"Nothing in life is to be feared

It is only to be understood…."- Excerption straight from the diary of Christine Daae

Christine's POV

Erik had tried to kill himself! God! I had left the flat to work off my debt to Signore Angelo and do some Christmas shopping, only to return home and find Erik laying on the floor. I had thought it to be an accident, but when he awoke, he told me otherwise. It was all because of me! I had written to Raoul, and explained how I was staying with someone, but didn't exactly love him. In my heart, I did have feelings for Erik, but when I looked at his face, all I saw was fear. I was sure he was going to kick me out, but instead, he gave me one final chance….I wouldn't screw up this time, I couldn't afford it.

He is sleeping now, and I am preparing lunch. I turned off the phonograph I had turned on earlier, and stood there in the kitchen listening to him breathe. Both of his wrists had been bandaged, and the doctor I called had taken blood from me to give to him. He said it would make him extremely tired, and for the next few days he would be weak with exhaustion from the massive blood loss. I knew Erik had attempted suicide before, but he said it was fifteen years ago, way before he met me….But now, I had been the cause of his newest attempt. After making him a jelly sandwich and pouring him a glass of milk, I entered his room to find him staring at the jar of blood that was slowly dripping into his arm. I shuddered at the sight of his monstrosity of a face, but I had to be strong….

"Erik, I brought you lunch. The doctor told me to make sure you eat. You need to build your strength up."

He didn't say a word, and tried to lift his hand, but couldn't. The massive blood loss had indeed made him weak. As much as his face scared me, I took half of the sandwich and held it up against his bloated lips.

"Come now, Erik, eat something."

His jaw opened slowly, and bit down on a piece of the sandwich. I stood there watching him chew before holding the glass of milk up to his lips. When I tried to feed him some more of the sandwich, he simply turned his face away.

"Erik, you need to eat."

"I…I don't feel well."

With that, he blacked out again. I knew until the blood got back into his system, he was going to be very weak. I myself was running on empty. Not only had I been running around in the cold weather, but I was also coming down with a slight cold. At the moment it was just a light cough every once in a while, so I didn't worry. By staying inside for the next few days would surely cure me of my illness. While Erik slept, I washed our clothes, and hung them over the fire to dry. Afterwards, I pulled out the gift I had bought him. I had run errands for Signore Angelo to pay off my debt, but when I returned, he paid me for my time. I didn't want to accept the money, but he insisted I take it. With some of that money, I had gone Christmas shopping, buying Erik a new pocket watch, one that I was able to get his name inscribed into. That was going to be the most expensive gift, but I also had plans to do something with the models I had stolen from Erik's work shop. I wanted to do something special with them, but hadn't had any ideas yet…Christmas was still two weeks away, and so, I still had time.

"Christine?" I heard my name being called from the bed room, and looked up. "Christine, could you come in here?"

Erik sounded like he was in a lot of pain, and so I put away his present before answering his call. I walked into our bedroom, to find him laying on his back with the covers laying on the floor.

"What is it, Erik?" I softly asked.

"Could you get the blankets for me, please? They must have fallen off when I was sleeping."

I simply nodded, and kept my gaze towards the floor as I walked around our bed collecting the blankets that were scattered about. When he was covered again, I took a seat where his legs were propped up on pillows and began massaging them.

"Just what I need." he cooed, pressing his distortion into the pillow.

I giggled, and it rattled a cough in my throat. I saw Erik's eyes peer to mine in one fast motion.

"Are you getting sick?" he asked.

"I don't know." I lied. "I feel fine."

"That cough doesn't sound too promising. Christine, you must tell me if you don't feel well. People on Coney get sick in the winter, and the illness over here causes death. Believe me, I wasn't so lucky the past few years. I caught consumption just last winter."

This scared me, but I didn't feel sick at all.

"I feel fine, Erik."

"If that cough gets any worse, promise me you'll tell me."

"I promise."

I didn't know Erik was ill last winter. My poor Erik had caught consumption, and hadn't died.

"How is it that you lived?"

"I almost didn't. My lungs were so sore, I was sure they were going to explode. I whipped up some medicine and spent three weeks in bed hardly being able to breathe."

I didn't want to tire Erik out, and so I decided to sit there in silence for a while as I continued to massage his legs.

"Would you tell me something, Christine?"

His voice was weak and sore, but he was still talking. My hands paused on his ankles, and glared at his handsome face that was laying on top of the pillow.

"What is it that you wish to know?"

"Was there not one time in your whole marriage with Raoul that you enjoyed making love?"

I looked down at the scars on Erik's legs, thinking about what to say. No, there hadn't been a time when I enjoyed it….In all of our ten years together, we had only made love six times, and each and every time was worse than the last.

"No. It was horrible….but could I ask you something?"

His beautiful eye looked my way, granting me permission.

"Is making love supposed to be unpleasant? I mean, back in Paris, the ballerinas used to go on and on about how wonderful it was."

"You're asking the wrong person, Christine. But from all the stories I've read, I don't believe it's supposed to be unpleasant at all."

I crawled up to his chest, and laid beside him, pressing a kiss to his neck. When he felt this, he turned to me, exposing the malformed side of his face. My stomach cringed, and I wanted to close my eyes, but I knew that would only hurt him.

"I'm scaring you, aren't I?"

I shook my head, and looked down at his shirt.

"Please don't think that I hate you, Erik. I need time."

Erik placed his hand on my cheek, and had tears sliding down his own.

"You're looking at me now." he sobbed. "Oh, Christine, look at me…"

I did. I looked up from his shirt, and into those mismatched eyes. He looked handsome with his mask on, but this was him! This was Erik. He was no different with the mask on or off. Erik was still Erik no matter what. I fell in love with his heart, and that's what mattered.

"What I wrote in my diary was true, Erik. I really do dream of making love to you."

I don't know why, but for some reason, I couldn't hold back what I felt for him any longer. Yes, his face did bring me fear, but this was Erik! This was a man I knew I could learn to love. My mouth found his neck, and began sucking at his flesh. A gasp escaped from his lips, and his hands clasped around my back.

"Christine….Oh, Christine."

I moved my lips from his neck, up to his lips, and began passionately kissing him. My tongue twisted with his own, and I moaned. If there was anything that felt amazing, it was Erik's tongue touching my own. His tongue was cold and his saliva was like ice. My own mouth was warm and my saliva hot…But when cold met with hot, it created fireworks. I couldn't get enough of him….My lips went from his mouth to his earlobe, from his earlobe back down to his neck.

Erik was calling my name, and pleading for me to never stop. I didn't…I didn't want to stop. As long as I stayed away from his disfigurement, my fear stayed away. As I lay atop of him, I began to feel his trousers rising. This was the same feeling I used to feel when I would kiss Raoul. I was waiting for Erik to push me away, but he didn't let me stop. Instead, he flipped me over on my back, and began kissing my neck. His breathing was labored, and I could tell he was pushing past the pain in his legs just to be able to do this.

"Oh, Christine…" he gasped in between kisses. "I may be a virgin….but I could pleasure you in ways no body else could."

His hands were wandering down to my waist, and all I wanted was to beg him…I wanted to beg this man to make love to me.

"Yes, Erik….don't stop."

"I could make you feel so good…"

"Yes…"

I wanted him to tear my dress away, I wanted him to make love to me, to show me that sex was real, and it did feel good. But as his lips were kissing my neck, I felt the his deformity touch my own flesh. I hadn't meant to gasp, but I did. I couldn't lie and say that its cold and clammy surface didn't make me cringe, because it did….I wasn't entirely grossed out, but I was indeed disgusted. I was going to ignore it, but Erik pulled away and became extremely angry. He rolled over on his back, and pounded the mattress with his fist.

"Go!"

I tried to calm him down, but he wouldn't listen to me.

"I disgust you! I make you feel disgusting! Oh, Christine!…."

"Erik, please, listen to me."

"I said go! Leave me alone! Go!"

How could I be so stupid! How could I do such a horrible thing to him? He was finally trusting me, and then I go and do something like that. Things were different between the both of us after that. After that afternoon, Erik wouldn't speak to me. For days, he laid there in bed sleeping, and when I would make him meals, he wouldn't say a word. I knew he was truly angry, because he forced me to move my bed back across the room. Yes, things had indeed changed between the both of us. My illness had gone away as quickly as it came, but Erik's anger lingered like a disease. It had been almost a week since his suicide attempt, and he had yet to speak a single word to me. For a while, I decided to let him overcome his anger and waited for him to speak, but he never did. He slept for the most part of the week, only waking to eat, but even while he ate, he didn't speak to me. And when I would try to strike up a conversation, he would only look at me with his mismatched eyes.

It was after a week of silence that I knew I couldn't take it anymore. As I laid there in bed one night, I decided that tomorrow was going to be the day to get him out of this funk. I know what I had done was wrong, but I wanted everything to be back to normal, I wanted us to be back to our old selves. I missed everything about Erik, his smile, his laugh, his kisses….Yes, his face was still scary to look upon, but I was slowly getting used to it. But I knew there was only one way I was going to gain his forgiveness, and I wasn't sure if my body was ready for it yet, but what choice did I have?

I didn't sleep much that night, not much at all. It had snowed again, leaving the windows fogged and covered in fluffy, white snow. The flat was a bit chilly, and I threw on my robe before getting up to make breakfast. To my surprise, Erik was already out of bed. This had been the first time since his incident that I had seen him up and about. He was sitting at the kitchen table, looking over some documents with his bandaged wrists resting on the tabletop. I took a deep breath, and walked right past him to the counter to boil some water.

"You're up early this morning." I cheerfully stated, turning to place the water filled pot on the stove. Like always, he didn't answer me, and continued looking over his work.

"I'll make you some tea if you'd like."

Still, Erik didn't even acknowledge that I was there.

"Are your wrists feeling better?"

I was being driven completely mad! Why wouldn't he speak to me? Why was he shunning me like this? Yes, what I did was wrong, but I was sorry. This wasn't working…none of it was. I then switched to plan B….I slowly approached him from behind, and reached out a trembling hand….. I was afraid to do this, but it had to be done! I closed my eyes, and placed my hand over his deformity. His flesh felt like sandpaper beneath my palm…cold sandpaper. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. As my hand lingered there, I heard him gasp, and he turned to face me.

"Forgive me…" I pleaded. "I was a jerk for doing what I did. It's not that bad, really…"

The longer my hand lingered on his distortion, the less and less I wanted to pull away. Yes, it was a strange feeling, but it wasn't so terrible once you were used to it.

"Y…You're not disgusted?"

By looking into it, yes, I was still grossed out, but by feeling it? No, it wasn't bad at all, and I was a fool for jerking away from his kiss a week ago.

His hand placed itself over the one that was touching his deformity, pressing my hand closer to it.

"What does it feel like?"

"Cold sandpaper."

Erik gently pried my hand away from his face, and placed his mask back on. He had promised me to keep his mask off while in the flat…why was he putting it back on?

"Have I offended you?"

"Not at all. It is a foolish thing to think that you will ever love me without the mask. Forgive me, Christine, I will not haunt you with it any longer. If you can only smile while I am wearing the mask, then Erik will be content with just that."

"Erik, please don't."

He stood from his seat, and placed both hands on my waist.

"You love the mask, don't you?"

I was speechless, I didn't know what to say. Erik only smiled when I smiled, and I only smiled when Erik was wearing his mask. When Erik wore his mask, he brought me such joy, such love…Yes, as much as I hated it, I did love the mask and feared the man. I lowered my head, ashamed at what I was about to say. Erik on the other hand felt no regret, and lifted my chin to meet his masked face.

"Tell me the truth, Christine. I'd be happy with just knowing that. No one has ever loved the mask, not even my own mother. If it is a mask you love, then it shall be a mask you get. What ever your heart desires will be just fine with me. I ache for love, for someone to love me, but if it is a mask you love, then at least part of myself is getting some sort of attention."

And slowly, I nodded. Erik's gaze met with the floor, but only for a few moments, for he collected himself, and took a deep agonizing breath.

"I see. But please tell me the truth, Christine. Tell me that when I wear this mask, you feel no fear towards me."

"I feel no fear." I truthfully repeated.

"And when I wear this mask, you smile because you want to smile?"

Once more I nodded. "Yes, Erik, I smile because I want to smile."

"If…If a mask will keep you happy, then I won't remove it any longer."

As much as Erik told me this wouldn't bother him, I knew it had shattered his heart again. Yes, I loved the mask, but that wasn't the whole truth. He had begun walking towards the bedroom, when I called out to him.

"Yes, I may love the mask, but I would like to get to know the man behind it as well. Maybe not as quickly as I had wished for, but it's something I would like to do."

Erik stood there with his back facing me.

"So be it." he growled.

"And I would like it if we spent some time together."

Erik turned, and stood there nervously rubbing his hands back and forth.

"Wh…what did you have in mind?"

"Dinner?"

He nodded, and turned to enter the bedroom.

"I'll be there."

Tonight was going to be perfect! Tonight I was going to repair our friendship. Shopping needed to be done, and I strolled into town while Erik rested in bed. I bought pork, a jar of kraut, carrots, and a bottle of wine. I wanted everything to be perfect, and it would be. I stayed away from Erik for the remainder of the day. He seemed tired, and so I only checked in on him every once in a while to make sure he was still breathing. He had his legs propped up on pillows, and a soft snoring sound was coming from his mouth. I never heart him snore before….he must have been really tired. Maybe his nightmares had come back because we were no longer sleeping beside each other. When Raoul snored, it was the most annoying sound, one which usually caused me to move out to the couch, but Erik's snoring was soft and beautiful. It was a sound I didn't mind at all, a sound I would want to stay awake and listen to like a beautiful symphony.

I stood there in the doorway for the longest of time, listening to him sleep. If anything was true about Erik, it was that he was music itself. Every sound that escaped his lips was one filled with beauty. When he called my name, it was beautiful, when he begged and gasped during our kisses, that was also beautiful, and even when he snored, the sound was one I wanted to hear for the remainder of my life.

I stood there until I smelled the pork burning, and ran out to the kitchen to check on it. Erik had slept mostly the entire day, and was still sleeping when I was setting the table. When the table was set, I took out the bottle of wine and began twisting the cork off. I was never really great at removing wine corks to begin with, and always wound up breaking it, or handing off the bottle to Raoul. But tonight, I had gotten the cork to come out, only making a mess of myself in the process. When the cork came out, so did a splash of wine. It came out so fast, that the front of my white blouse turned red.

"Curse this wine!" I mumbled, slamming the bottle of wine down on the table. The kitchen was lit with nothing but candlelight, with me standing there unbuttoning my stained blouse. When it was off, I stood there in my corset, placing the food on the table before worrying about getting a new blouse from the wardrobe.

"Is everything alright? I heard a smash and…."

I turned around to see Erik standing there in the doorway. He couldn't even finish his sentence because he had gotten sight of my half naked corseted body. I never seen such a look on his face. He was staring at me as if he were staring at an angel….But when he finally realized how inappropriate it was, he shielded his eyes with his hand, and turned away as I stormed past him.

"God, forgive me, Christine."

"No, it's perfectly fine." I began rummaging through the wardrobe closet to find a new blouse. "I spilled some wine on my blouse. Clumsy me…."

The room had grown silent, and I felt two cold hands place themselves over my shoulders. I shivered, and froze in place, knowing it was Erik who was standing behind me.

"You are beautiful, Christine." His voice was soft, and hypnotizing against my ear. But did it stop there? Of course not…I now felt his fingers sliding down the back of my corset.

"Oh, Christine, you do know how much I despise these contraptions. They're not good for your lungs…."

"It's proper back in Paris to wear one…" I shuddered.

I felt his chest up against my back now….and his lips almost touching my ear. His cold breath heaving down my neck.

"But you're not in Paris, Christine."

I felt his fingers undoing the laces in my corset, something that sent erotic shivers down my spine….Raoul never did this to me before. He never undressed me, he would only undress himself and lay naked on our bed and wait for me to do the same. When my back was undone, I felt the chilly air and Erik's lips against my flesh. He was kissing my back, as he undid every lace, groaning as he did so. The sensation was driving me wild, and I wasn't sure how much longer I was going to be able to take his teasing.

"You have the softest skin, Christine." he cooed, placing another kiss to my shoulder blade. "Forgive me for wanting to taste you."

I closed my eyes, and arched my back against his touch.

"I will not forgive you." I gasped. "For there is nothing to forgive you for. Oh, Erik, don't stop, please don't ever stop."

"Oh, Christine, just touching you is a sin…."

"It can't be a sin…" his lips were now over my shoulders. "It's too heavenly to be a sin."

"Just tell me to stop and I will…Tell me to stop, Christine."

I turned to him, and placed a soft kiss to his lips.

"Never." I murmured.

"Christine, do you feel the fire within yourself? Is it burning as much as it is in me?"

Erik placed my hand over his neck, and I felt heat….Erik's skin was never hot, it was always deathly cold. Had I done this to him?

"Yes, Erik I do….But the question is when will the flames at last consume us?"

Erik sighed orgasmically, before placing his lips to my ear.

"Whenever you're ready to be consumed."

My heart was floating in thin air. How badly I wanted to be consumed now, but something was stopping me, and that was time. Dinner was going to get cold, and I wanted to get to know Erik a while before we jumped into something so serious. But if there was anything I couldn't wait for, it was the day Erik's body and soul would consume me fully and feel something wonderful at last….

Ok everyone, I hope this was extra fluffy for you. Next chapter will be extra fun…Please review, oh, and I had the scene in my head that will soon come…eventually, but I'm taking suggestions (Non Disgusting) on how Christine and Erik should come together as one….I want it to be all super fluffy and stuff…Won't be happening for a few more chapters, but I'm giving the best and most super fluffy sex idea a one way ticket into my story. Oh, and I'm giving you the choice of it either being in Erik's POV or Christine's POV…PM me, don't put it into a review…I want it to be a surprise….Thanks guys! Love you all!