"Fool me once, shame on you, Christine

fool me twice, shame on me"- Excerption from the diary of Erik

Erik's POV

I don't know why, but I couldn't sleep all night! I had been kissed! Maybe not on the lips, but Christine had pressed her lips to my neck. But did she stop then? No! She couldn't get enough of me, Christine couldn't get enough of the Phantom. She kissed and sucked my neck as if I were sweet chocolate. How my body reacted to this wonderful feeling. I wanted to pin her down, and make passionate love to her, but I couldn't. This had been so awkward. I was so frightened over her actions, that I just rolled over and pretended that none of this ever happened. But I couldn't sleep. All night I laid awake, too happy to close my eyes. If this were a dream, I wanted to stay within it forever more. I devised a plan of sorts to do something with her in the morning. Why? Why did I want to spend time with her? She was leaving in the spring, and I knew the closer I got, the harder it was going to be for me to let her go. But my body needed this, it yearned for the company of Christine, the company she was willingly giving me.

I impatiently waited throughout the night, watching Christine sleep beside me. How I tried to close my eyes and fall asleep, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. When the first ray of sunlight finally hit the window, I gently sat up and reached over for my braces that Christine had placed up against the night table. When they were secured around my legs, I threw on my robe, and quietly headed towards the kitchen to make breakfast. Yes, my body was still pleading for me to stay in bed, but I couldn't. I was the type of person who always needed to be up and about, and laying in bed had only bothered me. I was like a new man, one who for the first time in years was happy. I had begun to think that happiness was just a fantasy for me, but after Christine had kissed my neck, I knew happiness was anything but a dream. It warmed my heart, gave me a burst of energy I hadn't felt in years…Christine had given me life!

I stood there in the kitchen, humming a soft tune like a love stricken school boy as I mixed pancake batter. What did I have to be so happy about? My heart was pleading me to snap out of it, reminding me that the woman who had kissed me was married! But in my mind, I argued back saying "Why? Why had she kissed my neck then?" It was like one huge puzzle, one that both my mind and heart couldn't solve. And why was I making breakfast? I never even made breakfast for myself when I was alone, so why was I doing it now?

"Erik? What in god's name are you doing up?"

The sudden sound had given me a scare, one that caused a horrible pain in my chest. I grasped the pain with my hand, and turned to see Christine standing in the doorway dressed in her night gown.

I took a breath to collect my thoughts, and rubbed my aching chest.

"You scared me."

"And you should be in bed. Did you not hear what the doctor told you?"

"I feel fine." I assured. "The medicine has done me good."

I saw Christine crack as smile, and cross her arms.

"And you're making breakfast?" she seemed just as confused over my actions as I was.

"Um…Yes, I don't actually know why. But you're more than welcomed to join me."

Christine giggled, and I pulled out her chair.

"After you, Madame."

"I'd rather help you, Erik."

"Nonsense, everything is already done. Please, take a seat."

After making Christine her pancakes, I placed them down in front of her, and sat down with a glass of milk.

Christine looked up from her plate and to me.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." I lied. What could I have possibly said to her? "Oh yes, Christine, I cannot eat because I'm libel to vomit later."

I sipped my milk, and told her to eat her breakfast.

Christine cut her pancakes, and took a forkful into her mouth.

"I really wish there was something I could do to get you away from such horrible stomach problems."

Her voice was kind and soothing. Christine was only here to help, but in my mind I knew my stomach would never heal, and that I would never be able to eat like a regular human being. As she ate, I tried to think of something we could do together, something that would make her happy. And then I got it! My hands trembled, and my breathing became labored as readied myself to ask her.

"Christine…"

Her eyes looked up from her plate.

"I…I was thinking that after breakfast you and I could…that is if you're interested….um..go into town and perhaps….pick out a Christmas tree?"

Her jaw slightly dropped upon hearing this. Was she upset? Had I upset her?

"I'm sorry…." I stood up and gathered her empty plate, trying to switch the subject. "I didn't mean to ask."

I was facing the sink, my heart aching from what I had just done. Damn me! This is why I couldn't become soft and gooey for this woman!

"Yes, Erik." came a small gasp. "Yes, yes I would love that."

I spun around to face her.

"Really?"

She nodded in excitement, and approached the sink.

"Go get ready, and I'll clean up."

I was walking on a cloud! This woman, this angel was accepting my offer. I hurried back to my room in pure ecstasy, rummaging through my wardrobe closet for some clothes. I locked myself in the bathroom, and discarded my robe and pajamas before fumbling with my shirt and black trousers. After brushing my teeth, I removed my mask to wash my face, only to look up in the mirror and see it covered with infectious scabs. My mask, my horrible, uncomfortable mask had made my face even more hideous than it already was. I knew Christine would never look into my eyes without fear, but I couldn't think like this today…No, today was supposed to be happy. She had accepted my offer to go into town, and I was going to make the most of it, no matter how hideous I was. After drying the water from my face, I placed the uncomfortable article back over my sore flesh, and adjusted my cravat before walking out. When I did, Christine was already in her cloak and waiting for me by the door.

I smiled, and placed my gloves on before walking out with her and locking the door.

"So where are we going to get a tree?" she asked, skipping along my side.

"There is a tree lot run by Mr. Squelch; one of my employees. But I was first thinking that we could do some shopping? I need a new fountain pen, and I have to visit the drug store to buy a few things."

Christine didn't argue, and stayed close to me as we entered town. As much as I cringed at the thought of walking out of Coney Island and into town, it needed to be done. There were just certain things that could only be bought in the belly of the beast. Yes, the thought of being tormented had run through my brain more than once, but ever since my last beating, I had begun carrying my pocket knife, one of the reasons I visited my workshop just the day before. Yes, I had gone there to check on my robots and such, but when I noticed my pocket knife sitting on my work bench, I didn't hesitate on putting it in the lapel of my jacket. Being prepared is better than having my legs bashed in again.

From years of living on Coney Island, I had gotten used to the busyness of the town. I had come to learn that right after Thanksgiving, people began Christmas shopping and trying to walk into town unnoticed was nearly impossible. I pulled Christine past the mobs of people, who mind you were already glaring my way, and found sanctuary in the stationary store. I walked down the familiar isles of paper and pencils, until I reached the shelf where the fountain pens were kept. Fountain pens were supposed to last someone at least a few years, but because of all the writing I do and the pressure that my hand presses down on the paper due to my stress and anger, I went through a fountain pen at least once a month. Sometimes the ink would explode in them, other times I would crack the metal part where the ink came out of, but as of a few days ago, my fingers has snapped it in half…I think I was angry at Christine over something, but I can't remember.

By the time I was ready to go, Christine wasn't beside me. She had been just moments ago, but now she was gone. When I approached the counter to pay for my pen, I sighed in relief when I looked out the window to see her looking at a display of dresses just across the way. Once I paid, I walked out to meet up with her. Her eyes were fixated on a red Christmas gown that was covered in sequence.

"It's beautiful, I've never seen anything like it in all my life." she said.

I giggled at the expensive price tag it had displayed right at the foot of the gown.

"Yes, and I'm sure it will sit here until after Christmas with a price like that."

"If I had a party to go to, I would get two jobs just to be able to afford it."

Christine didn't yet know, but she could have a party to attend, if she was willing to go with me. For the past ten years, I have been throwing a New Years party for my employees and their families. I barely stayed an hour due to the fact that I had no one to attend it with, but this year I was hoping it would be different, and that Christine would attend it with me. Yes, that dress was expensive, but I had enough money for my great grandchildren to live off of….not that I would ever have children, but it was a fact. There wasn't anything in this world I wouldn't give to someone who loved me. Perhaps I would surprise her with this dress….if she agreed to go with me of course.

"Come along, Christine."

We walked down the block to the drug store where I got all my medicine from. I was running extremely low on morphine, and I needed a new syringe because the needle on the one I was currently using was getting harder and harder to get through my vein. The drug store was crowded with people buying greeting cards and other trinkets. I could feel eyes staring at me, but didn't dare look.

"I'll be a few moments." I told Christine. "You can go look around if you want."

As I stood there at the front counter, giving the pharmacist my order of what I needed, I couldn't help but hear the voice of a man.

"Hey, freak, you're on the wrong side of the tracks."

I didn't turn, nor did I say anything. The pharmacist set down the new syringe I had asked for on the counter and turned to fill a jar with morphine.

"A syringe?" came the taunting voice again. "What are you? Drugging women and raping them because you can't get one on your own? Too ugly?"

Once more I ignored the man, but when I didn't answer this time, I felt him push me in the back of my shoulder.

"I'm talking to you, freak! Aren't you going to answer me?"

In my mind, I wanted to whip out my knife and shut the man up, but I didn't…I continued to ignore him. Moments later, Christine was at my side and I paid for my supplies before walking out with her at my side. But the man didn't stay inside the drug store; he followed us outside.

"Hey, freak!"

Christine turned around, completely appalled by this man's vulgarity.

"Excuse me." she snarled. "You can't talk to a human being like that, especially Mister E."

The man pushed Christine aside, causing her to fall onto the icy streets. This angered me! The man continued plowing towards me, ready to beat me up, but I wasn't going to allow this to happen. I whipped out my knife, and flicked open the blade.

"Tough freak are you?"

"I'm not looking for trouble." I said. "I have just as much right to be here as you do."

The man took one glance at my knife, and backed away.

"If you know what's best for you, you'll stay out of town. You're lucky this time, freak, but I assure you next time you won't be so lucky."

With that, the man turned around and fled back towards the drug store. I waited just to make sure he was really gone before putting away my knife, and extending my hand to Christine.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, are you?"

I nodded, and Christine took my arm as we walked out of town and back into Coney Island.

"Erik, you know I could do your errands for you, so you won't have to come into town."

This shattered my heart. Was I really that much of an embarrassment to her? I couldn't blame her.

"I am a freak to you? One that you're embarrassed to be around. I understand."

Christine stopped me right in the middle of Coney Island, and forced me to look at her.

"Never, Erik. You will never be a freak in my eyes. I just care about your wellbeing and health. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"And what am I to do? Sit up in my flat like a prisoner? Because I am too hideous to walk in daylight? Oh, Christine…"

I wrapped my arms tightly around my chest, and closed my eyes. I was a prisoner in my mother's attic, I was a prisoner in a gypsy cage, I was a prisoner in the catacombs of the opera house, and now, ten years later, Christine wanted me to be a prisoner of my flat.

"Come, let's get a tree so we can go home." all emotion had left my voice, leaving me feeling melancholy again. "It's getting cold."

When we arrived at the tree lot, I told Christine to get any tree she liked, and stood there watching her move from tree to tree. My heart was aching within my chest, and all I wanted to do was get back to the flat and wrap myself within my music to get my mind off of what Christine had said.

"Erik, I found one."

I looked up, and saw her standing beside a skinny tree that was around my height.

"Ah, boss, fancy seeing you here."

I turned around, and saw Mr. Squelch standing behind me.

"Yes, good afternoon."

The strong, bulky man laughed at the sight of me standing before him.

"In all my ten Christmas's running this stand, never have I ever seen you here."

"It's for a friend." I motioned towards Christine, and Mr. Squelch's eyes widened at her beauty.

"She's beautiful, boss. Will you be asking her to the New Year's ball? Because if not, I'd like to take her."

All that was running through my mind at the moment was "touch her and I'll kill you!"

"I…I um…I don't think she'll be staying that long. She's just visiting."

I couldn't say yes, and I damn well couldn't tell him that I wasn't taking her. That's all my heart needed was to see Mr. Squelch taking Christine to the ball.

"Anyway, I'd like that tree."

"Your flat's not far from here, boss, I'll carry it there for you."

I agreed, and paid Mr. Squelch before walking back to the flat with Christine. This day had gone anything but how I had wanted it to go. First I get taunted in town and then Mr. Squelch wanted to hoard in on Christine! Things just couldn't get any worse.

Once we were back inside, I plopped down at my desk, and ignored the sounds of Mr. Squelch brining in the tree and Christine's thank you's. When Christine and I were alone again, I heard her rummaging around, but paid no mind.

"Erik, would you like to decorate the tree with me?"

I opened my new fountain pen, and began writing.

"No thank you." I growled. "Enjoy yourself."

"Did I say something wrong?"

"You wish to lock me in here just like everyone else." I was so angry that I smudged the words I had just written. "Do I not deserve to walk among men."

"Of course, but you don't deserve injuries and verbal abuse. Look, Erik, I'm sorry for suggesting to do your errands. I didn't think it was a big deal to you, and I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway."

I then felt her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Erik. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"Do you know what hurts me, Christine? Do you know what hurts worse than being beaten and called names?"

"No, I don't."

I stood up in once swift motion, and turned to face her, pulling off my mask only to see her face turn to fear. I closed my eyes, and placed my mask back on before turning from her.

"That. It is only when I wear my mask that I bring you laughter and happiness. Seeing your face turn from happiness to fear because of my monstrous appearance hurts me worse than knives stabbing my heart, worse than any pain that could ever be brought upon me."

"I'm still getting used to it, Erik. Don't I have a right to try at least?"

"I've been trying my whole life, Christine, and yet, I still look at myself in the mirror and want to vomit at such a sight. I can't even love myself…." I closed my eyes tight. "If I can't love myself, than how can I expect anyone to love me?"

"Erik, please decorate the tree with me."

I couldn't resist her, and approached the tree. From the box, Christine handed me a star, and pointed to the top of the tree.

"You're taller than me, Erik."

I placed the star atop of the tree, and then, one by one began to take small red and green balls from the box to hang on the tree. It was strange, even when I was a child I was never aloud to decorate the tree with my mother, but now I was doing it with the girl of my dreams.

"You look tired, Erik."

"I didn't get much sleep last night."

Christine paused with an ordainment in her hand.

"I hope it wasn't nightmares that were keeping you awake."

"No, the medicine made me a little antsy." I lied.

"When we're finished with this, you could lay down for a while if you'd like."

"I think I might."

As I stood there beside the tree, I couldn't help but notice Christine straining to reach one of the branches. How badly I wanted to shy away, but knowing me, I couldn't.

"Do you need help?"

"I can't reach the branch." she giggled.

I stood behind her, and nervously placed my hands at her waist, and lifted her. Christine laughed playfully when I did this, and hung the ornament of her desired branch. When I placed her down, she turned to me with my hands still on her waist, and embraced my cheek with her hand. My heart was racing a mile a minute upon her touch.

"H…Have you ever done this with Raoul?"

Christine looked at the tree, and then back at me.

"No. He always had the maids decorate the house. I enjoy this better."

In my hand, I held a Christmas ball that I had intended to hang on the tree but when I heard those sweet words come from her mouth, I dropped it. The ball began to roll towards our bedroom, and we both went for it.

"I got it, Christine."

"No, it's alright, I'll get it."

When the ball finally stopped rolling, both of us leaned in for it, only to have both of our hands touch and grasp a side of the ball.

Both of us lifted the ornament to our height, and smiled. I looked down at our hands that were touching one another's and never wanted to let go. She wasn't disgusted by my hand; her fingers were even overlapping my own. But Christine wasn't looking at our hand, she was staring up towards the ceiling. Curious, I lifted my head to do the same, only to see that we were standing beneath the mistletoe. How badly I wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't; she was a married woman.

"Erik?" her voice was soft and pleading.

"Yes?" my hands were trembling.

"What is the punishment for not following the tradition?"

"The…the tradition for what?"

"Mistletoe."

I shrugged my shoulders, and looked back up to where it was hanging.

"I'm not quite sure."

I felt her hand on my cheek again, and pressed my own hand against hers.

"Then it's best to not find out."

She pressed her chest up against my own, and I backed up in fright. When I hit the back of the doorway, I was trapped with nowhere else to go. She leaned in, her face was now so close to mine. How badly I wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't. I knew if I had that connection with her, I would never be able to let her go when spring came around. She was married, and had to return to her husband. I might be many things, but an extramarital lover is something I will never become.

"Please, don't." I gently pushed her away from me, and stepped out from beneath the doorway.

"Erik, what's wrong? Is it a crime to give you something you've always dreamed of?"

"Look at your left ring finger, Christine. Have you forgotten that you're married?"

Christine fingered her wedding ring, and looked up at me.

"I don't love him, Erik. I thought I did, but…after spending so much time with you, and realizing…"

"Realizing what? That I'm not a monster, that I can treat a girl just like any other man? I begged you ten years ago to give me that chance, and you never listened. The opera is gone, and choices were made….How I wished they could have been different."

"They can, Erik." I felt her touch the sleeve of my jacket. "I won't go back to him. We can start a new life together."

"What? Being hunted down? What would your husband think? No, Christine."

"You once told me that you would grant me anything my heart desired."

I pulled away from her grasp, and coldly turned from her teary face.

"Yes, but you are asking the only thing in my power that I cannot grant. You married, Christine, and when the first roses of spring bloom, you, my dear, will be on the first ship back to Paris."

"You're so afraid of getting hurt that you won't even give me a chance!"

I was livid now. How dare she come here and say such a thing.

"Of course I'm afraid, Christine! How can I not be! It's taken me ten years to get over the night you left me! I wanted to die, oh how badly I wished for death. I laid in bed for weeks, wishing for death to take me. I've built a life for myself here in New York, and I know by letting you back into my heart that I'll only crumble and fall within time, and this time, I won't be able to get back up."

"Erik…"

"No! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me…"

"Don't we all deserve second chances, Erik? You got a second chance at life, so why can't I?"

She was right…but could I possibly ever let her back into my heart after what she had done to me? I turned to her, and looked back at the mistletoe.

"Then prove to me that you deserve a second chance."

"But haven't I already proved it to you? I took care of you, massaged your feet and legs…Oh, Erik, you must believe that I care for you…And now…"

She paused and walked me back under the mistletoe.

"And now I'll finish what I wanted to do five minutes ago."

My body relaxed against her touch, her body leaned up, but she wasn't tall enough to reach my face with her own, so I leaned down. And it was then, for the first time in my entire life that I felt lips against my own. I had never been kissed before, and even though it wasn't passionate, it was still wonderful. After pressing her lips against mine, she slowly pulled away and smiled.

"How did it feel?"

My heart ached, and I felt the ice melting away, filling itself with the old undying passion I once held for her. I couldn't answer her, I could only turn away and start walking towards my bed.

"I'm…I'm going to rest." I had tears in my eyes but I couldn't let her see them, I couldn't let her know that my first kiss had brought tears to my eyes.

"I'll make dinner."

With that, I was left laying there in my bed, quietly sobbing to myself….I had been kissed….I had been kissed. Perhaps it wasn't the kind of kiss lovers share, but everything has to start somewhere…

Ok,…More fluff to come…This one wasn't too fluffy, but fluff will be returning in the next few chapters. Please review! Love you all!