Where We Are

Chapter Fifteen

Mark shut the front door and returned to Susan's living room. Jen and Rachel had just left to go to the hotel but Mark decided to remain behind to talk to Doug. He still hadn't returned from Carol's bedroom but besides wanting to know how Carol was, he had a feeling Doug might want to talk too.

Standing in the living room, Mark could just about see Susan in the kitchen, cleaning. She had put some frozen pizzas in the oven earlier, after Carol had retreated to her room and was know cleaning up the mess the pizzas had caused. Mark crossed the living room and entered the kitchen.

'Need some help?' he asked, quietly.

Susan jumped. 'Oh, Mark you scared me' she said, a hand on her chest, breathing deeply. Mark tried not to laugh.

He knew he wasn't the only one of the two aware that this was the first time they had been alone since that day on the platform of Union Station and so the moment was awkward. After recovering from her shock, Susan turned and went back to washing the plates. Silently, Mark joined her, picked up a towel and began to dry what she had already washed. She smiled in thanks and after that they worked in silence.

Susan tried to make sense of what she was feeling as they worked. Her earlier euphoria had faded now, in light of Carol's problems, but she was still happy to see Mark. She was always happy when Mark was around. But that ache in her heart, that dull pain, an echo of the pain she had felt when she boarded that train to Phoenix, made her want to reach out and touch Mark, to be positive she wasn't dreaming and that the man she had loved, still loved, was really standing right beside her now, drying her plates.

'How's your job going?' Mark asked, breaking the silence.

'It's good. Hard work, but you know all about that' Susan answered, keeping her eyes on the dishes.

Mark smiled and nodded, indicating he did know how hard it was working in a busy, urban ER.

They fell back into an awkward silence until all the dishes were washed, dried and stacked. Susan dried her hands, replaced the towel on its hook and then wondered what to do next. Mark was standing near the table, rocking back on his heels and swinging his arms. Susan almost smiled.

'Coffee?' she asked.

Mark clapped his hands as if Susan was a genius for coming up with that idea. 'Love some.'

He sat down at the table again as Susan turned to make the coffee. When she brought the two mugs to the table and sat down, the silent fell again.

It continued while they both sipped their coffee, but by the time they had gotten half way through the mug, the elephant in the room was becoming impossible to ignore.

'I'm really sorry, Mark' Susan mumbled, lifting her legs onto the chair and wrapping her arms around them.

'For what?' Mark asked, taking another sip of coffee and then placing the mug on the table.

'You know what for. For getting on the train. For not giving you what you wanted. For not being able to talk to you properly in over a year. But I meant what I said, that...you know...me too.'

Mark sighed. He knew he wouldn't have been able to avoid this and he thought he was prepared but now that the time had come, he didn't have a clue what to say but that ever burning question begged to be asked.

'Why?' he decided, acting on impulse and asking that question that he needed to be answered.

Susan didn't need to ask what he meant. She knew. He wanted to know why she had left, despite expressing her true feelings for her best friend.

She shrugged. 'I don't know. I guess it was because I was scared. I knew how I felt about you but didn't know if I should act on it, and I was afraid our friendship might have suffered. It meant too much to me, I was afraid of losing it. Plus I had made my mind up and I needed to go through with it. There was nothing left for me in Chicago, and Chloe and Susie were here. But I just said I was sorry, Mark. Please believe that if nothing else.'

Mark looked up at her, staring into her grey-blue eyes and after several seconds, he nodded.

'I believe you. Your eyes give everything away. I always knew whether you were lying or not, just by looking at your eyes. That's how I knew you were telling the truth...when you said...' he trailed off, not wanting to say the words. It was true, what he said about her eyes and if he spoke the words "I love you" now and saw in her eyes it wasn't true anymore, he didn't know what he would do. Better to keep dreaming than have his heart broken.

Susan nodded. She longed to tell him that she still felt the same, that not a day had passed since she departed Chicago that she didn't long to see his face, to hear his voice, his laugh. But she had hurt him by her choice to leave and she was sure he didn't feel the same anymore.

'I really screwed up, huh?' Susan said, shaking her head and standing up. She crossed the room to the sink, washed the remains of her coffee down the drain and leaned against the counter, her back still to Mark, afraid to turn around, tears stinging at her eyes.

Mark stared at her back, confused. Screwed up? She had done exactly what she wanted, what was there to regret? His mind went into overdrive, considering what she had meant. Did she regret it? Did she wish she had left Union Station, not on a train, but hand in hand with him?

Susan turned eventually, having wiped away her stray tears. 'You and Jen seem to be getting along better' she commented.

But Mark had no time to think about his ex-wife. Susan's last comment still echoed in his head and the endless possibilities of the meaning behind it had hope bubbling in his chest. They locked eyes again. Brown eyes staring into grey-blue ones.

She saw his question.

He saw her answer.

He stood up and approached her, not breaking her gaze. He stopped not a foot away from her. It was then that she dropped his gaze.

When she saw his eyes lock on her, she tried desperately, through the eyes he said he could read, to tell him everything, knowing somehow that he wanted to know. But now that he stood so close, she was afraid, afraid he might know what she was thinking but was on the verge of telling her he no longer loved her, he was about to break her heart. She was sure of it. So she looked away.

But then he placed his curved forefinger under her chin and raised her head so she had no choice but to look him in the eye again.

'Tell me... Tell me, now' he said but it came out as a kind of croak. His emotions were getting the better of him. But he needed her to say it verbally. He had seen it in her eyes, but he needed to hear it.

She knew what he was asking. He wanted to hear her say it again, and not from a loving train this time.

'I love you' she whispered.

His lips pulled up at one corner, in a croaked half smile. She bit her lip, waiting.

'Ditto' he whispered.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, gently, still smiling. It was their second kiss but this time, it was different. Full of happiness and love.

Doug stood at the end of the stairs, watching as his friends embraced, smiling widely. He might not have been around when all the "Mark and Susan are in love" drama began but he had his sources and he honestly could think of two people more destined to be with each other.

Well...bar two.

AN: Sorry it's short. Mark and Susan had to have their say but not having Carol or Doug in the chapter made it hard to write. I even stuck Doug in there at the end because I missed him so much, haha. And I know you might be thinking "That was fast" but there are two couples that need reuniting here and Doug and Carol was never going to be easy. Plus, Mark and Susan's history was far more recent than Doug and Carol's and they had been talking over the last year, even if it was just email. Doug and Carol had not spoken in over four years and it was because she chose to be with someone else. So yeah, this is what you get :) Please feel free to tell me you thought it was too fast if that's how you feel though, I was just explaining why I did it :)

So, hope you enjoyed it. There will definitely be way more Doug and Carol in the next chapter :)