Where We Are

Chapter Thirteen

It was late afternoon was there came a knock on the front door.

Chloe had called by earlier with Susie, upon the little girl's request, to see if Zach wanted to accompany them to the park. Carol was hesitant about letting Chloe take her child. She remember too well how she had ran off after Susie was born and didn't return for months, leaving Susan holding the baby. But Susan assured her everything would be fine. And because Zach had been so miserable all morning and only perked up when Little Susie arrived, Carol agreed. After Zach was gone, Carol and Susan both curled up on the couch with a huge tub of ice cream and watched crappy daytime TV.

So it came as a surprise, only an hour into their TV and ice cream binge that someone was knocking on the door. Susan rose, handed the tub to Carol and went to see who it was. When she pulled open the door, though, she froze when she saw their visitor.

'Doug, what are you doing here?' Susan asked. She heard the TV being muted inside and turned to see Carol looking worried and tearful again.

'I just came by to see how Carol was' Doug said, smiling.

Susan returned his smile somewhat awkwardly and stepped out of the house, pulling the door shut behind her.

'I don't think now is a good time' she told her old friend.

'Why?' Doug asked suspiciously.

Susan hesitated, not sure of what to tell him. She knew that Doug still cared deeply for Carol, that he may even still love her, and telling him Carol had cried all night, and because of him, was probably not the right thing to do.

'Doug, Carol's in a weird place right now. I just don't think seeing you wouldn't help her. She has more important things to think about right now, like her marriage and her son' Susan said, slowly, 'She needs space.'

'Susan, I'm going back to DC the day after tomorrow' Doug said and she heard the plea in his voice.

Susan took a deep breath, eyeing her friend and she saw the sincerity that lay in the depths of his brown eyes. She nodded and opened the door.

D&C

Mark couldn't believe he was doing this.

He tried over and over again to convince himself that he was doing it for Carol, that she was the one and only reason for doing this. But that nagging thought in the back of his mind just wouldn't leave him alone. It felt like a little alarm clock and each time he thought he was doing it for Carol, it went off.

Susan...Susan...Susan.

It beat against the inside of his skull, filing his mind with memories. Then he would shake the thought away and concentrate on something else. But it didn't take long for his mind to return to the letter, then to Carol and then of course, the little alarm would go off again.

'Dad, you want a soda or something?' Rachel asked, successful bring Mark back to the present.

Being in St Louis was weird. Being around Jen was odd. But then he would tell himself he was doing it for Carol. Then cue the alarm.

'No, I'm fine, thanks sweetheart' Mark replied.

Jen was sitting opposite him, flipping through a magazine, she legs crosses, one foot jiggling to the music playing in the background.

'Well, can I have money for one?' Rachel asked.

Mark smiled at his daughter, dug into his pocket and pulled out some coins. He poured them into her hand and she skipped off to the vending machines.

Jen looked up as she ran off, then turned to Mark and smiled.

'Thanks for doing this, Jen' Mark said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

She smiled again in reply and Mark nodded, remembering her answer when he had told her his plan. She was glad she could help Carol.

Mark had woke that morning with his plan fully formed, which wasn't surprising seeing as he had fallen into a restless sleep wondering how on earth he was going to explain this to Carol. So, as soon as he woke up, he jumped out of bed and called Jen. Luckily, she was already up, getting ready for work and once he told her his plan, she agreed without hesitation. She said she would call back after she talked to her boss and once she did call back, Mark was on the first flight out to St Louis. He had called Kerry Weaver from the airport, explaining that he had to take a few days off. The Interim Chief had complained until Mark mentioned it was for Carol's sake. She quickly changed her tune, showing her compassionate side once again and told Mark to take as long as he needed.

Just then, Rachel skipped back to her seat and popped the can of soda she held.

'How long more?' she asked, after taking a noisy slurp of her drink.

'Not too much longer, sweetie' Jen said, glancing up from her magazine again.

D&C

Doug could see that Carol hadn't had an easy night. She still wore her pyjamas and a too-big black cardigan.

He was staring at her with confusing eyes, not understanding her last statement. She had said it wasn't a good idea for him to be there.

'I just came to see if you were alright' he said.

If he was being honest with himself, he could probably have guess what was going on. She was rejecting him. She had done it all those years ago and now she was doing it again. He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, but he hadn't been able to sleep the night before, ecstatic that he had gotten to hold her again, comfort her. He didn't want to let her go again, but he realised then that he had never had her and that's what she was telling him now.

'I don't want you here' Carol said, not looking him in the eye.

'I'm only trying to help, Carol' he told her, even though his instincts told him he should shut up and leave.

'You're not helping though, are you? You're making everything worse! I can't deal with having you around Doug, can't you see that? I've been to hell and back over the last few days and you showing up...' her shouting trailed off as Susan returned from the kitchen.

Doug was stunned, but it was if his mind had no control over what came out of his mouth anymore. 'Carol, please...Let me help you.'

'YOU CAN'T HELP! You're making it worse. Do you know what I did last night? I cried...all night. And it wasn't because my husband cheated on me. It wasn't because he hit me. It wasn't because Zach is miserable and he misses his dad. It was because of you! Do you know how confusing that is? After everything that's happened, you are all I can think about. And it's not fair, Doug. It's not fair on me, not fair on Zach and it's not fair on you, either.'

Doug stood there, unable to move. He understood. But her words had also given his hope, irrational hope though it may be. But before he could reply, someone knocked on the door. Susan turned to answer it.

D&C

Susan turned the handle and opened the door. She froze. Completely froze. Unable to move or speak. What? How? Why? Was this real? Was it really him?

'Susan!' a young brunette girl screamed and almost knocked her of her feet as she rushed to the blonde woman, wrapping her skinny arms around her waist and hugging her tight. Susan, her eyes still wide with shock, placed a hand on the young girl's head, running her hand over her ponytail. Then the girl grinned up at her.

'Aren't you going to say hi?' she asked. But then the girl spotted Carol.

'Carol!' she let go of Susan and dashed over to the nurse, slamming into her and hugging her.

'Rachel?' Carol asked in disbelief. She looked back to the front door to see Mark and Jen standing there. Her mouth popped open.

Susan still hadn't moved. She was staring at Mark, unable to belief that he was really standing at her door, smiling in that awkward way of his.

It was the first time she had seen him in over a year, yet somehow it felt like it was only yesterday, now she was seeing him again. She felt suddenly, and unexplainably, euphoric.

'Nice to see you, Susan' Jen said just then.

Susan's eyes left Mark's face for the first time since opening the door and focused on his ex-wife, her sudden joy fading rapidly as she looked at the woman she had envied for so long.