That day would forever be ingrained in her head. The day she knew she would never fit in. She was an immigrant, from a different culture and a different time. She had spent too long in limbo as a child. She took labored breaths as she felt her throat constricting, choking her slowly. She could feel herself gasping for air like a fire gasping for oxygen. She was burning up, the last Rasputin, dying from magic. How fitting.
"All Romanov's are weird." She muttered to herself, she had known them growing up, until 6, and she now knew Natasha as a close friend and well when they weren't trying to kill each other, a confidant. She twirled the pen in her hand as she tried to fight off boredom.
"And all Rasputin's are evil." She heard a voice say from behind her, she smiled.
"Hello Natasha." She said as she turned around, she had entertainment.
"Hello Illyana." Natasha said to her, returning her smile with a sarcastic one.
"All Romanov's betray the people who trust them." Natasha glared at her, and she smirked. "You know it's true."
"Actually, I don't, considering I never knew my family before my house was burned to ashes thanks to yours." She said taking the seat opposite of her.
"Well your family betrayed my uncle. He trusted your family and they murdered him mere days after Christmas." She said looking Natasha right in the eyes.
"If he trusted us so much, how come he never stepped forward and admitted he was a magician before?" Natasha mused.
"My family was scared. We knew we would be persecuted, but my uncle cared for your brother, he loved Alexei like a son. He wanted to save him." Natasha inched forward in her seat and stared her down.
"Instead he slaughtered my entire family." She said with a sadistic laugh, a laugh that was a trademark of the assassin.
"My uncle was long dead by the time your family was killed. Your family killed him, the people revolted and killed your family." She smirked.
"Your uncle was the spark that burned the Romanov line. It's because of him I have no family." Illyana got up and snapped her fingers, a small fire appeared in her hands. Natasha eyed it wearily, but she didn't move. Illyana continued to let the fire grow until it started burning a hole in the ceiling, she didn't really know why she did this, maybe she felt that it was a symbol for her uncle's death, but she was also known to be somewhat of a pyromaniac.
"Your family killed a honest man who wanted nothing more than to see your brother live." Illyana said as the fire turned into a wisp of smoke and disappeared into the atmosphere.
"No one is innocent Illyana." Natasha said plainly.
"I never said anyone is." She said as she sat down and folded her legs one over the other. "All I said was that my uncle was a good man. He wasn't innocent but he tried his hardest to help people, even if it meant going against what believed in to save lives." Natasha laughed and rubbed her forehead.
"My brother was going to die anyway. Everyone knew that." She rolled her eyes; they had had this discussion hundreds of times before.
"My uncle still wanted to try, he wanted your family to keep their place on the throne, not have it go to one of your male cousins. God knows they would've ruined the country." Natasha nodded.
"Well maybe he shouldn't have tried to help. Because of him the Romanov line is dead." With that Natasha stood up and walked away. In an act of mock respect she got up with Natasha and bowed slightly.
"As you wish princess." She muttered in Russian, as she expected, Natasha lifted up her arm and flipped her off as she walked away. Illyana smiled and continued twiddling her pen, still bored.
If Natasha could see her now, no doubt she'd be laughing. Not that they didn't have their friendlier moments, but the Princess had a sadistic sense of humor. Would Natasha know she had died? Probably not. She would just be reported missing. No one knew she had this house, it was a house that she had bought years ago, the first time she had been injected with the cure, and she had come to Paris to teach English. In her spare time she had grown to love teaching, and thought maybe after the X-men let her go, she would resume, but she was dying now. Gasping for air.
He hugged her tightly and she smiled. They may not have been married anymore, but they were still very good friends. He spun her around, since she was small enough, and she laughed. She missed him. He was constantly on missions and never around much. Finally he put her down and she rested her head on his shoulder, not wanting to let go of him. He kissed the top of her head and that's when she felt it; his goatee. She grinned as she took a step back. Warily, he looked at her.
"Illy…" He said cautiously knowing she had an idea. "What are you up to?"
"Remember when I shaved off your goatee?" She asked with a smirk and his face hardened.
"No ho, no, no, no, no. Not again Illy." He shook his head and took a step back. "The goatee is staying this time." She laughed and took a step towards him.
"The. Goatee. Goes." She said and he took several steps away.
"I don't think you want to go down this road Illyana. Goatee stays." He said almost tripping over his own feet. She stopped and laughed for a split second then resumed walking towards him.
"Barney," she said plainly, "the goatee goes." He crossed his arms and looked her straight in the eyes.
"It stays and you can't make me get rid of it, it's my pride and joy." She took several steps and pushed him down to the ground. A smirk appeared on her face as a razor appeared in her hands.
"Wanna bet?" She asked as she sat on top of his chest.
"Hey!" He said as his hands snatched the razor from her. "No!" She slapped him across the face and he stopped moving.
"Just hold still and this will be easy." She made another razor appear in her hands, unrelenting.
"Illyana!" He yelled. "I will shave your hair off in your sleep!" She lowered the razor to his face and grinned.
"Doubt it." She said as she swiftly shaved off part of his goatee.
"HEY NO!" He yelled as he pushed her off of him. "BACK OFF THE GOATEE!" She stood up with him.
"Barney, it's half gone, let me shave off the rest." She reasoned trying to get rid of it.
"Yeah!" he nearly cried out. "You shaved half of my pride and joy off! You are literally destroying my pride!" She patted his head and laughed softly.
"Come on barney, even Clint agrees, it has to go."
"I don't give a rat's ass! My manhood is halfway gone!" She laughed even more and rolled her eyes.
"Your manhood is intact." He scowled at her.
"I hate you…so much… goatee killer." She lunged towards him and shaved off the rest.
"Oops." She said simply once she was done.
"ILLY! WHAT THE HELL?! I'm an empty shell of a man without my goatee.." he said sadly and put his hand to his cheek. She placed her hand on top of his.
"You'll live Barney." He pushed her hand away.
"No…I'm going to die." She sighed exasperatedly.
"Man up Barton, be thankful I didn't cut off your real manhood." His eyes widened.
"I'm dead inside Illyana." She laughed and hugged him, shaking her head lightly. Despite his claim to hate her he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. He started laughing at the entire thing and she smiled. Her eyes found his and she grinned.
"Once it grows back, I'm shaving it off again." He pushed her away and ran off into the distance. She knelt down and burst out laughing.
Times like those, when she was happy had become fewer and fewer, the times where she worried and prayed to stay safe and healthy increased. Yet she had almost no one to turn to, at least anymore. It was clearer than ever in that very moment. Sitting on her bed, dying, and she was all alone. No one to even comfort her. She had pushed everyone away. There was a time when she had friends, people to rely on, but those days had past. She coughed and covered her mouth, when she pulled her hand away she saw the red streaking of blood. Hot rod red, she mused to herself.
She rode up the elevator to the penthouse of Stark Tower, still wondering why she had decided to come to Tony, he had tried to kill her daughter after all, but she needed to talk to someone and Tony was one of the few people she felt she could still trust. The doors opened and she walked into the living room, Tony was sitting on the couch, looking out the window, she couldn't see his hands but if she had to guess he was drinking. She cleared her throat softly and he turned around.
"Illy, what are you doing here?" He asked while standing up, a glass off scotch in his hand.
"I just need someone to talk to, and I trust you, no matter what's happened between us." She said rubbing the back of her neck.
"What's wrong?" He moved towards the bar and made her a vodka martini without even asking. She smiled gratefully as she took it.
"I'm worried…" She trailed off, not really wanting to come to terms with what she was feeling.
"About the wedding?" He asked as he leaned onto the back of the couch. She nodded and took a sip of her drink. "What's worrying you?"
"Loki's feelings." She said as she swallowed her sip. He put his hand on her shoulder and rubbed it slightly.
"You shouldn't, you have a wedding planned, and if he makes you happy then stay with him till the day you die." She teleported herself to sit down in the couch and crossed her legs underneath herself, feeling helpless. He climbed over the couch and sat next to her, they sat there for several long quiet seconds as she figured out what she was going to say. Everything she thought up just didn't sound right, or didn't quite express her feelings correctly.
"I don't know if he makes me truly happy, plus Peggy loves him and Stella needs a father. Kalina is old enough that she doesn't need either of us." She finally said, lowering her head. He put his hand under her chin and lifted it up and looked her in the eyes.
"Let's take that one thing at a time." He said with a slight smile and she nodded. "If he loves you, then Peggy will mean nothing to him, and if that's not the case then…" he inhaled sharply, "then maybe he's not all you dreamed of."
"He's probably not." She said sadly, playing with the leather chord around her neck, the gold ring at the end, moved up and down in time with her breaths. He looked at the ring inquisitively.
"Where did you get that?"
"I stole it off Loki, years ago."
"You should return it…" She nodded and sighed heavily. Feeling the sting of tears that was a familiar occurrence nowadays.
"I have, countless times, and he keeps giving it back." She laughed sadly, him and the damn ring. That's what started all this.
"Well, if he's not your night in shining armor..then tell him. I wouldn't wait much longer." He wrapped his arms around her and she leaned into him, feeling the tears slip down her cheek; he used his hand to wipe them away. "I'm only trying to help Illy… I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't want to see you get your heart broken. And if someone does, tell me so they can die." He said and a thankful smile appeared on her face.
"You sound like Steve." She muttered to herself.
"I'm nothing like Steve. Trust me, I care more about you than you will ever know." He said as he rubbed her back comfortingly, she took another sip of her drink, but before she could respond he moved on to the next point. "Every child wants parents with them forever, doesn't mean they do. I should know." He said while downing the rest of his scotch.
"I know as well, I lost my parents when I was six. I had no one." He nodded.
"It's your life Illyana. In the end I can't make the decisions for you, but you two are getting married. It must mean he loves you, even to some extent."
"It's never been my life Tony, I'm just a vessel for the bloodstones that run my soul." She said sadly. He didn't say anymore, just held her in his arms for the rest of the night. She didn't protest and fell asleep within a couple hours.
Maybe if she had listened to Tony she wouldn't have gotten her heartbroken so many times, but as she looked back on that night, just days before her wedding she realized that Tony loved her. He had a strange way of showing it, but he loved her, and he only wanted her to be happy. She was ignorant and naïve though, she didn't listen to him and her heart shattered hundreds of times, she cried so many tears, and what for, a man who broke her heart and left her for dead. The knocking at her door resumed. Goddamnit shut up! She wanted to yell, but she didn't have the energy, so she just let the ceaseless drumming pound in her ears, no doubt she would hear it until the moment she died.
She got out of the shower and started drying her hair as she looked for her dress, truthfully she didn't want to go to this wedding, but she was doing it for Loki. She slipped her dress on and saw Loki sitting on the bed, his head in his hands, shoulders hunched, he just generally looked sad. It took two steps to get to the bed and she sat down next to him, taking one of his hands in hers, looking him in the eyes as he lifted his head.
"What's wrong?" She asked softly, even though she had a pretty good idea. He sighed softly and looked back into her eyes.
"I must confess. I am not alright with this wedding." He said and she felt her heart drop in her chest, but she kept a straight face.
"Why not?" she asked, rubbing his back gently. He didn't answer, just sat there. "Loki, you can tell me anything, no matter what."
"It's nothing." He said, trying to brush it off, but even the God of Mischief and Lies couldn't lie to her. She turned on the bed to face him, keeping her face emotionless.
"I can tell it's not, if you still have feelings for Peggy, you can tell me. I won't be mad, or angry. I promise." He looked at her with tears in his impossibly green eyes and nodded once, instantly her arms were around him, holding him close. She held him close for a couple minutes before she let him go, "then go get her. Don't let her marry Steve." She said swallowing hard, trying to keep her emotions in check, even though she had the itch to sob.
"But… I'm yours." He said looking into her blue eyes. She felt the first of many tears well up in her eyes.
"You belong where your heart is." She said, her voice close to breaking.
"I-I don't know. I love you Illyana and I can't spend a single day without you at my side. I cannot imagine life without you. But seeing her with someone else is like shredding my heart to pieces."
"I'll always be here for you as a friend Loki. No matter what." She said as she wiped the tears out of his eyes. "Go tell her you love her before it's too late." He shut his eyes tightly and she let several tears slip down her cheeks.
"Gods, why is this so confusing? I cannot do this. I cannot lose you my love. You are my wife, my best friend, my lover and I- I do not simply want to be friends with you, but not with her either. Is it possible to love two people at once?" She sighed sadly and nodded.
"It is, but eventually one person wins." She said as she leaned over and kissed his forehead, moving to stand up, but he took her hands in his and looked into her eyes, no doubt seeing every drop of sadness.
"Illyana please, I do not know what do next." He told her, more tears spilling from his eyes.
"Go tell Peggy you love her." She didn't know how much longer she could hold back the rest of her tears.
"I am, I am not sure I can do that. That means I have to give you up." She nodded slowly.
"I know, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm your friend; I'll always be here for you. Just go tell her, don't regret it later on." He shook his head in somewhat disbelief.
"I really do not deserve you. You mean everything and more to me, do not forget that." She held back a tiny laugh, how could she ever forget that? She thought to herself. "I love you so much." She nodded slowly and stood up, her hands sliding out of his grasp.
"Good luck, Loki." She said as she kissed his cheek softly. "I hope she loves you in return." She walked out of the house and made it to the front steps before she started sobbing.