Gawd… guys, I am so sorry ;_;
~.~.~.~
Ch11
There you go, Len, all better. I like being able to breathe, and move around and be free. The Doctor walks over to me and says wait don't step out yet, I have to unplug this manually. And then he reaches around me and unplugs my neck from some wire or something.
Doctor? Is Rin okay? Yes, she just burnt her hand is all, I sent her to the doctor – the medical doctor, that is – she's resting at her house now. I feel so terrible, I want to cry, it's my fault Rin got hurt, if I had listened to everybody and stayed inside, Rin wouldn't have gotten hurt. I'm sorry Rin, I'm sorry, I'm sorry sorry I'm so sorry, if I can make it up to you next time I see you I will, I promise, before I die I'll make it up to you I promise.
~.~.~.~
Doctor? How much longer until I die? Do you know? He shakes his head no. But it's not a few years like I thought, maybe one year or even a matter of months.
Months, months. At least, at least I don't have to see Kaito graduate and leave us forever and ever. I miss everyone from school. I wish that it wasn't summer of this year and it was summer from last year, when I didn't exist and when babies came from the stork.
~.~.~.~
The rain stopped so I'm being careful of the little puddles that are left, I don't know how long the Doctor had me in that test tube. I'm going to visit Rin, because the Doctor said you're going to go anyway so just go. So I'm going to Rin's house to see if she's feeling better, I feel so terrible, so terrible.
I knock on the door and it's Rin's dad. Oh, you're that boy that stayed with us once, Len was it? Rin tells us all about you. Ah yeah I'm Len, um is Rin home? She is but she burnt her hand at her friend's house, she slept over for so long that they got wild and tried to make a cake but she burned her hand on the oven. I don't know if she's feeling too well, I'm worried about her, I think she's become depressed, maybe you should come back another day?
I don't know what to tell Rin's dad so I say o o oh I'm sorry tell her I hope she feels okay – better – a ah… Hahaha it's all right, I'll tell her, thanks for stopping by. And then he closes the door and I turn around off the doorstep and walk down to the curb and just plop down and stare in the street. I don't want Rin to be sad, I don't want her to be depressed or hurting.
Now I'm starting to wish I really didn't exist, ever. That it was just Rin in the picture, that it was just Rin who was born, that it was just Rin who lived and was happy and never met a robot boy named Len who caused more trouble than he's worth.
~.~.~.~
Hello Len, ahh Rin is sleeping right now, maybe come back again? I wish Rin would feel better soon, tell her that again please? Sure thing, see you later.
I hope Rin is feeling better. I feel terrible that she was so nice to me for all those days and then I thank her by burning her. I feel so bad, I want to cry, I hope Rin doesn't hate me.
~.~.~.~
I stopped trying to go to Rin's house. I decided that she probably never wants to see me again so I'll just sit at my house for the rest of summer until school starts. Maybe then we'll sit together at lunch and she'll pretend nothing happened.
I wish that I could feel that flippy stomach feeling one more time. But I'm sure Rin is scared of me or hates me or thinks I hate her so she's probably never going to kiss me again. I wish that the last.. last, last, I don't know how long, I don't know how long has passed, but I wish it hadn't happened.
~.~.~.~
Len, I decided to unboard your window, so if you go in your room today it's unboarded now. Really, Doctor? Really? Thank you! Thank you so much Doctor! It's okay, I think not just me, but you too, we need to start seeing on each other's level. Do you want to learn more about what I do, Len? I can show you more today, if you'd like.
I want to know! So he takes me into his lab and says this is where I study you, do you know that I study you a lot, Len, that's why I always run tests and experiments, because I want to know more about you. You're one of a kind. I am? You are. And then I look at his work station, with lots of bottles and little teeny weeny size test tubes that I could only get my finger into.
Doctor, what's Vo? I still want to know what Vo is. The Doctor looks thoughtful. That's Vocaloid, Len, that's where you and Rin, and also your friends, are from. I use a certain Vocaloid database to download major information and statistics, like age and height and weight. So Doctor I'm a Vocaloid? What is a Vocaloid?
I won't tell you now, I didn't invent the People Creator so everyone in the world could know it was for making Vocaloids real. Shush, Len, I'll take you over here and show you something else I've made.
But I stop paying attention after that. I want to know what Vocaloid is? I wonder if the internet will have anything.
~.~.~.~
The Doctor left to go buy food today so I went in my room and went on the computer to look up Vocaloid. Umm Vocaloid, oh there! So I click and read it out loud because I just can't believe what I'm reading. Vocaloid is a singing synthesizer application software developed by the Yamaha corporation that enables users to synthesize singing by typing in lyrics and melody. That does sound like a computer program, so I really am from a computer program. I want to learn more.
So I find out Kaito and Meiko and Luka and Miku and Gakupo are all Vocaloids, like the Doctor said. And then it says me and Rin are mirror images, I don't know how that works but I just say um okay and then I close the window because I am done with Vocaloids.
It all almost makes sense though. We all sang together, and everyone thought we were great even though we weren't. Except for me, I can't sing. I sound strange. I don't sound pure and flowy and nice like everyone else. I sound stuffed up or something, nasally weird, but my nose isn't stuffy, I just sing weird. I sound high and little, like I really am just a robot boy. And now I realize that's what my voice always sounds like.
I wish I just wasn't me. I don't want to sound weird, I don't want to have chubby cheeks and bright yellow hair, I don't want to be kept alive by machines inside of me, I don't want to die. I wish that everything was different. I wish I had been a successful Len instead of a failed Len, and had never known the life of dying robot Vocaloid Len.
~.~.~.~
I went to go to try and see Rin again today. Today she opened the door and her face lit up but then she dulled a little and said oh Len! Len are you okay? I—And I interrupted her and said no no Rin are you okay? I've been worried, Rin, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to—
And then Rin's mom comes and says what's going on over here? And Rin says oh mom, sorry, Len and I were – and Rin's mom says well, why don't you two take it outside, yes? Little disputes should be kept private. Then she giggles and walks away, Rin turns a little pink but I don't know why, I think Rin's mom is confusing. And then Rin says okay Len c'mon let's sit outside and then we go and sit on the curb.
Rin, Rin I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I didn't listen, I promise I – Len, why did you do that? You could have died! But Rin I'm dying anyway, the Doctor says I—Len be quiet! I know what the Doctor says! Len, Len, why can't you understand? When you die, you're dead Len, you don't get up or feel or hug or laugh or cry or anything! You're gone! Why can't you just keep safe, keep safe, stay as long as you can…
But Rin, I thought you were on my side. I thought, I thought you thought too that I should have fun before I die. I don't want to die as a failed experiment, Rin, I want to die as a person, as a person, as a person with memories and experiences and not the life of a boy living in a lab for ever and ever! Rin looks away and after a while says yeah, you're right, Len, but…
And I say but what? Then I look down at the street. You want me to live longer and keep quiet like putting preservatives into canned fruit. But Rin, I'm going to be expired fruit anyway, so I might as well be tasty fruit than old icky fruit.
Rin turns back to me and she's crying, Rin please don't cry, please please please don't cry. She says Len, if you just sat down quietly, this wouldn't have happened! And she reached out and showed me her hand and oh my gosh I couldn't look because it was all red and and and and
Len, Len, I don't know what's happening to you, you're even more different than the Doctor said you'd be, Len, I don't know what's wrong with you! And she gets up and runs inside and I just sit on the curb, I just stay there. Rin, Rin, I'm sorry, I wish you could know how sorry I am, I'm sorry I'm sorry.
I look and see a dandelion growing through the sidewalk. Rin, you are still a dandelion, even if you want to preserve me like canned fruit, I know it's because you're my friend, I know, I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry.
~.~.~.~
Len? Oh, Doctor, is Len there? Yeah, he's over there, he hasn't been saying much lately. He won't let me run any tests on him, he may be deteriorating even faster, but I can't know for sure. Doctor, I can hear you, I'm just fine, Rin is that you? Yes Len it's me, is something wrong? No, not really, hi Rin, I'm sorry, I'm still so sorry, I'm sorry, I really will be good now. I'm so sorry for not listening, I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry Len, I'm the one that's sorry, come on, let's go sit in the tree okay? It's nice outside. The Doctor nods and I get up and Rin was going to help me get up in the tree but pulled back a little, Rin I'm not hot anymore, but I don't want her to try too much or hurt herself so I try and jump into the tree myself but well I'm not strong and I'm short and can't jump right. So Rin says I know, and when I'm trying to jump up she helps me up and I scramble onto the branch. Then she does her jumpy thing but when she goes to swing she gasps ow and she falls over, Rin Rin Rin are you okay are you okay Rin?
Ahh yeah I forgot about my h—ahh forget about it Len, here lemme come u- no wait Rin let me help. So I reach down my hand and she says I don't know, won't you fall? And I say no I'm steady up here! So she says are you sure? And I'm totally sure so I say yep yep! So she says well, okay, but as soon as she pulls on my hand I scream and fall off the tree and we go tumbling to the ground. Something hurts on my knee so as soon as we stop I sit on my bottom and look at my knee and oh oh oh my gosh what is this?
I told you Len, you—Len, you scraped your knee! But.. and I say, but Rin, it doesn't look right, it doesn't look… well, knees don't, I don't know! My knee was scraped but it looks strange, it's strange, it scares me, I don't want to see what I look like on the inside, I don't want to see!
What happened? The Doctor comes rushing out, Len, dammit Len what did you do now? Doctor, I scraped my knee, you're right, I am half person half robot, my knee is metal but I'm bleeding Doctor, it's scary, it's scary, I don't want to be half robot any more!
But Len, if you weren't, I don't think we'd be friends like we are now, don't you think? That's what Rin says, and I have to agree because then we would have known each other the entire time and we would have thought we really were twins when we're not we're computer programs.
Len, stop crying okay? It doesn't matter that you're half robot, because you're still Len and I love you no matter what, okay? And I say even if I am hot and burn you Rin? And she says even if you are hot and burn me. And then the Doctor says well sorry to break this up but c'mon Len, I'm gonna fix you up now, and he picks me up and puts me over his shoulder.
And Rin follows behind me and I say are you sure you still love me if I'm a robot? And she says uh huh, for sure. And I say well I know you're not half robot but if you were, Rin, I'd still love you too.
~.~.~.~
There you go Len, all fixed up, that was stupid, no more tree climbing. But Doctor, I like sitting in the tree with Rin. Well God dammit Len, just sit there and don't pull her up next time! Okay Doctor.
And Len, if you don't want to see what you look like inside, then don't go out and hurt yourself. I have an x ray machine you know, it would show both your biological and technological parts, I can show you what you look like inside.
Ahh umm no thanks Doctor, I'll pass.
~.~.~.~
Today Kaito and Rin came to my door, Kaito says wow Len, you live in a laboratory? I never knew you were that smart! And I say umm ah well I'm not smart, the D—Rin interrupts Len's dad is a scientist. And Kaito says ooh, cool, anyway Len, I had an idea, since summer is almost over, why don't we all go to the beach! It'd be really fun.
Rin nods and says yeah Len, ocean water is different from real water, it's salty and feels nice!
And I say oh um well, do I need to bring anything? And Kaito says well you need a bathing suit to swim of course. And Rin adds and a towel to dry off with, and also it's nice to put your towel around your neck so your neck doesn't burn, having a sunburnt neck sucks.
It finally dawns on me that Rin is dropping messages to me, umm umm the first one is um salt water? Ohhh okay so the beach is salt water, so I won't short circuit, ohh and a towel for my neck so my port doesn't get anything in it.
Um um okay, but I don't have a bathing suit. And Kaito says really? Oh well I know where to get them, c'mon Len, let's go get you one while Rin gets Meiko and everyone else.
I say um um okay and then Kaito pulls me out of the house and he says we'll get you the coolest bathing suit ever! And then we get to the store and he says okay hmmm Len put this one on. So I go inside the little room and Kaito says okay that one's it, now go put your normal shorts back on, we're going back to Meiko's house!
So Kaito drags me back to Meiko's house and Meiko says well I have a bus let's goooo! And then she says Kaito, you're brilliant, giving me a going away party like this! I love the beach!
Kaito says well um I wanted us all to do something fun together before you leave. And Meiko hugs him really tight and I feel sorry for Kaito. Len, did you bring a towel to keep the sand out of— I did I did shh! I don't want anyone to hear. But I'm scared to go swimming Rin, I don't think I'm going to swim, I don't even know how to swim because I'm a—
You said for me to shh Len, now you shh, let's just get on the bus okay? Okay. And then we get in the bus and I sit next to Rin and then I fall asleep because I think Kaito dragged me across the entire city fifty times.
Len Len wake up, we're here! Man, Len, you're a sleeper, no wonder you didn't wake up all those months ago. I open my eyes and see Ted. Hey Len, wake up! Seriously, how much sleep do you need? Well I don't know but are we there yet? Duh, Rin tried to wake you up but she felt bad waking you up so I said I'd do it. C'mon Len, up, man! And then I say whoaaaah because Ted picks me up and carries me off the bus.
Morning morning, sleepyhead! That's Miku. Gosh, I don't know how you managed to wake up for school every day, you sleep like a rock! Well sorry Miku I can't help it, hey, what's that sound?
Duh, Len, that is the majestic ocean! That's Gakupo. The second most dangerous, yet second most romantic spot in all the world! And I ask well then what's the first most dangerous first most romantic? And he says why, what is under my pants of course!
I really didn't want to know that.
Gakupo, you're disgusting. The only person who's ever getting in your pants is you. Then Luka says come on guys, let's just leave him here and go down ourselves. And Miku says good idea and she and Luka start walking towards the fwooshing tchsss! sound. And Gakupo says, wait for me! And then he follows, then Kaito follows Gakupo and then Meiko turns to me Rin and Ted and says c'mon, guys! Just over the ledge, yeah? And then she turns around and Ted says come on guys and follows her.
I look at Rin and say I didn't know the ocean sounds that scary. And she laughs and says it's not, come on, and she grabs my hand and pulls me forward, and there's this huge huge huge water as far as I can see! I've seen pictures but it moves and it's wavy and it's so big! And then Rin says it's beautiful, isn't it? That's why people love the ocean. I think I understand why, it's so big and awesome.
C'mon Len, let's go! You keep telling me you want to have fun, so let's go have fun. And I say okay, and Rin says race you down the slope! So we race but Rin wins because she's fast.
Rin, are you sure this water is safe? It makes my feet feel tingly and I think the water wants to suck me off the ground! And Rin laughs and says it's supposed to, here Len if you don't want to swim, just try sitting here where the sand is wet. I like how it feels. And she sits down and pats the sand and says come on! And then there's a handprint but the water whooshes over and washes it away. Rin are you sure it won't wash me away? If you don't go in for sure it won't, just sit down. So I sit and Rin puts her hand on mine and the water washes over us and brr it's cold!
Rin are you sure this feels nice? It feels cold! She laughs and says it's supposed to, then Kaito and Meiko are playing in the water and Meiko yells come on you two, get in! And I say well I don't really want to, I don't know how to swim, I don't want to learn either, I like being right here. And Meiko says wow you really are weird and then she splashes Kaito and I stop paying attention.
Len, you're not really going to die, are you? The Doctor's just lying about the whole thing, isn't he? Well I hope he was, that's what I tell Rin. But I really am losing track of days, Rin, what day is it today? It's Thursday, Len, do you know what month? Ummm it's summer. And she says oh, so it's true, isn't it? Your mind really is deteriorating?
Ahh well if it is, I'm still okay, I don't really know if it's deter.. deteriorating? I don't really know if it's deteriorating or not because well it's my mind and I only have one mind so I don't know what it's like to have another mind, I don't really know what my mind was like before because well I only have one mind and it's this mind now. Wait I'm confused.
And Rin laughs and says I didn't mean to make you confused! And I say it's okay I seem to always be confused about something. And then we go silent and just watch everyone playing in the water and feel the water on our feet and then sometimes it splashes big and gets our legs and our stomachs wet.
I'm glad I came, I like sitting here with you Rin. It's nice without the Doctor breathing down my neck. Rin laughs and says yeah. And then I say and I'm glad that I can get wet now, you know I always wanted to get wet before but was too scared. And Rin says well I'm glad, maybe you would have died a long time ago if you'd tried.
And I say well it's okay now, since I'm gonna die anyway. Rin, what are some other fun things people do? I want to have lots of fun before I die. And Rin says I don't know, what do you have in mind? And I say what do I have in my mind? Well I guess I have a brain. At least I hope I have a brain.
And Rin laughs and says, I think that we can have fun without doing anything too extreme. And I say okay, what should we do now? And Rin says I like just sitting here, what more do you want to do?
So I think for a minute and then I remember the stomach flippy feeling. I like that feeling, it's so uncomfy but nice. So I look at Rin and she says what? And then I kiss her.
~.~.~.~
Len, are you and Rin, well, you know you know? That's what Kaito says, he came to my house today. I say what do I know I know? And he says well well well I mean are you two going out? Well I hadn't thought about it, ummm no? And Kaito says oh, well I went out win Rin before, because well I like her but she said that it just wasn't working out and that's okay because I knew it wouldn't.
And I say ohhh. And Kaito says you know Len I think Rin really likes you, umm well this is a weird subject! And I say ummm um yeah it is. Ummm can I come in? I've never been in a lab before!
And I say umm well the Doctor's—umm dad's not here now, so I guess you can sure. So Kaito says ooh goody and then he says this looks like a normal house. And I say oh his lab's over here, okay Kaito behold! And I open the door to the Doctor's lab and Kaito's eyes get all sparkly and he says ooooooh how awesome! How cool!
I say just don't press anything or the Docto—my dad will be really mad at me! And then I hear Banana meow and I say oh Kaito I'll be right back, Banana can't come in here. So I say come on Banana and leave Kaito there just for a second but when I come back he was inside some weird tube! Umm um Kaito what are you doing? He says I pressed a button and this lit up! This light here looks like an ice cream bar!
Kaito Kaito stop! I run towards it but then before I can stop the button there's a flash and then I hear a big zzzzzt and then in the tube next to it there's a flash and it's all over and Kaito says whoa! Brain freeze? What was that? And I am just staring at the other tube because Kaito just did something weird.
Len? What're you looking at? The Kaito comes over and stares with me, oh my gosh, it's a red me! And then the red Kaito looks out of the tube and walks over and he says what are you staring at? And Kaito says hey hey you look just like me! And then the red Kaito says no, you look like me. And then Kaito says well don't forget that I'm the real Kaito, you know? I stepped in there and—that's okay, I think you're the only Kaito here, unless if you're named Kaito. I say no I'm Len, your name isn't Kaito? And then the red Kaito says no Akaito.
So I say ummm okay Kaito you just made a red clone of yourself what do we do now before the Doctor comes home! I'm really freaking out because that wasn't supposed to happen at all! Akaito says I'm not a clone, he's a clone. And then I go oh no what am I going to do! And then Akaito says hey just chill out, I'll just go home. And Kaito says home? B but you were just made a second ago! And Akaito says no, you were. And then they start bickering, no you, no you, no you, no you, ahhhhhh both of you be quiet I'm trying to think!
And then I hear Banana meowing from outside the door and I say what Banana and I go out and I hear the Doctor in the driveway. Oh my gosh guys the Doctor's home! And Kaito says Doctor? Is that your dad? And I say um um yeah it's my dad now hurry hurry go to my room now follow me! So we all run to my room and I close the door.
Climb out the window guys, and both of you just go back to Kaito's house! And Akaito says no let's go to mine, my parents wouldn't mind another me, and then Kaito says well mine wouldn't mind another me either, and then I say you guys argue outside because I'm going to get in trouble! And I say okay okay Kaito go out my window first and I push him out kind of because I'm sure the Doctor's already inside the house. And then Kaito says Len that was mean but I say go Akaito go go hurry and then Akaito says we'll get all this sorted out and squirms out the window, then I close the window and sit on my bed and the Doctor comes in and says Len I heard you shouting is something wrong?
And I say oh oh um no Banana was just trying to pee on my floor but I was telling him no no you'll get in trouble. And then Banana meows and licks his chest. Then the Doctor looks at me and says uh okay and leaves, and then I lay down on my bed and sigh. I hope the Doctor never, ever, ever finds out what just happened, ever.
~.~.~.~
Kaito? Len, Len, Akaito and I are the same, it's so creepy, can you ask your dad what that was? Well I can't because then he'll find out! But Lennn….
So I say okay Kaito, come in, we'll go ask the Do—my dad okay? So then Kaito comes in and we open the door to the Doctor's lab and he says not another one, Len stop bringing them back here! And I say umm we—and then Kaito interrupts and says umm umm sorry Mr. Dad sir but what is that machine over there do? And he points to the two tubes from the other day and the Doctor gets up and says oh it's a reverse cloner, you step in that one and it makes an altered double of you, it only works on certain individuals though. I think the Doctor meant Vocaloid, but Kaito doesn't know that he's a Vocaloid yet. And Kaito says ooooh so what's the clone like? And the Doctor says they remain very true to the original but sport a few physical changes as well as personality traits, for instance someone who is bubbly in nature, their clone would be more serious and down to earth. Me and Kaito looked at each other because that was exactly the problem well not problem but it was right.
Then Kaito asked ummm if they're a clone, w what about the memories? And that Doctor says oh! That's one I myself am proud of. I found a way to copy the memories over from one individual to the other one, it's really quite ingenious if I do say so myself. And Kaito says y yeah amazing well sorry Len but I better be going. And I say y yeah here Kaito let me show you out? And then at the door we whisper Len what do we do about Aka?
And I say Aka? Ohhh Akaito? You gave him a nickname? And Kaito says well Aka is too long, my parents say ohh how cute sure Kaito he'll be your brother! He looks just like you. And I say oh so now he's living with you? And Kaito nods and says but it's creepy because he has my memories but he's not me! And every time he sees me zoning or spacing out or daydreaming he is all on me and telling me to pay more attention to what I'm doing!
And I say well that's too bad Kaito, I wish I could help, but it was you who pressed the button after all. And Kaito sighs and says yeah you're right I guess, oh well, thanks Len. And then I watched him go down the sidewalk out of sight and then I closed the door. I'm glad the Doctor doesn't try to clone me, then I wouldn't be Len, I might be Ben or Ken and I don't think I would be happy any more.
~.~.~.~
Rin says hey Len, summer's almost over, do you want to do anything before we go back to school? And I say um I don't know, what else is there to do? We went bike riding and tree climbing and we went to the ocean what else is there to do? And Rin shrugs and then Banana comes and curls up in her lap. I don't know what we have left to do. Let's just wait for school to start. And so Rin says okay and we sit together patting Banana because we don't have anything else better to do.
~.~.~.~
How is your day going? Okay I guess. What about yours? Okay. I have a class with Luka. What about you? Oh I haven't had any with anyone yet. I hope I get one. Me too.
So far I don't have any classes with Rin or anyone else. It feels weird sitting at lunch with no Meiko though. I hope I get one with Rin, at least.
Lenlen! You're back, yay! Uh oh, Neru. Where's the brown haired one? Did she graduate? We all nod, we'll miss Meiko. Then Neru says ooh, well then there's a spot for me! And sits next in between Luka and Miku, right where Meiko used to sit. Why am I on the other side, Lenlen? Oh well, I can see your face now, instead of that ponytail. Why do you have a ponytail? You're a boy.
Well I don't know why I have a ponytail, but I do know I'm a boy and I definitely know Neru is annoying.
~.~.~.~
The last part of yesterday was so fun, I have two classes in a row with Rin, one right after the other, and the second class we have together is the last one so we can walk home together without having to meet up. And I had a class with Ted too, but sadly I found out I have one with Neru and I have one with Gakupo too.
Today at lunch no one is saying much. It's really quiet without Meiko. Even Gakupo is being quiet, which is unusual. It's just a strange day today.
~.~.~.~
Rin? Is my head fuzzy? That's what I asked Rin today. Umm no, why? And I say well it feels fuzzy, I feel so forgetful today. The Doctor asked me to do something after school and now I can't remember. He's gonna be mad if I don't remember…
Rin doesn't look too happy. She doesn't even try to help me remember. She just looks away and says oh and stops listening to everyone. I guess it's because my brain is supposed to fly to Mars when I'm dying.
~.~.~.~
Akaito came and sat at the table today. He says that he remembers sitting here too but I tell him shhhh you don't remember right, but welcome to the table right everyone? And they say sure Kaito's twin welcome! And then he says this makes absolutely no sense. And me and Kaito look at each other because we don't know if we should tell him that he's the clone!
~.~.~.~
Rin says to me today Len, Len can I talk to you alone for a sec? So we go behind the building and Rin says Len last night I realized why you're different now! And I say I'm different? I think the only difference I know is that well the stork doesn't find babies anywhere and well girls are different from boys and it's not that I don't exist it's just that I'm not human. Rin laughs and says no, Len, it's because you've been out in the world long enough now that you understand! It doesn't matter whether the Doctor says you have human understanding or not, Len, I'm almost positive that's why you changed. You understand, now, Len, you understand!
I do? But I don't feel smarter. I think you just made me more confused than before. Rin laughs her tinkly laugh and says well I don't really know exactly what human understanding is, either. I think, Len, you're just as human as any of us. Maybe even more. You know what it's like to be alive, and you also know what it's like to be not alive, and you know what it's like to face death.
Well I don't think I can be more human as you or even as human as you because I'm still a robot boy with half a brain and half flesh and half machine. And Rin says maybe your body's not human, Len, but I think your mind is, whether you realize it or not. And then she hugs me and I hug her back, and she says you know Len, it's okay that you don't grow. I think I like being taller than you. Maybe one day I'll be so tall and you'll be so short, I can snuggle you like a stuffed animal.
Well I don't know if that makes me feel better or not, but umm thanks anyway, Rin.
~.~.~.~
Hey Lenlen, I heard this funky rumour, someone told me hey I noticed you sit with that Len kid, he's a real weirdo, you seen that computer port on his neck? They even said that someone told them you're a robot. That's ridiculous, robots are cold and made of metal. Besides, you're not a weirdo, you're just different, that's why I like you.
Me and Rin and Ted all exchanged really really really uneasy glances. That is a really really bad rumour because only because it's true. If someone finds out what I am that's really really bad, really really really bad.
New plan of action, make sure Neru or anyone else doesn't touch my skin and find out that I'm cold.
~.~.~.~
Miku told us a story today that had me squirming in my seat because I'm the only one that knows. She said gee something weird happened on my way to school today. I was just walking and out of no where this girl runs up and hugs me and says oh my gosh you're Miku Hatsune! And I say um yes? And she says I never thought you were real! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! And Miku is imitating this really high pitch voice every time she says oh my gosh. It was the weirdest, creepiest thing that's ever happened to me.
And Gakupo says why, that should have happened to me, for I am obviously the more better looking of us two! And since Miku sits next to Gakupo she grumbled and shoved him off the bench.
Akaito says maybe you're famous for something you don't know about. I start mashing my hands together in my lap because that's exactly exactly it, not even Ted or Rin know they're Vocaloids, I think it would be really bad if everyone here found out they're computer programs!
~.~.~.~
The Doctor says Vocaloids are singers, yes, all of you are destined to be famous singers. Those in the world that know of Vocaloid will be in for a surprise, surely. And I say well well Doctor what if the world finds out about them like right now? And the Doctor says hmm, well then they would certainly find out they are computer programs, that – that's not good. I hadn't thought of that! And the Doctor runs to his People Creator computer and I follow him. He goes on the internet and looked at some graph and says oh god, oh god, this is bad. The Vocaloid fanbase is increasing rapidly, I fear that within this next year many people will know about it, and surely all the completed projects will find out what they are.
And I say but Doctor, what happens if they find out that they were made from a computer program? And he says it must depend on the person. I'm sure, though, they won't sing, they may even go into hiding to escape the fans. Oh dear God, this entire project is in danger, I hadn't thought of that, hadn't thought…
And then I leave because the Doctor looks awfully scary.
~.~.~.~
Len, you've been acting strange lately, is something wrong? Um um um um no R Rin nothing's wrong! Nothing's wrong! Len, just stop lying, you are seriously the worst liar I have ever met. I I I'm sorry Rin sorry sorry but I can't tell you because the Doctor said I can't, said I can't! But I'm really scared right now. The Doctor said to me gah, Len, did you say something about Vocaloid? Dammit! If you say one peep, Len, you are never seeing the light of day ever again, do you hear me? I heard him, I heard him, I promised I wouldn't say anything, I didn't in the first place but I didn't I didn't I didn't I swear!
Len? Are you sure you're not— no no no I actually am okay well well the Doctor's just being um um grumpy, yeah yeah.
Then Luka says well you're awfully jittery, Len, do you need to go to the nurse? Ah ah no no I'm okay thanks. Why, Len, one who lies and says they're fine is one to be proud of, and yet ashamed, for one should just say what is the matter! Luka says wow, Gakupo, I agree with you for once. Are you sure you're okay Len? Are you cold? I have a jacket in my backpack, if you want.
No no no I'm really okay guys thanks though um um I'm going to go take a walk okay? And then I get up from the table and run. I want to be away from my friends right now. They're all Vocaloids, and if even one of them finds out, I am toast. Burnt, crispy robot toast.
~.~.~.~
Len, you haven't said anything, have you? I shake my head no no no I promise. And he says good, now listen here. Our fame and fortune now lies behind a roadblock. We must not let the completed models find out about Vocaloid. You are my connection to them. I need you to deny everything about Vocaloids when you hear it. If you say one word, I will know. They will know. And you will know nothing, because that will be the final straw and I will be done with you. Hear me?
I hear you I hear you please don't kill me yet Doctor I haven't done anything! And he says well hopefully I won't have to kill you, I mean you're already killing yourself every second of every day and he grumbles and goes back into his lab. I'm scared, I'm really scared. The Doctor is being so, so, so scary. Scarier than ever.
~.~.~.~
I hate keeping secrets, I hate secrets, I hate telling Kaito that the Doctor is my dad and telling everyone but Rin and Ted I'm a real person and most of all I hate lying to everyone and saying I'm just fine because besides me dying the Doctor is going to kill me if they do something on their own and find out about Vocaloid.
Len seriously, tell me what's the matter, Len. S s s s sorry Rin I can't I can't I can't! You keep saying you can't, you can, you can tell me Len, I didn't drag you behind this building for nothing, you can tell me anything, remember our promise?
I I I remember the promise Rin but Rin I didn't know this would happen, Rin Rin I'm scared, I'm so scared, I want to tell you but I can't because then the Doctor will, will, will! Will what Len, come on, spit it out!
But Rin Rin he said I can't say he said I can't say. But Rin says Len if he said you can't say, can you write it? Here I have a pencil and paper in my backpack, write what's bothering you so much! Well Rin Rin I don't know what if he finds out you know because I—He won't I'll burn the paper and tell him I found out whatever it is by accident okay Len? Write.
So I write well the Doctor keeps telling me he's going to kill me if anyone finds out that all of us are Vocaloid computer programs because he says his fame and fortune are down the drain and he says if they find out he's going to kill me!
And Rin picks up the paper and says that's ridiculous Len, not even the Doctor would do that, that's completely uncalled for. But I say he said it he said it Rin he keeps telling me and it's so scary, I don't want to die sooner than I have to please Rin don't tell anyone don't tell a soul please please please!
I won't Len, calm down, we'll get this worked out.
~.~.~.~
Len seriously, are you sick? What is wrong with you! That's Miku. You've been shaky for like a freaking week, jeez wear a jacket at the least. You make me feel horrible looking at you, don't you want to go to the nurse or something?
Well I'm not shaking because I'm cold I'm actually scared of the Doctor killing me because you're all Vocaloids! That's what I want to say but of course if I say it the Doctor will kill me. For real, he's going to kill me, I'm scared I'm scared.
~.~.~.~
Umm Doctor, what really really happens if they find out that they're Vocaloids? D Doctor a aren't you over reacting? If all they're gonna do is stop singing… no, Len, dammit, you don't understand. Crypton funds all my research here. We made a deal, that I would make their Vocaloids into real living music stars. But they're not stars yet, the People Creator only seems to make one age, fourteen, the new creations ready to start high school. That makes it easy for me, though, because I only have to program fourteen years of memory instead of, say, twenty.
So Doctor, it's just bad if they stop singing because Vocaloid won't give you any more money? Of course, Len, it's terribly ridiculous but I'll be out of the job and out of money, but worse yet I'll never gain the fame and fortune that those Vocaloids will – or at this point, would – bring. I'm worried for the success of this project.
Doctor, what happens if they stop giving you money? Don't you just get another job? Sure, sure, just not one as well paying as this one. No more laboratory here, no more testing and experimenting and researching. Well I think that sounds good to me. And the Doctor says well it won't in a minute, if there's no money, there's no fixing you, either. Oh well, I take that back, you're not really fixable, anyway. Sorry Len, things just keep going wrong with you and they will just keep going wrong.
But listen, if they find out they're Vocaloids, I'm over and you're especially over, you're the most high maintenance thing I've ever seen. That's why you're going to be dying sooner than you think if they find out they're Vocaloids, hear me?
I I I hear you, Doctor, I hear you maybe maybe more loud and clear than I'd have liked to.
~.~.~.~
I have to stop being so high maintenance so the Doctor won't kill me. But I don't know what's wrong with me besides being a dying robot and well I have Banana and I eat food from the fridge. But I don't really know how to stop being me. And I don't know how to stop everyone from finding out they're Vocaloids either.
I think I thought of something now. I get answers to questions, and I get answers and answers but then when my other questions get answered I just get new questions. I guess the world is so full of knowledge that you always have more questions no matter what. I wonder if anyone in the world can hold so much knowledge? I don't think I'll ever figure out everything in the whole world. I couldn't even figure out where storks found their babies.
~.~.~.~
Thank goodness, Len, you finally stopped shaking. Long case of shivers? Um um well no not really, I was just ummm… I was shaking 'cuz I felt like it. Right, Len, right. But I'm still scared. The Doctor won't keep me around any more if everyone finds out they're Vocaloids. Maybe, maybe if he's going to kill me, I'll run away and live in Rin's backyard as a fugitive.
Except I don't think Rin's parents would want a little robot boy living in their backyard.
~.~.~.~
Today, my lovely, non loved friends, I, the great Gakupo, was swamped by adoring fangirls. I think you're the most unloved of any of us, Gakupo. Oh, don't be so sour, my dear Luka, for I am the one who will bring fame and fortune to all of us! Gakupo, how many girls swamped you? Two, but their love and adoration for Mr. Gakupo Kamui was more than a whole group of the more fair sex. Then Luka got up from her seat and went around the table and kicked Gakupo.
I guess more and more people are finding about Vocaloid, now, and well I can't really stop it so I have to look for somewhere to hide so the Doctor won't kill me.
~.~.~.~
Neru says that she's going to stop telling rumours because she says she hates the rumours about me. I guess that's good, because at least that's one less thing I have to worry about. I'm scared to know what would happen if anyone found out that I'm a robot. Well really I don't know if anything would happen, maybe they would try to tickle me until they found an off switch but I don't think I have an off switch, I don't know how the Doctor turns me on and off. But I'm positive I don't have on off switch. That makes me feel better, at least, because when the Doctor's gone and stops making people then no one will ever be able to turn me off again.
~.~.~.~
I'm almost done with my newest project, Megumi Nakajima, more commonly known as Gumi. I feel she's a bit rushed, though, but I just have to do what I can in this time period right now. All I have to do is program her subconscious need to sing, like all the other Vocaloids.
I don't like how the Doctor makes people. I know I always think that but I really really don't. I don't want him to make any more people and program their memories and personalities and give them subconscious messages. I want people to be people and just be normal old people, like the kind of person I can never be.
~.~.~.~
Rin says Len you look like you're thinking about a lot, how goes the whole… thing? Rin he's really crazy, I don't want him to be making people any more, I don't want any more failed robots like me. And Rin says yeah, but what can we do?
And I say well we can go blow up the People Creator. Rin says huh, that's a start, but won't he build another one? I hadn't thought of that.
So I ask Rin Rin, do you have any free space in your back yard?
~.~.~.~
The Doctor's not home today, it's the perfect chance. So I sneak into the People Creator room and turn on the Doctor's computer. File, Projects. Delete, delete, delete, Doctor, you are never ever going to make another person ever again. Well, maybe. But not for a while.
~.~.~.~
I hear the Doctor yelling from the other room. I say come on Banana, let's go, he found it, we have to run now, and Banana jumps on my head and we run out the front door. But then the Doctor is running behind me, ahh ahh he has the electric charge gun! So I run faster but I think I'm the slowest runner on the planet and hey hey I feel funny?
~.~.~.~
Oww ow I think I hit my head, Rin, Rin? Where am I? Ohh, the Doctor's lab, I'm I'm over here, on this, where's Banana? I shake my head and sit up. I see the Doctor working at the People Creator computer. I smile to myself. I at least deleted his files, I deleted his files and there's nothing he can do because I emptied his Recycle Bin, too.
~.~.~.~
Len, you despicable little… little… you, that was years of research and programming you deleted! I know, Doctor. You just set yourself up to die sooner that you normally would, you know that? If anything goes wrong with the People Creator, I am done for, and so are you. I know, Doctor. But making people is bad.
You're bad too. That was years of research you deleted Len, five years. Well Doctor, five years is more than I'll even live. You'll have plenty of time to make it up.
~.~.~.~
Hey, Gakupo, guess who's so popular now? I was in my choir class, three girls came up to me and asked me you're Luka Megurine, aren't you? They said they didn't know Vocaloids were real, and they were poking me. It was the strangest thing, I wonder what Vocaloids are?
I bet it's nothing, that's what I bet. That's what I said. Akaito says maybe the internet will have something? I say probably probably probably not because if we don't know about it probably not too many other people?
Gakupo says yes, surely there is some ulterior motive, but it doesn't seem harmful, perhaps we should wait and watch the drama unfold!
Thank you Gakupo, you just saved my life. Well, kind of. You saved it for now. That's better than nothing.
~.~.~.~
What can I do? What is there to do? Can I just go in there and destroy the People Creator? I'm scared, I'm scared of everything that might happen because of me. I've already caused so much trouble, the Doctor is ready to kick me out or kill me already just for deleting his files.
I want to just tell Rin everything I'm feeling, but I think I need to be more more more I need to keep more to myself. I should stop dumping all my troubles on other people, it just makes them feel bad too. I don't want to make other people feel worse just to make me feel better.
But then I think, isn't that what I'm doing to the Doctor?
~.~.~.~