S.R. 1407
It was an October afternoon. Hobbiton had become dim and foggy in the wake of a coming storm. Fierce, wet winds were blowing, causing the grass and the remaining leafy trees to rustle wildly in unison, reminding all that rain and thunder would come soon.
Diamond, wrapped up in various colorful quilts, sat at a window in Bag End and watched the leaves swirl in the wind. In the kitchen Master Frodo was serving tea and seedcake to his other guests, Merry, Pippin, and Pimpernel. Their pleasant laughter resonated into the living room where Diamond was: but she was preoccupied by the muffled sounds of the world outside, which she found too discomforting to ignore.
It looked wretchedly chaotic, and Diamond hated chaos. She had grown to prefer the safety of still sunlight; the neatness of routine; and the peace of familiarity. These were her virtues. She often felt like an egg in a robin's nest, suspended carefully from some great height that could kill her if anything were to move even slightly. Or at least, that was what she feared.
Frodo entered and laid a gentle hand on Diamond's shoulder.
"Diamond-lass, you'll only worry yourself sick if you watch like that," He said with concern. "Come have some tea."
"But..." she protested quietly, still looking fearfully at the window.
"We're going to be alright, don't you worry," Frodo comforted. He was the nicest grown-up hobbit Diamond knew, besides her parents. She let her blankets fall back and reluctantly hopped off the chair. Frodo smiled and led her into the kitchen. She glanced back at the window a few times on the way.
"There you are!" Pimpernel chimed sweetly, looking up from the slice of seedcake she had just stuck her fork into. "We missed you!"
"Hello!" Merry waved over-enthusiastically.
"Ahg bghhg fghigh beghgr nghfg?" inquired Pippin through a mouthful of cake.
Diamond smiled weakly and sat down beside Pimpernel, who promptly set a plate in front of her and poured her a cup of peppermint tea. Diamond inhaled its soothing steam with reverence. It made her feel slightly less anxious.
It wasn't long until she felt like herself again. Merry and Pippin knew just how to make her laugh, and Pimpernel did not hold back any hugs and calming words. Even her fluffy white cat, Merle, sauntered over to nuzzle her toes.
An hour later, it had begun to rain. Frodo was sitting on the couch reading a book and smoking a pipe. Merry and Pippin had wandered off into the deep halls of Bag End, looking for something to do or a board game to play. Pimpernel sat on the floor, braiding Diamond's hair. Merle purred in Diamond's lap.
Diamond was thoroughly enjoying the feeling of her hair being tugged and woven, and the way the air cooled her neck as the loose strands became fewer. It made her feel unusually prim and ladylike: a novel phenomenon. At twelve years old, she was tired of feeling like a little girl: she wanted to be mature and alluring, like Pimpernell: she wished she wasn't always the baby of her friends (even Pippin was five years her elder.) But she had no idea how to do that, and dreaded the thought that she might stay childish and awkward forever. So she savored her little moments of femininity.
"All done!" Pimpernel said, tying the braid's end with a thin white ribbon. "Well, almost." She then added the final touch: a pink satin headband, which highlighted the pretty wisps of stray curls around Diamond's face. Pimpernel handed Diamond a small gilded mirror, and they admired the newly arranged coiffure together.
"It's very pretty!" Frodo complemented, looking up from his book for a moment.
Just then there was a crash somewhere deep in the hall and Pippin shrieked shrilly, turning everyone's gaze to the archway. Silence, then giggles and shouts of "Hooray!". Merle sprung away from Diamond's lap and trotted out of the room to investigate, her tail held high.
"Just what are my idiot brother and cousin up to now?" Pimpernel wondered aloud, shaking her head.
Seconds later Merle came running back into the room with wide eyes and furled ears. Merry and Pippin, the source of her terror, came barreling loudly after. Pippin was carrying an old cookie tin labeled "Cards".
"Pippin! Look!" Merry exclaimed as soon as they entered, looking at Diamond. Pippin did look, then laughed with glee and set the tin on a side-table. Diamond nervously hid her face behind the little mirror right as they tackled her with a tight bear hug.
"She's so cuuute!" Merry cheered.
"The cutest of the North-Tooks!" Pippin declared.
"The sweetest of the Shire!" Merry countered.
"The loveliest in Middle-Earth!" shouted Pippin triumphantly.
Diamond was now quite red, and the mirror shook in her trembling hands.
"You're embarrassing the poor girl!" Pimpernel scolded and whacked Pippin sharply on the back. He yelped and the two ceased their loving outburst.
"Sorry," Pippin said, shooting a mock-hurt look at his sister. "We were simply overcome with her cuteness. It's really you're fault for braiding her hair so neatly..."
"Oh hush! Now what's in this box that you're so excited about?" Pimpernel asked. Merry grabbed the box and set it on the floor in the center of their circle.
"It's quite spectacular," Merry insisted. "Pippin had to climb across a heap of old furniture to get it! Knocked some things over too, he did..."
A look of horror crossed Frodo's face. He dropped his book and shuffled anxiously out into the hall. Merle took his seat and laid down for a nap.
"You two are the most ill-mannered hobbits I've ever known. This better be worth it, for all the stress you've caused cousin Frodo," Chided Pimpernel.
"It is worth it!" Pippin retorted and folded his arms stubbornly. "Do you know that in all of Bag End, this is the only thing we've found that looks at all entertaining?"
"There's a whole room full of books."
"Books are not entertaining!" Merry rolled his eyes. "Anyway, we're almost certain this box shall end the night's boredom."
Pimpernel looked skeptical, but said nothing. Diamond leaned over curiously to get a better look at the tin. "It's dreadfully dusty," she remarked, smudging her finger over the lid before resuming her posture.
"You can't judge a box by its dustiness," Pippin said and picked the container up. He managed to pry the cover off.
"What's in it?!" Diamond blurted excitedly.
"Just what the label says," Pippin pulled out two full decks of yellowed playing cards, each one tied securely with twine. He smiled cheekily. "Now shall we play blackjack, or poker?"
Pimpernel asserted that they would not be playing any gambling games, and in reply Pippin commented that she was far too uptight for her own good. The argument carried on in that fashion until Pimpernel got hold of the cards and threatened to toss them into the fireplace unless her brother agreed to play a more gentlemanlike game-"for the sake of the ladies present." So Pippin, disappointed, agreed to play canasta.
It was a slow game to begin, but after half an hour or so they had really gotten into it.
"How many points do we need for this meld again?" Diamond asked, fumbling with the cards in her hands. Unlike the others, she hadn't played the game before, and didn't know the rules very well.
"We have about two-thousand points right now, so you'll have to meld ninety," reminded Merry, who was her teammate. They were in the lead, having played a surprisingly lucky first round.
Diamond chewed her lip. The rain was becoming more intense now, so that it could be heard battering against the side of Bag End. Her focus had steadily begun to wane: the anxiety of a few hours ago was returning.
"Diamond, is everything alright?" Pimpernel asked gently. The cards were now shaking in Diamond's hands.
"It's fine... I'm fine," Diamond said, almost whispering. She forced a smile.
It did not stay on her face for long. Presently the window lit up and a deafening crack of thunder boomed outside. Instantly Diamond felt herself beginning to cry and let out a pathetic whimper, hiding her watery eyes behind the cards. Her whole body trembled. She felt terribly helpless, and a little embarrassed. There was something deep in her mind that encouraged, "composure!", but it was lost amidst the doubtful cacophony of her startled nerves. The tears had begun to flow, and there was no stopping them.
Pimpernel hugged her comfortingly while Merry and Pippin looked on with no idea what to do. More thunder sounded, and Diamond sobbed wretchedly against Pimpernel's shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Frodo had finally emerged from the hall looking very worried.
"The thunder frightened her," Pimpernel explained in a motherly voice.
Frodo looked upset. He knelt, lifted the weeping Diamond carefully to the couch, and went to fetch her some tea. Pimpernel covered her with a quilt and sat by her side to offer further consolation. Merry and Pippin, still clueless, went into the kitchen to help Frodo.
The next half-hour passed slowly as Diamond struggled to calm down. She would begin to breath more steadily, and her groans would subside until the only sound to be heard was the rain and her sniffling-she once even managed to achieve a gloomy but real silence for ten good minutes; but then the next roll of thunder would come crashing, and she would hide her face behind the covers or cling weakly to Pimpernel in another tearful fit. On and on it went.
Frodo had nothing to do but read, and Merry and Pippin tried to play cards: but they said nothing, and wished that the storm would stop short, or that Diamond would miraculously fall asleep. Neither wish came true. Instead, Pimpernel finally insisted that they retire to their room.
"Surely you will feel safer in your bed; and I shall stand by to keep you company," she whispered patiently as Diamond was sniffling against her arm.
Diamond said nothing, but let Pimpernel put an arm around her shoulders and lead her away.
"Goodnight," Pimpernel said to the others when they had reached the hall.
The thunder seemed more muffled in their snug guest room, and though she sobbed silently long after Pimpernel had dozed off, eventually Diamond slept.
At breakfast, bright morning sunbeams streamed into the kitchen, giving no hint as to the previous night's weather. For the most part, calm had settled on the new-risen hobbits in Bag End, who chattered over glittering syrupy pancakes and crunchy bacon. Only Diamond seemed the least bit unsteady. She cut her pancakes tentatively, and did not even smile at Merry and Pippin's antics.
It was not that she was afraid anymore: the thunder had gone, and the steady, warm sun should have given her strength. Instead, she felt an overwhelming sense of embarrassment. She had cried, cried over nothing. It had been more than nothing to her: to her, the whole world seemed to have been under attack. Her head swam with the chaos of each brutal peal.
Yet the others were not affected! Why? What made them so aloof, Diamond wondered? What was it that separated her from her friends? They always had confidence, like solid, unmoving rocks in a river. She observed them at the table: even their fluttering laughs seemed rooted in the deep hum of security. In fact, she noticed this in every hobbit. It seemed to Diamond that they were all born with a profound tranquility: she alone had been denied it, and it was something she could never earn. She was simply too different, too fragile, too... Diamond. She might have looked like any other hobbit, but inside, there was something black and nasty that slowly tore her apart, and no hobbit could ever understand it. The monster in her heart could never be expelled. It was simply out of her control.
There was a lull in the conversation: everyone was now focused on taking another bite. Merry smiled and savored his mouthful. Pimpernel giggled quietly with happiness. Diamond stared motionless at her food, her despair increasing in contrast with their joy.
She sobbed audibly.
Now all eyes were on Diamond, and she tore her gaze from the plate, wishing she hadn't made any noise. But it was no use: she could not stop it: the tears began to collect in her eyes as everyone else searched for something to say. On a whim she glanced at Pippin, but she could not read his face.
"Diamond, is everything-" Pimpernel began.
"When are you going to stop acting like a baby?" blurted Pippin.
Diamond's eyes widened with surprise. Her mouth opened, but faltered: she had no answer to give.
"I..." Pippin looked away regretfully and tried to communicate an apology, but it was too late. Diamond rose and exited hastily, leaving the company in stunned silence.
"You have got to apologize to her, Pip..." said Merry when they heard the front door shut loudly behind her. Pippin sighed, knowing his cousin was right.
Diamond sat on a white wooden chair in the front garden, hugging her knees and staring at the ground.
The dirt was still wet from the storm, and glistened in the sunshine. Most of the flowers had ceased to bloom a month ago, but some morning glories were still holding fast to a trellis: drops of rain and dew made little prisms atop their ocean blue petals.
"Are the flowers crying too?" Diamond thought sarcastically before shutting her eyes.
Pippin had been right, she admitted to herself. She had been acting like a spoiled baby for the whole visit. She had blushed and worried about every stupid little thing, cried far too much over something that really didn't matter: and then she had ruined breakfast for everyone. She had been nothing but a bother to the others, a noisy, whiny child. A baby.
But she had no idea how to fix that. It seemed like she could not stop: the doubts would take over and thinking seemed impossible. How could anyone else understand that feeling? They were never afraid. She felt it was simply in her nature to always be a baby, and her heart sank to think that she would never grow up. She did not want to be a baby, but a lady.
Just then the front door opened and closed slowly, and Diamond heard light muddy footsteps approach. They stopped close to her. She opened her eyes to see Pippin standing there, looking nervously away with his arms crossed behind his back.
"Diamond, I'm very sorry," he said quietly. Silence for a moment; he tipped a chair to drain its puddles, then sat. "I shouldn't have said that. It was rude of me."
"No, you were right. I am a baby. I didn't realize it until now, but I am," Diamond paused and swallowed back a sob. "All I do is cry... I'm just a big bother to you all. I'm sorry. It's simply because I'm me. I just get so anxious and I overreact and the tears just pour out. I hate myself-" her voice cracked and she buried her face in her knees, not daring to breath.
She couldn't cry now, not right now. She felt Pippin's eyes on her. She felt so pathetic. She couldn't cry now. She wished he would say something.
Finally he did.
"We all feel that way, sometimes," Pippin pronounced the words slowly and carefully.
"What?" Diamond breathed and looked up at him. "But..."
"I mean, we all feel afraid and confused. We all hate ourselves, sometimes. It's not just you."
"You never look that way..."
"Well, yes. Part of growing up is learning to control your emotions, even when you're terrified," Pippin explained. He smiled. "To tell you the truth, I don't like thunder much either."
"But how? It feels impossible..." Diamond glanced away.
"It's does feel impossible, and you will have to practice a lot. But you'll get there."
"But what if I mess up? What if I lose my temper, and you all leave me?" Her voice was low and fragile.
"Ah," Pippin tapped the side of his nose twice. "The thing is, we won't leave you. We care about you, so you don't have to be scared. We will not give up on you, Diamond. I won't give up on you, because that's what it means to be a friend."
Diamond looked back at Pippin's face: his eyes were bright with kindness. He really hadn't given up on her. She felt her tears melt away, and her heart filled with hope. She smiled and felt her cheeks warm with happiness.
"Really?" Her voice fluttered.
"Of course! And you won't give up on me, either?"
"Never," Diamond shook her head.
"Good! Now I think it's about time for second breakfast!"
Diamond laughed. The pair stood up, linked arms, and made their way back inside, singing cheerfully as mockingbirds.
A/N: Aha! I bet you thought Diamond was going to be a Mary Sue, didn't you?
I hope you liked this chapter, it was a lot angst-ier than the first. As much as I love fluff, I don't think any good story can be free of angst.
Thanks for the reviews, they made me so happy!