"When I look beneath your mask

My fear comes quickly

And I dash

Through the streets of a land unknown

Wishing I had stayed

And learned to love you and you alone…"- Excerption straight from the diary of Christine Daae

Christine's POV

To say that I loved Erik was too strongly of words. Did I care for him? Yes, I did. As much as I wanted to love him, his face still haunted my soul. I knew I could never love him until my body could stare at his face without fear, and sadly that has yet to happen. I knew I cared for Erik, because when he fell ill, I stayed by his side the entire night as he vomited. It pained me to see him in such a state and I wanted to do anything and everything possible to help him.

In the early hours of the morning, Erik finally passed out and I covered him before cleaning up the mess he made. I emptied out the vomit filled chamber pot, cleaned the floor and made him some toast. It was like all my caring had gone to waste, because when he awoke he only became angry when I offered to wash his vomit stained pajamas. When he yelled at me, I backed off, and went about my business. I thought perhaps nothing could change his heart, but that wasn't the case, because moments later, Erik offered to take me into town to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving. It made me happy to know that he was willing to let me celebrate the holiday. Our outing made me extremely happy. Erik allowed me to buy some vegetables and a nice sized turkey. What made me angry was when the butcher that was wrapping up our turkey began staring at Erik. It pained me to see people staring at him because of his face. Erik simply turned his back on the man, but I stood up for him.

"It's not nice to gawk, sir."

That immediately fixed the problem. The man stopped staring, and finished wrapping our turkey. I knew Erik would never say anything about it, but he seemed grateful that I had stood up for him. On our way back to the flat, I couldn't help but think about the thought of being able to look past Erik's face and love him. I knew if I loved the man within him, I could look past the hideousness of his face. In the window of a shop, I noticed it was decorated with a few beautiful wedding dresses and trinkets. I stood there in front of one of the dresses, thinking about what mine and Erik's wedding would be like. I knew it could be even more beautiful than the one I celebrated with Raoul.

But my day dream was cut short when Erik interrupted.

"What are you looking at?" came his soft voice.

How could I ever tell him that I was thinking about marrying him? I couldn't. Erik was such a gentleman. He always put me before himself, even though he would never admit to it. When we arrived back at the flat, he made a fire, while I unpacked the groceries and placed the turkey in the ice box. I was as happy as could be, but when I began hearing the soft tune of the piano being played, my heart began to soar. It was Erik! He was playing a song I had once heard when I lived back at the opera house. I had been laying awake one evening when I heard its soft echo seeping up through the floor. I knew the rhythm of this beautiful tune, and so I began humming it. And just as fast as the tune began, it came to an abrupt halt. Why? Why had he stopped? I thought my humming would have made him happy, but it only made him angry. He had asked me where I had heard it, and I told him the truth. I told him how beautiful the song was, and how I loved it.

I waited for his anger to start again, but something seemed different about him. He placed his hands gently over the keys, and murmured the most beautiful thing.

"I…that is…I could teach…"

I wasn't sure what he was saying, but it was beautiful and kind. Did he possibly want to teach me the lyrics? I answered him, but he only told me to leave him alone. In my mind I believed that Erik truly wanted to love me, but his heart was afraid of being hurt again. For the remainder of the day, I kept to myself so I wouldn't anger him again. When I prepared myself some dinner, I wanted to offer him some, but knew better than to do so. By the time I finished cleaning up the dishes, I had to go to the bathroom. It was only when I was standing outside the door that I noticed it was closed. From inside, I heard the rustling of water, making it obvious that Erik was inside. I hated the thought of disturbing him, but needed to go so bad. I gently knocked, and called his name.

"Yes. I'm bathing." came his reply from inside the bathroom.

How embarrassed I was to ask such a thing, but I needed to go really bad. He hesitated for a few moments before agreeing and I walked in keeping my glance on the toilet and not on Erik's naked body. How badly my eyes wanted to look his way, but dared not to. When I sat down, I slowly turned my eyes towards him to notice that all of his body was under a cloud of suds, and his face was turned towards the wall. I thanked god that I couldn't see his body, but the exposed part of his skull was still just as strange and hideous to look at as his face. Then I thought that perhaps the medicine in his cabinet was for his skull. Like an idiot I asked, only to find out that not only was his body in constant pain, but he also had a weak heart. My angel, my everything, had a weak heart. How could I have left him all those years ago? Oh, if only I knew this back then. But even then, would I have stayed?

I was at a loss of words, and gave him a quick "I'm sorry." before leaving the bathroom. My poor, poor angel. He's been through so much pain and so little love. I slipped on my night gown, and decided to occupy myself with one of the many books Erik had on his shelf. There were books of all shapes and sizes. Some bound in leather and others in paper. I removed a small one, and sat down in his armchair to read. Erik always did have great taste in literature. The stories he read were s romantic and eerie. When I heard the door open, Erik was coming out with a large towel wrapped around his body, but his knees were exposed. Oh, his knees were so malformed. They were twisted and when he walked, he limped. If only I had been here, if only I had stayed…none of this would have happened. He would have had a caring wife to nurse him back to health through his recovery. My poor, poor, angel…I gasped at the mere sight of them, and turned my glance back down to the book I was reading.

"Don't gawk at me"! came Erik's angered tone.

How embarrassed I felt! I shouldn't be looking at him, why had I done it? Curiosity perhaps? It didn't matter, it was still wrong. Erik blamed himself for what happened to him. I tired to convince him otherwise, but Erik only blamed himself harder. He was now sitting there on his bed massaging his twisted legs, cringing in agony, not being able to get comfortable. I knew it was better to stay away, but I wanted to help him. I explained to Erik about the time I broke my leg after falling down the stairs, and used a pillow to cradle it. I touched him…god, for the first time I touched him willingly. I picked both of his frail legs up and placed them down on a pillow before covering him up. He seemed shocked by my touch, but his anger butted in. When I told him about how interesting his books were he scolded me and told me to never touch his stuff again. When his anger calmed down, he told me he was going to the stables to check on the animals in the morning. When I asked if I could join him, he agreed and told me to get my rest. Satisfied with his answer, I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

The following morning, it was Erik who woke me up. When I opened my eyes, I saw Erik standing over my bed dressed in his cloak and hat. He growled an angry "Get Up" and walked around the corner. Fifteen minutes later, we were out the door on the coldest morning I had experienced on Coney Island by far. Erik didn't say a word as he led us towards a tall brown building on the other side of Phantasma. Why did he have to be so grumpy? Even if he did loath me, there wasn't a reason he couldn't speak to me on our journey.

"So how did you sleep?" I bravely asked after being sick of our silence.

Erik took out a key and unlocked the stable door.

"Very little." was his simple reply.

The door creaked open, revealing a long walkway covered in hay with the sound of horses neighing in the background.

I stayed by Erik's side, as we began to walk down the long stretch, stopping at the first closed in gate. Inside was a beautiful black stallion who was kicking it's feet into the hay. I was frightened, and backed up a bit, but Erik….oh, Erik stepped forward and embraced its muzzle, making small shush sounds.

"It's ok Cesar.." Erik cooed. "It's just me."

The horse instantly calmed itself, and began pushing its muzzle into Erik's hand. It amazed me to see how loving Erik was towards the horse.

"Cesar?" I questioned.

Erik unlatched the gate and stepped inside with the horse, patting him on the back.

"Yes, he's my special horse. I saved him from being euthanized."

Erik took a brush that was hanging on the stable wall and began to run its bristles through Cesar's mane.

I took a few steps closer, and reached out my hand towards Cesar's mouth. A soft neighing sound occurred before he pushed his soft muzzle into my hand.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked. "That someone would want to destroy such a beautiful animal?"

"Cesar was a race horse. Since birth he was forced to run a track with several other horses. How much can you possibly expect a horse to run before its ankles and legs become weak? Cesar broke his leg after falling on the track. They were going to destroy him, but I couldn't let that happen."

Erik bent down to Cesar's front left leg, and gently picked it up and bent it.

"Humans believe they can use animals and destroy them when they become useless. But with a little care and love, they can be as good as new. Yes, Cesar may not be able to run anymore, but he trots just fine."

Erik patted Cesar's back and smiled. "Right Cesar?"

Erik hung the brush back on the stable wall, and filled his troth up with oats before re-latching the gate.

"Come, there are more animals to look after."

Along the way to the next stable, a Siamese cat ran up to me and rubbed itself up against my ankles.

"That's Ayesha." Erik said scooping the small kitten up into his arms. "Found her last winter. She keeps me company sometimes."

Erik set the cat up on the table gate, and unlatched it. Inside was a husky that was missing an ear with four puppies laying beside her. The dog wagged its tail as soon as Erik entered. It was obvious that it knew who Erik was.

"All the animals in my stable were injured one time or another. I have a few dogs that were hurt in the growing sport of dog fighting. Tundra, here, lost her ear."

One of the puppies ran up to me, and wagged its tail.

"You're very kind, Erik. To take in all these animals."

"If not me, than who?" he questioned. "No one else would want a dog with one ear or an elephant with no tusks. Just like no one wanted me; a boy without a face."

This broke my heart. My poor Erik had been rejected since birth.

"Didn't you have anyone to love you?" I asked. "Not even one?"

Erik gently pushed the puppy back inside the gate, and locked it.

"No." was his cold reply.

He didn't bother waiting for me to catch up to him. He stormed to the next stable that housed an elephant and filled their troths up with food. I ran to the open gate, and stood there watching him work in sorrow.

"Erik….I'm sorry…"

"No, it's none of your business." he growled. "You didn't care ten years ago when you called me hideous and ran away and you don't care now."

"I didn't know you were always alone." I was choking on tears.

"My mother locked me in an attic that was freezing in the winter and scorching hot in the summer." Erik kicked over an empty food bin. "She made me wear a mask that gave me abrasions and beat me if I took it off."

Erik paused, and began sobbing with his back turned towards me.

"On my seventh birthday…I…I asked my mother for a kiss. She never kissed me…God, I have never been kissed. She beat me for asking for a kiss. My own mother was so disgusted with me that she didn't want to kiss my hideous face."

Erik was now on his knees, sobbing hysterically into his hands.

"I ran away, I ran away from home to make my mother happy."

Tears were rushing quicker to my eyes, and I found myself standing right behind Erik. He needed to know that I changed..he needed to know that I cared. This man, this wonderful man kneeling before me had built Phantasma, taught me how to sing, and how to live….when in reality, he never lived for himself. I knelt before him, and lifted his chin to face me. His blue eyes were red and watery, and his mask was glossy with tears.

"Erik, that's in the past." I assured. "You have someone to talk to; someone that will listen. You have me."

And then before he could push me away, I embraced his skeletal body and hugged him. I wrapped my arms around his back, and heard him gasp. That gasp sent shivers through my spine. But something wasn't right….his hands weren't touching me, they were trembling at his side. Had this man never had a hug before? His whole body was shuddering with sobs as our hug continued.

"Oh, Christine…."

I let that hug last for several minutes, never pulling myself away from him. Even when I ended it, his arms were still at his side. Maybe he was too nervous to hug me now, but someday I would get his arms to wrap around me. I stood to my feet, and outstretched my hand to help him up, but he didn't accept it.

"Come…" he wiped away the tears that were streaming down his mask. "I have many more animals to tend to."

Erik was right. I followed him as he tended to a few more horses that all had similar injuries to Cesar, and a few more dogs. Once Erik was finished, he locked up his stable, and I followed him towards town. Where were we going now?

"Erik, home is the other way." I said.

"We're not going home. It's lunch time."

I wasn't sure what Erik had in mind, but when we arrived at a local diner, Erik held the door for me. Inside were a few booths lit by a single candle, with a quiet surrounding…Oh, it was so romantic. It reminded me of the café's in Paris. A waitress approached me carrying a few menus, and smiled.

"Just one?"

"Two." from behind me, Erik appeared, and the smile on the waitress's face turned to a look of horror.

"Um..ok…follow me."

This angered me! How could she look at Erik in such a way? She led us to the farthest booth, and placed down our menus before walking away.

Once Erik and I were seated, he folded his hands on top of the table and looked at me.

"You are hungry, right?"

I nodded. "yes."

"Get anything you wish."

"What of you? I don't want you to get sick again."

"Water and a salad will do me just fine."

As I looked down at my menu, I couldn't help but wonder why Erik couldn't eat?

"Erik, why does food make you so sick?"

"Nothing much to tell." he said looking down at his hands. "I've always had a weak stomach. After all that I've seen and been through I don't blame myself."

God, how much has this man been through? How much pain has he endured?

"Erik, what have you…"

"No." he snapped. "I'll ask you not to ask it again."

When the waitress came back, she kept her glance down at her note pad.

"What can I get you?"

There were so many things to choose from, but if Erik was going to suffer through nothing but a salad, I decided to do the same.

"Two salads and two waters."

Erik's eyes grew wide upon hearing this.

"No, Christine."

I smiled.

"You said I could have anything I wished for, and a salad and a water is what I want."

"You don't have to suffer because of my weak stomach."

I giggled. "I'm not suffering. I rather enjoy salads. But would it be alright for me to ask you something?"

He simply nodded.

"Why take me to lunch? You seem to hate me."

"Not hate you. It be a sin to hate an angel like yourself. I actually don't know why I brought you to lunch, but I do know that you gave me something I never felt before."

"The hug?"

Once more he nodded.

"You don't have to reward me for giving you such simple things that everyone should experience for themselves."

"Yes, I do. You don't know how many years I've yearned for that, especially from you…"

My breath caught inside my throat. Did he still love me?

"Oh dear god, I'm sorry." he growled. "I shouldn't have said that….I didn't mean it, really."

"I've wanted it from you too, Erik."

"Enough…I said I didn't mean what I said."

An awkward silence fell over us and I didn't know what to say.

"Christine." his voice was calm and kind. "Having you here is something I thought would never happen, and as far as I'm concerned you're here until April and not a moment longer. Your husband….your husband will be missing you."

"I'm not going back to him."

How could Erik ever expect me to go back to him after all he's done to me? How could he want me to be tortured by that drunken fop! I knew if I ever returned to him it would be the death of me.

"Christine, you must, he's your husband."

"Be as it may, Erik, but I still won't return to him. He beat me, Erik. Doesn't that mean a thing to you? Does your heart not fleet one single ounce of love for me? Oh, Erik you must feel something."

Erik tapped his long, slender fingers on the table and looked up at me.

"And what of you, Madame? Ten years ago did your heart fleet for my love?"

He didn't even let me answer, for he snapped back.

"No, I didn't think so. Oh, Christine how my heart used to thrive on the thought of you loving me. But when you left after saying such cruel words that shattered my heart, my love for you hardened and turned cold. I don't care if you ever return back to the boy, but come April you will be on the first vessel out of New York. I left Paris to get away from you, and refuse to leave Coney Island….I was here first."

And then I said the words I shouldn't have said.

"I could learn to love you."

"Learn? Learn? What do you play me for? An idiot? I don't wish anyone to learn. I don't want anyone to learn. Nothing and no amount of time spent with me would teach anyone to love me. I'm hideous, and I don't want false love. I want what everyone else has. I want love, kisses, passionate love making…nothing and no one could ever dare to look at me and love…."

It was then that the waitress brought us our lunch. I sat there picking at the lettuce in my salad watching Erik slowly eat.

"Does it pain you to eat?" I asked.

Erik looked up from his salad, and took a sip of his water.

"Not if I eat slow. How's your lunch?"

"Fine." I looked down at his hands to notice that they were gloved.

"Why do you always wear gloves? I hardly ever see your bare hands."

"Why would you want to?"

"Is there something wrong with them?"

"Enough, Christine."

"Well, is there?"

Erik looked down at his salad, and pulled his hands close to his chest.

"They're hideous, just like my face." he shuddered. "You wouldn't want to see them."

"But I do, Erik. Would you show them to me?"

Erik looked down at his hands, and then back at me.

"Perhaps another time. Just finish your lunch."

I did just that, and once we were both finished, Erik and I began to walk up to the cash register to pay. But as we were walking down the isle, Erik was tripped and he fell flat on his face. In a booth to the side, a trashy dressed man laughed as I knelt down to help Erik up.

"Freaks don't belong in these parts of Coney Island." the man snarled.

When Erik stood up, I couldn't help but notice that his lip was bleeding. I was appalled by what the man had done to my Erik. I turned around, and slapped him right across his laughing face.

"You should be ashamed of yourself. Hurting a man who has done nothing to you."

"And what are you?" questioned the man. "His whore? Fuck freaks do you?"

Erik quickly came to my defense, and wrapped his hands tightly around the man's neck.

"You shall not speak to her like that!"

God! Erik was going to choke this man! No…he couldn't kill again. I thought Erik was going to kill this man, but instead, he threw him into the booth and began walking out with me following behind him.

Once we were back outside, I spotted Erik wiping the blood from his lip with a handkerchief.

"Are you ok?" I caught up to his side, and took the handkerchief from his hand.

"Oh, Erik your bottom lip looks so sore."

I wiped it for him, and lovingly pressed the handkerchief to his wound.

"I bit down on it when I fell." he said.

"Apply pressure to it."

Erik forced himself out of my grip, and stormed off into the thick winter fog.

"I don't need your help!" he shouted. "I don't need anyone!"

I felt so terrible for him, but I swore to myself to make Thanksgiving the best day of Erik's life…this I promised…

Ok everyone, please review! Love you all!