There were times when she wished she could erase her memories, get rid of the times that haunted her. The mistakes she had made, the people she had hurt. Maybe a slow, painful death was what she deserved. The hacking cough returned, along with the knocking. God damn it! The memories seeped back into her mind, and she knew which one would come next, the one day that she had thought would make her life simple. It hadn't it had only made her life more complicated.
Her smile couldn't possibly get wider. Her daughter reached out her tiny arms, wanting to be picked up, so she obliged. The front door opened and he walked in, she grinned and danced over to him with her daughter. He wrapped his arms around both of them and kissed her daughter's head, then he kissed her. She smiled and rested her head on his chest. He let her go and she continued to dance with her daughter.
"So now what love?" He asked her.
"I don't know, I'm not working at the moment so I won't get any calls to go on any missions."
"I just quit." He said with a small chuckle and she smiled, remembering that it was his work that had brought them together in the first place. He walked over to her and held her from behind around her waist. She turned her head to kiss his cheek.
"D-d-d-d" She heard a small voice start to say. She eyed her daughter and so did he.
"Is Sophie trying to talk?" He asked her, and all she could do was nod, she was still getting used to being a mother, every new step her daughter took was something she eyed in amazement.
"Da-da" Her small voice said again, and both of their eyes welled with tears. She had called him Dada, and although he wasn't her biological father, he was going to be her father in every other aspect.
"Barney," she said with a quiet laugh, "she just called you Dada." He nodded with a smile.
"She did." He said kissing her softly.
"M-m-ma." Sophie's voice came. The tears spilled down her cheeks. Barney pulled her gently down onto couch, his arms around both of them. "Ma-ma." Barney smiled and whispered into her ear.
"Illy we need to talk… about you being my girlfriend." Illyana nodded and he shifted slightly so that his arms weren't around them anymore. "I don't think you should be my girlfriend anymore." He said as he fumbled for something in his pockets, finally his hands pulled out a tiny box, "I want you to be something more." He opened the box and there was a ring inside. A small gasp escaped her lips and he smiled nervously. "Illyana Rasputina, will you marry me?" He asked, his voice wavering, and full of emotion. She nodded.
"Yes!" She said, more tears running down her cheek. "Yes, of course I'll marry you." He pulled her to him and kissed her softly.
"I love you." He said with a smile.
"I love you too." She said smiling in return.
"You've changed me Illy." He said as he leaned back on the couch, gently pulling her and Sophie down with him. She lay there, holding Sophie and listening to his breathing. "We're going to be a real family." He kissed her forehead softly with a smile, and for the millionth time that day, she started tearing up. Never in her life had she imagined she'd have a family again, not after what happened.
Barney had made her life seem stable once again, but then she met Loki, well was reintroduced to him, He took her out of her chest and ran away with it, breaking it several times along the way, but always fixing it, until the end where he had just left, with no warning, then again she never got warning when he broke her heart. There were times she had left him, but she always returned, not able to stay away for long. She eyed the golden pins once more, her hands reaching out to grab it, but she fell short and collapsed onto her side, her finger tips mere inches from the only link she had left to the love of her pitiful life.
He didn't need her, that's what she told herself to fall asleep that night. What she had written on the note had already escaped her mind, but she knew he would be furious when he read it. Not that it mattered anymore, she wanted him to move on, God knows he really didn't love, but she loved him with all of her heart. The leaves blew around outside her window, she had many properties all over the world just in case she needed them, not many people knew where they were, or that she had them at all, but he knew. It would be a matter of time before he appeared and tried to talk to her, the guilt ate at her heart as she sat reading her book. She read so many books, trying to drown out her sorrow, then a rock hit the window right by her head. An audible groan left her lips and she stood up, looking out the window. He was standing on the ground, looking up at her with a rose in his hand, his cheeks stained with dry tears, just has hers had been earlier. She turned her head to the side, as if that would relieve the pain in her heart. She could still feel his eyes on her, full of questions, questions she didn't want to answer.
"How strange," he started and her head snapped back to him, "this feeling that my life's begun at last." The tears returned to her eyes, that bastard, she said in her head. "This change, can people really fall in love so fast?" He continued, "What's the matter with you Loki? Have you been too much on your own?" She moved away from the window. "So many things unclear, so many things unknown." He finished and she rushed to the stairs, her hand finding the bannister. The words flew from her lips as she did.
"In my life, there's been no one like him anywhere, anywhere where he is, if he asked, I'd be his." She reached the front door and just stood there, knowing he was on the other side, waiting for her. He continued singing, eating away at her heart.
"In my life, there is someone who touches my life. Waiting near, waiting here." She bit her lip, knowing he'd be able to hear her.
"I am one with the Gods and heaven is near. In my life, there is someone who touches my life." The tears formed in his eyes as he walked towards the door.
"She was never mine to keep. She is youthful, she is free." He said as he put his hand on the doorknob. "But we will prove our love." He whispered to her.
"He was never mine to lose. Why regret what could not be? These are words he'll never say. Not to me. Not to me. Not to me. His heart full of love." She said as the bitter salt of her tears in her mouth. He opened the door and pulled her into his arms, kissing her softly, not caring about their tears. She kissed back and held him close.
"I will never let you leave again." He said to her as he continued to hold her close.
"I will never try to leave again." She said softly, she couldn't go long without seeing his face, hearing his voice, or feeling his touch. A smile spread across his lips despite the tears still in his eyes.
"Well in that case." He said softly as he got down on one knee, the tears filled her eyes once more as he handed her the rose, that hadn't gotten crushed when he kissed her. A small glint came from the bottom of the stem and she saw her wedding and engagement rings. Her heart burst as she kneeled down, getting to his level and kissed him again, not able to find the right words. "I could not live another day without you. I gave you the space you thought you needed but once I saw your note, I knew there was no turning back." He said as he held her in his arms.
She reached again for the pin, but her hands found the mutant cure instead. Her fingers wrapped around the cool vial, the green liquid splashed around as she held it, pain radiated through her body as some of her organs started shutting down. Her cough produced more blood and she groaned in pain. The knocking was even more incessant, in a beat of 16 instead of 4. When would it end? She coughed more and more, her heart beating so fast she thought it would burst out of her chest. She listed everyone she loved in her head; trying to stay awake, not wating to forget a single person who had made her who she was.
There was a knock at her door, the clock read 3 am, who could it be at such a late hour? She got out of bed grudgingly and threw on robe to cover the fact that she was wearing a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt. Whoever was at the door continued to knock so she picked up the pace, reaching the door and opening it slowly. On the other side was Tony Stark, she groaned.
"What is it Tony? It's 3 am. Couldn't it wait till a reasonable hour?" She asked, too tired to notice he had been crying.
"It's Steve." He said in a trembling voice, and instantly she looked up.
"What's wrong with Steve?" She asked him, letting him inside, not noticing the bag he was carrying. He walked over to the couch and she grabbed a bottle of gin, having the gut feeling they might need it. She sat next to him and he heaved heavily.
"He..left this for you." Tony unclasped his fist to reveal a slightly burned silver chain with a shield pendant attached. "A fire is what happened." He said sadly.
"Tony," she said worriedly, "is Steve alive?" Tony did nothing, but look at her. "Tony please." She begged.
"His wife and daughter are. But he's…. not" Tony said softly as she looked at the necklace.
"His wife and daughter?" She asked, shocked that Steve hadn't said a word about either of them.
"He never told me." Tony said sadly. "His daughter is only a newborn. And he just got married last Friday. Never even told me he had a wedding." She swallowed roughly and nodded. "He wanted you to have it." He said motioning to the necklace, but she shook her head.
"His wife should have it." She said, looking at the red and blue shield, the white star in the middle was untouched by the flames that had taken the life of the man who had so proudly carried that shield around.
"It wasn't his choice to have the wedding. She kind of forced him. She told me herself. And if the necklace isn't for you," he said reaching into his pocket and pulling out a dented engagement ring, "then this is." When he turned it slightly to show her, she could make out an engraving on the inside 'Ульяна' it was her name in Russian. She shook her head, the tears spilling out of her eyes. His eyes narrowed and he reached into his bag, pulling out a couple pictures of the three of them, with the words 'My Love' written on the back. "He's got a lot of stuff that was meant for you." She shook her head and pulled her legs into her chest.
"I can't." She said to herself. He wrapped his arms around her.
"He had a whole box of stuff for you, it was hidden under his bed, I was shocked myself. I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say.. this man loved you."
"I know Steve loved me, he flat out told me, and kissed me." He looked at her.
"And yet you still married Loki." He said almost quietly enough that she couldn't hear.
"I know I did! I know he loved me. I told him not to! Nothing good ever comes out of loving me. I corrupt every man who loves me." He grabbed her shoulders gently.
"Steve didn't see that. He didn't mind. He still loved you, no matter what."
"I'm a terrible person, he shouldn't have." Tony sighed sadly.
"Not from what he told me. Right before he died he told me something. 'Tony there is not enough time in the Universe to explain my love for Illyana Laufeyson, or as I dreamed it would be, Illyana Rogers. But now it is far too late.' And then he died." She sat there, shell shocked, tears running down her cheeks.
There were times when she wanted to run away from her memories. Leave her mind behind; this would be like it wouldn't it? Slowly she pulled the still freezing vial toward her chest, placing it above her heart, hoping that in some screwed way it would slow her heart from beating a storm, but it only made it worse. Running away, she had done that on more than one occasion, but she was always successful, she just had different people to run from. Not even her fellow mutants were safe for her to be around. They despised her. Her powers were extremely different, and she didn't grow up on earth, her customs as they said, were different.
There was only one road she could take now; Logan and Scott would be pissed at her. Scott for her taking his motorcycle, and well Logan was going to be pissed because stealing Scott's motorcycle was his job. Logan enjoyed pushing Scott's buttons, and anyone with eyes could see he was infatuated with Jean. She had a problem with Jean. Not because she had two powerful mutants acting like lovesick puppies around her, but because she was the only one who could undo all the mental tricks the Professor had taught her. Her blonde hair was flowing behind her as she sped down the tree-covered roads of Westchester, New York, the X-Mansion and other mutants, far from her mind. She flew down the roads, heading to New York City, but that would take a while, her hand found the button for the radio; thank God Scott liked his music. She changed the radio several times before she found a radio station she liked. The song had just ended and the weather was being announced, 'a hot 78 degrees,' for this time of year. Not like she cared one bit.
The drums banged as the next song started, a smile flashed across her lips, she knew this song, she loved it, and she'd be damned if she didn't sing along even though she was damned.
"There's a drumming noise inside my head that starts when you're around." She sang, closing her eyes for the shortest of moments, but that was all it took for the car to turn onto the road, she reopened her eyes and didn't have the time to react. Within an instant the car had hit her in the middle of the bike and send her sprawling off the road with an ear shattering crash. Her tiny frame was sent flying and she hit a tree square in the back, the driver of the car looked at her in fear then sped off. "Мудак!" She swore at him in Russian, her back screamed out in pain as she lay on the side of the road, trying desperately to remember a spell, any spell, that would relieve even a fraction of the pain in body. The bike was smoking and in ruins, she groaned in annoyance, they would kill her now. She sat there for what felt like hours, racking her head for that spell, when a car passed her then stopped. A young man, around her age, got out of the car and hurried over to her.
"Are you okay?" He asked as he made his way through the bushes to her. She nodded once, lying. He surveyed her for any debris but there was nothing. Slowly he bent over and picked her up in his arms, she was tiny enough. She bit her lip and groaned in pain, he carried her to his car, noticing the bike. "Stealing Scott's bike isn't a good idea." He said offhandedly and her eyes widened.
"Who are you?" She asked.
"I'm James, but they call me-" She cut him off and nodded.
"Warpath, yeah I know who you are." The spell finally came to mind and she uttered it as fast as she could, the pain disappearing. He looked at her with interest.
"You're Colossus' sister, aren't you." She nodded, trying to hide her annoyance, everyone knew Piotr, no one knew her. He probably didn't even know her name. "Nice to meet you Illyana." He said with a smile and she looked dumbstruck. He laughed softly. "I know what it's like to live in the shadow of a giant, my older brother is Thunderbird." She nodded slowly, everyone knew about Thunderbird. The sky around them darkened and she groaned.
"And I wanted to get away from them." The Blackbird appeared in front of them; Logan and Scott walked out, "Just my luck." She muttered to herself, but the headed for him instead.
"We've been looking for you." Logan says and a girlish shriek comes out of Scott's mouth, she grins and laughs.
"Mutatis Mutandis." She said smirking, 'changing those things which need to be changed.'; in this case, Scott's love for his bike. Logan eyed her and nodded in approval, and with that she fell through a pink portal, that really needed to change color.