I swore I wasn't coming near FF until the weekend and I have an exam in just 7 hours. Yet here I am...Posting this as 2am. I must be crazy, haha.

It's been a while since I last updated and that was because this chapter was the hardest I've written so far for this story and also because I was busy finishing off my other story :) So, sit back, read and enjoy...and don't forget to review afterwards :)

Where We Are

Chapter Ten

'You two alright in here?' Susan asked, entering the sitting room to find Susie and Zach sitting on the floor in front of the TV, enthralled by an episode of Barney and Friends.

They both glanced around and bobbed their heads, before turning their attention back to the screen. Susan smiled, ruffled Zach's hair affectionately and went back to preparing dinner.

It had been over an hour since she had left The Hyatt and Carol still hadn't turned up. Susan would have been worried except she suspected that Carol just needed the time to herself. I'll give her another hour and then call she told herself. But suddenly, the phone rang and broke through her thoughts. Susan sighed heavily and went to pick it up. Probably Chloe saying she needed Susan to keep Susie longer.

'So, what's the excuse this time?' Susan sighed as she answered the phone, pinned it between her head and her shoulder and went back to stirring the pasta that was bubbling away in the pot.

'Susan?' a quiet voice inquired.

Susan frowned. 'Who is this?' she asked, halting her stirring and taking the phone back into her hand.

There was a few seconds silence and then came the answer, 'It's Mark.'

Susan almost dropped the phone in surprise. Never, not once, had they phoned each other since Susan had left Chicago. They emailed...that was it. Anything more personal tended to leave one of the pair teary eyed and regretful.

'Oh...hey' Susan said eventually. She was rather lost for words. This was another reason they emailed, it wasn't as instant as a phone call. Sometimes, it took Susan almost an hour to write just a few lines, making sure it was word perfect, and that wouldn't hurt him at all.

Mark cleared his throat and Susan smiled at the familiar nervous sound. 'I was just wondering how Carol was. She sounded a bit off on the phone earlier.'

Of course, he was thinking about Carol. Susan, despite herself, felt rather disappointed.

'She's not here yet, actually. Zach is, but we left Carol back at the hotel. She should be here soon' Susan informed him.

'Oh...okay. Tell Zach I said hey' he said then, and Susan got the impression it was just so he had something to say.

'Do you wanna talk to him? I'm sure he'd love it' Susan suggested.

'Well...sure, okay' Mark replied.

'Zach! Come here! Someone wants to talk to you' Susan called out and a second later, the toddler darted into the room.

'Who is it?' he asked, reaching for the phone.

'Mark' Susan told him, giving him the phone and going back to the food.

'Hey Uncle Mark!' Zach exclaimed, grinning widely. Susan tried, but didn't hear Mark's reply.

'Yeah, it's cool. Mommy and me went to a big hotel and then Aunt Susan came to get me and brought me to play with Little Susie!' Zach told Mark.

Again, there was a pause as Mark replied to Zach's breakdown of his day.

'Why didn't you come with us?' Zach suddenly asked and Susan froze.

'Oh, okay' Zach said and then reached out to hand the phone back to Susan. He smiled up at her and then ran back to Susie. Susan put the phone back to her ear.

'That was a rather sudden end to the conversation' she said and he heard Mark laugh slightly.

'I don't think he like my answer to the last question' Mark admitted. Susan was about to ask what it was, but then remember Zach's question and decided she didn't want to know.

'So, will I get Carol to give you a call when she gets here?' Susan offered.

Mark cleared his throat again. 'Yeah, that would be great' he said.

'Okay, then' Susan said, unsure as to whether she should ask how he is or something.

Mark solved that problem, however, by saying, 'Yeah, okay...bye.'

'Bye' Susan barely whispered and hung up the phone, feeling a little relieved and at the same time, regretful. She put the phone down and went to check on the kids again. She smiled when she saw them sitting quietly in front of the TV again. She was about to turn and leave the room when Zach spoke up.

'Why don't you want Mark here?' he asked.

'What?' Susan asked, confused.

'That's what he said. He said he couldn't come here because you didn't want him too' Zach told her.

So that had been his answer to Zach's question. Susan thought on what Zach had said and wondered if that was true. Did she want Mark here? The answer she came up with didn't match Zach's. She shook her head and left the room without answering him.

Zach looked over at Little Susie who had been listening to their conversation. She shrugged.

'Yeah, Aunt Susan is crazy' she said. Zach laughed and they went back to watching the TV.

D&C

Doug and Carol stood as far apart as the hotel room allowed, Carol by the window, Doug leaning against the door. Both of them had their eyes down but occasionally, each would glance up at the other but would quickly look back down again if their eyes met.

Carol felt like a thousand people were screaming inside her head and couldn't make sense of any of it. Eventually she croaked out the question that was screaming the loudest.

'How did you know I was here?'

Doug looked up at the sound of her voice. He was so confused he didn't even understand her question for several long and silent seconds and when he answered, it came out as a whisper.

'I didn't know.'

When her eyebrows came together in confusion, Doug silently held out his hand holding Zach's hat and offered it to her.

Carol hesitated, the approached him, not knowing what the bundle of wool in his hand was at first. As she reached out to take it, her hand brushed off his. Grabbing the hat, she wrenched her hand back, she cheeks flushed red. But then she realised what she was holding and gasped.

'Where did you get this?' she demanded, her voice a little louder than before but still not at it's usual level.

Doug gulped. Of course she would be mad that he happened to have something belonging to her three year old son. He probably seemed like a stalker or something now.

'I saw Susan outside with your boy and he dropped it. I didn't know who he was and I was just returning it' he tried to explain.

'If you didn't know who he was then how did you know to come here?' she asked.

'The porter told me your room number. I was curious about who the kid was because Susan said she was going to get Little Susie and then I saw her here with a little boy. I wanted to know why she was lying' Doug said hastily, trying his best to make Carol understand.

'So, you were snooping on your friend and just happened across me?' Carol asked, incredulously.

'Well...yeah' Doug said, uncertain of her tone of voice.

Carol was silent for the longest time yet. She held the small hat in both hands, her thumbs running over the wool as if it were a treasured object. Then, slowly she sank back down onto the bed.

The writing on the inside of the hat, Zachary T, was written in John's handwriting. Another boy in Zach's day care had the same hat and John had written Zach's name on it so they wouldn't be mixed up. But just seeing his writing reminded Carol of his fist coming towards her and she raised a hand to touch her yellowing bruise.

Doug didn't miss the movement and he took a step closer.

'What happened?' he asked and indicated her bruise when Carol looked up.

'It's a long story' she whispered, tossing Zach's hat down on the bed beside her. Then she lowered her head into her head and gripped her hair, willing herself no to scream out in frustration. What in the name of god is he doing here!

'You know, I'm just as shocked to see you' Doug mumbled, knowing exactly what she was thinking.

Carol laughed a small, dark laugh. 'I somehow doubt that' she said, closing her eyes.

This angered Doug. He had spent four years dreaming of her, desperately trying to get over her and now she was claimed she had the right to be more shocked by their suddenly reunion than him.

'You put me through hell, Carol' he said, a little more loudly than he had planned.

Carol's head snapped up, intending to give an angry retort but once she seen his expression, her anger melted away.

'I know' she breathed, 'And you have no idea how sorry I am for that.'

Doug was thrown by her response and remained silent for a long time.

Memories of that time in her life came rushing back then. Her overdose. She was so unhappy back then. She loved Doug, there was no doubt about it, but when John had come along with his honesty and trust and fidelity, Carol admitted she was swept off her feet. That's why she agreed to marry him and why she tried her hardest to force Doug out of the picture, so she could push all that pain and sorrow associated with him away too. But her love for a normal and happy life with John ran deeper than her actual love for the man she was marrying and needing the stability for once, she had chosen John. She knew Doug would have hurt her. But now, John had too, and not just emotionally. Feeling the pain she did now let her know exactly how much pain she had inflicted upon Doug, who had loved her too. It was confusing and that it was all being force upon her right now, made it near impossible to just breathe.

Just to delay facing her confusion and pain, Carol said, 'I thought you lived in DC?'

Doug looked up at her once more and found her watching him closely. He nodded.

'I do. I'm here for work' he told her.

But the expression of hurt and pain had not left his face and so Carol knew she had to confront this now rather than later.

'Doug, I am sorry for hurting you. But you know how unhappy I was back then. And when John came along, it was such a nice change from worrying what was going on behind my back. I loved you, I really and truly did but I love what I could have had, what I ended up having, with John more. But loving him and choosing him is what has me in this mess now and now I have a little boy that depends on me to keep him safe. But I need to feel safe too and I don't. I feel lost and confused and now you're here and I'm thinking about all the good times we had and I'm thinking about what we might have had if I had of chose you. I'm just so confused.' Tears had formed in her eyes yet again and flowed freely down her cheeks.

Doug was touched by what she said but it worried him too. Worried him because he had seen Carol melt down like this before and it had ended up with her being rolled into her workplace on a gurney, with all her colleagues there to see.

'Carol, tell me what's wrong. Maybe I could help?' Doug said, lowering himself down onto the bed beside her.

Carol shook her head and continued to sob. Slowly, Doug reached his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him and she willingly melted into him and sobbed. Just touching her sent shocks up his arm and made his heart pump faster. How he had dreamt of this! But he never dreamed that Carol would be in this state and that worried him even more.

But then she spoke, in just a bare whisper, her breath shaking as she spoke through her tears.

'He hit me.'

Those three little words sent wave and wave of anger coursing through Doug's very veins. It made his blood boil. He wanted to kill John Tagilieri, rip him limb from limb. How dare he lay a finger on her! Yet no words of anger escaped his lips, just comforting words that Carol needed to hear and that he needed to be the one to say. Then Carol spoke again.

'I've thought about you. Thought about you a lot over the last few days. I can't explain it, no matter how hard I try. I even considered going to DC when I left Chicago' she whispered.

Doug held her even tighter than before, his minded clouded with meaning of her words, wondering why she said them and wishing he could tell her how he had thought of her every day since he left Chicago.

And so they sat there, in the darkening hotel room, Doug holding Carol, listening to the sounds outside the window, until Carol fell asleep in his arms, peacefully, for the first time in days.

AN: I have to say, I'm really glad with how this turned out :) But not to worry, loads more Doug/Carol angst to come. This story is far from over :)

Let me know what you thought of it :)

Thanks for reading!