"Mad with passion, I bow before you
Till the day hell makes you my bride
I despise and adore you
I only want to die at your side."- Excerption from the diary of Erik.
Erik's POV
The heart ache of what my angel, the love of my life had said to me was too hard to take…. She was happy…she at least seemed happy….What had made her change so fast? I had brought her a cradle for our baby, one that I had hand carved from a block of wood. I had been working on it for weeks, and finally finished it. She yelled at me, said I was the cause of her sadness, said that she didn't want to be with me anymore. God! She even tore off her invisible wedding ring and threw it across the room. At that point, I hurried back to my flat, my heart wailing in agony against my rib cage. I broke down and sobbed over my desk, fingering the handgun I kept in my drawer.
She didn't love me! I had no reason to live! Christine was the only reason I was living and now that she didn't want me, I didn't want to be here. I lifted the gun to my head, and my fingers shook against the trigger, but before I could pull it I heard a knock at the door.
"Boss?"
It was Mr. Squelch. What on earth did he want? And how dare he come knocking at my door!
"Go away!" I ordered, the gun still raised to my head.
"It's important, it's miss Christine."
"What about her?" I questioned.
When Mr. Squelch didn't answer, I slammed down the gun, and flew open the door to see him standing there. He was dressed in his usual trousers and black jacket, but something was different….he was covered in something dark…red perhaps? I wasn't sure because of the dark color of his jacket. But when I saw his hands, I knew right away what he was covered in….it was blood.
"Mr. Squelch! I demand an answer!"
"You must come right away, sir."
"Why should I? In case you haven't noticed, I was in the middle of my work." I growled.
"Miss Christine asked for you. I found her….she was laying at the bottom of the stairs to her flat…"
Why would Christine be asking for me? After all that she's said….after all that's happened just a short while ago.
"What do you mean?"
"She was covered in a substantial amount of blood, and I think something's wrong with her child."
"What!" I didn't waste a second more, and donned my jacket. God, what's happened to her? What had my angel done? I was still feeling heart broken, but I couldn't waste another moment….
"Take me to her."
I didn't care that I was wearing leg braces, I ran as fast as I could with Mr. Squelch all the way to the infirmary. The night was humid and foggy, but that didn't slow me down one bit. I busted through the doors, and approached the front desk.
"I…I need to see Christina Mulheim." I gasped out of breath.
The nurse checked her chart, and looked back at me.
"She's in surgery, Mister E."
"I don't care, damn it! I need to see her now!"
Mr. Squelch tried to calm me down, but it wasn't working. I was furious over this whole situation, and curious to know what in God's name happened to her.
"Did she try to take her own life?" I shouted. "Answer me!"
"Sir, you need to calm down."
"I am calm! I just want to know what's happened to her!"
"We're not sure yet. When the doctor has finished with her, he'll let you know."
I knew if I continued acting like a mad man, I wasn't going to get anywhere but thrown out of the ward. I paced the room like a rabid animal, palms sweating and heart pounding. My heart was already sore from the horrible words said to me by Christine, but I wasn't about to give up on her. She and I shared a bond…..our child. For four hours I paced the room, checking the time and wondering what was taking them so long. Finally, at half past midnight, the doctor came walking out into the room.
"Mister E."
I turned, my hands pale and trembling. If he told me Christine died, I would never forgive myself for leaving her. I would probably strangle the doctor as well for letting her die.
"How is she?"
The doctor pointed to a chair in the corner of the room.
"Take a seat. This may be a lot to take in."
I did as he asked, and the doctor took a seat beside me.
"When can I see her?" I frantically questioned.
"She's still under anesthesia. It will help with the pain that she's in."
"Tell me what's happened to her?"
The doctor sighed, and looked me in the eyes.
"Christine is the only one who can tell you what really happened, Mister E. But from my examination, I can only tell you what I think happened."
"She didn't try to take her own life did she? God! How's the child?"
"Giving yourself a heart attack will do nothing." he said, trying to calm me down. "But I can tell you that Christine did not try and take her own life. The injuries inflicted on her are from an intruder."
"Intruder? What do you mean. I was with Miss Christine. Checking on her, really…. I left her five minutes into the visit."
I was trying to act as if I were nothing more than Christine's friend. I had to act that way in order to keep the suspicion of our relationship hidden.
"And what of her husband? Could he have done this to her?"
"No, it's impossible. He's away at war."
"It doesn't matter really, but I can tell you that someone inflicted horrible bruises on her face and arms….and the ones on her inner thighs suggest that she was raped."
My heart shattered into a million pieces when I heard this. Raped? Christine, my Christine….How could anyone…..My blood began to boil. They will curse the day they ever dare take something that wasn't theirs to take…..
"Are you certain she was raped?" I questioned, double checking before getting myself any angrier.
"Yes, there was fluid."
I squeezed my fists tightly, trying to stay as calm as possible.
"Somehow she must have tried to escape him, and wound up at the door to her flat. But there must have been a struggle because she has several fractures from falling down those stairs."
"And what of the child!"
"I….I don't know. She must have landed on her stomach when she hit the ground. I'm running some tests on her to find out about the child. She's bled again….a substantial amount….more than the last few times."
My child….my poor innocent child. I couldn't break down in front of the doctor or else he would know who's child it was. This was all my fault. I shouldn't have left…..I promised her….God, I promised her nothing would ever happen to her or this child, and yet, I let it happen.
"You….you can see her if you'd like. She still might be a little woozy, but I'm sure she's wondering about you."
The doctor pointed to the privacy drape on the other end of the ward, and I began walking towards it. My child might die….that's all I could think about. The one chance for me to have a child of my own was slipping from my fingers at a fast pace. But what of Christine? My Christine hated me….. I was so strung out by the time I made it to the privacy drape, that I broke down and sobbed as soon as I was behind it. As I sat there on my knees, sobbing into my hands, I heard the weak whimper of Christine.
"E…Erik?"
I wiped my eyes, and stood up to gaze upon her. My angel's face was marked with black and purple bruises, her nose was crusty with blood, and her arms had bruises around her wrists as if someone had been grabbing on to her.
"I'll….I'll leave…" I sobbed. "I shouldn't have come….but oh, God, Christine, look at you….look…"
I couldn't even finish because I was choking on my own tears again.
"I've caused you enough pain." I choked. "I'm leaving you everything. Tonight, I'm going home and ending it all, you'll have everything, Christine."
I felt Christine's hand grab my wrist weakly, and force me to face her.
"Erik…..I…I…."
"What?"
"It's my…..hormones, Erik. Please say you hate me…"
"Christine, mon ange, how could I ever, ever dare to say such words?"
Her hand cupped my cheek, and wiped away my tears.
"I don't, Erik. Tonight was a disaster, a pointless disaster. I never meant to say those mean things to you, especially to toss my ring…"
How badly I wanted to believe her, but something deep within my heart was telling me otherwise. I placed her hand over my heart, and felt the warmth of her hand.
"It hurts, Christine, so much. My heart can't take much anymore. It hardly survived the night you left me back in Paris."
"I'm sorry, Erik….." she was sobbing now, so much that I could feel her tears flowing down her arm and onto my chest.
"Christine, don't cry."
"I….I can't feel the baby, Erik." she choked. "I haven't felt it kick since I landed on my stomach. Oh, Erik what did the doctor say?"
I cupped her cheeks with my hands, and brushed them into her curls.
"Shhh….calm down. He's running some tests to see if everything is ok."
"It's all my fault, Erik…..It's all my fault."
"No, nothing is your fault. If anything it's all mine. I shouldn't have left you, Christine. I promised to watch over you and this child, and yet….Oh, Christine, please let Erik take the blame."
"I can't….."
"Christine, you must tell me what happened tonight after I left. Please tell me."
"I…I don't remember."
"You must, Christine! You must tell me…..he…he raped you."
"Just pretend that it never happened."
"I will do no such thing! What are you afraid of, Christine? I'll catch the bastard and hang him by his shoelaces."
"Please, Erik, I don't remember anything. All I remember was that I fell down the stairs."
I turned away. I didn't believe her. She was afraid….but afraid of what? Had this madman threatened her in some way? I knew what ever it was, wasn't coming out of her tonight….not while it's freshly indented into her mind. She was in shock, but I was going to keep watch over her from now on. And when this person ever decides to come back, I'll be there waiting for him….. He would not get away with this! I stayed by her side that night and every other night of her recovery in the hospital. She hardly said much during those nights….But she was in a lot of pain, and so I didn't blame her.
From her fall, Christine had obtained a fractured ankle and an extremely sore back. It took days, and hours of Christine being under watch, but she received the good news about the child still being alive. Though, there was no telling whether our child was going to be damaged or not….No, the horrible part was going to be having to wait until its birth. Yes, things indeed were different between her and I, but I still watched over her like a hawk. When it was time to leave the infirmary, Christine begged me not to take her back to her flat. I talked it over with the doctor, and he told me Christine was going to need to be watched over for the remainder of her pregnancy. And with strict orders and no family to watch over her, she was going to need me to do the job. This worked out to our advantage because with it being doctor's orders, there wouldn't be any rumors roaming around Coney Island.
Christine's ankle had been fractured in her fall, and so she was ordered to keep it splinted and resting on pillows. To insure she was well taken care of, I brought most of my work home with me, and would do it while in between caring for Christine. And as much as she swore she still loved me, I had a hard time believing it. I know my heart would surrender sooner or later, but I wasn't ready….not just yet. Her horrible words stuck to my heart like cement on a sidewalk…..and words weren't going to be able to sponge away the pain easily.
Though, I knew deep within my heart that I still considered myself married to her. For, I did everything…I cleaned, cooked, washed clothes, bathed her, brushed her hair, rubbed her ankle…..I did everything for her. And yes, day by day the pain slowly faded from my heart, but not enough to be back to my old, happy self.
"Erik?"
I was sitting at my desk on afternoon finishing paperwork, when Christine called out to me from the bed.
"What do you need?" I asked, never looking up at her.
"Nothing…" she sweetly answered. "I just wanted to let you know that I felt the baby kick last night….. I was going to wake you, but….it didn't feel right."
"At least he's kicking." I said, not even thinking about what I was saying.
"He?" she giggled. "What makes you so certain that it's going to be a boy?"
"I'm not." I firmly stated. "I wasn't thinking. He, she, it doesn't matter."
Her tone softened.
"Erik, it's….it's nearly the middle of my seventh month. I've been staying with you for nearly two months now and we haven't even talked about this child."
"What is there to talk about, Christine?" I placed down my quill, and looked over at her.
"Names, the gender of our child….anything."
"It is what it is, Christine. You wanting one gender and what it's going to be are two different things."
"I know, but what about names?"
"As far as names are concerned, you can name it what ever you want." I growled, going back to my writing.
"Erik, this child is as much as mine as it is yours. This isn't how married couples do things…"
"Oh, is that what we are now, Christine? If I remember, you threw your ring across the room of your flat two months ago."
"I went back for it." she cried. "I'm wearing it….it was a mistake, Erik. Why won't you trust me again? I told you I was sorry didn't I? I've treated you like my husband for the past two months."
"You want to know why, Christine? Because you can't trust me! I've begged you time and time again to tell me who did that to you, and yet you still pretend to remember nothing."
"Because I don't!"
"You do!" I shouted. "You were raped! I for one remember the person who raped me! How can you forget that, Christine?"
I approached her bed, and looked her in the eyes.
"Their eyes burning into your skull as they take advantage of you? The feeling of their hands against your flesh…..them making you tell them that you enjoyed it….Oh, Christine, mustn't lie to me…"
"Why can't you let it go, Erik? He hasn't been around for two months."
"Because you're here with me, Christine. You must tell me who it was. For when you have this child, I don't want to fear for you."
I turned, pressing my arms ever so closely to my chest.
"Ever since you were raped you quiver at my touch…..You're still afraid of him coming back, Christine. I felt the same way when I was raped….We haven't made love in months….it's because you fear it….you fear the passionate touch of anyone."
"That's not true, Erik."
"Than what is?"
"That I love you." she cried. "Please believe me, Erik. I want things to be how they were, before all this happened. Please say you'll love me as you once did."
"I may still love you, Christine, but things…..things can never be as they were."
"And why not?"
"Because you don't trust me."
"I do, Erik! I trust you more than anyone in the whole world."
"But not enough to tell me what happened to you."
"I don't remember, Erik!"
Christine was in tears now. My anger has done nothing but make her cry. This couldn't be good for the child….Damn me!
"Christine, I'm going to make lunch." I suggested, switching the subject. "Are you hungry?"
She only nodded, and wiped away her tears. I dashed the kitchen, and prepared a few sandwiches before returning to the bedroom.
"Sit with me, Erik." she begged.
"No, I'm afraid I must run an errand to the opera house. I…I have to return the forms."
With that, I picked up the completed paperwork, and hurried out. It was in the middle of June, and extremely hot. I tried to stay away from the crowds as much as possible, and I was glad to see that most of them were piled on the beach. When I reached the back doors of the opera house, I hurried inside and into my office. I was only going to be there for a few seconds, and left the door ajar. In the background, I could hear the back up dancers singing the song "Bathing Beauty," one that I had written for Meg. If there was anything I despised, it was writing cheap vaudeville trash. I used to write beautiful arias for Christine, ones that would bring the audiences to tears….but now….all of that was in the past.
"Erik!"
I heard my name being called, only to turn around and see Meg entering my office wearing her fishnet stockings and stage outfit.
"Damn you, girl! What have I told you about calling me by my first name in the presence of the opera house!"
"Sorry."
"And what is this? Get out of my office. No one is allowed in here but me, being the reason why it's my office!"
"You know I would never seek you out unless it were important, Mister E."
"And what could be so important that you needed to come in here this very moment and disturb me from my work?"
I turned back towards my desk, and began searching for an envelope to place my paper work into.
"It's Christine. I haven't seen her in months. I was hoping….hoping that…"
"That I would know where she is?" I smartly interrupted. "Why would I know such a thing?"
"Because I know you do. Please don't lie to me. I worry about her….especially after I told him where he could find her…"
I quickly turned upon hearing this.
"What?"
Meg froze in place.
"Who did you tell?"
"I…I wasn't thinking straight, Mister E….I didn't tell anyone…"
"You lie! Christine almost died because of what that bastard did to her. Now tell me who came looking for her."
"No one….I never seen him before in my entire life."
I backed her up into a corner of my office. She was going to tell me! I was going to make her!
"Meg, I'm not believing a word that's coming from your mouth. You know who came looking for her….don't lie to me…"
"I never seen him before…."
"And yet you gave him directions to Christine flat. Why would you give a complete stranger directions to Christine's flat! You lie!"
"Please, Erik, you're making me nervous."
"Meg, you have to help me." I growled. "Christine has refused to tell me who hurt her. She keeps lying and saying that she doesn't remember. She was raped, Meg…..Even I remember my rapist. You must help her….you're her only chance at staying safe."
"That bastard raped her?"
"Yes, and if you don't help me, he'll probably come back and do it again. I've never asked you for anything, Meg. But now, I come to you needing a favor. You know this person, don't you?"
Meg was in tears. She looked up at me, and simply nodded.
"Yes? Is that a yes?"
"Yes." she repeated. "We bumped into each other by accident. He said he was looking for Christine because she's been writing him, begging him to come for her. Like an idiot I believed him."
"Meg, who was he?"
Meg trembled, and I forced her to look at me. And the words that escaped her lips sent blood boiling through my body.
"It….It was him….it was Raoul."
Ok everyone, please review! Dun Dun Dun! More to come soon!