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AN: I blame this on the weather.. I'm influenced by storms in the worst way...
Leonard was standing in the middle of the living room, his arms crossed, in his housecoat and pajamas, and those horrible slippers.
"Now that you have woken the entire apartment building," Sheldon said icily, "May I ask why you were bellering my name?"
"Why are you trying to figure out what Penny tastes like?" Leonard narrowed his eyes. He had tried to go to sleep, but the question, and the replay in his mind of what he had seen.. Then discovering the apartment empty, but the door not locked, Sheldon's keys in the bowl... All proof he hadn't gone far. His whiteboard was full of nonsense. Something was going on.
Sheldon's eyebrows raised, but his stance didn't change. "I can't put it much simpler than I already did, Leonard. I wished to know what she tasted like." Then his lips twitched into a smirk. "She tastes good."
"But why do you CARE?" Leonard sputtered.
"I intend to win the war." Was the reply, the speaker having lost interest in the conversation already. "I will make her wear a slave outfit when I win. I will enjoy that."
"I thought you said you wern't fighting?"
Sheldon licked his fingers again curiously. "We're not."
"But war?" Leonard squinted. "And why are you licking your fingers? And why are you holding a Cosmo magazine?"
Sheldon looked surprised. "A what? Oh, how serendipitous."
"Why?" Leonard wailed.
Sheldon had started flipping through the magazine with interest, his eyebrows twitching at some pages and glancing with interest at others. Suddenly, he paused, tilted his head, nodded, and looked thoughtful. "Leonard, are we done here? I was just having the most interesting..."
"Sheldon. Clue me in, ok?" Leonard sighed.
Sheldon nodded. "Ok, let's see, there was.. No, I can't tell you that. And then.. No, I can't say that either." He paused. "I'm afraid I can't tell you."
"You? Keeping secrets?"
"Oh, it's not a secret." Sheldon blinked. "But a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."
Past the rushing noise in his ears, Leonard heard himself ask "Are you having sex with Penny?"
The noise intensified when he heard the answer.
"Not yet. That is, I believe the intended outcome of the war however, and at the rate of escalation, I surmise..."
The rest was just a blur of mumbo jumbo, until suddenly it was quiet, and the last words filtered through. "You should go to bed, Leonard, you look pale."
~P~
Penny sat, listening. Waiting. For a scream, or a shout, or a nuclear boom. Hearing nothing, she stood and crossed to her doorway, opening the door slightly. Their door was open, she was able to hear better.
"I intend to win the war." Sheldon was speaking...
"I will make her wear a slave outfit when I win. I will enjoy that."
Oh hell yes. Penny grinned, she would rock a slave outfit. Only she was going to win, so he'd have to wait for that, or maybe it might be a good offensive attack.. Leonard spoke, and she reminded herself to pay attention.
"I thought you said you wern't fighting?"
"We're not."
"But war? And why are you licking your fingers? And why are you holding a Cosmo magazine?"
She swallowed. Sheldon was licking his fingers again? Oh dear god in heaven, that boy was going to drive her insane and she was going to love it, my god, why wouldn't Leonard just shut up already, and then Sheldon could come back, because yeah, maybe he'd worked a little magic with his fingers but his eyes had promised so much more and damn it, she hated being held out on. Her eyes narrowed, she listened again.
"Sheldon. Clue me in, ok?" Leonard was sighing.
"Ok, let's see, there was.. No, I can't tell you that. And then.. No, I can't say that either." There was a pause. "I'm afraid I can't tell you."
Penny smirked.
"You? Keeping secrets?" Penny couldn't blame Leonard for sounding incredulous, Sheldon keeping secrets took a pretty big stretch of the imagination.
"Oh, it's not a secret." Sheldon replied. "But a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."
Penny's eyebrows nearly hit the roof. Gentleman? Sheldon? Now that she thought of it... How about that? She'd accidentally found a real one! Bonus points!
"Are you having sex with Penny?"
She stuck her head right out the door to hear the answer to that.
"Not yet. That is, I believe the intended outcome of the war however, and at the rate of escalation, I surmise..."
Penny backed into the apartment, wondering if she should go put on her new t-shirt, which read "Hello Shrody" with a kitty in a box. Sheldon might appreciate the humour. But then, apparently he was more of a slave girl outfit kind of man.
Her lips curled deviously. She was SO going to use it against him. "All's fair in love and war baby." She muttered.
Sheldon spoke from behind her, "I'm glad you feel that way."
She gasped, and turned, he was leaning against her door, with the cosmo open to a certain page, and Penny glimpsed an ad and gasped. She was so in trouble.
"This so-called magazine, has an article, titled "Things that drive you wild but you'd never tell" and I can't help but notice..." His voice had lowered, the texas drawl coming out.
Penny made a grab at the magazine, but he held it up above her head where she couldn't reach it.
Toe to toe, her hands on her hips, she glared at him.
"Number 5," he continued, "I will test. Again." His eyes were narrowed, as he held up his hand again, and stuck a finger in his mouth.
It was one of the fingers... Penny could almost hear her brain sizzling. She was SO ordering a slave outfit first thing in the morning. He was going to pay for this.
Later.
He would pay later.
Because right now his mouth was on her neck again, and somehow they were in her bedroom, and his hands, those gorgeous hands with the long narrow fingers, the piano player hands, were taking off her pants and there were better things to focus on than counter-attack.
Like his mouth going lower.
She had to hand it to him, he did his research thoroughly.
And effectively.
And if she maybe couldn't control herself and gave him a freebie later, just to take the edge off, that would be within war rules, right?
If it wasn't, he certainly didn't mention it.