian would rest his hand on Justin's when they were in bed, he would nuzzle his nose into Justin's neck when they held each other the couch, or he'd let their arms brush together when they were walking by each other. They were things Justin had come to expect, to the point that he almost took them for granted, they were just things that Brian did, even if he didn't used to do them, he'd done them several years. Justin would have given anything and everything to have him do them again. Justin leaned forward, burying his nose in Brian's neck, kissing it lightly, leaving them there for a few seconds.
Four days had passed and, Justin still down right refused to leave Brian's side. Michael, Emmett, Ted, Debbie and Daphne had been taking turns to bring the younger man food and drink. He had changed his clothes, since the ones from the attack had blood all over them. He sat back, still not releasing the hand and held it to his face for a moment, forcing it to spread and cover his cheek. God, he couldn't live without this man.
"I WANNA SEE MY DADDY!" Gus's distressed voiced came into the room, followed by a cry of "Gus" from who Justin knew was Lindsay. Justin jumped from the chair exiting the room for the first time since being allowed in to turn to the right and see something he thought was very Brian like. Gus was literally being held back by Ben and Emmett, though the ten year old was putting up one hell of a fight. "DADDY!" Gus sobbed, his back turned to Justin. Justin got closer just in time for Gus to pull out of his uncles' grasp and into Justin's. Gus paused for a second, his tear soaked face buried in Justin's shirt, then he recognized his other dad, and his arms wrapped around Justin as tightly as they could, his face still hidden in Justin's chest. "Papa," Gus sobbed and Justin almost flinched, Gus hadn't called him Papa since he was 7, this was a little boy who wanted his dads. Emmett and Ben had tensed when Gus grabbed Justin's sore side, but Justin barely noticed, he was just happy Gus was safe. He kneeled in front of him, looking at his face for the first time. Justin knew he must look horrible, but to his credit, Gus didn't show it, he looked pitifully into Justin's eyes. "Please let me see Dad, I know he's hurt, I'm not scared." Justin couldn't help it, he enveloped the 10 year old into a hug, kissing his head and squeezing him tightly. Gus only squeezed back harder, shaking with sobs.
"I know you're not scared Gus-Gus," Justin used the nickname he used when Gus was younger and had a nightmare or a boo-boo. He pulled away to look at Gus who wiped his cheeks roughly. Justin could still hardly believe, even ten years later, how much Gus was like his father. Justin wiped the child's cheek gently, kissing it softly before hugging him again. They both knew they needed each other and that they were needed, so they just held on for nearly a minute before Justin once again pulled back. "Of course I'm going to let you see him," Lindsay tightened, but Justin continued, "But first Sonny boy, we need to talk. How about we head to the cafeteria, its lunch time." Gus almost scowled and refused but as Justin stood and offered his hand, the boy with the complicated and perfect family couldn't turn down his Pops and took the hand.
Lindsay watch with a slightly sinking stomach as her as her son was lead away. Not because she was worried about him but because she knew she had to go see Brian. Her Peter Pan was in that hospital room, having been recently nearly beaten to death, the boy who never wanted to grow old was fighting to do just that. She took several steps towards the door, going as slow as she could to put of the pain.
Justin paid for Gus's peanut butter and jelly sandwich and led to a table for two. Gus cut to the chase as Justin shifted anxiously,
"Is Daddy going to die? Mom wouldn't tell me," Justin stared as the boy blinked hard to keep the tears at bay. Just like his father, this boy demanded to know the non sugar coated truth. But Justin wasn't ready to face that just yet, so he cleared his throat and asked instead,
"What exactly did they tell you?" Gus knew Justin was redirecting having to answer, but he exhaled softly,
"Just that you and he were attacked in the park and that now Dad's in a coma." Gus's voice broke at the word dad. Justin pushed his chair back and opened his arms and much like when he was smaller, Gus climbed into his lap, clutching his neck tightly. He hid his face in Justin's neck, but Justin could feel the hot tears drenching it. "I don't want him to die, Pops," Gus sobbed and that broke Justin, as his own tears began dropping on the back of Gus's shirt.
"Me neither, Gus," Justin replied, offering no false comfort for the child who had always gotten the truth, whether or not it was hard to hear.
"What happened? Please tell me," Gus pleaded when he pulled back. Justin shut his eyes for a moment, he didn't want to relive the violence anymore than he wanted to remind Gus how cruel the world could be to his parents. Abridged version, he decided, opening his eyes to meet the tear blurred hazel ones.
"We were walking in the park, talking about the baby," Gus smiled at the thought of his new sister. "And five men approached us…"
Justin told the gist of what happened, leaving out several details including some of the words exchanged as well as Micah threatening Daphne. When he was done Gus was pale, tears pouring down his cheeks, Justin knew he looked similar.
"Dad always has to be a smart ass," Gus stated, Justin smirked softly,
"Yeah, he does." Gus sighed, nestling himself deeper into Justin's arms.
"Hate is scary," the ten year old murmured. Justin blinked back tears at Gus knowing that people hated them for being together. "Well I don't care, you are my Pops and Mama is my Mama and Mom and Dad are my Mom and Dad and I love you all and you all love me and that is what makes up a family, not some bull-shit idea of suburbia." Justin stared at the child who paused before grinning at him,
"Hunter told me that last part," Justin threw his head back and laughed, the 3 day absence of the sensation caused it to feel alien in his chest, but it was right. Like maybe hate hadn't won yet. Gus giggled before reburying his face in Justin's shoulder. Justin hugged him tightly and kissed his hair.
"You wanna see him now?" Justin asked, Gus nodded, untangling himself from Justin. "He doesn't look very much like himself, okay? His face is cut up, and bruised, and swollen and it might look kind of frightening." Gus nodded and stood up, wishing that he was still being held by his Pops, and Justin wished the same thing. The two left the cafeteria, the unopened sandwich still on the table.
Once they were back upstairs, Gus held onto Justin like a crutch, his arms wrapped rightly around his waist. Justin stroked his hair, soothingly, leading him slowly into the hospital room.
"It's ok," he whispered, though he gave no cue to the boy that he wanted to be released, so the father and son walked into the hospital room where the son's other father lay silently. "Hey, baby, didn't think you were getting rid of me did you?" Justin joked, half for Gus and half for his own sanity. "I brought Gus, I know you would fuss at me for letting him see you like this, but he's as stubborn as his daddy." Gus smiled softly at being compared to the man he adored so much. He walked over to the chair that Justin had been occupying and sat on the edge, leaning towards the bed.
Justin put his hand on Gus's shoulder. Gus stood and hugged Justin once again before looking up slowly, "Do you think he can hear me?" Justin thought back to what he could and couldn't hear in his own coma, it was very different than Brian's coma, but Gus didn't need to know that.
"Never hurts to just talk, even if he can't hear you. And if he can, he'll have lots of things to answer when he wakes up."
"Could you hear people talk when you got hurt?" Gus had been told fairly recently about Justin's bashing and he hadn't had that many questions but they both knew this changed things. Justin sat down in the chair, pulling Gus into his lap. Gus's legs hanging off the side of the chair. Justin inhaled and prepared himself to answer any questions that their son needed to ask.
"Sometimes I could, sometimes not," Justin replied holding Gus close to him and Gus not putting up any type of fight.
"Was it scary?" Shit, Justin thought, he really didn't want to have to answer this one honestly. "Don't bull-shit me," Gus said pressing his lips together in a way that made him look so much like Brian that Justin almost started to cry all over again. Instead he swallowed hard and inhaled,
"Yes, not being in the coma particularly, but not knowing whether I would wake up. I was afraid I was going to die."
"Do you think-?" Gus broke the sentence off, his voice cracking as his looked at his dad.
"I don't know, Gus, I wish I did, but I really don't know. I think maybe I'm scared enough for all of us." He admitted his fears for the first time aloud, he knew everyone knew, that he'd be ridiculous not to be petrified, but Justin didn't often admit that kind of thing aloud. Gus snuggled into Justin's embrace, wrapping his arms around his neck,
"Was it dark?" Gus asked after a minute of quiet.
"No, well yes, but just like when you close your eyes and you're asleep," Gus nodded apparently satisfied by Justin's reply. They sat in silence for nearly 10 minutes before Gus's lips parted and he began to talk,
"Daddy, I wish you would see me, I've grown an inch since summer, I'm the 2nd tallest person in my class. Lily is ok, she's not in my class this year though. We have 3 classes, which is kinda weird. Oh and Mrs. Tryvalsy, gave us a 3 page paper to write, I just wanted to say 'I'm ten! Not applying for colleges," Gus spoke to his dad as though he was talking to him on the phone like they did at least once a week. Justin shook his head at the sheer Kinneyness of Gus. "And then I realized I am Brian Kinney's son and that means that I am going to write 4 pages and it's going to be the best in the class!" Gus poked his chest out proudly. "I'll let you read it, but…" he paused and Justin could hear his voice tighten, "You have to wake up, Dad, you have to be ok." Justin hugged him tighter, rubbing comforting circles on his back. "Please, Daddy, don't leave us." Justin wasn't sure how he didn't burst into tears then and there but he held them back as Gus continued to tell Brian about his week. Maybe, one day, they would be talking over the phone once again, and all of this would just be remembered as a bad time, maybe.
Ok um... what do you think? Please review