Chapter Two-Determination

I wasn't the least bit surprised to see Alice sitting on the front porch waiting for me when I arrived home a short time later. I'd thought about what she might say to try to change my mind the whole time I was running here. Her face was sad and anxious when I approached her.

"You're making a huge mistake," she said in a quiet but stubborn voice. Her words were unnecessary because I had already heard the disapproval in her thoughts. "But I know you're determined to do this."

"Then don't try to talk me out of it," I hissed at her, knowing that she was thinking about the reasons I should stay. I couldn't afford to hear any excuses that might test my shaky resolve.

"Is Jasper going to be okay?" My concern for my brother was stronger than any anger I may have felt toward him earlier. I was really no better than he was when I thought of how tempted I had been tonight.

"He'll be fine," she replied evenly." He just wanted to be alone for a little while, but he'll be in soon. We're going to Denali after you say what you need to say anyway. I've told the others you want to talk to them," She didn't look at me as she rose lithely and walked toward the front door. "I didn't tell them why, but I'm sure they already have some idea… anyway, everyone else is waiting for us inside."

I followed Alice into the dining room where the rest of my family had gathered around a large mahogany table. Rosalie and Emmett were seated on the left side of the table. The empty chairs on the other side of the table were normally occupied by Alice and Jasper when we had these kinds of meetings. Since Jasper still hadn't returned home, Alice didn't take her usual seat. Instead she stood in the corner of the room, her eyes somber. Carlisle was seated in his usual place at the head of the table, symbolic of his role as the father of our family, while Esme sat on his left, looking at me with a pained expression. She is my mother after all, and she knows me well, so she had a pretty shrewd idea about what I wanted to discuss.

I sat down on Carlisle's other side, trying to resist the urge to take off running back to Bella's room and forget this night ever happened. I wanted to hold her until the sun rose like I always did. I would make my way back to her before dawn, but the pending permanent separation made me want to spend every second I had left in Forks beside her. I tried to banish these thoughts from my mind. This wasn't about what I wanted; it was about what was best for Bella.

"Okay Edward," Carlisle began, looking at me after I had taken my seat. "Alice says you have something to discuss with us, so please tell us what's on your mind."

I swallowed back the lump in my throat, thankful that my body was no longer capable of producing tears, and did my best to speak.

"I did a lot of thinking after what happened with… Bella tonight," I began, nearly choking on her name for some reason. I glanced at Alice; she was scowling but she didn't look directly at me. She was thinking that I was being impulsive and stubborn. I turned back to Carlisle as I forced myself to keep talking. "I've decided that I can no longer continue to expose her to the dangers we present to her safety, so I think it's time that we leave Forks."

"Oh, Edward," Esme began, getting up out of her seat to put her arms around me. She was thinking about how hard this was for me and how she hated to see me hurt. I shied away from her soothing touch, knowing that if I gave in to the urge to let her comfort me, I would break down. I had to be strong; I had to stay focused. She returned reluctantly to her chair a moment later, her amber eyes still watching me with a pained expression.

Rosalie was the next one to speak. I couldn't meet her eyes as I heard the smug quality of her thoughts before she could vocalize them.

"Of course leaving is the only way," she said haughtily, tossing her golden hair over her shoulder.

Finally, this ridiculous phase he's going through is over, she thought.

"Bella isn't one of us, and something like this was bound to happen eventually. We should all just be grateful she didn't get…"

"Oh, spare us all from the torture of listening to your phony concern for Bella's safety Rose!" Alice snapped before I could say anything. "We all know you don't give a damn about Bella, or anyone else besides yourself for that matter! In fact, I think your opinion speaks volumes about how wrong it is for us to…"

"Enough," I interrupted, cutting Alice off before she could protest further.

"Regardless of how selfish her motives are," I went on as Rosalie and Alice reluctantly stopped looking daggers at each other to listen to me. "Rose is right; what happened tonight is no less than I should have expected. We are what we are, and it's not right for me to continue to put B-…her in danger," I paused again, unable to say Bella's name at all this time. "She deserves a better life than the one that I can give her, so I think it would be better for her if we left." The words burned my throat worse than any thirst I had ever felt.

I glanced around the room, reading the thoughts of the others. Emmett was thinking that he loved Bella like a little sister and he wished that I would choose to change her, but he understood my motivation for wanting to keep her human; Carlisle was thinking that the choice on how to proceed should be mine and mine alone, though he thought that Bella completed our family; Esme was thinking that she loved Bella and she hated how much I was hurting, but she wanted to keep all of us together So if I was leaving, she wanted everyone to go. Alice was still seething, but I could see in her head that she already knew everyone was going to go along with me. However, that wasn't going to stop her from continuing to speak her mind.

"Edward, you are seriously underestimating Bella's love for you, and her ability to make her own choices," Alice said angrily from her corner. "She's not just going to get over this and move on like you think she will! "She's…"

"She is going to be better off without me!" I bellowed, cutting Alice off as I tried to disguise the agony in my voice as anger. "She deserves a normal, happy life, she deserves to keep her soul, and she deserves to be safe."

"I've seen what this will do to her, Edward," Alice went on, undeterred. I saw an image in her mind of Bella curled up in a ball on the floor in her room pale, thin and sobbing. "And it's terrible! Neither of you are going to do well being apart from each other! She…"

"Stop trying to see her future, Alice," I warned, nearly losing all of my composure in the wake of Alice's vision. "We've done enough damage and it's time for us to go before she gets hurt, or worse!"

"This isn't going to work," Alice countered insistently again. Her voice was sad rather than angry now as she met my eyes for the first time since we'd joined the others. I knew she heard the pain in my voice, and she felt sorry for me regardless of how much she disagreed with what I was planning to do. "And I can see that you aren't even going to let me say goodbye to her."

"You're right I'm not," I replied simply. "It will be better for...B-Bella (I faltered when I said her name again) if everyone just leaves without saying anything..."

"And what if I refuse to listen to you," Alice snapped again. "Bella is my best friend, my sister, and I love her too. I don't want to lose her, and I…

"If you really love her you'll let her go Alice," I thundered back. "A clean break would be the best thing for her."

"I hope you aren't including yourself when you say everyone, Edward," Emmett blurted out sternly, speaking for the first time tonight. "You owe Bella better than that." I knew that he was wishing he could see Bella before we left, too, but he would never say that in front of Rose.

"Of course not," I replied, grief ripping through me like a knife at the thought of telling her goodbye. "I just think it would be better if I do it myself. I know that all of you love her," I paused, feeling angry as I heard Rosalie's contemptuous chuckle. "Well, most of you love her, but I'm thinking of her when I say it would be better if the rest of you leave now."

"She loves us, too," Jasper said suddenly, surprising everyone, even me. He was standing in the corner next to Alice. I hadn't heard him or his thoughts when he entered the room. "Do you really think its fair for you to make all these choices for her?"

"I know her better than you do," I replied defensively, knowing that he was thinking about Bella's wish to become a vampire. The fury I felt for what he had almost done to her overtook me and I hated him for even saying anything on the subject. He had almost taken her life; he had no right to say anything about loving her. How could he claim to love her?

And, then I realized how close I had come to hurting her and I hated myself a million times more than I could ever loathe anyone else. I was projecting my anger at myself on to Jasper because he was an easy target.

"But you don't know her better than she knows herself," Jasper went on evenly. "And you can't read her thoughts, but I CAN read her feelings. Bella knows what she wants, and she loves you a lot more than you realize, she's…"

Again I was furious. How dare he suggest that my inability to read Bella's thoughts made me less aware of her emotions than him! I knew her inside and out, and for all of his talk about sensing her feelings, of understanding her, of caring for her, he had still tried to kill her.

"Don't waste your breath, Jazz," Alice interrupted, still furious. "He's made up his mind."

Jasper stopped speaking with a sigh, then after a moment, he nodded resolutely. "If that's your choice, Edward, then we won't interfere."

Jasper had given up easily on the issue, but I knew he didn't agree with me. His words made it clear that he thought the decision about Bella's mortality should be hers and hers alone. However, he meant what he said about not interfering and he intended to try to make sure Alice didn't meddle either. Since I was hell bent on keeping Bella human, Jasper thought leaving would be best. He felt terrible for what had almost happened tonight, and having Bella around would just be a constant reminder of his weak moment. It had to be one choice or the other.

"So, is everyone in favor of moving on," Carlisle said finally, speaking in a businesslike tone. "We can leave right away if you are all willing."

"Yes," Rosalie said at once, still looking smug. "It's time."

Emmett nodded in agreement, though his thoughts were uncharacteristically serious and reluctant.

Esme was sad, but she too agreed. "Perhaps we could go to Denali for a little while and then on to Ithaca once I get some more done to the house and Carlisle finds work there," She said quietly.
Carlisle nodded before turning his attention to Alice and Jasper.

"Okay," Alice said, a little too quickly. I clenched my teeth as I heard what she was thinking. She was seeing Bella and me together again. She believed this would only be temporary, so she was going to wait it out in silence. Jasper nodded as well.

"Edward," Carlisle said, his youthful face suddenly twisted into a worried grimace, "are you sure this is what you want?"

I hesitated, every fiber of my being protesting as I forced the answer out of my mouth. "Yes," I said finally, "It's the right thing to do."

"Okay, then," Carlisle went on, his face smooth again. His thoughts were careful, and I knew he was trying to keep something from me, but I wasn't sure I really wanted to know what he was thinking anyway. "It's settled. I'll call Tanya to see if she minds having some extra company for a little while. If she's agreeable, the rest of you can go ahead and leave. I'll tie up loose ends at the hospital today, telling the chief of staff I got a lucrative job offer I couldn't refuse and I have to take it right away. I'll ask him to keep the news a secret for a couple of days. That will give you time to tell Bella goodbye, Edward."

I nodded, unable to speak. I was really going to do this.

"One more thing Carlisle," Jasper said abruptly. "I think you should tell the hospital we're going to Los Angeles. That way, Bella will know we don't want her to come looking for us. If we just leave without saying where we're going, she might be tempted to try to find out where we are, but if you say we're going somewhere she knows we would never actually choose to live, she'll know we don't want her to find us and she won't try."

A feeling of terrible dread washed through me as I comprehended just how well Jasper understood Bella. His suggestion was right on target. It would work perfectly. If we didn't leave any information about where we were going, Bella would naturally want to find out more, but if we left a trail she knew would be false, she would accept that we didn't want to be found and she would let go more easily. In that instant, I was certain I knew the lengths I was going to have to go to in order to get her to let me go when I told her goodbye.

A pain unlike anything I had ever experienced ripped through my chest, making me feel as though someone had torn my useless heart out and left nothing but a hole in its place. I couldn't breathe.

But I didn't have to breathe to survive.