This story is going to be the death of me I swear! Only a few more chapters to go, I never intended for it to last this long, I hope you don't mind. I don't own anything Please review! Lots of love to all of you who have stuck with me 3 enjoy
There was such a beautiful sound coming from that hospital room that Daphne almost decided not to go in there, the sound of Justin's true genuine laugh was something she would never get tired of. She thought they were going to lose Brian, and in turn, Justin. No one understood quite like Daphne did, just how much of an effect Brian's death would have had on Justin. Most people thought if Brian died, Justin would be crushed, he'd stop painting, he'd stop going out, he'd stop living; but Daphne knew better. She had seen the way her best friend had practically stopped eating, as though he was making sure that if Brian died, he would soon follow. No, if Brian died, Justin would too.
Daphne glanced up at the ceiling,
"Thank you for not taking her dads," she breathed to god for sparing her daughter the loss of them before she was even born. And for sparing her the loss of her best friend, and a man she'd grown to love like a brother. Justin's laugh once again came out of the hospital room and Daphne smiled, something she really hoped the baby had, was Justin's laugh, and his smile, of course. She took a step into the doorway, watching the scene unfold in front of her.
"You are such a perv," Justin chuckled but Daphne could hear the happiness, the relief, and the love in his voice, and see it just as vividly on his face.
"What can I say, I haven't had any in over a month, that's a record for me." Justin chuckled again at Brian's words, shaking his head. "You love me for it, you little twink," Brian used the term so endearingly that Daphne's breath caught.
"More than anything," Justin replied, placing a soft kiss on Brian's lips. Brian smiled and suddenly, if she closed her eyes, they were all back at Britin, at a dinner for their group, which Daphne had been graciously been allowed to become a part of. They were safe, they were happy, and they were loved.
"Hey, gorgeous," Brian's voice brought her out of the dream and back to the reality, which given what it had been like the past month and a half, wasn't that bad. Daphne smiled widely at the couple whose hands were still linked, though now it was even tighter, since Brian could return the hold.
"Hey Bri," she greeted, hugging him, she was about to let go when she remembered how close she had been to losing him and she held on tighter. She heard Brian grunt in surprise, but he didn't push her away, instead holding on as well, kissing her hair, softly. When she pulled away she wiped the tears that she hadn't realized had fallen and smacked him hard in the arm,
"What the hell was that for?" Brian asked, rubbing his arm.
"You scared the shit out of me you ass!" Daphne scolded, Brian looked at an amused Justin,
"That is the 4th woman to say that to me today." Justin grinned and nodded,
"You just wait until I give you a piece of my mind, Mr. Kinney, those women have nothing on me." Brian looked at Justin as though he was made of gold, only better, like he was something so rare and so beautiful that if you looked away it would vanish.
"Damn right they don't, Sunshine." Brian murmured and for a moment Daphne thought Brian hadn't meant to say it aloud, but Justin smiled his sunshine smile for the first time since the park and Daphne was glad Brian did say it. Brian slowly turned away from Justin and his eyes fell on her swollen belly. "You've gotten fat," he stated. Daphne scoffed,
"That tends to happen when a baby is in you." Justin smiled, it seemed that he couldn't stop smiling, and that was ok with both Brian and Daphne. "She loves Justin already, she turns into a fucking soccer player whenever she hears his voice." She revealed, smiling softly at Justin, who beamed back. There was a moment of silence until Daphne realized that Brian was still staring at her stomach. "Here," she whispered, taking the hand that wasn't latched onto Justin's and put it on her stomach. As if cued, the baby kicked, hard.
"Wow," Brian whispered, smiling softly, and Daphne saw Brian's hand tighten around Justin's happily. "That is our daughter," Brian continued and Daphne suddenly felt like kissing him. When he had said "Our daughter," he hadn't been excluding Daphne. And even though she knew they meant for her to be an active part of the baby's life, it meant something more when Brian called her theirs, all three of them would be this child's parents. He grinned again and then sat further back on the bed,
"Ok, Daph, take my husband out and get him fattened up," he commanded. Suddenly Justin's face fell and Daphne could see the fear in his eyes, so did Brian. "Hey," he said, cupping Justin's cheek with his hand, "I'm going to be right here, when you get back, I promise." But Justin shook his head, "Justin, you have to get out of this room, out of this hospital, have you left since we got here?" he asked and once again Justin shook his head, meeting Brian's eyes and suddenly they got it.
"No, I haven't and what if…" Justin started, he sounded so much like a scared kid that Daphne wanted to kill those men. Brian looked up at her, but she was already on her way out the door.
When she had exited, Brian looked back at Justin.
"Baby, nothing is going to happen to you, or to me," Brian said softly, kissing Justin's hand.
"You don't know that," Justin whispered. "I could get hit by a car or mugged or…"
"Bashed?" Brian finished and Justin nodded slightly, suddenly feeling ridiculous, like a 17 year old kid that had been hit in the head with a baseball bat. Brian looked at his lover, the man who had gone through so much more than most people could even imagine. "Jus, if you go out in the world looking for something to be afraid of, guess what?" Justin met Brian's eyes who were soft and full of love and concern and Justin wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with him and curl up in his arms and stay there, safely for the rest of his life.
"What?" Justin whispered.
"You are going to find it," Brian replied, pulling Justin's face to him and kissing him lightly. "You can't live this life like something bad is going to happen to you. And as we both know it can, and it will, but you can't stop living in fear of the bad, or you're going to miss the good." Justin studied his husband, all of Brian's bruises, and cuts and broken bones had all healed while he was in the coma, he was a bit thinner, and his hair, like Justin's was longer.
"Thank you Buddha," Justin replied, "I am ready to face the world now." Brian didn't miss the bite in his sarcastic tongue as he refused to meet his eyes. Brian wasn't stupid, he knew that Justin had been through just as much trauma as Brian had, no, Justin had been through more. Justin had been waiting for nearly two months, while his husband was in a coma. A coma that no one was positive he'd come out of, Justin had suffered even more than Brian and they all knew this road wasn't going to be easy.
"Don't be a smart ass," Brian murmured, "Please, babe, I can't stand to see you like this. I'm not going anywhere, and-" Brian had no other words of comfort, "Please." Justin looked up at him once again, tears trailing down his cheeks. Justin kissed him once again and pulled back, Brian almost winced at the lack of contact which he had come to rely on.
"All right," Justin almost didn't say it aloud and if Brian hadn't been so tuned into Justin, he wouldn't have heard it at all. "I'll go," he agreed, sighing softly, wiping his eyes.
"Justin, do you know why I call you 'Sunshine'?" Brian asked, rubbing the pad of his thumb against Justin's knuckles.
"Because everyone else does?" Justin replied hesitantly, looking curiously at his husband.
"No," Brian paused, "I never expected you to make me happy." Justin stared at Brian, unsure whether to smile or cry, not sure whether Brian's statement had been a compliment or an insult. "I never expected to be happy at all, but least of all with another person. That life wasn't meant for me, you know what I mean? I was the wild stallion no one could tame," Justin snorted in laughter at Brian's comparison. "So I'm no Shakespeare," Brian defended before, gently touching Justin's cheek with his fingertips. "But you were meant for me the moment you walked under that light on Liberty Avenue." Justin smiled, looking down shyly, wondering if Brian knew how terrified he'd been then, then as he thought about it, of course he did. "You wouldn't take 'No' for an answer and that is why I call you 'Sunshine'," Justin looked back at Brian, his forehead furrowed in confusion. "You are made of fire, the night after I sent you away, you waltzed back into Babylon, and took those two twinks from me and I knew then, you were different. Better, than all those other idiots, who couldn't count to twelve." Justin laughed happily, beaming. "You were my equal, even then. You are the bravest person I know, you take life by the balls and wield it. And me, you have me pretty whipped too," Justin grinned and Brian grinned back.
"So I tamed the stallion, hopefully I didn't castrate him, because I'm very much looking forward to going on many, many rides," Justin teased and Brian laughed, God he'd missed this, missed playing like this with Justin, missed talking to Justin as though they had forever, as though they were the only people in the world.
"And the stallion is very much looking forward to the long, hard rides, getting both of us lathered and panting." Brian replied, Justin hummed softly and leaned forward, kissing him deeply,
"Don't get me too hot and bothered, we can't go riding for a while yet." Brian deflated in disappointment but smiled as Justin pulled back once again. "All right, I'm off to get fat," he stated, still not releasing Brian's hand. "You sure you're going to be ok by yourself?" Justin asked nervously, Brian nodded, though to be honest he wasn't so sure himself. Justin hadn't left his side since he woke up the day before, and he rarely left it before that and never for a time extending past 15 minutes. This would be the first time in more than a month they would be separated. "I'll have my cell on me, call me, if you need anything, or if you just want me to come back or if…" Justin blathered until Brian interrupted,
"Jus, take a deep breath and go, Daphne's waiting for you." Neither of them noticed that despite the words for Justin to go, Brian hadn't let go of Justin's hand.
"Ok," Justin whispered and pulled their hand apart and stepped towards the door. But just before his hand was on the knob he ran back and kissed his partner firmly once again. "I love you," he said softly, looking into Brian's eyes which were full of love and worry.
"You aren't going off to war, Justin, you'll be gone an hour." Brian said, reassuring himself more than he was Justin.
"Right," Justin nodded and walked back to the door. This time his hand was actually on the knob when Brian stopped him,
"Sunshine," Justin turned. "I love you too," Justin smiled and nodded, opening the door and stepping out into the hallway where Daphne was waiting for him. They met eyes and Daphne could see Justin shaking, she quickly took his hands in hers.
"Justin, breathe, you're going to be ok, I know this is hard, but it's just lunch," she said soothingly.
"Right, just a pizza and then I can come back and we can talk about how ridiculous I'm acting." Justin agreed, though Daphne knew this process was going to be extremely difficult for both of the men, but especially Justin. He had watched it happen, and she could see the clear difference between when he was bashed himself and now. Justin was scared something was going to happen to Brian while he was gone and he would once again be powerless to stop it.
"We can take as much time as you need, just tell me when you're ready." Daphne said calmly and Justin looked at her gratefully. Daphne was one of the best people he knew, she always knew what to do or say to make Justin feel better.
They stood for another minute as Justin gathered his courage and he finally nodded, motioning for Daphne to lead the way. As he stepped out of the elevator his breath hitched and he stopped. Daphne quickly grabbed his hand,
"You're ok, just a few more steps, it's all right." Justin swallowed hard and continued, gripping Daphne's hand almost painfully. It wasn't until they got to the Italian restaurant that Justin let go of her hand. He sat down, looking around frantically, he had gotten a seat in the corner where his back wasn't exposed but he fidgeted and looked cautiously at every movement. Daphne's heart ached for her friend, who reminded her very much of a caged animal.
"Hey, Daphne," a voice greeted as it approached. Justin looked up to see a woman with long black hair that was pulled back into a ponytail and soft brown eyes that smiled.
"Hey Rosie, this is Justin," Daphne motioned to Justin who smiled weakly at Rosie.
"Oh hon, it is so good to finally meet you, Daphne talks about you all the time. I was so happy when I heard Brian woke up yesterday." Those words made Justin smile, even if it was knowledge he already knew, he would never get tired of those words.
"Yeah, he's doing really well too."
"The sex banter has already begun," Daphne teased, grinning as she saw Justin had noticeably calmed.
"Yeah, we need to be careful, I can't get him too worked up, he's still healing." Rosie smiled warmly,
"Well you look like you could use a little TLC yourself sweetie. How about we get you a large Stromboli, and you aren't leaving until you've at least eaten half." Daphne chuckled as Justin nodded surprised but unwilling to argue with this woman. "Good, you can take the other half back to Brian, if the doctors will let him eat it." Rosie grinned, pleased with herself. "You want your usual Daph?" Daphne nodded and Rosie turned back to the kitchen.
"I came here every day I was at the hospital to grab food." Daphne explained the familiarity between herself and Rosie. Justin nodded and almost felt normal and that was a very good feeling.
"If I eat another bite I am going to puke." Justin stated even though only 1/3 of his Stromboli was gone. Rosie sighed,
"I guess you've gone so long without eating and your body has to catch up. But I am going to have you eating that entire thing before the month is up." Justin smirked,
"If you say so." Justin pulled out his wallet but Rosie shook her head,
"Don't be silly, it's on me." Justin looked guiltily at her but she just smiled and continued, "Just promise me you'll come back tomorrow and then when Brian gets out you'll come here and grab a bite."
"I promise," Justin agreed smiling widely. Rosie nodded,
"Good boy." Even though she couldn't have been much older than Justin she reminded him a lot of Debbie, and Justin instantly loved her.
"Ok, this may be a stupid question, but how do you feel about taking a walk around the block, getting some fresh air before we go back to the hospital. I have to walk for the baby anyway, if you come I don't have to do it alone."
Justin paused, looking out the door, the world suddenly seemed more like this evil, cruel thing than it did something to be welded, as Brian had said. He knew he wasn't ready, but he hated letting Daphne down, but what if he freaked out and caused a scene? Daphne smiled softly and took his hand, "So what do you say," Justin paused glancing up at the clock, he'd been gone 45 minutes.
"I'm sorry Daph, maybe tomorrow, I don't think I have it in me today." He admitted and stood, stretching his arms and legs in the process. "God I have really let myself go," he stated the obvious.
"Yeah, you have, but no one can blame you." Daphne replied as they headed out of the restaurant with a final goodbye to Rosie. Daphne smiled and took his hand as he tensed exiting the restaurant. "It's all right, just half of a block." Justin nodded, so grateful to have the people in his life that he did. As soon as he was back in the hospital he was ashamed at the sigh of relief that passed his lips. Most people hated hospitals, but it had become his safe haven, the place where they wouldn't be hurt. They took the elevator upstairs and then walked back to Brian's room. Justin stopped just before they opened the door and turned to Daphne,
"I'm sorry, I wish I could do it, but I can't." Daphne hugged him tightly, kissing his hair,
"I didn't actually expect you to, honey, it's been a horrible month, you will get back to normal, it's just going to take time, and until that time, I'm not going anywhere, and neither is the rest of them. You have been stronger than I think any of the rest of us would have been in the same situation." Justin scoffed,
"Oh yeah, crying every time someone looks at me and practically starving myself, I was really strong." Daphne, shook her head, not believing how blind Justin was to his own amazingness.
"You stayed, Jus, you never left his side, and I think the rest of us would have run, at least for a little while." Justin paused, she was right, as much as he loved their friends, they didn't handle tragedy well, hence the reason most of them had been fairly scarce at first, after that first day he didn't see anyone but Debbie and Emmett for 5 days, but then at least one of them showed up everyday.
Justin inhaled deeply and nodded, hugging Daphne again,
"Thanks, Daphne, I needed this." Daphne nodded as she pulled away and motioned to the door,
"Want me to come in with you?" Justin shrugged,
"Only if you have time," Daphne nodded, knowing that was Justin's way of saying he was terrified something had happened while they were gone and he didn't want to find out what, alone. They entered quietly and for a moment Daphne expected Justin to panic, Brian was lying on his back, his eyes closed, just like he had in the coma. But instead Justin grinned and Daphne looked at him slightly confused,
"He's just sleeping, he looks different when he's asleep that he did before." Daphne had no idea what Justin meant, she could see no difference, but then…Justin and Brian were kind of known for knowing that kind of thing about each other.
"Ok, well I'm going to go walk, I'll see you later?" Daphne kissed his cheek as she back out silently.
"Be careful," Justin whispered, concerned, but Daphne nodded, smiling softly.
Once he was again alone with Brian he exhaled, it was so different being there alone with him, when he knew Brian was going to wake up again. It felt warm and comfortable, and safe. Then the exhaustion hit him and he looked at the bed, out of habit, Brian had shifted a bit and there was an empty space and Justin intended on filling it. He lay down carefully, not to mess up the wires, or to wake up Brian and he laid on his side, facing Brian. Instinct kicked in and Brian turned to him as well and put his arm over his partner's body. Justin sighed contently, recovery was going to be hard, but as long as they had this, had each other, they would make it through. Brian's body was tepid and the weight of his arm over Justin, felt like some kind of armor, and Justin felt more at home than he had in over a month. It wasn't long before sleep took Justin in its hold and both men were still asleep when Christy looked in to check on Brian 2 hours later. She still didn't have the heart to tell them they weren't supposed to do that, and she back out wordlessly, a small smile on her face.
Yeah, so that's it for now. The next chapter is them leaving the hospital and it WILL be rated M so if you want to continue reading this and haven't added it to your story alert yet…you should do that. And please review. I hope you liked it :D